Voltaire  - Quotes

 If God has made us in his image, we have returned him the favor. 

Tags: agnostic   atheism   religion     


Bottle Shock  - Quotes

 Gustavo Brambila:
You people, you think you can just buy your way into this. You cannot do it that way.
Jim Barrett:
Alright...
Gustavo Brambila:
You have to have it in your blood, you have to grow up with the soil underneath your nails, the smell of the grapes in the air that you breathe. The cultivation of the vine was an art form. The refinement of the vine is a religion that requires pain and desire and sacrifice.
 

Religulous  - Quotes

 Bill Maher:
The plain fact is religion must die for mankind to live. The hour is getting very late to be able to indulge in having key decisions made by religious people - by irrationalists - by those who would steer the ship of state, not by a compass, but by the equivalent of reading the entrails of a chicken.
 



Jon Stewart  - Quotes

 Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion... perhaps around their necks? And maybe -- dare I dream it? -- maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively. 

Tags: christianity   humor   religion     
George Carlin  - Quotes

 What year did Jesus think it was? 

Tags: christianity   humor   religion   time     
George Carlin  - Quotes

 You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with. 

Tags: humor   prayer   religion     
Jon Stewart  - Quotes

 Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake. 

Tags: humor   religion     
George Carlin  - Quotes

 Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man ... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money. 

Tags: atheism   humor   life   religion     
Jon Stewart  - Quotes

 Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion. 

Tags: absurd   religion     
Joel Osteen  - Quotes

 Quit questioning God and start trusting Him! 

Tags: christianity   religion   religious   trust     
George Carlin  - Quotes

 I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same fifty percent rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't...Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe...same as the voodoo lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles. It's all the same...so just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself... 

Tags: atheism   atheist   religion     
Thomas Merton  - Quotes

 To be grateful is to recognize the Love of God in everything He has given us - and He has given us everything. Every breath we draw is a gift of His love, every moment of existence is a grace, for it brings with it immense graces from Him.

Gratitude therefore takes nothing for granted, is never unresponsive, is constantly awakening to new wonder and to praise of the goodness of God. For the grateful person knows that God is good, not by hearsay but by experience. And that is what makes all the difference.
 

Tags: faith   gratitude   inspirational   religion     
Alan Alda  - Quotes

 Don't chew on it. Don't even let it touch your teeth. Above all, don't let it stick to the roof of your mouth. Oh, God, you did it. You let it happen. God is stuck to the roof of your mouth. How are you going to get Him off? You have to get this off and swallow it. What if it just gets hard and stays there? You can't walk around for the rest of the day with God in your mouth. Oh, God. Melt, melt. 

Tags: humor   religion     
George Carlin  - Quotes

 I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.  

Tags: humor   religion     
Sarah Palin  - Quotes

 God's will has to be done, in unifying people and companies to get that gas line built, so pray for that. 

Tags: christianity   industry   palinisms   prayer   religion     
George Carlin  - Quotes

 I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. 

Tags: humor   political   religion     
George Carlin  - Quotes

 And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say?  

Tags: humor   prayer   religion     
George Burns  - Quotes

 The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. 

Tags: humor   religion     
Bill Maher  - Quotes

 There's an old, frequently-used definition of insanity, which is  

Tags: humor   religion     
Jay Leno  - Quotes

 The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. 

Tags: christianity   christmas   corruption   nativity   politics   religion   washington     
George Carlin  - Quotes

 To my way of thinking, there is every bit as much evidence for the

existence of UFOs as there is for the existence of God. Probably far

more. At least in the case of UFOs there have been countless taped

and filmed and, by the way, unexplained sightings from all over the

world, along with documented radar evidence seen by experienced

military and civilian radar operators.>>
 

Tags: humor   religion     
Carl Sagan  - Quotes

 It's a lazy Saturday afternoon, there's a couple lying naked in bed reading Encyclopediea Brittannica to each other, and arguing about whether the Andromeda Galaxy is more 'numinous' than the Ressurection. Do they know how to have a good time, or don't they? 

Tags: humor   religion   science     
George Carlin  - Quotes

 I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, and a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to  

Tags: humor   religion     
Ursula K. Le Guin  - Quotes

 To learn a belief without the belief is to sing a song without the tune. 

Tags: faith   mind   religion   spirit     
Lewis Black  - Quotes

 Jerry Falwell said that the reason that September 11th happened, the reason that God allowed it to happen, was because of certain people in our country. People like, and I'm quoting, 'the pagans,' which is a motorcycle group. Feminists; he brought up feminists. [...] And I couldn't believe it, he said that God had actually talked to him and said, these were the people. That was the reason. It was those people, and that was the reason God allowed this to happen. And I thought, 'That's odd.' Because God had called me twelve hours before, and He said the reason He was upset was because of people like Jerry Falwell. 

