Craig Jones:
About a year ago, my pops quit his dog-catching job and went into business with my uncle Elroy. They ran this spot called Brothers Barbecue. Taste so good, make you wanna slap yo' mama. You might have seen the commercial.
Uncle Elroy:
Ya'll tired of eatin' that barbecue from up the street? Where they give you more sauce than they give you meat? Then bring your big ass down to Bros. Barbecue, 15837 South Crenshaw Boulevard, that's right off Manchester. Bros. Barbecue, tastes so good, make you wanna slap yo' mama! Don't it, Willie?
Mr. Jones:
Yeah, boy! Hey, mama?
Grandma Jones:
What the hell you want, Willie? [Willie slaps her]
Uncle Elroy:
Ain't but one location, so it's nearest you.
Craig Jones:
You might have missed it. They only had enough money for a 15-second spot. Well, my pops hooked us up with a job as Christmas help security.
Alonzo Harris:
You okay, kid? That was a man-sized hit you took, dog. When was the last time you smoked weed?
Jake Hoyt:
Last time I smoked weed... 12th grade. We were... we were...
Alonzo Harris:
Smoking weed.
Jake Hoyt:
Yeah, yeah.
Alonzo Harris:
Left that out your service jacket. Yeah, I know you got secrets. Everybody got secrets. Didn't know you liked to get wet, dog.
Jake Hoyt:
What's "wet"?
Alonzo Harris:
Butt-naked. Ill. Sherms. Dust. PCP. Primos. P-Dog. That's what you had. That's what you were smoking, you couldn't taste it?
Jake Hoyt:
No, I've never done it.
Alonzo Harris:
You have now. I haven't, but you have.
Jake Hoyt:
Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Man, I'm gonna get piss-tested, and then I'm gonna get fired!
Alonzo Harris:
Lieutenant's got our back. We know a week before we piss.
Jake Hoyt:
Oh, shit. *Shit*!
Alonzo Harris:
*Boom*!
Jake Hoyt:
Why did you do this to me?
Alonzo Harris:
Nobody told you to smoke that thing. You made the decision. Live with your decision. Ain't like I put a gun to your head.
Jim's Dad:
Musilage is dangerous territory, and uhh, I would think any adhesive product would have a warning right on the tube.
Jim:
I thought it was a, uhh, a lubricant. Ok, i was trying to use lubricant.
Jim's Dad:
Oh... oh...
Wheelchair Lady:
**looking at Pussy Palace** Son, couldn;t you have left that disgusting thing at home?
Jim's Dad:
Excuse me?
Wheelchair Lady:
Well, that kind of material is offensive to me.
Jim's Dad:
Ohh, well we're sorry, but uh, but you see my son COULDN'T leave it at home because uhh, he's having a bit of a MEDICAL EMERGENCY?
Jim:
That's right. Thanks Dad.
Jim's Dad:
Your opinion of his taste in video rentals is no a priority lady. Ok? It's at the bottom of the totem pole. My son is sitting here right now with his hand glued to his penis, but that doesn't mean anything to you does it? Because you dont have a penis. Or maybe you do?
Vincent:
Want some bacon?
Jules:
No man, I don't eat pork.
Vincent:
Are you Jewish?
Jules:
Nah, I ain't Jewish, I just don't dig on swine, that's all.
Vincent:
Why not?
Jules:
Pigs are filthy animals. I don't eat filthy animals.
Vincent:
Bacon tastes gooood. Pork chops taste gooood.
Jules:
Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eat nothin' that ain't got sense enough to disregard its own feces.
Vincent:
How about a dog? Dogs eats its own feces.
Jules:
I don't eat dog either.
Vincent:
Yeah, but do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal?
Jules:
I wouldn't go so far as to call a dog filthy but they're definitely dirty. But, a dog's got personality. Personality goes a long way.
Vincent:
Ah, so by that rationale, if a pig had a better personality, he would cease to be a filthy animal. Is that true?
