Muhammad Ali:
I ain't draft dodging. I ain't burning no flag. I ain't running to Canada. I'm staying right here. You want to send me to jail? Fine, you go right ahead. I've been in jail for 400 years. I could be there for 4 or 5 more, but I ain't going no 10,000 miles to help murder and kill other poor people. If I want to die, I'll die right here, right now, fightin' you, if I want to die. You my enemy, not no Chinese, no Vietcong, no Japanese. You my opposer when I want freedom. You my opposer when I want justice. You my opposer when I want equality. Want me to go somewhere and fight for you? You won't even stand up for me right here in America, for my rights and my religious beliefs. You won't even stand up for my right here at home.
Darius Lovehall:
Say, baby... can I be Your slave? I've got to admit girl you're the shit girl... and I'm digging you like a grave. Now, do they call you Daughter to the Spinning Pulsar... or maybe Queen of 10,000 moons? Sister to the Distant yet Rising Star? Is your name Yemaya? Oh, hell no. Its got to be Oshun. Oooh, is that a smile me put on your face, child... wide as a field of jasmine and clover? Talk that talk, honey. Walk that walk, money. High on legs that'll spite Jehovah. Shit. Who am I? It's not important. But me they call me brother to the night. And right now... I'm the blues in yourleft thigh... trying to become the funk in your right. Who am I? I'll be whoever you say? But right now I'm the sight-raped hunter... blindly pursuing you as my prey. And I just want to give you injections... of sublime erections... and get you to dance to my rhythm... make you dream archetypes... of black angels in flight... upon wings of distorted, contorted... metaphoric jizm. Come on slim. Fuck your man. I ain't worried about him. It's you who I want to step to my scene. 'cause rather the deal with the fallacy... of this dry-ass reality... I'd rather dance and romance your sweet ass in a wet dream. Who am I? Well, they call me Brother to the night. And right now I'm the blues in your left thigh... trying to become the funk in your right. Is that all right?
Frankie Lymon:
Do you love him?
Zola Taylor:
I told you, Frankie. He's a nice, good man...
Frankie Lymon:
I didn't ask that! I asked you do you love him?
Zola Taylor:
YES! I love him, okay?
Frankie Lymon:
Oh, no, no... You said that marriage would tie you down. You just didn't want to be tied down to me.
Zola Taylor:
No, I never said that Frankie.
Frankie Lymon:
Oh, yeah, that's what you said. Now, let me tell you something. You gonna always be tied down to me. Whether you like it ot not. We're like magnets... [forcefully kisses Zola]
Zola Taylor:
[pushes Frankie away] Mm-mmm. Don't do this to me, Frankie.
Frankie Lymon:
Don't leave me right now, Zola.
Zola Taylor:
[flashes ring] I'm married.
Frankie Lymon:
No, that was a mistake! That was a mistake!
Zola Taylor:
NO! I got a life, baby, and it ain't gonna include you. Now you got to go. GET OUT!
Lateesha Rodriguez:
Now, as a blactino woman, I believe we deserve our own race category to forge an identity, Jerry. That's how I feel.
Jerry Springer:
Did you just say "blactino"?
Lateesha Rodriguez:
Yes, I did. I'm a blactino-American.
Chinegro Woman:
Wow. Uh, first of all... first of all, you don't even look latino. You look black. You're... You're black. Second of all, I'm of mixed race, and I've struggled my whole life as to whether I'm Chinese or whether I'm black.
Lateesha Rodriguez:
Chinegro! What you are is chinegro!
Chinegro Woman:
Chinegro?
Lateesha Rodriguez:
Chinegro! There you go!
Chinegro Woman:
Chinegro?
Lateesha Rodriguez:
You are a chinegro!
Chinegro Woman:
What the [bleep]
Chinegro Woman:
is chinegro?
Lateesha Rodriguez:
That's what you are! Chinegro is you!
Chinegro Woman:
That's some bulls... [bleep]
Chinegro Woman:
.
Jerry Springer:
OK, as I understand it, you brought a mixed-race flow chart with you. Why don't we bring that out? [Crowd shouting and booing]
Lateesha Rodriguez:
[to a random heckler] How you doin', sugar? All right. I'm gonna call you later. Mwah. All right. [Crowd laughs]
Lateesha Rodriguez:
Take a look at this... [she unveils the chart]
Lateesha Rodriguez:
Blactino, blackasian, hispasian, OK? Now, for the Asian subcategories, [to the Chinegro woman]
Lateesha Rodriguez:
I got you, sister. We have chinegro right here. That's you. Chinegro.
Chinegro Woman:
That's not a word! That's not a word!
