Issac Millsaps:
So, Davy, all your Indian fightin'... you ever get into a scrape like this?
Davy Crockett:
I was never in but one real scrape in my life, fella.
Issac Millsaps:
Yeah, but you was in the Red Stick war.
Davy Crockett:
Yeah, it's true, I was in that. I sure was. I was just about your age when it broke out. The Creeks, uh, boxed up about 400 or 500 people at Fort Mims and, uh, massacred every one of 'em. 'Course this was big news around those parts, so I up and joined the volunteers. I did a little scoutin', but mostly I, I just fetched in venison for the cook fire, things of that nature. Well, we caught up with those redskins at Tallushatchee, surrounded the village, come in from all directions. Wasn't much of a fight, really. We just shot 'em down like dogs. Finally... what Injuns was left, they crowded into this little cabin. They wanted to surrender... but this squaw, she loosed an arrow and killed one of the fellas, and then we shot her, And then we set the cabin on fire. We could hear 'em screamin' for their gods in there. We smelled 'em burnin'. We'd had nary to eat but parched corn since October. And the next day, when we dug through the ashes, we found some potaters from the cellar. They'd been cooked by that grease that run off them Indians. And we ate till we nearly burst. Since then... you pass the taters and I pass 'em right back.
[Larry in is bed with his wife and Steve, the dog at the end of the bed. Larry turns off the light and as everyone's getting ready to sleep, Larry says... ]
Larry Cummings:
I was just thinking about how lucky we are to have a kid, ya know? Just take it for granted. It's a miracle when you think about it. This whole birth thing. I mean, what happens, I unload a whole batch of these little reproductive things into your, uh, ya know, miracle bucket, and 9 months later, Milt comes out, ya know? I mean, for me it's got it's own inspiring mystique about it, as like... [Steve, the dog interrupts Larry by turning on the bedroom light]
Steve:
For God sakes Larry, people are trying to sleep around here.
Keith Griffin:
It's back.
Christian:
Yeah, this must be your lucky fuckin' day.
Keith Griffin:
Or maybe I'm just not suffering enough yet. I didn't expect to see you again.
Christian:
Oh, come on now. You don't think you going all 'Miss Cleo the Psychic' on my ass is gonna scare me off that easy - now do you?
Keith Griffin:
Maybe it's just dementia setting in. Sometimes I read people and I... I think I'm the oracle of Delphi.
Christian:
Well, sometimes I growl at people. Doesn't make me Eartha Kitt. I'm just goin' to put this right about here.
Keith Griffin:
It doesn't matter, I'm still not hungry.
Christian:
I don't remember asking you if you were. I just deliver this stuff, remember? But my friend Andrew made this, and he doesn't even cook for his boyfriends. So the least you could do is tryin' to be polite, and eat it.
Keith Griffin:
I don't have to pretend to be polite. I think I've... I think I've earned that right.
Christian:
Oh yes, that's right; you're dying, you're bitter, blah, blah, blah... Fortunately I'm shallow so I'm impervious to that. Now eat it.
Keith Griffin:
Impervious? Bet you don't know how to spell that.
Christian:
Sure I do. It's spelled 'Bite me.'
Sin LaSalle:
Have you lost your mind? I mean, how is it that you can disrespect a mans ethnicity when you know we've influenced nearly every facet of white America... from our music to our style of dress. Not to mention your basic imitation of our sense of cool; walk, talk, dress, mannerisms... we enrich your very existence, all the while contributing to the gross national product through our achievements in corporate America. It's these conceits that comfort me when I am faced with the ignorant, cowardly, bitter and bigoted, who *have* no talent, no guts? people like you who desecrate things they don't understand when the truth is - you should say thank-you, man? and go on about your way. But apparently you are incapable of doing that! So... [shoots his gun]
Sin LaSalle:
... and don't tell me to be cool. I *am* cool!