Jules:
Well we'd have to be talkin' about one charming motherfuckin' pig. I mean he'd have to be ten times more charmin' than that Arnold on Green Acres, you know what I'm sayin'?
Jake}:
Police Department! Let's see your hands!
Alonzo}:
Put your hands up! Put 'em up! Put 'em up! Driver, right side passenger, hands on the windshield!
Jake}:
[to female] Rear seat passenger, palms on the glass. Look that way!
Alonzo}:
Put it in park!
College Driver}:
Stick shift.
Alonzo}:
Take your keys out and throw 'em in the window. Take your keys out and throw 'em in the window.
Male College Passenger}:
I'm sorry.
Alonzo}:
[to front passenger] Shut up! Too late for that. [to driver]
Alonzo}:
Fork it over!
College Driver}:
What are you talking about?
Alonzo}:
You know what I'm talking about. The marijuana. Give it to me! Give it to me! [to front passenger]
Alonzo}:
Gimme that pipe underneath your seat.
Male College Passenger}:
My mom gave it to me.
Alonzo}:
I don't care who gave it to you. She can pick it up in jail. What else you got? C'mon, c'mon, gimme, gimme, gimme. [female removes hands from glass]
Alonzo}:
[to Jake] Hey, control your suspect!
Jake}:
Miss, palms on the glass!
Alonzo}:
[to female] You move those hands again, I'll slap the taste out of your mouth. Put your hands over there. Right there. [to driver]
Alonzo}:
Now what are you doing out here? You know this is a gang neighborhood?
College Driver}:
Yeah.
Alonzo}:
Then don't come down here again. I catch you down here again, I'ma take your vehicle. I'ma make you walk home. I'ma let the homeboys up the hill run a train on your girlfriend. You know what a train is, don't you?
College Driver}:
Yeah.
Alonzo}:
All right, thanks for your cooperation. [to Jake]
Alonzo}:
Let's go. Safe your iron, son.
Male College Passenger}:
Shit!
Dante:
I can make you a freak of force of fuckin nature in this business.
Dante:
Do you have any idea how powerful the internet is?
Dante:
In the old days, if you wanted to be someone, you had to travel to LA, land of assholes, traffic, and stiff competition.
Dante:
I'm running a porn business in my underwear from my basement in Montgomery County Pennsylvania and if I choose, I would never leave this place another day in my life.
Dante:
Now if you like the glitz and glamor and the sight of palm trees and expensive zip codes and hangers on then be my guest, Burbank is right across the coast.
Dante:
But imagine being rich, powerful, but you have your own life, simple, anonymous, and yet when you walk into a paid appearance your God among fags!
Dante:
Can you feel that?
Dante:
Can you taste it?
Miles Raymond:
What about you?
Maya:
What about me?
Miles Raymond:
I don't know. Why are you into wine?
Maya:
Oh I... I think I... I originally got in to wine through my ex-husband.
Miles Raymond:
Ah.
Maya:
You know, he had this big, sort of show-off cellar, you know.
Miles Raymond:
Right.
Maya:
But then I discovered that I had a really sharp palate.
Miles Raymond:
Uh-huh.
Maya:
And the more I drank, the more I liked what it made me think about.
Miles Raymond:
Like what?
Maya:
Like what a fraud he was. [Miles laughs softly]
Maya:
No, I- I like to think about the life of wine.
Miles Raymond:
Yeah.
Maya:
How it's a living thing. I like to think about what was going on the year the grapes were growing; how the sun was shining; if it rained. I like to think about all the people who tended and picked the grapes. And if it's an old wine, how many of them must be dead by now. I like how wine continues to evolve, like if I opened a bottle of wine today it would taste different than if I'd opened it on any other day, because a bottle of wine is actually alive. And it's constantly evolving and gaining complexity. That is, until it peaks, like your '61. And then it begins its steady, inevitable decline.
Miles Raymond:
Hmm.
Maya:
And it tastes so fucking good.
