Oscar Madison:
Felix, I haven't seen you in what, 8, 9 years?
Felix Ungar:
Seventeen! Seventeen years, Oscar, you couldn't remember that we haven't seen each other for seventeen years?
Oscar Madison:
To tell you the truth I didn't dwell on it. Alright, seventeen years, so your hair got whiter, your ears got bigger, your nose got longer, but you still retain that unique, elusive pain in the ass quality that drives me berserk.
Felix Ungar:
Oh really?
Garfield:
Careful. That's high-quality American cardboard you're tossing around in there. Beautiful, fellas. Hang the plasma over the slip-and-slide.
Winston:
Sire, a word?
Garfield:
Jowls, my lad. Guess what your enlightened, all-powerful ruler has brought to the castle.
Preston:
Oh, I can't wait to hear this.
Winston:
Don't tell me, a Renaissance painting.
Garfield:
Foosball, you know, foosball.
Winston:
Fo-fo-fo-foosball?
Preston:
What do you think this is, a pub?
Garfield:
Just because we don't have opposable thumbs, doesn't mean we don't play bargains.
Winston:
Yes sire, but I feel your life is in danger.
Garfield:
Listen, Winnebago, if I may call you that. When history speaks of me, and she will, I wanna be remembered as the Party Prince.
Winston:
As you wish.
[two judges come in the trial room]
Lena Foster:
Morning.
Daniel's judge:
Good morning.
Daniel's judge:
Good morning.
Bob Diamond:
Good morning.
Daniel Miller:
Good morning. [Bob Diamond signals Daniel to be seated]
Daniel's judge:
Mr. Miller, I'm sure your defender has explained all of the basics to you, but let me just say. Even though this feels like a trial, it really isn't. It's just a process that helps us decide, and as inperfect as it may be, we think it works quite well.
Daniel's judge:
What you're going to see on this screen, Mr. Miller, will look and feel so real to you you might be a little uneasy at first. But just relax. After a while, I think it will become pleasurable to you. They tell me it feels something like 3-D. [female judge chuckles]
Daniel's judge:
Any questions, Mr. Miller? [Daniel shakes his head "No"]
Daniel's judge:
Ms. Foster, you may begin.
Lena Foster:
Thank you, your honors. Over the course of the following four days, I will attempt to show that Daniel Miller, while he's a quality human being, is still held back by the fears that plague him lifetime after lifetime. I believe that I can show, without a shadow of a doubt, that he must once again be returned to Earth to wrok on his problem. May we begin in childhood, please? Could we go to 11419?
Daniel's judge:
By the way, Mr. Miller, that signifies you're 11 years, four months, and 19 days old. Is that clear?
Daniel Miller:
I think so.
An unbroken horse erects his mane, paws the ground and starts back impetuously at the sight of the bridle; while one which is properly trained suffers patiently even whip and spur: so savage man will not bend his neck to the yoke to which civilised man submits without a murmur, but prefers the most turbulent state of liberty to the most peaceful slavery. We cannot therefore, from the servility of nations already enslaved, judge of the natural disposition of mankind for or against slavery; we should go by the prodigious efforts of every free people to save itself from oppression. I know that the former are for ever holding forth in praise of the tranquillity they enjoy in their chains, and that they call a state of wretched servitude a state of peace: miserrimam servitutem pacem appellant. But when I observe the latter sacrificing pleasure, peace, wealth, power and life itself to the preservation of that one treasure, which is so disdained by those who have lost it; when I see free-born animals dash their brains out against the bars of their cage, from an innate impatience of captivity; when I behold numbers of naked savages, that despise European pleasures, braving hunger, fire, the sword and death, to preserve nothing but their independence, I feel that it is not for slaves to argue about liberty.