Tags: humour   politics   religion   theology     
Jimmy Buffett  - Quotes

 The only thing that is still free in this world is religion, which is why a lot of people  

Tags: buffett   free   religion     
Martin Luther  - Quotes

 (reply to the Diet of Worms) Since your majesty and your lordships desire a simple reply, I will answer without horns or teeth. Unless I am convinced by Scripture and by plain reason (I do not believe in the authority of either popes or councils by themselves, for it is plain that they have often erred and contradicted each other) in those Scriptures that I have presented, for my conscience is captive to the Word of God, I cannot and I will not recant anything, for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe. Here I stand; I can do no other. God help me. Amen. 

Tags: belief   christian   reformation   religion   truth     
John Lennon  - Quotes

 I wasn't saying whatever they're saying I was saying. I'm sorry I said it really. I never meant it to be a lousy anti-religious thing. I apologize if that will make you happy. I still don't know quite what I've done. I've tried to tell you what I did do but if you want me to apologize, if that will make you happy, then OK, I'm sorry. 

Tags: apology   beatles   humor   humour   jesus   religion     
Oliver James  - Quotes

 Music is my higher power 

Tags: music   religion     
Dogma  - Quotes

 Nun:
Let me get this straight: you don't believe in God because of "Alice in Wonderland"?
Loki:
No, "Through the Looking Glass". That poem, "The Walrus and the Carpenter," that's an indictment of organized religion. The walrus, with his girth and his good nature, he obviously represents either Buddha, or, or with his tusks, the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha. That takes care of your Eastern religions. Now the carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised a carpenter's son, he represents the Western religions. Now in the poem, what do they do? What do they do? They, they dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse. I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures ensures the destruction of one's inner being. Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions, by inhibiting our decisions out of, out of fear of some, some intangible parent figure who, who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says, and says, "Do it... do it and I'll fuckin' spank you."
Bartleby:
[Bartleby is listening from a nearby seat] [quietly]
Bartleby:
Oh, geez...
Nun:
The way you put it... I never really thought about it like that before. What have I been doing with my life? What am I...
Loki:
Yeah, I know. Listen, my advice to you: you take this money that you've been collecting for your parish, go get yourself a nice dress, you know? Fix yourself up. Find some man, find some woman, that you can connect with, even for a moment, 'cause that's really all that life is, Sister. It's a series of moments. Why don't you seize yours? [the nun hesitates, then smiles, nods, and leaves]
Loki:
That-a girl. Ah. [he turns around and sits next to Bartleby with a grin on his face]
Bartleby:
You know, here's what I don't get about you. You know for a fact that there is a God. You've been in His presence. He's spoken to you personally. Yet I just heard you claim to be an atheist.
Loki:
I just like to fuck with the clergy, man. I just love it, I love to keep those guys on their toes.
 

Johnny Cash  - Quotes

 I wore black because I liked it. I still do, and wearing it still means something to me. It's still my symbol of rebellion -- against a stagnant status quo, against our hypocritical houses of God, against people whose minds are closed to others' ideas. 

Tags: black   hypocrisy   individuality   religion     
Unstrung Heroes  - Quotes

 Sid Lidz:
Religion is a crutch. Only cripples need crutches.
Arthur Lidz:
A crutch isn't bad if you need it, Sidney.
Danny Lidz:
All of us are cripples in some way.
Sid Lidz:
Well, I'm not.
 

Tags: Religion Quotes   Religion Quotes   Us Quotes     
Frank Sinatra  - Quotes

 Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy. 

Tags: alcohol   bible   enemies   religion     
Lewis Black  - Quotes

 Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain? 

Tags: atheism   atheist   humor   noremorse   religion     
Matt Groening  - Quotes

 This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants designed to take away the money of fools. Now let us say the lord's prayer 40 times, but first let's pass the collection plate. 

Tags: funny   religion   simpsons     
John Lennon  - Quotes

 God is a concept by which we measure our pain. 

Tags: beatles   religion     
Religulous  - Quotes

 Bill Maher:
Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do.
 

George Carlin  - Quotes

 I HAVE JUST AS MUCH AUTHORITY AS THE POPE!... its just that fewer people believe that I do. 

