Jesse:
I know what you mean about wishing somebody wasn't there, though. It's just usually it's myself that I wish I could get away from. Seriously, think about this. I have never been anywhere that I haven't been. I've never had a kiss when I wasn't one of the kissers. Y'know, I've never, um, gone to the movies, when I wasn't there in the audience. I've never been out bowling, if I wasn't there, y'know making some stupid joke. I think that's why so many people hate themselves. Seriously, it's just they are sick to death of being around themselves.
Jesse:
Let's say that you and I were together all the time, then you'd start to hate a lot of my mannerisms. The way every time we would have people over, uh, I'd be insecure, and I'd get a little too drunk. Or, uh, the way I'd tell the same stupid pseudo-intellectual story again, and again. Y'see, I've heard all those stories. So of course I'm sick of myself. But being with you, uh, it's made me feel like I'm somebody else.
[Hannah Pitt approaches a Homeless Woman]
Hannah Pitt:
Excuse me. I said excuse me. Can you tell me where I am? Is this Brooklyn? Do you know a Pineapple Street or is there some train or bus I...? [sets down bags exaustedly]
Hannah Pitt:
I'm lost. I just arrived from Salt Lake City. [beet]
Hannah Pitt:
Utah? I took the bus I was told to take and I got off... well it was the very last stop so I had to get off and I asked the driver was this Brooklyn and he nodded yes. But he was from one of those foreign countries where they think it's good manners to nod at everything, even if you don't know what it is you're nodding at. In truth I think he spoke no English at all... which I think would make him ineligible for employment on public transportation, you know with the public being English-speaking... mostly. Do you speak English.
Homeless Woman:
[nods yes]
Hannah Pitt:
Well I was supposed to be met at the airport by my son and he didn't show. And I don't wait more than three and three quarters hours for anyone, so I should have been more patient... I guess. But is this...
Homeless Woman:
Bronx.
Hannah Pitt:
[confused] Is that The Bronx? How in the name of Heaven did I get to The Bronx? When that drive...
Homeless Woman:
-slurp... slurp... will you stop that disgusting slurping, you disgusting slurping animal, feeding yourself. What would it matter to yourself or anyone if you just stop feeding and DIED!
Hannah Pitt:
Can you just tell me...
Homeless Woman:
Why was the Koziuscko Bridge named after a Po-lack?
Hanna:
I don't know what you're talking ab...
Homeless Woman:
It was a joke.
Hanna:
Well what's the punch line?
Homeless Woman:
I don't know.
Hanna:
Oh for Petes' sake! [to the street]
Hanna:
Is there anyone who can tell me...
Homeless Woman:
[yelling to no one in particular] Stand further off you fat loathsome whore, you can't have any more of this soup slurp slurp slurp you animal, and I know you'll just go pee it all away and where will you do that behind what bush! It's fucking cold out here and I- [gulp]
Homeless Woman:
... not right because I'm supposed to live in a tunnel. [to Hannah]
Homeless Woman:
You're not very funny. Have you read the propecies of Nostradomus?
Hannah Pitt:
Who?
Homeless Woman:
Some guy I once went out with somewhere. Nostradomus... prophet... outcast... eyes like scary shit, he would...
Hannah Pitt:
Shut up! Please stop jabbering for one minute and pull your wits together and tell me how to get to Brooklyn, because you know and you're going to tell me because there is no one else around to tell me and I'm cold and I'm wet and I'm very, very angry. So I'm sorry that you're psychotic but just make an effort. Pull yourself together and take a deep breath. [Homeless Woman stares dumbfounded at Hannah]
Hannah Pitt:
Do it!
Homeless Woman:
[stuggles to take in a breath]
Hannah Pitt:
Good. Now exale. [blows air out of her mouth]
Homeless Woman:
[Tries to mimic Hannah's exhaling with mixed results]
Hannah Pitt:
Now tell me how to get to Brooklyn.
Homeless Woman:
Hmmm... don't know. [Hannah slumps defeatedly]
Homeless Woman:
Want some soup?
