Cat R. Waul:
[after pulling to activate a trap door on stage which an opera singing mouse falls into] Terrible! Terrible! Absolutely, positively apalling. I must have a voice to match the occulence of this sal... [Fievel, scrambles up behind Cat R. Waul, picks up a fork and stabs him in the butt]
Cat R. Waul:
OON! [Jumps out of his clothes through the ceiling to an upper level saloon where a lady grabs him]
Lady at Saloon:
Oh, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy! Pussy pussy! Oh, pussy! [Wriggles out, falls down the hole back into his clothes on the stage]
Cat R. Waul:
Humans! Yeeuk. So shiny and pleh! [to Chula]
Cat R. Waul:
Right. I want the subversive who tried to asassinate me found.
T.R. Chula:
I just love findin' subversives. Boss, what's a subversive?
Cat R. Waul:
Someone who doesn't have very long to live. [Fievel, with his shirt caught on the needle of a record player, tries to run and plays some music, which Cat R. Waul notices]
Cat R. Waul:
Ah. If it isn't my diminuitive friend from the train.
Fievel:
Cat R. Waul! I heard what you said about the Mouseburgers, and I'm gonna tell everyone. I'm gonna get Wily Burp. Cause he's the law.
Cat R. Waul:
The Wily Burp? [the saloon erupts in laughter]
Cat R. Waul:
That quaint historical figure? [Cat R. Waul picks him up on a fork]
Cat R. Waul:
Simply put, Mouseling. I am the law here. And you are a mere hors d'oeuvre.
Kent Mansley:
Your mom's working late tonight, Hogarth, so it's just us guys, and we're gonna have a little chat. Sit down! [shoves Hogarth onto a chair and shines a bright light on him]
Kent Mansley:
How's that? A little too bright? Good. Forgive me, Hogarth. I wanted you to learn something.
Hogarth Hughes:
What can I learn from you?
Kent Mansley:
You can learn this, Hogart. That I can do anything I want, whenever I want if I feel it's in the people's best interest. The giant metal man. Where is it?
Hogarth Hughes:
I don't know what you're talking about.
Kent Mansley:
You don't? Does this ring a bell? [lays down the picture Hogarth took of the aluminum siding he used to lure the Giant]
Kent Mansley:
No? How about this? [lays down the photo Hogarth accidentally took of himself - with the Giant behind him]
Kent Mansley:
You've been careless, Hogarth.
Hogarth Hughes:
It doesn't prove anything.
Kent Mansley:
It's enough to get the army here with one phone call.
Hogarth Hughes:
Then what's stopping you?
Kent Mansley:
[angry] Where's the giant? [Grabs Hogarth by the jaw]
Kent Mansley:
You can't protect him, Hogarth, anymore than you can... protect your mother.
Hogarth Hughes:
My mom?
Kent Mansley:
It's difficult to raise a boy all alone. We can make it more difficult. In fact, we can make it so difficult that it would be irresponsible for us to leave you in her care, and all that that implies. You'll be taken away from her, Hogarth.
Hogarth Hughes:
You can't do that!
Kent Mansley:
Oh, we can, and we will.
Hogarth Hughes:
He's at the junkyard. McCoppin's Scrap off Culver Road.
Kent Mansley:
The junkyard, of course! Food for the metal eater. I wouldn't worry about this, Hogarth. This isn't really happening. It's only... a bad dream. [puts a chloroform rag on Hogarth's mouth, leaving him unconscious]
Laura Owens:
I admit it, I was amazed. He's nothing like anyone you've ever gone out with before, so what's the change?
Lucy Owens:
I'm maturing.
Laura Owens:
Even his name, it's so not you. It's so primal - Adam.
Lucy Owens:
Yeah, yeah, it's a crap name, all right.
Laura Owens:
And he reads. He can quote Christina Rossetti.
Lucy Owens:
Oh. What'd he do that for?
Laura Owens:
It came up and you know, she's not exactly a household name as a poet so I have to say, I approve totally. I just hope you're ready for you know, whatever happens.
Lucy Owens:
Oh yeah, I'm full of surprises. So, are you jealous?
Laura Owens:
Come on, that's unfair.
Lucy Owens:
[voice over of Lucy thinking to herself] Poor Laura. Of course she's not jealous. Too good-natured. Wouldn't it be deadly, though if it turns out to be me that has this great passion she's always going on about?
Laura Owens:
Hold on a sec, I just want to buy this
Lucy Owens:
[voice over continues] Another book. Doesn't she know books won't do it?
Brodie:
You have my Punisher War Journal #6, my copy of "Fletch" and the remote control to my TV. Now, I know it's going to be hard to give this stuff up because of it's sentimental attachment...
Rene:
Sentimental attachment? Look, if I have any of that crap it's because you brought it over my house and left it there.
Brodie:
Okay, then let's talk about coming up with a schedule for visitation rights.
Rene:
For what?
Brodie:
For the mall. I figure you can take the odd days, I'll take the even days and weekends. When there's any special feature like a sidewalk sale...
Rene:
[interrupting] Brodie, Brodie...
Brodie:
...or a boat show...
Rene:
[interrupting] Brodie! I've always taken you with a grain of salt. On your birthday, when you told me to do a striptease to the theme of "Mighty Mouse", I said okay. On prom night at the hotel when you told me to sleep under the bed in case your mother burst in, I did it. And even during my grandmother's funeral when you told my relatives that you could see her nipples through her burial dress, I let that slide.
