I know, brother, that you are a straightforward man, and that you pride yourself on it. But put one question to yourself: why in fact should one tell the truth? What obliges us to do it? And why do we consider telling the truth a virtue? Imagine that you meet a madman, who claims that he is a fish and that we are all fish. Are you going to argue with him? Are you going to undress in front of him and show him that you don't have fins? Are you going to say to his face what you think? Well, tell me!'
His brother was silent and Edward went on: 'If you told him the whole truth and nothing but the truth, only what you really thought, you would enter into a serious conversation with a madman and you yourself would become mad. And it is the same way with the world that surrounds us. If I obstinately told a man the truth to his face, it would mean I was taking him seriously. And to take something so unimportant seriously means to become less than serious oneself. I, you see, must lie, if I don't want to take madmen seriously and become one of them myself.
Captain Hook:
You, the cute little urchin in the front row, won't you share your thoughts with the whole class?
Maggie:
Yes, I said mommy reads to us every night, because she loves us very much.
Captain Hook:
Loves you? Isn't that the, uh, the...
Smee:
The L word, Captain.
Captain Hook:
Ooh, yes. No, child, I mother wants to read to you every night in order to stupefy to sleep, so that she and daddy could sit down for three measly minutes without you. And you mindless, inexhaustible, unstoppable, repetitive, and nagging demands: He took my toy! She hit my bear! I want a potty! I want a cookie! I want to stay up! I want, I want, I want, me, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, mine, now, now, now! [inhales deeply]
Captain Hook:
Can't you understand, child? They tell you stories to shut you up.
Smee:
And conk you out.
Maggie:
That's not true, Jack! [to Hook]
Maggie:
You're a liar!
Captain Hook:
[laughs] Lie? Me? Never. [inhales deeply again]
Captain Hook:
The truth is far too much fun.
Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. It is the universe's way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast. Listen to the music. Whoa whoa, listen to the music. Because music makes the people come together, it makes the bourgeois and the rebel. So come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody try to love one another. Because what the world needs now is love, sweet love. And I know that love is a battlefield, but boogie on reggae woman because you're gonna make it after all. So celebrate good times, come on. I've gotta stop I've gotta come to my senses, I've been out riding fences for so long... oops I did it again... um... What I'm trying to say is, if you leave tonight and you don't remember anything else that I've said, leave here and remember this: Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
Oscar Madison:
Felix, I haven't seen you in what, 8, 9 years?
Felix Ungar:
Seventeen! Seventeen years, Oscar, you couldn't remember that we haven't seen each other for seventeen years?
Oscar Madison:
To tell you the truth I didn't dwell on it. Alright, seventeen years, so your hair got whiter, your ears got bigger, your nose got longer, but you still retain that unique, elusive pain in the ass quality that drives me berserk.
Felix Ungar:
Oh really?
Mullroy:
What's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr. Smith?
Murtogg:
Yeah, and no lies.
Jack Sparrow:
Well, then, I confess, it is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out.
Murtogg:
I said no lies.
Mullroy:
I think he's telling the truth.
Murtogg:
If he were telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us.
Jack Sparrow:
Unless, of course, he knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if he told it to you.