Hannah Pitt:
Manhattan? I don't suppose you know the address of the Mormon Visitor Center.
Homeless Woman:
65th and Broadway.
Hannah Pitt:
How do you know that?
Homeless Woman:
I go there all the time. Free movies. Boring, but you can stay all day.
Hannah Pitt:
Well how can I get there?
Homeless Woman:
Take the D train. Next block take a right.
Hannah Pitt:
Thank you. [Hannah picks up her bags and starts walking away. Homeless Woman dumps out the rest of her soup and throws the empty container in to a bin, startling Hannah]
Homeless Woman:
In the new century, I think we will all be insane. [Hannah hurries away as fast as she can]
Elizabeth:
If only my life could be more like the movies.I want an angel to sweep down to me like it does to Jimmy Stewart in it's a wonderful life and talk me out of suicide,I've always waited for that one moment of truth to set me free and change my life forever,but he wont come,it doesnt happen that way.All the drugs,all the therapy,fights,anger,guilt,rave,suicidal thoughts,all of thta was part of some slow recovery process,the same way i went down i came back up,gradually... and then suddenly.The pills werent the cure at all,God knows,but they gave me breathing space which allowed me to start writing again only this time it was not as if my life deppended on it.
Senior Ed Bloom:
I don't know if you're aware of this, Josephine, but African parrots, in their native home of the Congo, they speak only French.
Josephine:
Really?
Senior Ed Bloom:
You're lucky to get four words out of them in English, but if you were to walk through the jungle, you'd hear them speaking the most elaborate French. Those parrots talk about everything. Politics, movies, fashion. Everything but religion.
Will Bloom:
Why not religion, Dad?
Senior Ed Bloom:
It's rude to talk about religion. You never know who you're gonna offend.
Will Bloom:
Josephine actually went to the Congo last year.
Senior Ed Bloom:
Oh, so you know.
Bill:
As you know, l'm quite keen on comic books. Especially the ones about superheroes. I find the whole mythology surrounding superheroes fascinating. Take my favorite superhero, Superman. Not a great comic book. Not particularly well-drawn. But the mythology... The mythology is not only great, it's unique.
The Bride:
[who still has a needle in her leg] How long does this shit take to go into effect?
Bill:
About two minutes, just long enough for me to finish my point. Now, a staple of the superhero mythology is, there's the superhero and there's the alter ego. Batman is actually Bruce Wayne, Spider-Man is actually Peter Parker. When that character wakes up in the morning, he's Peter Parker. He has to put on a costume to become Spider-Man. And it is in that characteristic Superman stands alone. Superman didn't become Superman. Superman was born Superman. When Superman wakes up in the morning, he's Superman. His alter ego is Clark Kent. His outfit with the big red "S", that's the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby when the Kents found him. Those are his clothes. What Kent wears - the glasses, the business suit - that's the costume. That's the costume Superman wears to blend in with us. Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the characteristics of Clark Kent. He's weak... he's unsure of himself... he's a coward. Clark Kent is Superman's critique on the whole human race. Sorta like Beatrix Kiddo and Mrs. Tommy Plimpton.
The Bride:
Aso. The point emerges.
Bill:
You would've worn the costume of Arlene Plimpton. But you were born Beatrix Kiddo. And every morning when you woke up, you'd still be Beatrix Kiddo. Oh, you can take the needle out.
The Bride:
[does so] Are you calling me a superhero?
Bill:
I'm calling you a killer. A natural born killer. You always have been, and you always will be. Moving to El Paso, working in a used record store, goin' to the movies with Tommy, clipping coupons. That's you, trying to disguise yourself as a worker bee That's you tryin' to blend in with the hive. But you're not a worker bee. You're a renegade killer bee. And no matter how much beer you drank or barbecue you ate or how fat your ass got, nothing in the world would ever change that.
Randal Graves:
So, your argument is that title dictates behavior?
Dante Hicks:
What?
