Christopher McCandless: You don't need human relationships to be happy, God has placed it all around us.
Victor Melling: In place of relationships, you have sarcasm and a gun! Gracie Hart: Oh, *I* have sarcasm? When every word that comes out of your mouth is dripping with disdain? Victor Melling: Ah! But that is because I am a miserable, grumpy elitist - and that works for me! Gracie Hart: You know what? I don't have relationships because I don't want them, an-an-and I don't have friends because I work 24/7. And you have no idea why I am the way that I am.
Steve: Whatever, you pussy warped fool! Anyway, we all got lucky last night. Zable: Relationships are like jail cells: confining, uncomfortable, and claustrophobic. Brad: It's as if the universe sees our destiny in front of us and we feel it.
Alice Collins: It won't work. Everyone knows that the only gay relationships that last are the ones between people of the same height.
Kenneth Winslow: Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever!
Charlie: It's that word, man. Love. I wanted to say it but I just couldn't. How could I say something if I don't feel it? Stu: Easy. Lie! What do you think all relationships are based on, man? Lies!
Annette: I don't know. Relationships seem too distracting. I'd rather concentrate on my studies.
Graham: Long distance relationships can work, you know. Amanda: Really? I can't make one work when I live in the same house with someone.
Jesse: This friend of mine had a kid, and it was a home birth, so he was there helping out and everything. And he said at that profound moment of birth, he was watching this child, experiencing life for the first time, I mean, trying to take its first breath... all he could think about was that he was looking at something that was gonna die someday. He just couldn't get it out of his head. And I think that's so true, I mean, all - everything is so finite. But don't you think that that's what, makes our time, at specific moments, so important? Celine: Yeah, I know. It's the same for us, tonight, though. After tomorrow morning, we're probably never going to see each other again, right? Celine: We, maybe we should try something different. I mean, it's no so bad if tonight is our only night, right? People always exchange phone numbers, addresses, they end up writing once, calling each other once or twice... Jesse: Right. Fizzles out. Yeah, I mean, I don't want that. I hate that. Celine: I hate that too, y'know. Jesse: Why do you think everybody thinks relationships are supposed to last forever anyway? Celine: Yeah, why. It's stupid.
Robin: Nick and I have our problems but we've been together for ten years, and you know why? Cause in spite of it all we love each other for exactly who we are, no ones pretending to be something they're not. That's how successful relationships work in the real world,Samantha; you should try it some time.
[after surviving the bus explosion] Annie: You're not going to get mushy on me, are you? Jack: Maybe. I might. Annie: I hope not, 'cause you know, relationships that start under intense circumstances, they never last. Jack: Oh yeah? Annie: Yeah, I've done extensive study on this.
Vanessa Kensington: Look, I know I'm being neurotic, but I can't shake off this suspicious feeling about Miss Fagina. I don't want to sound paranoid, but I've had some bad relationships in the past, and I have been known to be jealous. I'm sorry. Austin Powers: No, don't be sorry, baby. You're right to be suspicious. I shagged her. Vanessa Kensington: What? Austin Powers: I shagged her rotten, baby, yeah! Vanessa Kensington: Did you used protection ? Austin Powers: Of course. I had my 9mm automatic. Vanessa Kensington: You know I meant, did you use a condom? Austin Powers: No, only sailors wear condoms baby. Vanessa Kensington: Not in the '90s Austin. Austin Powers: Well they should, those filthy buggers. They go from port to port.
Andy Stitzer: [drunk] You know the thing about relationships is that they make one person go, "Blah blah blah blah blah," and the other person go, "What are you talking about?" And then one person goes, "Blah blah blah blah blah." Cal: How much have you had to drink, man? Andy Stitzer: Oh, how much have I had to drink? Hey, how many pots have you smoken? Cal: What are you talking about? Andy Stitzer: Oh, how many times have you gone to the bathroom in your life? Let me ask you that. You know what, you don't have an answer for that, do you? Who the fuck you, man? I'm sorry. No, no, no, no, you're such a good guy, and I appreciate you.
Molly: I guess I've had friendships like that, where people thought we were sleeping together but we weren't. Danny: Yeah, I've had friendships like that... I've had relationships like that.
Bill: I have difficulty forming relationships with women because my last girlfriend was a filthy, vicious ice queen who ruined my life. Let's get naked.
Yuri Orlov: Some of the most successful relationships are based on lies and deceit. Since that's where they usually end up anyway, it's a logical place to start.
Roland: That's the difference between England and America. The English maintain civil relationships with their ex's. Americans sue them.
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