Mrs. Weiss:
You know, let's talk about your father. Tell me about your relationship with him.
Clareece 'Precious' Jones:
I don't know much more than you do, Mrs. White.
Mrs. Weiss:
That's Mrs. "Weiss." Talk to me about the little you do know about your father. It is important, whether you know it or not.
Clareece 'Precious' Jones:
He give me his baby and my one before it, but I don't never see him...
Mrs. Weiss:
Wait, what did you say he gave you?
Clareece 'Precious' Jones:
Nothing.
Mrs. Weiss:
Wait, Clareece, you just said your father gave you something...
Clareece 'Precious' Jones:
Nothing.
Mrs. Weiss:
No, I HEARD you just say...
Clareece 'Precious' Jones:
You didn't hear shit.
Mrs. Weiss:
I heard you just say your father...
Clareece 'Precious' Jones:
You didn't hear shit like it!
Mrs. Weiss:
I don't care, honey! I need to know this!
Clareece 'Precious' Jones:
[Overlapping with Mrs. Weiss' voice] I didn't say nothing like it! Let's move ON!
Mrs. Weiss:
I need this to HELP you...
Clareece 'Precious' Jones:
[Angrily] Bitch, can we change the subject?
Mrs. Weiss:
Okay. Well, I'll see you next time then. Or maybe you'll see someone else. But you're going to have to talk to someone if you want your check, sweetie.
Jack:
Hey, George... How does this relationship nonsense usually work?
George:
Usually, you go on a couple of dates, see if you like each other. Eventually you have sex.
Jack:
Right. I, uh... I sort of skipped the whole dating thing. So what then?
George:
And then, if you're happy with the action, you become boyfriend and girlfriend. It's really fun for, like, three months, and then you realize it's work. Then you dump her. Or not.
Jack:
Okay, let's say not.
George:
You move in together.
Jack:
I did that.
George:
Right. Well... Then you get married. You start your trajectory of acquisitions. Knives, forks, juicer, barbecue. You move to the 'burbs. You buy a house. You pop some kids out. You fight, you cheat, you separate, divorce, you split the shit, and see the kids on weekends. Then you start all over again.
Jack:
It all sounds so promising.
George:
It's just an outline, Jack.
Elizabeth James:
[thinking she is talking to her father, who has a newspaper up between them] Hey stranger...
Hallie:
[puts down newspaper. then] Hey Mom, did you know that the Concorde gets you here in half the time?
Elizabeth James:
[flustered] Yes, I, I've heard that...
Annie:
[after Hallie surprises Elizabeth and Annie by arriving in London and showing up at their home before Elizabeth and Annie do] What are you doing here?
Hallie:
It took us abound 30 seconds after you guys left for us to realize we didn't want to lose you two again.
Elizabeth James:
We?
Nick Parker:
[walking in from another room] We. I made the mistake of not coming after you once, Lizzie. I'm not going to do that again no matter how brave you are.
Elizabeth James:
And I suppose you just expect me to go weak at the knees, and fall into your arms, and cry hysterically. And say we'll just figure this whole thing out. A bi-continental relationship with our daughters being raised here and there. And. And, you and I just picking up where we left off and growing old together. And... and... c'mon, Nick, what do you expect? To live happily ever after?
Nick Parker:
Yes. To all of the above. Except you don't have to cry hysterically.
Elizabeth James:
[With tears in her eyes] Oh, yes I do. [he kisses her]
Guy:
That reminds me, did I tell you we're tying the knot?
Mike 'Schmitty' Smith:
Are you.
Guy:
I figured it's been almost a year, I think it's time.
Mike 'Schmitty' Smith:
Good decision, I can tell you put a lot of thought into that shit.
Guy:
What's that mean?
Mike 'Schmitty' Smith:
Nothing, I'm sure it'll be a loving, lasting relationship built on intimacy and mutual respect.
Guy:
Oh, you're just bitter about... what's-her-name, what was it-...
Mike 'Schmitty' Smith:
- -EVERY FUCKING WOMAN I'VE EVER KNOWN.
Guy:
You know what I've noticed about you, man? Every time you get in a relationship you're up on cloud nine. Then when it ends, you spend two years making everybody else miserable just because they have what you want. Why can't you just be happy for somebody for once?
Mike 'Schmitty' Smith:
Because that'd be dishonest. I mean, I'm shallow, I'm not a liar.
Guy:
You've got a hell of a track record to be giving advice.
Mike 'Schmitty' Smith:
At least I've been around the fucking track, man! Here you are talking about marrying the third pair of live breasts you've seen in your whole life!
Guy:
Hey-...
Mike 'Schmitty' Smith:
Look, all I'm saying, man, is this love relationship bullshit doesn't last. I mean, it's swell while it does, but it'll expire like a magazine subscription on your ass. You've known this chick, like, what, not even a year and you're all rearin' to get married?
Guy:
What's a year got to do with it?