Tags: authority   pope   religion     
Louis Aragon  - Quotes

 No more painters, no more writers, no more musicians, no more sculptors, no more religions, no more republicans, no more royalists, no more imperialists, no more anarchists, no more socialists, no more Bolsheviks, no more aristocrats, no more armaments, no more police, no more countries, enough of these imbecilities, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more 

Tags: anarchy   artists   dada   nationalism   politics   religion   royalty     
Traitor  - Quotes

 Max Archer:
[Referring to the bomber captured in Spain] This guy's gotta be in a state of shock. He planned on waking up in Paradise to 72 virgins. Blow yourself up to get laid, this is gotta be some crazy s**t!
Roy Clayton:
Where I grew up the Klan burned crosses in front of people's houses and called it Christianity. Then my daddy and the folks from the church would drive over and put them out. Seems every religion has more than one face.
 

Robert A. Heinlein  - Quotes

 If God existed (a question concerning which Jubal maintained a meticulous intellectual neutrality) and if He desired to be worshiped (a proposition which Jubal found inherently improbable but conceivably possible in the dim light of his own ignorance), then (stipulating affirmatively both the above) it nevertheless seemed wildly unlikely to Jubal to the point of reductio ad absurdum that a God potent to shape galaxies would be titillated and swayed by the whoop-te-do nonsense the Fosterites offered Him as  

Tags: agnosticism   religion   worship     
Jeanette Winterson  - Quotes

 I seem to have run in a great circle, and met myself again on the starting line. 

Tags: homosexuality   identity   lesbian   life   religion   romance   thoughts     
Mahatma Gandhi  - Quotes

 Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one's weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart. 

Tags: heart   humanity   inspirational   prayer   religion   souls   weakness     
Penn Jillette  - Quotes

 What I have a problem with is not so much religion or god, but faith. When you say you believe something in your heart and therefore you can act on it, you have completely justified the 9/11 bombers. You have justified Charlie Manson. If it's true for you, why isn't it true for them? Why are you different? If you say  

Tags: atheism   faith   manson   religion     
Ursula K. Le Guin  - Quotes

 In our loss and fear we craved the acts of religion, the ceremonies that allow us to admit our helplessness, our dependence on the great forces we do not understand. 

Tags: fear   helplessness   loss   religion     
Javier Bardem  - Quotes

 I don't belive in God. I believe in...Al Pacino. 

Tags: acting   bardem   javier   pacino   religion     
Anything Else  - Quotes

 David Dobel:
...and the next thing I knew they made some crack about my religion which I found in poor taste.
Jerry Falk:
Religion? You're an atheist!
David Dobel:
Yes, I'm an atheist, but I resented the fact however obliquely that they implied that Auschwitz was basically just a theme park.
 

Jarhead  - Quotes

 Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford:
[voice over narration] Suggested techniques for the marine to use in the avoidance of boredom and loneliness: Masturbation. Rereading of letters from unfaithful wives and girlfriends. Cleaning your rifle. Further masturbation. Rewiring Walkman. Arguing about religion and meaning of life. Discussing in detail, every woman the marine has ever fucked. Debating differences, such as Cuban vs. Mexican, Harleys vs. Hondas, left- vs. right-handed masturbation. Further cleaning of rifle. Studying of phillipino mail order bride catalogue. Further masturbation. Planning of marine's first meal on return home. Imagining what a marine's girlfriend and her man Jody are doing in the hey, or in the alley, or in a hotel bed.
 

Woody Allen  - Quotes

 I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time.

She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.
 

Tags: absurd   atheism   humor   religion     
Christopher Hitchens  - Quotes

 So I close this long reflection on what I hope is a not-too-quaveringly semi-Semitic note. When I am at home, I will only enter a synagogue for the bar or bat mitzvah of a friend's child, or in order to have a debate with the faithful. (When I was to be wed, I chose a rabbi named Robert Goldburg, an Einsteinian and a Shakespearean and a Spinozist, who had married Arthur Miller to Marilyn Monroe and had a copy of Marilyn 

Tags: ancestors   antisemitism   atheism   budapest   damascus   debate   desecration   einstein   eritrea   germany   india   iraq   islam   istanbul   jewishness   jews   morocco   normality   poland   prague   rabbis   religion   salvation   security   shakespeare   spinoza   synagogues   temples   tunisia     
Double X: The Name of the Game  - Quotes

 Arthur Clutten:
You on holiday too, Mr Cooper?
Michael Cooper:
No, I'm afraid not, I'm actually running away.
Arthur Clutten:
From what?
Michael Cooper:
Love, Mr Rigby, you must have been in love. If it doesn't work out you either kill yourself or you run away to forget. And its not in my religion to try suicide.
Arthur Clutten:
Sometimes living can be just as painful.
 

