Lanie: Someone once said, live everyday as if it were your last cause one of these its gonna be. Jack was right a part of me did die that day the part of me that didn't know how to live. What does the future hold, Jack knows. But when I talk to him I make sure we only talk about sports and weather.
Harry: [Harry and Marv have captured Kevin outside the Plaza hotel] We spent nine months in jail, thinking we had the worst luck in the universe. We were wrong, little buddy. Marv: We're busted out of the klink and we're doing fine. We're going to be doing even better. Because we're not robbing houses anymore. Now we're robbing toy stores. At midnight tonight, we're hitting Duncan's Toy Chest. Five floors of cash. Then after that we get a couple of phony passports then it's off to Rio... Harry: Marv! Marv! You want to shut up? Marv: What's the difference? He's not going to talk to anyone. Except maybe a fish. Or the undertaker.
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[Team USA is having an outside class with Michelle McKay] Michele MacKay: Ancient Greece was the beginning of Western civilization. You see in Greece, they didn't have professional sports or Wheaties boxes, so the athletes competed for another reason. Anybody? Goldberg: Philophles?
English Sports Announcer: ROLLERBALL!
Carter Duryea: [Carter and Alex meet for the first time in an elevator] 47. Are you going to Sports America offices? Alex Foreman: Yeah. Carter Duryea: You an intern or something? Alex Foreman: Uh, no, my dad works there. Carter Duryea: Oh. Alex Foreman: Are you interning there? Carter Duryea: No, I'm starting a job [head of the Ad Sales department at 26 years of age] Carter Duryea: there today. Alex Foreman: That's good. Congratulations. Carter Duryea: Oh, thank-you. I'm totally scared shitless. I have no idea what I'm doing. Don't tell anyone, okay? Alex Foreman: Okay.
Officer: I gotta take you in. Valo: Aww, for the love of fucks sake, you CAN'T take him in. Officer: I gotta make an arrest here; I had a complaint... Valo: Whwhwhwh, wait, I got this sports watch, you can have it, here.
Colonel William F. Guile: I guess you've earned your passports home. Ryu: You can hang onto them. Ken: Somebody's gonna have to help put this country back together. Maybe a couple of hustlers can help. Colonel William F. Guile: Ever think of, uh, enlisting? Ryu, Ken: Oh, no, no, no, no.
Robert Benham: Gentlemen, gentlemen... you don't understand! We are the young, the proud! We shouldn't be ashamed of success! We should say, "Yes, I *have* a boat. I *have* a country home. I *have* a girlfriend named 'Tara'!" Say it with me, brothers. Executive #3: I do have a Mercedes. Executive #2: I have a condo with a pool. Executive #1: I have a personal sports trainer. Graham Marshall: I have a wife, a mortgage, and two dogs.
Susan Murphy: Look, I know this is all a little weird - okay, it's a lot weird - but I'm sure we can get through this. Together, we can find a way to get me back to normal. Derek Dietl: Susan, try to see it from my perspective. I have an audience that depends on me for news, weather, sports and heart-warming fluff pieces. So you expect me to put all that on hold while you try to undo this thing that happened to you, that I had absolutely nothing to do with? Susan Murphy: Of course. That's exactly what I expect. What about the life we always wanted? Don't you still want that? Derek Dietl: Of course I do, but I can't see how I can have it with you. Susan Murphy: [On the verge of tears] Derek, please. Don't do this. Derek Dietl: Oh, Susan, it's time you faced facts, and please don't crush me for saying this, but I'm not looking to get married just to live in someone else's shadow, and you're casting a pretty big shadow. It's over. Good luck, Susan.
TV Sports Announcer: [announcing basketball game on TV] 3 seconds left. The shot is up... TV Narrator: [Peyton switches channel] Welcome to the magical world of ponies!
Chubbs: Back in 1965, Sports Illustrated said I was going to be the next Arnold Palmer. Happy Gilmore: Yeah? What happened? Chubbs: They wouldn't let me play on the Pro Tour anymore. Happy Gilmore: Ah, I'm sorry. Because you're black? Chubbs: Hell no! Damned alligator BIT my hand off! [Shows Happy his wooden hand] Happy Gilmore: OH MY GOD! Chubbs: Yeah. tournament down in Florida. I hooked my ball in the rough down by the lake. Damned alligator just POPPED up, cut me down on my prime. He got me, but I tore one of that bastard's eyes out though. Look at that. [Shows Happy a small glass jar with an eyeball in it] Happy Gilmore: You're pretty sick, Chubbs.
Kay: You're nothing but a smear on the Sports page to me, you slimy, ugly, intestinal parasite! Eat me! Eat me! [the Bug swallows Kay whole] Jay: Kay! Kay!
Lisa Dolittle: [John has bought Lisa a fancy new sports car] Oh, my God! John, you didn't! Dr. John Dolittle: No, I didn't. The van's around the corner. But don't tell me you don't care about money.
Ranch Wilder: [flinging the stats book and pamphlet the assistant offers him aside, after Clark's first two pitches fail miserably] I'm checking to see if Dan Prince pulled a muscle during his warmup tosses. There has to be some reason why Knox would make such a radical change. I have personally checked the stats, sports fans, and Mel Clark has not started a game in this decade.
Greg Stillson: Anything about me in there? Johnny Smith: Uh, no, this is the sports section. Greg Stillson: No, I mean, is there anything about me... [points to Johnny's forehead] Greg Stillson: In there?
Manny: Well, well, well, if it isn't Jewel, my favorite token female sports reporter! Jewel Stern: Blow me, Manny! Manny: Yeah, I would, but you haven't had all your shots, baby.
Dr. Allan Pearl: [singing] Nothing ever happens on Mars/No sports or entertainment/No swinging bars/You stand around/You stand some more/On a planet named for the Roman god of war.
Chinese Sports Announcer: It's simple, about as simple as using a name-brand condom!
Jack: [looks at the written figure of the fees for joining a sports club] Oh another digit and it could almost be a telephone number.
Harry: Now we get ourselves a couple of phony passports and high-tail it to some foreign country. Marv: Arizona?
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