Gustavo Brambila: You people, you think you can just buy your way into this. You cannot do it that way. Jim Barrett: Alright... Gustavo Brambila: You have to have it in your blood, you have to grow up with the soil underneath your nails, the smell of the grapes in the air that you breathe. The cultivation of the vine was an art form. The refinement of the vine is a religion that requires pain and desire and sacrifice.
Bill Maher: The plain fact is religion must die for mankind to live. The hour is getting very late to be able to indulge in having key decisions made by religious people - by irrationalists - by those who would steer the ship of state, not by a compass, but by the equivalent of reading the entrails of a chicken.
Nun: Let me get this straight: you don't believe in God because of "Alice in Wonderland"? Loki: No, "Through the Looking Glass". That poem, "The Walrus and the Carpenter," that's an indictment of organized religion. The walrus, with his girth and his good nature, he obviously represents either Buddha, or, or with his tusks, the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha. That takes care of your Eastern religions. Now the carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised a carpenter's son, he represents the Western religions. Now in the poem, what do they do? What do they do? They, they dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse. I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures ensures the destruction of one's inner being. Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions, by inhibiting our decisions out of, out of fear of some, some intangible parent figure who, who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says, and says, "Do it... do it and I'll fuckin' spank you." Bartleby: [Bartleby is listening from a nearby seat] [quietly] Bartleby: Oh, geez... Nun: The way you put it... I never really thought about it like that before. What have I been doing with my life? What am I... Loki: Yeah, I know. Listen, my advice to you: you take this money that you've been collecting for your parish, go get yourself a nice dress, you know? Fix yourself up. Find some man, find some woman, that you can connect with, even for a moment, 'cause that's really all that life is, Sister. It's a series of moments. Why don't you seize yours? [the nun hesitates, then smiles, nods, and leaves] Loki: That-a girl. Ah. [he turns around and sits next to Bartleby with a grin on his face] Bartleby: You know, here's what I don't get about you. You know for a fact that there is a God. You've been in His presence. He's spoken to you personally. Yet I just heard you claim to be an atheist. Loki: I just like to fuck with the clergy, man. I just love it, I love to keep those guys on their toes.
Sid Lidz: Religion is a crutch. Only cripples need crutches. Arthur Lidz: A crutch isn't bad if you need it, Sidney. Danny Lidz: All of us are cripples in some way. Sid Lidz: Well, I'm not.
Bill Maher: Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do.
Max Archer: [Referring to the bomber captured in Spain] This guy's gotta be in a state of shock. He planned on waking up in Paradise to 72 virgins. Blow yourself up to get laid, this is gotta be some crazy s**t! Roy Clayton: Where I grew up the Klan burned crosses in front of people's houses and called it Christianity. Then my daddy and the folks from the church would drive over and put them out. Seems every religion has more than one face.
David Dobel: ...and the next thing I knew they made some crack about my religion which I found in poor taste. Jerry Falk: Religion? You're an atheist! David Dobel: Yes, I'm an atheist, but I resented the fact however obliquely that they implied that Auschwitz was basically just a theme park.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: [voice over narration] Suggested techniques for the marine to use in the avoidance of boredom and loneliness: Masturbation. Rereading of letters from unfaithful wives and girlfriends. Cleaning your rifle. Further masturbation. Rewiring Walkman. Arguing about religion and meaning of life. Discussing in detail, every woman the marine has ever fucked. Debating differences, such as Cuban vs. Mexican, Harleys vs. Hondas, left- vs. right-handed masturbation. Further cleaning of rifle. Studying of phillipino mail order bride catalogue. Further masturbation. Planning of marine's first meal on return home. Imagining what a marine's girlfriend and her man Jody are doing in the hey, or in the alley, or in a hotel bed.
Arthur Clutten: You on holiday too, Mr Cooper? Michael Cooper: No, I'm afraid not, I'm actually running away. Arthur Clutten: From what? Michael Cooper: Love, Mr Rigby, you must have been in love. If it doesn't work out you either kill yourself or you run away to forget. And its not in my religion to try suicide. Arthur Clutten: Sometimes living can be just as painful.
