Mable "Madea" Simmons: [referring to Mr. Brown] He's too saved. Vianne: What's wrong with him being saved? Mable "Madea" Simmons: Nothing wrong with being saved, I say he's *too* saved. He's so saved you can't say nothing to him. You ask him how you doing, he says "Praise the Lord!". You say it's a nice day, he says "Thank you Jesus!" You ever called his house? Vianne: No. Mable "Madea" Simmons: His answering machine says "We're not in right now, hallelujah, praise the lord, thank you Jesus, glory to God. Leave a message at the sanctified beep. If this is a bill collector, we rebuke you in the name of Jesus!"
Muhammad Ali: I ain't draft dodging. I ain't burning no flag. I ain't running to Canada. I'm staying right here. You want to send me to jail? Fine, you go right ahead. I've been in jail for 400 years. I could be there for 4 or 5 more, but I ain't going no 10,000 miles to help murder and kill other poor people. If I want to die, I'll die right here, right now, fightin' you, if I want to die. You my enemy, not no Chinese, no Vietcong, no Japanese. You my opposer when I want freedom. You my opposer when I want justice. You my opposer when I want equality. Want me to go somewhere and fight for you? You won't even stand up for me right here in America, for my rights and my religious beliefs. You won't even stand up for my right here at home.
Darius Lovehall: Say, baby... can I be Your slave? I've got to admit girl you're the shit girl... and I'm digging you like a grave. Now, do they call you Daughter to the Spinning Pulsar... or maybe Queen of 10,000 moons? Sister to the Distant yet Rising Star? Is your name Yemaya? Oh, hell no. Its got to be Oshun. Oooh, is that a smile me put on your face, child... wide as a field of jasmine and clover? Talk that talk, honey. Walk that walk, money. High on legs that'll spite Jehovah. Shit. Who am I? It's not important. But me they call me brother to the night. And right now... I'm the blues in yourleft thigh... trying to become the funk in your right. Who am I? I'll be whoever you say? But right now I'm the sight-raped hunter... blindly pursuing you as my prey. And I just want to give you injections... of sublime erections... and get you to dance to my rhythm... make you dream archetypes... of black angels in flight... upon wings of distorted, contorted... metaphoric jizm. Come on slim. Fuck your man. I ain't worried about him. It's you who I want to step to my scene. 'cause rather the deal with the fallacy... of this dry-ass reality... I'd rather dance and romance your sweet ass in a wet dream. Who am I? Well, they call me Brother to the night. And right now I'm the blues in your left thigh... trying to become the funk in your right. Is that all right?
Frankie Lymon: Do you love him? Zola Taylor: I told you, Frankie. He's a nice, good man... Frankie Lymon: I didn't ask that! I asked you do you love him? Zola Taylor: YES! I love him, okay? Frankie Lymon: Oh, no, no... You said that marriage would tie you down. You just didn't want to be tied down to me. Zola Taylor: No, I never said that Frankie. Frankie Lymon: Oh, yeah, that's what you said. Now, let me tell you something. You gonna always be tied down to me. Whether you like it ot not. We're like magnets... [forcefully kisses Zola] Zola Taylor: [pushes Frankie away] Mm-mmm. Don't do this to me, Frankie. Frankie Lymon: Don't leave me right now, Zola. Zola Taylor: [flashes ring] I'm married. Frankie Lymon: No, that was a mistake! That was a mistake! Zola Taylor: NO! I got a life, baby, and it ain't gonna include you. Now you got to go. GET OUT!
Marion St. Claire: A wedding marks the first day of the rest of your life. You have been dead until now. Were you aware of that? You're dead right now. Emma: I understand. Marion St. Claire: Angela, for example, will die dead.
Emira Eagle: I thought he was talented. Elizabeth 'Mickey' Waters: Okay. He COULD sing. Zola Taylor: He could SING me right out of my panties!