Rene:
[Grabs Brodie by the ear] But if you think I'm gonna suffer any of your shit with a smile now that we're broken up, you're in for some serious fucking disappointment!
Sport's Dad:
[over ecstatic] Will you take a look at this. Huh? Huh? What do you think of your old man now, Sport? 500 smackaroos! No more paying with change. No more, no more spaghetti. Going to feel like steak. And you know those fancy basketball sneakers with the, with the buckles and the Velcro and the crap all over them? Their yours, buddy boy, all yours! [his phone rings, he answers it]
Sport's Dad:
Hello? Murray. Hey, hey I take it all back. All agents aren't useless. Oh, I'm kidding you, I'm kidding you, man. You know I was always in your corner. Oh, yeah, I knew you'd come through. Well, Sport and I are going to do a little celebrating today...
Sport:
[knock at the door, Sport answers. It's Harriet]
Harriet M. Welsch:
Hey.
Sport:
Hey.
Harriet M. Welsch:
Sold his book?
Sport:
Got a real job.
Sport's Dad:
[notices Harriet] Hey, Harriet, you hear the good news?
Harriet M. Welsch:
[smiling] You're a writer. So how's it feel?
Sport's Dad:
Oh, big slice off heaven, side order of fries. Say, you hungry? I feel like going to the fanciest, schmaniest restaurant in town. We'll abuse the waiter. Who's with me? Harriet?
Sport:
She can't come.
Sport's Dad:
What do you mean she can't come? You haven't even asked her.
Sport:
[firmly] I said she can't come. [to Harriet]
Sport:
You can't be my friend if you're not my friend. [he closes the door on Harriet]
Harriet M. Welsch:
[from the other side of the door, crying] [whispers]
Harriet M. Welsch:
I'm sorry, Sport. I'm sorry.
Jo Jo Floss:
When I go to bed at night I do 4 things. I drop my robe, slide under the sheets, turn on my left side and stick out my ass. That's it. That's the signal. I just - I back it right up there because I know when I do, no matter how cold the damn thing is, no matter how difficult it might feel, no matter how desperately we want to kill each other it's gonna be met by this warm body on the other side that's gonna hold it. Two arms that... wrap around, pull me out of my head, quiet the voices, save me from myself... without ever having to ask. Every night, 31 years. Every night there's my ass and every night... he never lets me down. [pause]
Jo Jo Floss:
You find your home, and it may not be what you thought - you know; colour's off, style's wrong... but there it is anyway and to hell with you if you can't take a joke. [pause]
Jo Jo Floss:
You find your home. Ben's mine.
[Mother walks into the room and triggers the motion sensor]
Donald Crease:
This is what's in Cosmo's office. Best motion sensor on the market.
Mother:
And watch this. [he breathes in front of the sensor, and it goes off]
Donald Crease:
Also responds to thermal differentials.
Martin Bishop:
Does this have a happy ending?
Mother:
Oh, yeah. We can wrap you in a full-body suit of neoprene, heat-resistant rubber. Or we can raise the temperature in Cosmo's office to 98.6 degrees - which is probably what we'll have to do, because the neoprene would suffocate you. Either way, you've got a top speed of two inches per second. Any faster than that... [alarm beeps]
Mother:
and, uh, big guys with guns. But you'll probably do fine.
Martin Bishop:
Since when am I the one who's...
Mother:
This is the same model answering machine that Janek used for the shell of his box, now that's what you'll be carrying across the room at two inches per second. I got that for you because I figured you'd just, you know, want to practice. Remember to go real slow!
Martin Bishop:
Slow. [looks at Crease]
Donald Crease:
You get all the *fun* stuff...
[White approaches Loew in the bathroom, after he refused to answer Exley's questions]
Ellis Loew:
Unless you came in here to wipe my ass, I believe we're through. [White looks at him, silently]
Ellis Loew:
Come on, don't try this "Good Cop-Bad Cop" crap on me. I practically invented it. So what if some homo actor is dead? Boys, girls, ten of them step off the bus to L.A. every day. [White proceeds to smash Loew's head into the mirror and then sticking it into the toilet]
Ellis Loew:
Pull him off me, Exley!
Ed Exley:
I don't know how.
Bud White:
Now, I know you think you're the A-number one hotshot. Well, here's the juice: if I take you out, there'll be ten more lawyers to take your place tomorrow. They just won't come on the bus, that's all! [White drags Loew into his office and dangles him out of the window by his legs until he confesses]
Ed Exley:
Was that how you used to run the "Good Cop-Bad Cop?"
[Farva brings the boys a round of coffee, and has left a surprise in Rabbit's]
Rabbit:
[dryly] Oh, look, a bar of soap.
Farva:
Oh, shit, I got you good, you fucker!
Mac:
*Awesome* prank, Farva.
Farva:
Better than the crap you pull, Mac!
Captain O'Hagan:
Look, fellas...
Mac:
[to Rabbit] Bite it, rook! You'll make him look like a dick!
Rabbit:
Nah...
Captain O'Hagan:
Every Thursday night I walk into the lodge to play Hearts... [Mac persists in goading Rabbit as O'Hagan continues]
Mac:
Seriously, rook, bite it. Do it. Don't be a wuss!
Captain O'Hagan:
...and they always have my Old-Fashioned just waiting there...
Mac:
Don't be a wuss, bite it!
Captain O'Hagan:
...I like that. I like it here...
Mac:
Bite it. Bite it!
Captain O'Hagan:
[Fed up] Oh, hell! Give me the goddamn soap! [He grabs the soap, takes a bite, and spits it at Mac]