Tommy: I don't eat shit. It's against my religion. Pete: What religion is that? Tommy: The religion of sanity, Peter. You should try it some time. Pete: I did, but I was excommunicated.
Bill Maher: Rational people, anti-religionists, must end their timidity and come out of the closet and assert themselves. And those who consider themselves only moderately religious really need to look in the mirror and realize that the solace and comfort that religion brings you actually comes at a terrible price.
[last lines] Bill Maher: The irony of religion is that because of its power to divert man to destructive courses, the world could actually come to an end. The plain fact is, religion must die for mankind to live. The hour is getting very late to be able to indulge in having in key decisions made by religious people. By irrationalists, by those who would steer the ship of state not by a compass, but by the equivalent of reading the entrails of a chicken. George Bush prayed a lot about Iraq, but he didn't learn a lot about it. Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking. It's nothing to brag about. And those who preach faith, and enable and elevate it are intellectual slaveholders, keeping mankind in a bondage to fantasy and nonsense that has spawned and justified so much lunacy and destruction. Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do. Most people would think it's wonderful when someone says, "I'm willing, Lord! I'll do whatever you want me to do!" Except that since there are no gods actually talking to us, that void is filled in by people with their own corruptions and limitations and agendas. And anyone who tells you they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you don't. How can I be so sure? Because I don't know, and you do not possess mental powers that I do not. The only appropriate attitude for man to have about the big questions is not the arrogant certitude that is the hallmark of religion, but doubt. Doubt is humble, and that's what man needs to be, considering that human history is just a litany of getting shit dead wrong. This is why rational people, anti-religionists, must end their timidity and come out of the closet and assert themselves. And those who consider themselves only moderately religious really need to look in the mirror and realize that the solace and comfort that religion brings you actually comes at a horrible price. If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, you'd resign in protest. To do otherwise is to be an enabler, a mafia wife, for the true devils of extremism that draw their legitimacy from the billions of their fellow travelers. If the world does come to an end here, or wherever, or if it limps into the future, decimated by the effects of religion-inspired nuclear terrorism, let's remember what the real problem was. We learned how to precipitate mass death before we got past the neurological disorder of wishing for it. That's it. Grow up or die.
Forrest Gump: In the land of China, people hardly got nothing at all. John Lennon: No possessions? Forrest Gump: And in China they never go to church. John Lennon: No religion too? Dick Cavett: Ah. Hard to imagine. John Lennon: Well it's easy if you try, Dick.
Detective John Mulcahey: Do you consider yourself anti-religious, Sue? Sue Snell: No. I just think some people take it too far, that's all. Detective John Mulcahey: And you disapprove? Sue Snell: Look, I'm all for believing whatever it is that you want to believe; but you say "religion" and I'm thinking Da Vinci's "Last Supper". Jesus looks sad, the apostles look miserable - I don't want to go to their party. Shouldn't religion be more like "Dogs Playing Poker?" Detective John Mulcahey: Dogs playing...? Sue Snell: Poker. I can't tell you what any of the apostles are doing in "The Last Supper", but I can tell you that the little white bulldog is holding an ace under the table. See? That's fun. I'm engaged. There's awe and wonderment... That other stuff is just ritual and punishment, and it's way too weird and way too serious.
Ruby: Religion goes out of favor in 2033 when science discovers the gene that regulates fear.
[Jagjit is walking and trips over Salim as he is praying] Jagjit: Salim, you know I respect your religion and all but one of these days, someone is gonna get hurt!
Bat Ye'or: The Muslims see the extension of jihad as a war liberating the infidels from their infidelity and a privilege for them to enter the religion of Islam and to abandon their wrong belief.