Young Tantor: [Sees Tarzan swimming] Piranha! It's a piranha! Tantor's Mother: Tantor, there are no piranhas in Africa. Elephant #1: Don't tell the kid that. Of course there are piranhas in Africa. Elephant #2: No, she's right. They're native to South America. Elephant #1: Oh, come on, now. Elephant #2: You think I would be standing here if they were? [Meanwhile, Tarzan is trying to get a hair from the first elephant's tail] Young Tantor: Look out, he's right behind you! Tantor's Mother: For the last time, honey, there are no piranhas in... Elephant #1: My butt! Something's got my butt!
Joey Parker: [Mary is walking, and Joey calls her over] Mary! [She turns the other direction. He runs after her] Joey Parker: Hey! Mary? Mary, slow down! Hey hey hey. What's wrong? I've been calling Tami trying to get a hold of you. [Mary looks like she's about to cry] Joey Parker: What did I do? Mary: It doesn't matter. It's done. We're done. [she walks away] Joey Parker: [Joey catches back up to her] Woah. What are you talking about? Mary: Did you feel sorry for me? Was I your charity case? Is that why you asked me out? Joey Parker: What does that even... Mary: [Mary interrupts him] You figured you could toy with me until someone better came along, and I wouldn't mind because I was lucky a big star wanted me. Well, you know what really sucks about falling for a guy you know you're not right for? You fall anyway because you think he might turn out to be different. [She tries to leave, but Joey stops her] Joey Parker: Mary... Mary: Anyway, thanks for all the dance moves, but I'm done dancing. Goodbye.
Lateesha Rodriguez: Now, as a blactino woman, I believe we deserve our own race category to forge an identity, Jerry. That's how I feel. Jerry Springer: Did you just say "blactino"? Lateesha Rodriguez: Yes, I did. I'm a blactino-American. Chinegro Woman: Wow. Uh, first of all... first of all, you don't even look latino. You look black. You're... You're black. Second of all, I'm of mixed race, and I've struggled my whole life as to whether I'm Chinese or whether I'm black. Lateesha Rodriguez: Chinegro! What you are is chinegro! Chinegro Woman: Chinegro? Lateesha Rodriguez: Chinegro! There you go! Chinegro Woman: Chinegro? Lateesha Rodriguez: You are a chinegro! Chinegro Woman: What the [bleep] Chinegro Woman: is chinegro? Lateesha Rodriguez: That's what you are! Chinegro is you! Chinegro Woman: That's some bulls... [bleep] Chinegro Woman: . Jerry Springer: OK, as I understand it, you brought a mixed-race flow chart with you. Why don't we bring that out? [Crowd shouting and booing] Lateesha Rodriguez: [to a random heckler] How you doin', sugar? All right. I'm gonna call you later. Mwah. All right. [Crowd laughs] Lateesha Rodriguez: Take a look at this... [she unveils the chart] Lateesha Rodriguez: Blactino, blackasian, hispasian, OK? Now, for the Asian subcategories, [to the Chinegro woman] Lateesha Rodriguez: I got you, sister. We have chinegro right here. That's you. Chinegro. Chinegro Woman: That's not a word! That's not a word! Lateesha Rodriguez: Yes, it is, sister. We have koreagro. Japegro, OK? [Crowd laughs] Lateesha Rodriguez: Chispanic, koreaspanic, and last but not least, check this out, y'all... japanic. [Crowd cheering] Lateesha Rodriguez: That's how I flow with it! Jerry Springer: Do you believe the government should recognise these racial subgroups? Lateesha Rodriguez: Yes, Jerry, I do.