Lateesha Rodriguez:
Yes, it is, sister. We have koreagro. Japegro, OK? [Crowd laughs]
Lateesha Rodriguez:
Chispanic, koreaspanic, and last but not least, check this out, y'all... japanic. [Crowd cheering]
Lateesha Rodriguez:
That's how I flow with it!
Jerry Springer:
Do you believe the government should recognise these racial subgroups?
Lateesha Rodriguez:
Yes, Jerry, I do.
Elder Aaron Davis:
Do you ever read the Sunday comics?
Lila:
[confused] I beg your pardon? [changes her mind]
Lila:
Yes, of course the Sunday comics.
Elder Aaron Davis:
Well, when I was a little kid, I use to put my nose right up to them. And I was just amazed because it looked like this mass of dots, and none of it made sense until I pulled back. Life looks like that mass of dots to me sometimes. None of it makes any sense, but I like to think that, from God's perspective, life, everything - even this - make sense. It's not just dots. Instead we're all connected, and it's beautiful and funny and good. This close we can't expect it to make sense, not right now.
Wanderer:
I know you. You're the angel of fire. Angel of fire. I know you. You burn bright enough to know there are certain sacrifices that need to be made. You see, if you don't give back the money, you all will die. And you will die contorted, and you will die unforgiven. You see, there's... there's this... this puzzle, and at the centre of this puzzle, there's a child, and this is a very sick child. [Echoing]
Wanderer:
A very sick child. But this child will be a great leader someday. Do you know the child I speak of?
Domino Harvey:
Yes.
Wanderer:
Well, you have only one destiny, and that destiny is... that you must offer your lives in exchange for the life of the child. Then, and only then, will you truly be cleansed in the blood of the lamb.
Keith Griffin:
It's back.
Christian:
Yeah, this must be your lucky fuckin' day.
Keith Griffin:
Or maybe I'm just not suffering enough yet. I didn't expect to see you again.
Christian:
Oh, come on now. You don't think you going all 'Miss Cleo the Psychic' on my ass is gonna scare me off that easy - now do you?
Keith Griffin:
Maybe it's just dementia setting in. Sometimes I read people and I... I think I'm the oracle of Delphi.
Christian:
Well, sometimes I growl at people. Doesn't make me Eartha Kitt. I'm just goin' to put this right about here.
Keith Griffin:
It doesn't matter, I'm still not hungry.
Christian:
I don't remember asking you if you were. I just deliver this stuff, remember? But my friend Andrew made this, and he doesn't even cook for his boyfriends. So the least you could do is tryin' to be polite, and eat it.
Keith Griffin:
I don't have to pretend to be polite. I think I've... I think I've earned that right.
Christian:
Oh yes, that's right; you're dying, you're bitter, blah, blah, blah... Fortunately I'm shallow so I'm impervious to that. Now eat it.
Keith Griffin:
Impervious? Bet you don't know how to spell that.
Christian:
Sure I do. It's spelled 'Bite me.'
Luc:
You know, I am feeling some very strange emotions right now. Guilt, remorse, my self-esteem is rock bottom. I am trying to think, what can I possibly do to say I'm sorry?
Kate:
Shut up! You haven't spent sixty seconds with me when you weren't after something, so what is it this time? Buy, sell, or trade?
Luc:
Oui, it is so true. I used you... a lot. You helped me to get my vine and I left you with nothing. So now, I ask myself what I can possibly do to make it up to you. [sees the police waiting for him]
Luc:
And so now, I am here for you. [runs away]
Mr. Jones:
Now when I went to bed last night. Didn't I tell you take out the trash?
Craig Jones:
Yeah.
Mr. Jones:
So, why didn't you do it?
Craig Jones:
I fell asleep.
Mr. Jones:
I wish you was sleeping right now, I knock you upside your head with a left hook make your ass wake up and take out that damn trash.
Craig Jones:
[Craig goes to the trash can to dump out his cereal]
Mr. Jones:
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! What are you doing?
Craig Jones:
I'm throwing this away. We ain't even got no milk.
Mr. Jones:
You better put some water on that damn shit!
Craig Jones:
Alright, I'll eat it.
Mr. Jones:
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Take the garbage out front son!
Kirk Lazarus:
Hey, man, you know how in Rambo I, he was big but a little puffy, and then Rambo II, he got all shredded up?
Tugg Speedman:
Yeah.
Kirk Lazarus:
That's kind of how you look right now.
Tugg Speedman:
Yeah?
Kirk Lazarus:
Not Rambo I but II.
Tugg Speedman:
Really?
Kirk Lazarus:
Yeah, when he was cut up.
Tugg Speedman:
I'm not that... I mean, that's what I'm going for, but you know...
Kirk Lazarus:
Come on, dude. You more shredded than a julienne salad, man.
