Marlboro:
My old man used to tell me before he left this shitty world, five rules of playing pool for cash. Lesson #1, always shoot with a cigarette in your mouth.
Big Indian:
Can't smoke with no fire, asshole.
Marlboro:
I quit!, Lesson #2, always know the table before you shoot. [Marlboro shoots the ball]
Marlboro:
Lesson #3, make sure you chalk that stick... REAL GOOD... before each shot! [Marlboro shoots the ball again]
Marlboro:
Lesson #4, never make a bet... if you can't pay the debt. [Marlboro puts his hat on the table and shoots the ball again]
Marlboro:
Lesson #5, if you lose, make sure you stand up straight and tall. [points to the ball]
Marlboro:
that corner... like a man
Marlboro:
School's out boys!
Big Indian:
You better get out of town, cowboy... before my cord snaps!
Marlboro:
I'm good to go, as soon as I have five big bills in my pocket... and your woman in my bed!
Big Indian:
Well I ain't got no $500 cowboy, and there's no way in hell you're bedding down my woman.
Simon 'Sez' Simone:
These are the rules of comedy. Ok? For instance: right place wrong time - funny. Wrong place right time - funny. Wrong place wrong time - not funny! Stupid - funny, retarded - not funny! Fat - funny, bald - funny, hair - not funny. But, toupees and wigs - very funny, don't ask me why! Falling down - it's funny. Old is funny. Grandpa - funny, grandma - funny. Grandpa gettin' whacked in the crotch - funny. Grandma gettin' whacked in the crotch - not funny, but, grandma gettin' whacked in the head - very funny, don't ask me why! Farting is always funny, farting at inopportune times - killer funny. Pets, peeing on their owners - funny. Owners peeing on their pets - not funny. But bodily functions, by pets and people, in general - very funny, all the time, don't ask me why!