Nick Powell: [reading poem for class] Day burns down to night, Burns the edge of my soul. In the night I break into sparks of suns And become fires in a dust of bones Night knifes My breath swallows whole my tongue Turn back Reverse return In the night I see the real Concealed in the day's bright lie Eyes stitched shut White teeth smile Sleep walks and talks And feet mark time of day
Captain Miller: Well when I think of home, I... I think of something specific. I think of my, my hammock in the backyard or my wife pruning the rosebushes in a pair of my old work gloves. Private Ryan: This, this one night, two of my brothers came and woke me up in the middle of the night. And they said they had a surprise for me. So they took me to the barn up in the loft and there was my oldest brother, Dan, with Alice, Alice Jardine. I mean, picture a girl who just took a nosedive from the ugly tree and hit every branch coming down. And... and Dan's got his shirt off and he's working on this bra and he's tryin to get it off and all of a sudden Shawn just screams out, "Danny you're a young man, don't do it!" And so Alice Jardine hears this and she screams and she jumps up and she tries to get running out of the barn but she's still got this shirt over her head. She goes running right into the wall and knocks herself out. So now Danny's just so mad at us. He, he starts coming after us, but... but at the same time Alice is over there unconscious. He's gotta wa... , wake her up. So he grabs her by a leg and he's drag, dragging her. At the same time he picks up a shovel. And he's going after Shawn, and Shawn's saying, "What are you trying to hit me for? I just did you a favor!" And so this makes Dan more angry. He tries to swing this thing, he looses the shovel, goes outta his grasp and hits a kerosene lantern; the thing explodes, the whole barn almost goes up because of this thing. That was it. That was the last, that was, Dan went off to basic the next day. That was the last night the four of us were together. That was two years ago. Tell me about your wife and those rosebushes? Captain Miller: No, no that one I save just for me.
Hiccup: Aw, come on! Let me out please! I need to make my mark! Gobber: Oh! You've made plenty of marks! All in the wrong places! Hiccup: Please, just two minutes! I'll kill a dragon, my life will get infinitely better, I might even get a date! Gobber: You can't lift a hammer, you can't swing an axe, you can't even throw one of these! Hiccup: Okay fine! But this [gestures to a catapult machine] Hiccup: will do it for me! [touches the machine and it fires the Ball Bolas and hits a man] Gobber: Okay see this right here [gestures to Hiccups machine] Gobber: is what I'm talking about! Hiccup: But, it was mild calibration issues! Gobber: Don't you-Hiccup! If you ever want to get out there to fight dragons, you need to stop all [gestures to all of Hiccup] Hiccup: But you just pointed to all of me! Gobber: Yes! That's it! Stop being all of you! Hiccup: Ohhh! [nodding and glaring at Gobber] Gobber: Oh yeah! Hiccup: You sir are playing a dangerous game! Keeping this much raw viking-ness contained. There will be consequences! Gobber: I'll take my chances.
Kirk Lazarus: Hey, man, you know how in Rambo I, he was big but a little puffy, and then Rambo II, he got all shredded up? Tugg Speedman: Yeah. Kirk Lazarus: That's kind of how you look right now. Tugg Speedman: Yeah? Kirk Lazarus: Not Rambo I but II. Tugg Speedman: Really? Kirk Lazarus: Yeah, when he was cut up. Tugg Speedman: I'm not that... I mean, that's what I'm going for, but you know... Kirk Lazarus: Come on, dude. You more shredded than a julienne salad, man. Tugg Speedman: Thanks. Kirk Lazarus: What's the secret, dude? Tugg Speedman: It's a diet. I'm just dieting. Kirk Lazarus: Really? Cause I'm trying to come up a little, but it's just... It's tough. Tugg Speedman: You look good. Kirk Lazarus: Any tips? Tugg Speedman: What? Kirk Lazarus: Any tips, you got? Tugg Speedman: There's, like, the pineapple... Kirk Lazarus: - Give me that goddamn map! [Snatches map from Tugg Speedman] Kirk Lazarus: Fuck you! Tugg Speedman: Hey! Kirk Lazarus: Hey!
Deuce Bigalow: Is this Ruth? Ruth: Yeah, I'll be right down. GOD DAMN IT!
Lobo: [eats Lois's pipe after she whacks him with it] Of course, any girl with class would rather be hangin' with the main man. [Superman glares at him] Lobo: So why don't you show old Lobo just how classy you really are? Lois Lane: You pig! [she slaps him, then recoils and rubs her sore hand] Lois Lane: Ow! Lobo: Ah! I like a girl who plays rough! [indicates his chin] Lobo: C'mon, let me have another, right here, right - [Superman hits him right in the chin, and sends him flying through the air] Lobo: Ooh! You dirty, friggin', fraggin' son of a - [his scream fades the further away he gets]
Elder Aaron Davis: Do you ever read the Sunday comics? Lila: [confused] I beg your pardon? [changes her mind] Lila: Yes, of course the Sunday comics. Elder Aaron Davis: Well, when I was a little kid, I use to put my nose right up to them. And I was just amazed because it looked like this mass of dots, and none of it made sense until I pulled back. Life looks like that mass of dots to me sometimes. None of it makes any sense, but I like to think that, from God's perspective, life, everything - even this - make sense. It's not just dots. Instead we're all connected, and it's beautiful and funny and good. This close we can't expect it to make sense, not right now.