Abigail Adams  - Quotes

 Well, knowledge is a fine thing, and mother Eve thought so; but she smarted so severely for hers, that most of her daughters have been afraid of it since.  

Tags: bible   christianity   feminism   genesis   knowledge   motherhood   religion     
Christopher Hitchens  - Quotes

 As a convinced atheist, I ought to agree with Voltaire that Judaism is not just one more religion, but in its way the root of religious evil. Without the stern, joyless rabbis and their 613 dour prohibitions, we might have avoided the whole nightmare of the Old Testament, and the brutal, crude wrenching of that into prophecy-derived Christianity, and the later plagiarism and mutation of Judaism and Christianity into the various rival forms of Islam. Much of the time, I do concur with Voltaire, but not without acknowledging that Judaism is dialectical. There is, after all, a specifically Jewish version of the eighteenth-century Enlightenment, with a specifically Jewish name 

Tags: antisemitism   assimilation   atheism   christianity   dialectics   education   enlightenment   ethics   evil   exile   germans   haskalah   intellect   islam   judaism   life   messianism   monotheism   plagiarism   prohibitions   prophecy   rabbis   rebbes   religion   return   rituals   study   thought     
Frank Herbert  - Quotes

 In 1054, the patriarch of Constantinople and the pope excommunicated each other.

That was the end of holiness for both churches.
 

Tags: holiness   pope   religion     
Blue in the Face  - Quotes

 Tommy:
I don't eat shit. It's against my religion.
Pete:
What religion is that?
Tommy:
The religion of sanity, Peter. You should try it some time.
Pete:
I did, but I was excommunicated.
 

Tags: Religion Quotes   Religion Quotes     
Religulous  - Quotes

 Bill Maher:
Rational people, anti-religionists, must end their timidity and come out of the closet and assert themselves. And those who consider themselves only moderately religious really need to look in the mirror and realize that the solace and comfort that religion brings you actually comes at a terrible price.
 

Mahatma Gandhi  - Quotes

 The Roots of Violence: Wealth without work, Pleasure without conscience, Knowledge without character, Commerce without morality, Science without humanity, Worship without sacrifice, Politics without principles. 

Tags: humanity   morality   politics   religion     
Paulo Coelho  - Quotes

 Faith is not Desire. Faith is Will. Desires are things that need to be satisfied, whereas Will is a force. Will changes the space around us,... 

Tags: desire   faith   religion   will     
Religulous  - Quotes

 
[last lines]
Bill Maher:
The irony of religion is that because of its power to divert man to destructive courses, the world could actually come to an end. The plain fact is, religion must die for mankind to live. The hour is getting very late to be able to indulge in having in key decisions made by religious people. By irrationalists, by those who would steer the ship of state not by a compass, but by the equivalent of reading the entrails of a chicken. George Bush prayed a lot about Iraq, but he didn't learn a lot about it. Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking. It's nothing to brag about. And those who preach faith, and enable and elevate it are intellectual slaveholders, keeping mankind in a bondage to fantasy and nonsense that has spawned and justified so much lunacy and destruction. Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do. Most people would think it's wonderful when someone says, "I'm willing, Lord! I'll do whatever you want me to do!" Except that since there are no gods actually talking to us, that void is filled in by people with their own corruptions and limitations and agendas. And anyone who tells you they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you don't. How can I be so sure? Because I don't know, and you do not possess mental powers that I do not. The only appropriate attitude for man to have about the big questions is not the arrogant certitude that is the hallmark of religion, but doubt. Doubt is humble, and that's what man needs to be, considering that human history is just a litany of getting shit dead wrong. This is why rational people, anti-religionists, must end their timidity and come out of the closet and assert themselves. And those who consider themselves only moderately religious really need to look in the mirror and realize that the solace and comfort that religion brings you actually comes at a horrible price. If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, you'd resign in protest. To do otherwise is to be an enabler, a mafia wife, for the true devils of extremism that draw their legitimacy from the billions of their fellow travelers. If the world does come to an end here, or wherever, or if it limps into the future, decimated by the effects of religion-inspired nuclear terrorism, let's remember what the real problem was. We learned how to precipitate mass death before we got past the neurological disorder of wishing for it. That's it. Grow up or die.
 

Matt Groening  - Quotes

 Stealing? How could you?! Haven 

Tags: funny   religion   simpsons     


Quotes of the Day