Donny:
Shit, I never knew nobody who killed somebody.
Alice 'Ali' Willis:
Me neither.
Heather:
Just my grandpa. I never knew him. Yeah. My grandpa was a bad drunk. Really bad. He'd rape anyone dumb enough to walk by his room and one night... he got... um, really pissed at my grandma and he took a claw hammer to her face. And, uh, after that, he just... he locked himself up with her in his room for two whole days and he kept drinking and having sex with her after she was dead. My mom was in the house the whole time.
Donny:
Fuck.
Heather:
She was only 15.
Alice 'Ali' Willis:
Holy shit.
Heather:
You know, it really messed with her head. After that, she only hung out with guys who beat the hell out of her. And when I was little, she'd get drunk and she'd drag me and my brother out of bed at, like, four in the morning and she had all the news clippings about my grandpa and the trial transcriptions and she'd read them over and over again. And I knew every word before kindergarten. I think that's how I learned to read.
Colin:
Exciting news!
Tony:
What?
Colin:
I've bought a ticket to the States. I'm off in three weeks.
Tony:
No!
Colin:
Yes! To a fantastic place called Wisconsin.
Tony:
No!
Colin:
Yes! Wisconsin babes, here comes Sir Colin! Whoo hoo!
Tony:
No, Col! There are a few babes in America, I grant you, but they're already going out with rich, attractive guys.
Colin:
Nah, Tone, you're just jealous. You know perfectly well that any bar anywhere in America contains ten girls more beautiful and more likely to have sex with me than the whole of the United Kingdom.
Tony:
That is total bollocks. You've actually gone mad, now.
Colin:
No, I'm wise. Stateside I am Prince William without the weird family.
Tony:
No, Colin, no!
Colin:
Yes!
Tony:
Nyet!
Colin:
Da!
Tony:
Nein!
Colin:
Ja, darling!
Connor:
[Talking to Dot] You know, I was thinking about you last night. I was thinking that if we went on a road trip, how quiet it would be.
Connor:
You know, we could go all the way through Long Island to Pennsylvania. You know, that's where they make Hershey's chocolate. Pennsylvania. And all the lamp posts look like Hershey's Kisses. They give you free M&M's at the factory.
Connor:
I can smell your hair. It smells like cucumbers. I got really, really hard last night. I had to beat off. And my mom was just outside of my room, putting the towels away. You know I could hear her, but I couldn't help myself.
Connor:
I mean, I came four times. I mean, four times, that isn't normal, is it? What am I gonna do? I'm this sex addict with a learning disorderd who forgot how to play basketball.
Judy, aka Girl 6:
Baby, let me tell you something. You can continue to live in your little fantasy world with your baseball cards and the autographed bullshit or whatever the fuck is it you do, but me, I got to eat and pay the rent. Phone sex is acting, and if you don't like it, you can step.
Jimmy:
Fuck you, you know, at least I got Willie Mays and Hank Aaron's autograph on a baseball card, you know, they're in the hall of fame.
Harry:
Tell me, exactly, how long it is that you've been working here?
Sarah:
Two years, seven months, three days and, I suppose, what... two hours?
Harry:
And how long have you been in love with Karl, our enigmatic chief designer?
Sarah:
Ahm, two years, seven months, three days and, I suppose, an hour and thirty minutes.
Harry:
I thought as much.
Sarah:
Do you think everybody knows?
Harry:
Yes.
Sarah:
Do you think Karl knows?
Harry:
Yes.
Sarah:
Oh, that is... that is bad news.
Harry:
Well I just thought maybe the time had come to do something about it.
Sarah:
Like what?
Harry:
Invite him out for a drink and then, after about twenty minutes, casually drop into the conversation the fact that you'd like to marry him and have lots of sex and babies.
Sarah:
You know that?
Harry:
Yes, and so does Karl. Think about it, for all our sakes. It's Christmas.
Sarah:
Certainly. Excellent. Will do. Thanks, boss!