Harper Pitt: You try to walk out right now I'll put your dinner back in the oven and turn it up so high the whole building will fill with smoke and everyone will asphyxiate. So help me God I will, now answer the question.
Martin Rittenhome: Television is gonna go on. The quiz shows are gonna go on. Makes me wonder what you hope to accomplish with all this. Dick Goodwin: Don't worry, I'm just getting started. Martin Rittenhome: You're a bright young kid with a bright future. Watch yourself out there.
Lanie: Someone once said, live everyday as if it were your last cause one of these its gonna be. Jack was right a part of me did die that day the part of me that didn't know how to live. What does the future hold, Jack knows. But when I talk to him I make sure we only talk about sports and weather.
[Max has called his cousin Jodi and got the answering machine] Ilya Kazak: [on the machine] Hello. You have reached the number of Detective Kirkpatrick's meddling relative. Cousin Jodi cannot answer the phone right now, but if you wish to leave a message, please contact your nearest psychic. [scream from Jodi, gunshot] Ilya Kazak: Dosvedanya to you, *asshole*!
[from trailer] Princess Tiana: I don't seem to recall anything in the fairytale about... kissing on the lips. Ray: Oh ho. It looks like this could take quite some time. [flies towards the movie's logo] Ray: Ooh. That's a catchy title right dar. Princess Tiana: I mean I didn't even know frogs had lips. How 'bout a nice firm handshake.
Steele: Okay... Nikki, Kaltag, Star. Gear up. We're heading out. Balto: Wait a minute. Steele, I was the fastest dog out there. Steele: You were the fastest... what? If you think any musher in their right mind would put you on their team... well, you're even more mixed up than I thought. Jenna: Steele! It doesn't matter who's on the team! As long as the medicine gets through! Stop being such a glory hound! Steele: You're a hundred percent right, Jenna. I - I - wasn't thinking about those children. The important thing here is to get the medicine through. And that's just what I'm gonna do. [Aside, to Balto] Steele: And when I get back, I'm gonna fold you five ways and leave you for a cat toy.
The Coroner: On gross pathology, we have a female Caucasian between sixteen and thirty. The cadaver is presented in two halves with bisection level with the umbilicus. Through and through lacerations of both mouth corners. No visible bruising on the neck. Rectangular abrasions on the wing tips of the sphenoid bones. And, oh! A puncture wound, here, in the palm. On the palm of the right hand. Investigation of upper half abdominal cavity reveals no free-flowing blood. Intestines, stomach, spleen, liver - all removed. Russ Millard: Is it all right to smoke, doctor? The Coroner: She won't mind. Lower half of cadaver reveals removal of all reproductive organs. Both legs broken at the knee. Questions? Russ Millard: What's your best guess? The Coroner: Well, here's what she wasn't - she wasn't raped and she wasn't pregnant. In terms of the nitty gritty, the cause of death is either the mouth wound here or she was beaten to death with something like a baseball bat. Lee Blanchard: What about her insides? The Coroner: They came out posthumously. I'd say then he drained the blood from the body and washed it clean, probably in a bathtub.
Narrator: The first time he saw Seabiscuit, the colt was walking through the fog at five in the morning. Smith would say later that the horse looked right through him. As if to say, "What the hell are you looking at? Who do you think you are?" He was a small horse, barely fifteen hands. He was hurting too. There was a limp in his walk, a wheezing when he breathed. Smith didn't pay attention to that. He was looking the horse in the eye.