Tugg Speedman:
Thanks.
Kirk Lazarus:
What's the secret, dude?
Tugg Speedman:
It's a diet. I'm just dieting.
Kirk Lazarus:
Really? Cause I'm trying to come up a little, but it's just... It's tough.
Tugg Speedman:
You look good.
Kirk Lazarus:
Any tips?
Tugg Speedman:
What?
Kirk Lazarus:
Any tips, you got?
Tugg Speedman:
There's, like, the pineapple...
Kirk Lazarus:
- Give me that goddamn map! [Snatches map from Tugg Speedman]
Kirk Lazarus:
Fuck you!
Tugg Speedman:
Hey!
Kirk Lazarus:
Hey!
Rafiki:
Asante sana Squash banana, Wiwi nugu Mi mi apana.
Adult Simba:
Come on, will you cut it out?
Rafiki:
Can't cut it out. It will grow right back. Hehehe.
Adult Simba:
Creepy little monkey. Would you stop following me! Who are you?
Rafiki:
The question is, who... are *you*?
Adult Simba:
[sighs] I thought I knew, but now I'm not so sure.
Rafiki:
Well, I know who you are! Shh. Come here, it's a secret. [Whispers, then grows louder]
Rafiki:
Asante sana Squash banana, Wiwi nugu Mi mi apana!
Adult Simba:
Enough already! What's that supposed to mean anyway?
Rafiki:
It means you're a baboon... and I'm not.
Adult Simba:
I think you're a little confused.
Rafiki:
Wrong! I'm not the one who's confused. You don't even know who you are!
Adult Simba:
Oh, and I suppose you know?
Rafiki:
Sure do. You're Mufasa's boy! [Simba turns around to look at him, shocked]
Rafiki:
Bye!
The Coroner:
On gross pathology, we have a female Caucasian between sixteen and thirty. The cadaver is presented in two halves with bisection level with the umbilicus. Through and through lacerations of both mouth corners. No visible bruising on the neck. Rectangular abrasions on the wing tips of the sphenoid bones. And, oh! A puncture wound, here, in the palm. On the palm of the right hand. Investigation of upper half abdominal cavity reveals no free-flowing blood. Intestines, stomach, spleen, liver - all removed.
Russ Millard:
Is it all right to smoke, doctor?
The Coroner:
She won't mind. Lower half of cadaver reveals removal of all reproductive organs. Both legs broken at the knee. Questions?
Russ Millard:
What's your best guess?
The Coroner:
Well, here's what she wasn't - she wasn't raped and she wasn't pregnant. In terms of the nitty gritty, the cause of death is either the mouth wound here or she was beaten to death with something like a baseball bat.
Lee Blanchard:
What about her insides?
The Coroner:
They came out posthumously. I'd say then he drained the blood from the body and washed it clean, probably in a bathtub.
Jim's Dad:
Musilage is dangerous territory, and uhh, I would think any adhesive product would have a warning right on the tube.
Jim:
I thought it was a, uhh, a lubricant. Ok, i was trying to use lubricant.
Jim's Dad:
Oh... oh...
Wheelchair Lady:
**looking at Pussy Palace** Son, couldn;t you have left that disgusting thing at home?
Jim's Dad:
Excuse me?
Wheelchair Lady:
Well, that kind of material is offensive to me.
Jim's Dad:
Ohh, well we're sorry, but uh, but you see my son COULDN'T leave it at home because uhh, he's having a bit of a MEDICAL EMERGENCY?
Jim:
That's right. Thanks Dad.
Jim's Dad:
Your opinion of his taste in video rentals is no a priority lady. Ok? It's at the bottom of the totem pole. My son is sitting here right now with his hand glued to his penis, but that doesn't mean anything to you does it? Because you dont have a penis. Or maybe you do?
Christie - Wife #6:
If you're a bad boy, I'm gonna spank you! [she spanks Tom]
Tom:
Ow! Ok, I've got something to say to you. [Hannah kicks him]
Tom:
Ow!
Christie - Wife #6:
Tom, I just want you to know that if you need anything, money, advice, help with girl problems, you can always come to me. I'd like you to think of me as a real mother.
Tom:
Alright, sure [Tom's dad comes over]
Christie - Wife #6:
Oh, here he is!
Thomas Bailey Sr.:
She's just as drunk as the night we met. [Tom starts to take a drink from his whiskey but Christie snatches it away and drinks it herself]
Tom:
Oh got right on ahead.
Thomas Bailey Sr.:
[Slaps Tom] You're a bad influence on her!
Tom:
Wha-? Me? [Thomas Sr. and Christie walk off]
Hannah:
He knows that he can just date right?
Tom:
No, I don't think so. [They laugh]