Mike 'Schmitty' Smith:
I'd take that year, multiply it by about two and say that's roughly how much longer you have together. First sign of choppy seas, they're jumping ship, no matter how much you think they love you. [turning away, ponderous]
Mike 'Schmitty' Smith:
They're worse than fucking housecats.
Press Conference Reporter:
Mr. President, has it been a good visit?
The President:
Very satisfactory indeed. We got what we came for, and our special relationship is still very special.
Press Conference Reporter:
Prime Minister?
Prime Minister:
I love that word "relationship." Covers all manner of sins, doesn't it? I fear that this has become a bad relationship; a relationship based on the President taking exactly what he wants and casually ignoring all those things that really matter to, erm... Britain. We may be a small country, but we're a great one, too. The country of Shakespeare, Churchill, the Beatles, Sean Connery, Harry Potter. David Beckham's right foot. David Beckham's left foot, come to that. And a friend who bullies us is no longer a friend. And since bullies only respond to strength, from now onward I will be prepared to be much stronger. And the President should be prepared for that.
Megan:
There's something I need to tell you.
Thomas:
You're pregnant! Oh no.
Megan:
What? No Thomas, I'm not pregnant.
Thomas:
OK, 'cause with your big head and my ears, God only knows.
Megan:
No, I'm performing at the senior show case.
Thomas:
That's great! [Leans in to kiss her]
Megan:
[Puts her hand over his face and pushes it back] And I was kinda thinking you know, maybe we should just kinda cool it for a while.
Thomas:
What do you mean?
Megan:
I'm saying I think we need to take a break.
Thomas:
Right definitely, yeah we should definitely take a break how long do you need like 30 40 minutes? We should synchronize our watches.
Megan:
No, Thomas I need space.
Thomas:
Oh, okay. Space. [starts moving chairs around to give her space around her]
Thomas:
Space is good. That's enough space?
Megan:
[Standing up] Thomas we're done.
Thomas:
Definitely this has been a long rehearsal very tough.
Megan:
Thomas I'm leaving you! I don't wanna be your girlfriend anymore! We spend more time defending our relationship than actually having one! Nobody wants to see us together, not my friends, not yours. I'm saying it's over.
Thomas:
Fine. Fine leave! Get out!
Megan:
I'm sorry!
[Sully has confronted Becket about his poor showing in the courtroom]
Bryan Becket:
And all this on no sleep. Shepard gave me some pills for it, but they prove to be totally worthless, except when you mix them with Scotch, they tend to, you know, sorta enhance the Scotch. But, no, I can't concentrate on getting dressed, much less a court case! And about the only thing keeping me going these days is a morbid curiosity of where exactly it'll be that I totally fucking lose it! [Sully uncomfortably glances over his shoulder, where he sees people are eavesdropping, with jaws dropped]
Bryan Becket:
So. How do you like our new relationship so far? The opening-up thing?
Sully:
[Sully hesitates, then whispers:] I like it better.
Bryan Becket:
[swallows] Well, bless your heart, partner. I think it rots.
Rain:
I just think that maybe I... I could've been threatened by certain things in the book.
Gabe:
Like what, you know...?
Rain:
Um, some of the attitudes towards women and your ideas on life.
Gabe:
You told me you love the book.
Rain:
I do. I do love it, yeah.
Gabe:
What were your criticisms?
Rain:
Um, nothing.
Gabe:
No, tell me. Tell me what your criticisms were.
Rain:
I was a little disappointed, I guess, with, ah, with some of your attitudes.
Gabe:
Like what? What attitudes? [Rain sighs]
Gabe:
With what?
Rain:
The way your people just casually have affairs like that, that's...
Gabe:
Well, the book doesn't condone affairs. You know, I'm exaggerating for comic purposes.
Rain:
Yeah, I mean but are our choices really between chronic dissatisfaction and suburban drudgery?
Gabe:
No, but, you know, that's how I... I'm deliberately distorting it, you know, 'cause I'm trying to show how hard it is to be married and...
Rain:
Well, you have to be careful not to trivialize with things like that.
Gabe:
Well, Jesus, I... I hope I haven't.
Rain:
Well, the way your... your lead character views women, it's so retrograde. It's so shallow, you know?
Gabe:
What are you talking... You told me you... you know, that... you told me it was a great book.
Rain:
Yeah, it's wonderful. And I never said great. I said it's brilliant, and it's alive, and... You know, that's not what I'm... We're not arguing about whether it's brilliant or not. I'm, you know... Triumph of the Will was a great movie, but you despise the ideas behind it.
Gabe:
What... what are you saying, now? You despise my ideas?
Rain:
No, I don't despise them. All right, that... that example was wrong. [pause]
Rain:
OK, isn't it beneath you as a mature thinker, I mean, to allow your lead character to waste so much of this emotional energy obsessing over this psychotic relationship with a woman that you fantasize as powerfully sexual and inspired when, in fact, she was pitifully sick?
Gabe:
Look, let's stop this right now because I don't need a lecture on maturity or writing from a 20-year-old twit.