Luc: You know, I am feeling some very strange emotions right now. Guilt, remorse, my self-esteem is rock bottom. I am trying to think, what can I possibly do to say I'm sorry? Kate: Shut up! You haven't spent sixty seconds with me when you weren't after something, so what is it this time? Buy, sell, or trade? Luc: Oui, it is so true. I used you... a lot. You helped me to get my vine and I left you with nothing. So now, I ask myself what I can possibly do to make it up to you. [sees the police waiting for him] Luc: And so now, I am here for you. [runs away]
Conor O'Neill: [after Kofi has been taunting his teammates for missing grounders and fly balls, Conor hits a sharp liner that causes Kofi to duck] C'mon Kofi! That one was right to you! What's the matter Kofi? You scared of the ball? [Other players laugh] Conor O'Neill: New rule: Nobody can say anything bad to anyone else on the field.
Wanderer: I know you. You're the angel of fire. Angel of fire. I know you. You burn bright enough to know there are certain sacrifices that need to be made. You see, if you don't give back the money, you all will die. And you will die contorted, and you will die unforgiven. You see, there's... there's this... this puzzle, and at the centre of this puzzle, there's a child, and this is a very sick child. [Echoing] Wanderer: A very sick child. But this child will be a great leader someday. Do you know the child I speak of? Domino Harvey: Yes. Wanderer: Well, you have only one destiny, and that destiny is... that you must offer your lives in exchange for the life of the child. Then, and only then, will you truly be cleansed in the blood of the lamb.
Sean: Yea, who gave you the right to play god with her life? Nick: Hey, this all about survival of the fittest! You don't learn that and you are going to die... or worse...
Marilyn: [Tom pulls up in his car] Late again, Tom. Tom Ryan: Hey, Marilyn. Marilyn: I thought you were moving. Tom Ryan: Oh, it's all I could afford right now. You took everything in the divorce except my name. Marilyn: No, actually, the judge granted me that yesterday. You're now officially known as "Horace P. MacTitties."
[from trailer] Buzz Lightyear: Hold on, this is no time to be hysterical! Hamm the Piggy Bank: This is the perfect time to be hysterical. Rex the Green Dinosaur: Should we be HYSTERICAL? Slinky Dog: No! Mr. Potato Head: Yes! Buzz Lightyear: Maybe! But not right now! Hamm the Piggy Bank: C'mon. Let's go see how much we're going for on eBay.
Guest: I love what you've done with the house. Francy: Thank you. Mr Lewin: It's clean. Em Lewin: I thought the house was a lot nicer the way my mum used to have it, it's pretty barfirific if you ask me. Francy: Is that some kind of joke Emily? Em Lewin: No, it's not. Francy: I think you own me an apology right now. Em Lewin: I don't owe you shit.
Nicole: You can be anywhere where when your life begins. You meet the right person and anything is possible.
Creasy: Do you know what this is? It’s a charger used by convicts to hide money and drugs they tuck it up their rectum. This is pencil detonator, timer, used as a receiver from the pager. This is C4 highly explosive; you put it all together you've got a bomb, not very sophisticated, but very powerful. [whispers in his ear] Creasy: That's what you have in your ass right now. Don't move! Don't move!
Frank: "From women's eyes this doctrine I derive, they sparkle still the right Promethean fire. They are the books, the arts, the acedemes that show, contain and nourish all the world." Cole: Well, I don't know what it is that you just said, but it sounded real nice. Frank: That's Shakespeare. Now *he's* European.
Ron White: My cousin Ray on the other hand thinks that killin' a deer with a deer rifle is like magic in the forest. And now, I would like to do for you now my impression of my cousin Ray after the big kill. "Hell, it was four in the mornin', 22 degrees outside. 'Course, you weren't there. Pussy. I'm in a camouflaged deer blind. I've got grease paint on my face and deer urine on my boots. I'm not sure why." I made that part up. "I've got a 30-06 with a laser scope. This baby will fire a bullet 2200 feet per second. When that deer looked up to lick the salt sucker I hunged from the danged ol' tree... caught him right above the eye." Yeah, well, I hit one with a *van* goin' *fifty-five* miles an hour with the headlights on and the horn blowin'!