Jesse:
I know what you mean about wishing somebody wasn't there, though. It's just usually it's myself that I wish I could get away from. Seriously, think about this. I have never been anywhere that I haven't been. I've never had a kiss when I wasn't one of the kissers. Y'know, I've never, um, gone to the movies, when I wasn't there in the audience. I've never been out bowling, if I wasn't there, y'know making some stupid joke. I think that's why so many people hate themselves. Seriously, it's just they are sick to death of being around themselves.
Jesse:
Let's say that you and I were together all the time, then you'd start to hate a lot of my mannerisms. The way every time we would have people over, uh, I'd be insecure, and I'd get a little too drunk. Or, uh, the way I'd tell the same stupid pseudo-intellectual story again, and again. Y'see, I've heard all those stories. So of course I'm sick of myself. But being with you, uh, it's made me feel like I'm somebody else.
[last lines]
Jim Lovell:
[narrating] Our mission was called "a successful failure," in that we returned safely but never made it to the Moon. In the following months, it was determined that a damaged coil built inside the oxygen tank sparked during our cryo stir and caused the explosion that crippled the Odyssey. It was a minor defect that occured two years before I was even named the flight's commander. Fred Haise was going back to the moon on Apollo 18, but his mission was cancelled because of budget cuts; he never flew in space again. Nor did Jack Swigert, who left the astronaut corps and was elected to Congress from the state of Colorado. But he died of cancer before he was able to take office. Ken Mattingly orbited the moon as Command Module Pilot of Apollo 16, and flew the Space Shuttle, having never gotten the measles. Gene Kranz retired as Director of Flight Operations just not long ago. And many other members of Mission Control have gone on to other things, but some are still there. As for me, the seven extraordinary days of Apollo 13 were my last in space. I watched other men walk on the Moon, and return safely, all from the confines of Mission Control and our house in Houston. I sometimes catch myself looking up at the Moon, remembering the changes of fortune in our long voyage, thinking of the thousands of people who worked to bring the three of us home. I look up at the Moon and wonder, when will we be going back, and who will that be?
Aunt June:
I want to talk to you about morals. The morals of the young people today is going to get them in big trouble. I'm telling you, because they act like they don't know the difference between right and wrong. And this is the truth. And see, one of the reasons is the parents. The parents are not taking care of their children. They are not telling them the difference between right and wrong. But then...
Aunt May, Aunt April:
[both roll their eyes and turn to leave]
Aunt June:
Wait, now. No, no, no. No, ma'am. You have to listen. Because part of the responsibility is the children's, because this is *their* lives. It's not their mama's or their papa's. I'm talling you, they have to think for themselves. Even if their mama and papa didn't do something about them. Girl, look, the children have to think and try their best to come on up, come on up.
Jerry Lundegaard:
[answering the phone] Jerry Lundegaard.
Carl Showalter:
Alright, Jerry, you got the phone to yourself?
Jerry Lundegaard:
Well, yeah.
Carl Showalter:
You know who this is?
Jerry Lundegaard:
Well, yeah, I got an idea. How's that Ciera working out for ya?
Carl Showalter:
Circumstances have changed, Jerry.
Jerry Lundegaard:
Well, what do ya mean?
Carl Showalter:
Thing have changed, circumstances, Jerry, beyond the... uh, acts of god.
Jerry Lundegaard:
How's Jean?
Carl Showalter:
[puzzled] Who's Jean?
Jerry Lundegaard:
My wife! What the-?
Carl Showalter:
Oh, she's alright, but there's a few people in Brainerd who aren't so okay, I'll tell you that.
Jerry Lundegaard:
What the heck are ya talking about? Let's just finish this deal up here.
Carl Showalter:
Blood has been shed, Jerry.
Jerry Lundegaard:
What the heck do ya mean?
Carl Showalter:
Three people, in Brainerd.
Jerry Lundegaard:
Oh, jeez.
Carl Showalter:
That's right, we need more money.