Stevo: Wait, time out. I just wanted to ask real quick, if I can. You believe in rebellion, freedom and love, right? Mom: Absolutely, yes. Dad: Rebellion, freedom, love. Stevo: You two are divorced. So love failed. Two: Mom, your a New Ager, clinging to every scrap of Eastern religion that may justify why the above said love failed. Three: Dad, you're a slick, corporate, preppy-ass lawyer. I don't really have to say anything else about you do I dad? Four: You move from New York City, the Mecca and hub of the cultural world to Utah! Nowhere! To change nothing! More to perpetuate this cycle of greed, fascism and triviality. Your movement of the people, by and for the people got you... nothing! You just hide behind some lost sense of drugs, sex and rock and roll. Ooooh, Kumbaya! I am the future! I am the future of this great nation which you, father, so arrogantly saved this world for. Look, I have my own agenda. Harvard, out. University of Utah, in. I'm gonna get a 4.0 in damage. I love you guys! Don't get me wrong, it's all about this. But for the first time in my life, I'm 18 and I can say "FUUUUUCK YOU!" Dad: Steven, I didn't sell out son. I bought in. Keep that in mind. That kid's gonna make a hell of a lawyer, huh? Mom: Yeah, he takes after his father. He's a son of a bitch. Dad: Well fuck you dear.
Older Norman: [narrating] In our family, there was no clear line between religion and fly fishing.
Tony Blair: [first lines - about initial ops in Afghanistan, 2001] I wish to say finally, as I've said many times before, that this is not a war with Islam. It angers me, as it angers the vast majority of Muslims, to hear Bin Laden and his associates described as Islamic terrorists. They are terrorists, pure and simple. Islam is a peaceful and tolerant religion, and the acts of these people are wholly contrary to the teachings of the Qur'an. George W. Bush: [2001 State of the Union address] I also want to speak tonight directly to Muslims throughout the world. We respect your faith. It's practice freely by many millions of Americans, and by millions more in countries that America counts as friends. Its teachings are good and peaceful. And those who commit evil in the name of Allah blaspheme the name of Allah. [enthusiastic applause] Bill Clinton: [about 1998 raid on Afghanistan and Sudan] I want you to understand, and I want the world to understand that our actions today were not aimed against Islam. The faith of hundreds of millions of good, peace-loving people all around the world, including the United States. No religion condones the murder of innocent men, women, and children. But our actions were aimed at fanatics and killers, who wrap murder in the cloak of righteousness, and in so doing profane the great religion in whose name they claim to act.
David Green: You never told me what religion you are. Chris Reese: I'm a Methodist. David Green: A Methodist. And all this time I didn't know it.
Girl Student: This is America, and we're Christians here - aside from a few Jewish people who were just born that way - and I can tell you one thing: Jesus Christ and his apostles were certainly not into "man-on-man action," which is how they describe it on their porno videos, which, I am proud to say, Blockbuster does not carry. Um, I work there and it's very family... [pause] Girl Student: Plus, that religion John Travolta belongs to.
Bill Maher: Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do. Most people would think it's wonderful when someone says, 'I'm willing Lord, I'll do whatever you want me to do.' Except that since there are no gods actually talking to us, that void is filled in by people with their own corruptions and limitations and agendas.
Renata: It's against my religion to give out personal advice, but you should either sober up or get real drunk.
Taxi Driver: Here in Syria, all the religion coming from this area. When Mr. Moses coming, many people believe him and be Jewish people. After that when Mr. Jesus coming many part of people change to the new religion. And me, now I am Muslim but before Islamic coming what I was before? I was maybe Christian and before Jewish people.
Shawn: The bridge you cross is a mental one, not an emotional one, not a physical one. This is what the opium of our darkness aid us in doing. Shawn: I wear the priest cloth symbolizing the death of organized religion and the rise of independent soul reflection. Shawn: I am the god of politics, there is no form of government that I do not control. I am the essence of all government.
Peter: What about our snake? The Chief Steward: It's dead. Peter: He killed it? Jack: It's got to be against his religion or something.
Stewart: I always wondered what religion God preferred. Albert (God): I don't really prefer any religion. I guess you could say I'm kind of an atheist. Stewart: Now, how can God be an atheist? Albert (God): I don't believe in a power greater than myself. That makes me an atheist.
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