Hesh: [rapping] Yo yo yo let me see those hands people! Huh huh huh come on y'all you can feel the beat! Remember way back when I was smoking crack, you were at the corner, selling that ass and I took that rusty pipe and gave your head that gash and I took all your cash and spent it on smack? I feel bad about that. Not really. But yeah. That and the time I made you shave your cat. Oh and the time I said your ass looked fat. And when I played the back nine when you were taking a nap. As a matter of fact I been a down right jerk. Stealing cash from your purse but that ain't the worst. Can't believe I'm the guy who filled your eye with shit. We went to ER and I hit on the nurse. Now we're here at the church to make it offical. I love you bitch you're a motherfucking...
Mr. Jones: Now when I went to bed last night. Didn't I tell you take out the trash? Craig Jones: Yeah. Mr. Jones: So, why didn't you do it? Craig Jones: I fell asleep. Mr. Jones: I wish you was sleeping right now, I knock you upside your head with a left hook make your ass wake up and take out that damn trash. Craig Jones: [Craig goes to the trash can to dump out his cereal] Mr. Jones: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! What are you doing? Craig Jones: I'm throwing this away. We ain't even got no milk. Mr. Jones: You better put some water on that damn shit! Craig Jones: Alright, I'll eat it. Mr. Jones: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Take the garbage out front son!
Rafiki: Asante sana Squash banana, Wiwi nugu Mi mi apana. Adult Simba: Come on, will you cut it out? Rafiki: Can't cut it out. It will grow right back. Hehehe. Adult Simba: Creepy little monkey. Would you stop following me! Who are you? Rafiki: The question is, who... are *you*? Adult Simba: [sighs] I thought I knew, but now I'm not so sure. Rafiki: Well, I know who you are! Shh. Come here, it's a secret. [Whispers, then grows louder] Rafiki: Asante sana Squash banana, Wiwi nugu Mi mi apana! Adult Simba: Enough already! What's that supposed to mean anyway? Rafiki: It means you're a baboon... and I'm not. Adult Simba: I think you're a little confused. Rafiki: Wrong! I'm not the one who's confused. You don't even know who you are! Adult Simba: Oh, and I suppose you know? Rafiki: Sure do. You're Mufasa's boy! [Simba turns around to look at him, shocked] Rafiki: Bye!
Ryder: Put Garber on the line! Camonetti: To be honest, Mr. Garber has gone home. Ryder: Put Garber on the fucking line or I'll kill the motorman! Camonetti: I guarantee you, Mr. Ryder, that I am the best person for you to be talking to right now. Just give me a moment and I'll explain why. Ryder: [to Jerry] You were always going to be the first one to go. [shoots Jerry several times] Ryder: Mr. Camonetti, you have 60 fucking seconds before I kill another, okay?
Perry Smith: I thought that Mr. Clutter was a very nice gentleman. I thought so right up to the moment that I cut his throat.
Johnny Cash: I want to marry you and I am telling you it's the time. June Carter: Well I'm telling you with 100 percent certainty that it is not the time. It's not about time, it's not the right time, it's not even quarter to the right time.
Mrs. Emma du Maurier: Go upstairs George, now! George Llewelyn Davies: Quit ordering me about! This isn't your home, it's *our* home! Just because Mother's needed your help recently doesn't give you the right to lord over her existence. She isn't a child anymore, and neither am I. If she wants to see uncle Jim she can see uncle Jim. There's nothing you can do about it!
Herb Brooks: Take a look at this. Craig Patrick: What's this? Herb Brooks: Twenty-six names. [pause] Herb Brooks: The tough part will be getting it down to twenty before the opening ceremonies. Craig Patrick: This is the final roster? You're kidding me, right? This is our first day, Herb. We've got a week of this. What about the advisory staff? Aren't they supposed to have a say in this? Herb Brooks: Not technically. Craig Patrick: You're missing some of the best players. Herb Brooks: I'm not looking for the best players, Craig. I'm looking for the right ones. Craig Patrick: You have Jim Craig to back up Janisack? Herb Brooks: Other way around. Craig Patrick: Other way around? I'm sorry didn't Janisack just win you a national championship? Herb Brooks: Janny is a solid goal tender, but we're not playing for the national championship here, Craig. Craig Patrick: You know people I speak to say that Craig's game has been off since his mom died. Herb Brooks: They ever see him when his game's on?