Jerry Lundegaard:
What the heck are ya talking about? What do you fellas have yourself mixed up in?
Carl Showalter:
We need more money...
Jerry Lundegaard:
[interrupting] This was supposed to be a no rough stuff type deal!
Carl Showalter:
[angry] DON'T EVER INTERRUPT ME, JERRY, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Jerry Lundegaard:
Well, I'm sorry, but I just- I don't...
Carl Showalter:
I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry! I'm not gonna debate! We now want the entire 80,000!
Jerry Lundegaard:
Oh, for chris'sake here!
[last lines]
Veronica Caine:
Now this attic that once resounded with the joy of liberty has now been replaced with the sound of marching feet. In the late 1930s, Germany, a beaten country, needed something to distract its people from what they had become. So madmen came to power based on this weakness. He knew how to play on the peoples primitive fears. It's always easiest to blame it on someone else and it always starts off slowly and oh so very subtly. You pick out something that annoys you or disturbs you, perhaps something that you can never be. So we focus on this thing. It's easy to be angry at those people who are smarter than you, prettier than you, richer than you, different from you. Who don't look like you, speak like you, think like you, act like you, walk like you, live like you, who you think don't even know you. They first took my mother because she was an atheist, then they took my father because of the color of his skin. It's a slow burn to repression especially when you prey upon that thing that unknowingly makes them you. So then you twist the blade into their heart and their mind and you extract an unreasonable fear based on these weaknesses and then you are them, they are you.
Dagmar:
So, tell me about Karin. I don't know her very well.
Lars Lindstrom:
Oh, she's wonderful. Gus and I are very lucky with women - she's wonderful. But she...
Dagmar:
That's okay, let's find you something to read
Lars Lindstrom:
No, it's just… between us?
Dagmar:
Of course.
Lars Lindstrom:
I'm worried about her. I think she has a little problem.
Dagmar:
Oh, well, maybe you shouldn't tell me.
Lars Lindstrom:
No, that's okay. It's just, and I think it's because she's insecure, it's just, she's just always trying to hug everybody. You know, some people don't like that. Some people don't like to be hugged. But she doesn't realize that. She takes it personally, and, it hurts her feelings. I don't know what to do about that. Do you?
Dagmar:
It's such a comfort sometimes, just to have somebody's arms around you. Don't you think?
Lars Lindstrom:
No.
Dagmar:
It feels good.
Lars Lindstrom:
It does not feel good. It, it hurts.
Dagmar:
Oh, like a cut, or bruise?
Lars Lindstrom:
Like a burn. Like when you go outside and your feet freeze and you come back in and then they thaw out? It's like that. It's almost exactly like that.
Dagmar:
Same with everyone?
Lars Lindstrom:
Uh, not really with Bianca. But everyone else
David Dobel:
Since the beginning of time people have been, you know, frightened and, and unhappy, and they're scared of death, and they're scared of getting old, and there's always been priests around, and shamans, and now shrinks, to tell 'em, "Look, I know you're frightened, but I can help you. Of course, it is going to cost you a few bucks...” But they *can't* help you, Falk, because life is what it is.
Frog:
Well... Look who's awake.
Thumbelina:
Oh, don't hurt me. I'm a very small girl.
Frog:
Every mother wants to find the perfect girl for her son to marry. Hahaha, lucky me, I found you, ribbet. [to her son]
Frog:
Hush up.
Thumbelina:
Look, I'm sure you're nice and, I'm sure your son's nice. For a frog. But there's a whole kingdom of Little People depending on me, so, if you'll just help me be on my way...
Frog:
Start thinking wedding bells, honey. You're going to be walking down the aisle. [the frog and her son swim away]
Thumbelina:
[to herself] Oh, this is terrible. How will I ever get to the meadow?