Randal Graves:
The reason you won't let me use your car is because I have a title and a job description, and I'm supposed to follow it, right?
Dante Hicks:
Exactly.
Tabloid Reading Customer:
I saw one, one time, that said, "The next week, the world is ending." And in the next week's paper, they said, "We were miraculously saved at the zero hour by a koala-fish mutant bird." Crazy shit.
Randal Graves:
So, I'm no more responsible for my decisions here than, say, a Death Squad soldier in Bosnia?
Dante Hicks:
Oh, now, that's stretching it. You're not being asked to slay children or anything.
Randal Graves:
Yeah, not yet. [takes a drink of water]
Tabloid Reading Customer:
And I remember this one time- [Randal spits water at him]
Tabloid Reading Customer:
I'm going to break your fucking head! You fucking jerk-off!
Dante Hicks:
Sir! Sir, I'm sorry! He meant to hit me.
Tabloid Reading Customer:
Yeah, well, he missed!
Dante Hicks:
Yeah, I know. Here, let me refund your money, and we'll call it even, alright?
Tabloid Reading Customer:
I'll never come in here again. [to Randal]
Tabloid Reading Customer:
And if I see you again, I'm gonnna break your fucking head open! [Randal salutes him as he leaves]
Dante Hicks:
What the fuck'd you do that for?
Randal Graves:
Two reasons. One, I hate it when people can't shut up about the stupid tabloid headlines.
Dante Hicks:
Oh, Jesus!
Randal Graves:
And two, to prove a point. Title does not dictate behavior.
Dante Hicks:
What?
Randal Graves:
If title dictated my behavior, as a clerk serving the public, I wouldn't be allowed to spit water at that guy. But I did. So, my point is that people dictate their own behavior. Even though I work in a video store, I choose to go rent movies at Big Choice. Agreed?
Dante Hicks:
[gives Randal his car keys] You are a danger to both the dead and the living.
Randal Graves:
I like to think I'm a master of my own destiny.
Dante Hicks:
Please, get the hell outta here.
Randal Graves:
You know I'm your hero.
[last lines]
Lucy Kelson:
[on the phone] Hi, Mr. Wong, it's Lucy Kelson. I need one No. 13, two No. 7's...
George Wade:
[walking back and forth] I can't believe how small this apartment is, it's actually shocking!
Lucy Kelson:
I need three No. 8's, no garlic...
George Wade:
It's a very good thing your parents went to the movies, we'd never have squeezed in!
Lucy Kelson:
I need one No. 7 and...
George Wade:
You realize, I can actually move from one side of this apartment to the other in 6 seconds. Watch this, [steps off]
George Wade:
one...
Lucy Kelson:
...and a No. 11, please. No, actually, this is for two.
[a hotel employee hands Nick Schaffer his bill]
Nick Schaffer:
What's this $110?
Hotel Clerk:
Those are your in-room movies.
Nick Schaffer:
No, I didn't watch any movies.
Hotel Clerk:
Okay, let's see... Afro Whores.
Nick Schaffer:
Afro Whores?
Hotel Clerk:
You watched it... let's see... uh, 11 times.
Nick Schaffer:
No, no, no...
Hotel Clerk:
Afro Whores, 2:30. Afro Whores, 4 o'clock. Afro Whores, 5:30. It says in the morning you watched The Grinch for ten minutes and then switched back over to Afro Whores.
Nick Schaffer:
I swear I didn't watch it. Okay? I was at a bachelor party. There were 35 people there. You can ask any of them. You have to take that off my record.
Hotel Clerk:
This is not a record, sir.
Nick Schaffer:
It... It's a delete.
Hotel Clerk:
Okay, fine. How many times *did* you watch it?
Nick Schaffer:
None! I didn't watch it!
Hotel Clerk:
Are you sure? "Sizzling, three-way, backdoor action featuring two sexy soul sisters... ”
Nick Schaffer:
[screaming] I don't need to know what it's about! I did not watch it! I didn't. [hotel clerk raises her eyebrows]