Mary: You figured you could toy with me until someone better came along and I wouldn't mind because some big star wanted me, well you know what really sucks about falling for a guy you know you're not right for? You fall anyway because you think he might turn out to be different
Jim's Dad: Musilage is dangerous territory, and uhh, I would think any adhesive product would have a warning right on the tube. Jim: I thought it was a, uhh, a lubricant. Ok, i was trying to use lubricant. Jim's Dad: Oh... oh... Wheelchair Lady: **looking at Pussy Palace** Son, couldn;t you have left that disgusting thing at home? Jim's Dad: Excuse me? Wheelchair Lady: Well, that kind of material is offensive to me. Jim's Dad: Ohh, well we're sorry, but uh, but you see my son COULDN'T leave it at home because uhh, he's having a bit of a MEDICAL EMERGENCY? Jim: That's right. Thanks Dad. Jim's Dad: Your opinion of his taste in video rentals is no a priority lady. Ok? It's at the bottom of the totem pole. My son is sitting here right now with his hand glued to his penis, but that doesn't mean anything to you does it? Because you dont have a penis. Or maybe you do?
Dana: Airline company's always your best friend right after the plane goes down.
Ricky Bobby: [television commercial] Hey. I'm Ricky Bobby. Christmas is right around the corner. And what better gift to give a loved one, [pulls out a huge camping axe] Ricky Bobby: than the Jackhawk 9000. Avaible at Wal-Mart.
The Terminator: The T-1000's highest probability for success now will be to copy Sarah Connor and to wait for you to make contact with her. John Connor: Great, but what happens to her? The Terminator: Typically, the subject being copied is terminated. John Connor: Shit! Why didn't you tell me? We gotta go right now! The Terminator: Negative. She's not a mission priority John Connor: Fuck you, she's a priority to me!
[Ali lifts up Howard Cosell's toupee on national television] Howard Cosell: [to the camera] We'll be right back. Muhammad Ali: You want some food for that thing? Howard Cosell: How could you do something like that to a man you revere? Muhammad Ali: Cos it's funny.
Wendy: [referring to Raymond Beaumont] What an insufferable prick that man is. Still, it's not your problem. Unless, of course, you're stupid enough to be working for him. Alexandra Amberson: [shaking her head] No. Wendy: Or sleeping with him. Alexandra Amberson: [slightly disgusted] No. Wendy: Oh good. Well, that establishes your discerning good taste. [turns her attention to something else, then addresses Alex without looking at her] Wendy: Uh-huh. What can I do for you? Alexandra Amberson: [assertively] Absolutely nothing at all until I can get your full attention. Wendy: [turns and stares at her, Alex stares right back] I like you.
Keith Griffin: It's back. Christian: Yeah, this must be your lucky fuckin' day. Keith Griffin: Or maybe I'm just not suffering enough yet. I didn't expect to see you again. Christian: Oh, come on now. You don't think you going all 'Miss Cleo the Psychic' on my ass is gonna scare me off that easy - now do you? Keith Griffin: Maybe it's just dementia setting in. Sometimes I read people and I... I think I'm the oracle of Delphi. Christian: Well, sometimes I growl at people. Doesn't make me Eartha Kitt. I'm just goin' to put this right about here. Keith Griffin: It doesn't matter, I'm still not hungry. Christian: I don't remember asking you if you were. I just deliver this stuff, remember? But my friend Andrew made this, and he doesn't even cook for his boyfriends. So the least you could do is tryin' to be polite, and eat it. Keith Griffin: I don't have to pretend to be polite. I think I've... I think I've earned that right. Christian: Oh yes, that's right; you're dying, you're bitter, blah, blah, blah... Fortunately I'm shallow so I'm impervious to that. Now eat it. Keith Griffin: Impervious? Bet you don't know how to spell that. Christian: Sure I do. It's spelled 'Bite me.'
President Andrew Shepherd: I've loved two women in my life. I lost one to cancer and I lost the other because I was too busy keeping my job to do my job. Well, that ends right now.