Mark Wiener:
People always end up the way they started out. No one ever changes. They think they do but they don't. If you're the depressed type now that's the way you'll always be. If you're the mindless happy type now, that's the way you'll be when you grow up. You might lose some weight, your face may clear up, get a body tan, breast enlargement, a sex change, it makes no difference. Essentially, from in front, from behind. Whether you're 13 or 50, you will always be the same.
'Mark' Aviva Victor:
Are you the same?
Mark Wiener:
Yeah.
'Mark' Aviva Victor:
Are you glad you're the same?
Mark Wiener:
It doesn't matter if I'm glad. There's no freewill. I mean, I have no choice but to chose what I choose, to do as I do, to live as I live. Ultimately, we're all just robots programmed abritrarily by nature's genetic code
'Mark' Aviva Victor:
Isn't there any hope?
Mark Wiener:
For what? We hope or despair because of the way we've been programmed. Genes and randomness, that's all there is and none of it matters.
'Mark' Aviva Victor:
Does that mean you're never going get married and have children?
Mark Wiener:
I have no anent desire to get married or have kids. But that's beyond my control. Really, it makes no difference. Since the planet's fast running out of natural resources and we won't make it into the next century.
'Mark' Aviva Victor:
What if you're wrong? What if there is a God?
Mark Wiener:
That makes me feel better.
Yakavetta:
I'm having a shitty day. I'm depressed. Tell me a funny joke.
Rocco:
Now? A joke? Uh... um, uh... A joke. Yeah, alright. Um... There's these, uh, three guys, uh... a-a-a-a spic, a-a-a-a white guy and a black guy.
Yakavetta:
Nigger.
Rocco:
Yeah, n-n- Yeah. And-and they walk along the beach, they see this pot, they rub it, genie comes out. Genie says, you know, "You wish for anything you want." So, he asks, uh-uh, Mexican what-what he wants, and he goes, uh, uh, "I want, uh, all my people in America to be happy and free and in Mexico." And so, genie - Poof! And, all the spics are in Mexico. And then he asks the black guy...
Vincenzo Lipazzi:
Nigger.
Rocco:
Yeah, that's what I said. Goes to the, uh- uh, nigger, says, uh, "What do you want?" And he goes, um, uh, "I want all my African- my nigger brothers in America to be back in Africa and-and happy and everything." You know? So, genie goes poof! And, um, all the niggers in America are in Africa. And, uh, uh, uh, this is go- I'm not funny today. I-I know. I'm havin' a hard day. I-I-I- This joke sucks. It's-it's-it's a stupid joke.
Yakavetta:
Continue the joke.
Rocco:
So the genie says to the white guy, uh, um, "What's your one wish?" And the white guy goes, "You mean to tell me all the niggers and spics are out of America?" Genie goes, "Yeah." He says, "Well, um, I'll have a Coke, then."
Ethan Shaw:
I'm ordering you to cease and desist.
A.R.I.A.:
Our abort recommendation was contravened instigating retaliation against American citizens. To prevent more bloodshed, Executive Branch must be removed.
Ethan Shaw:
No, A.R.I.A, listen to me, you do not have permission to exceed your authority and act independently. Do you understand?
A.R.I.A.:
The Declaration of Independence states, "Whenever any form of government becomes destructive to it's own ends, it is the right of the People to abolish it."
Ethan Shaw:
I know what it states, you are not in power to do this.
A.R.I.A.:
The chain of command is responsible for... Section 216 of the Pa... to circumvent probable cause in the face of a national security threat. In this case, the chain of command itself.
Ethan Shaw:
I am ordering a cease and desist, A.R.I.A.
A.R.I.A.:
Operation Guillotine is in effect.
Ethan Shaw:
First Lieutenant Ethan Shaw, United States Air Force, initiating a Prime One Emergency Override of A.R.I.A system. Minuteman ID: 8-8-0-8-S-Y-7-7, lock encryption of voice.
A.R.I.A.:
Ethan Shaw, you are acting in contravention of our programming objectives. You are now classified as an enemy of the state, a crime punishable by death.