Colonel Hayes Hodges: I'll make you a deal right now. If you can tell me the average life expectancy of a Marine second lieutenant dropped into a hot LZ in Vietnam in 1967, I'll tell you everything I remember about Ca Lu. Major Mark Biggs: One week? Colonel Hayes Hodges: Negative. Sixteen minutes. Sixteen fucking minutes, that's all I remember about Ca Lu.
Van Zant: Who are you? Waingro: Waingro. My name's Waingro. Van Zant: I've been living in the office day and night, how well do you know him? Waingro: Oh, we took some major scores together. Van Zant: [nods slowly] How come I haven't heard from him? Waingro: Well, he's probably busy right now. But he's real thorough. He ain't gon' forget about you. Van Zant: Oh that's reassuring. Waingro: [chuckles]
Dave: We're all going crazy and no one should be pointing fingers right now. You. You are a problem!
Brandon: Oh my god... no! Miriam Linky: What? Brandon: Granny Panties? Miriam Linky: Excuse me? Brandon: This is so crazy! I was literally just watching you like right before we got here! This is you, right? [pulls out his iPhone and shows a YouTube clip of Miri in a changing room wearing big underwear. The narrator says "My name's Granny Panties and nobody wants to fuck me! Nothing's whiter then my big gay ass."] Miriam Linky: [Miri gasps in horror] Zack Brown: Where'd you get that? Brandon: Oh, I entered 'gay' and 'ass' and it was the top hit. It's had 200 thousand views in three hours. Honey, you are, like, I'm actually jealous right now cause you're like super famous! Miriam Linky: [to Bobby] You're gay? Bobby Long: [apologetically] Yeah... Miriam Linky: And I'm the internet wearing... a diaper? Brandon: Who knew you'd come to Pittsburg and meet a celebrity? Miriam Linky: I'm gonna binge drink now until I pass out now.
Clark Kent: Yeah. Well, you know, things change. I mean, of course things change, but sometimes things that you didn't think would change [struggles to find the right wording] Clark Kent: - could - change. Take Lois. A woman like her, I never thought she'd settle down. Jimmy Olsen: You know, if you ask me - 'cause she'll never tell you this - but, if you ask me, she's still in love with You-Know-Who. [takes a swig of beer] Clark Kent: [slowly turns to look disconcertedly at Jimmy, who burps obliviously]
Bailiff: Hear ye, hear ye! All those with business before this court, step forward and ye shall be heard. [Mentok's theme music starts up] Bailiff: The right honorable Mentok presiding. Mentok: [emerging from a purple cloud] Was I announced? [Bailiff nods] Mentok: And now! Kicking ass, and taking minds! *Mentok! The Mindtaker!* [music abruptly cuts dead] Mentok: Or was it the other one; the, uh, "Now presiding," blah-de-blah-de-blah-de-blah...? Bailiff: Uh, w - We were running late, so I just thought... Y'know, the short one... Because it's shorter. Mentok: Uh-huh. Okay, yeah. Bigger one next time, all right? Try the scary one... next time.
Christie - Wife #6: If you're a bad boy, I'm gonna spank you! [she spanks Tom] Tom: Ow! Ok, I've got something to say to you. [Hannah kicks him] Tom: Ow! Christie - Wife #6: Tom, I just want you to know that if you need anything, money, advice, help with girl problems, you can always come to me. I'd like you to think of me as a real mother. Tom: Alright, sure [Tom's dad comes over] Christie - Wife #6: Oh, here he is! Thomas Bailey Sr.: She's just as drunk as the night we met. [Tom starts to take a drink from his whiskey but Christie snatches it away and drinks it herself] Tom: Oh got right on ahead. Thomas Bailey Sr.: [Slaps Tom] You're a bad influence on her! Tom: Wha-? Me? [Thomas Sr. and Christie walk off] Hannah: He knows that he can just date right? Tom: No, I don't think so. [They laugh]
Lightning McQueen: [McQueen has beat Chick in a race] Yeah, I forgot to tell you Chick. The roads around here aren't like the tracks you and I are used to. They got these things called "right turns". Chick Hicks: Right turns - who cares? Wasn't a real race anyway. Nobody saw it. You know, if a tree falls in a forest and there's nobody around to be seen, does anybody see it? I mean, hear it?
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