Jay:
[singing] Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, / Mother, mother fuck, / Mother, mother fuck, fuck / Mother fuck, mother fuck, / Noise noise noise, / 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4, / Noise, noise noise / Smokin' weed, smokin' wizz, / Doin' coke, drinkin' beers, / Drinkin' beers, beers, beers, / Rollin' fattys, smokin' blunts, / Who smokes the blunts? / We smoke the blunts. / Rollin' blunts and smokin'...
Teen #2:
Uh, let me get a nickel bag.
Jay:
[singing] / Fifteen bucks, little man, / Put that shit in my hand, / If that money doesn't show, / Then you owe me, owe me, owe, / My jungle love, yeah, / Owe-ee, owe-ee, owe, / I think I want to know ya, know ya, / Yeah, what?
Teen #1:
What the hell are you singing?
Jay:
You don't know "Jungle Love?" That shit is the mad notes. Written by God herself and sent down to the greatest band in the world: The mother-fucking Time.
Teen #2:
You mean the guys in that Prince movie? [Silent Bob points to the two teens]
Teen #1:
Yeah, Purple Rain.
Teen #2:
Man, that shit was so gay - fucking eighties style.
Nino Brown:
You cut a side deal with that motherfucker. [G-Money opens his mouth, but Nino interrupts him]
Nino Brown:
Yes, you did. Yes, you did, Gee. Fucking Cain. My brother's keeper. Was it this... [takes crack pipe from him]
Nino Brown:
... glass dick you've been sucking on? Was that it? Now I see how you let that motherfucker infiltrate. He used you, Gee. What ever happened to, "Am I my brother's keeper?"
G-Money:
[Sullenly] You know what happened to it. "The world is mine." Remember that? "Everything is mine. Everything!" Even my woman.
Nino Brown:
Is that what this is about? [about Uniqua]
Nino Brown:
That fucking skeezer? You think I give a fuck about her? Fuck that ho bitch! I don't give a fuck about her!
G-Money:
It ain't about her! It's about us. I love you, man. [Nino turns his back on G-Money, making him angrier and angrier]
G-Money:
You embarrassed me, man! In front of all them people, you treated me like I was soft. You treated me like I was spineless! We built this shit! You didn't do this shit by yourself! You forgot about me, man, your brother.
Nino Brown:
What has this done to us? Keisha... dead. The Duh Duh Man... dead.
G-Money:
Let's just make it like it was. Let's be a family. Let's make it like it was. Fuck them cars and them bitches and all that shit. Fuck that shit! Let's do us, me and you. Let's be a family again. [Nino, in tears, hugs G-Money]
Nino Brown:
I'm on the run. It can never go back the way it was. [Nino kisses G-Money on the cheek]
Nino Brown:
But I'll tell you how we can make it right. [Nino shoves G-Money away and pulls out his gun; G-Money falls to his knees]
G-Money:
CMB. CMB! We all we got! [Nino grips his wrist in order to steady the gun he is holding]
G-Money:
Am I my brother's keeper.
Nino Brown:
[Grits his teeth] Yes I am! [Nino shoots G-Money dead and for a brief moment turns the gun towards his own head, but stops himself]
Brad:
You wouldn't have these problems if you would just follow my rules: 100. Friends don't let friends fuck ugly people 99. Try everything twice, the first time you might have been doing it wrong 98. Fat girls give the best head because they're always hungry 97. Cologne: overrated... Deodorant: a must 96. Blondes are usually too dumb to realize they're having more fun 95. After puberty, that's not "baby fat" 94. ATM = the Holy Grail 93. All hippie chicks deep throat, but few vegans swallow 92. Women like shoes. They will look at yours; purchase accordingly 91. BBBJ or why bother? 90. Women cannot parallel park 89. If you wanna fuck it, you've got to be willing to lick it. 88. Ass, stomach, legs, boobs - in that order 87. If it's not dirty, you're doing something wrong 86. If a friend's apartment is running low on toilet paper, you're required to use it all 85. Cheerleaders are overrated 84. Under no circumstance may two men share an umbrella 83. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her 82. Other than in February, the 14th of every month is Pizza and Blowjob Night 81. Dogs are better than cats... period 80. Bigger is never better when they're fake 79. Don't leave the house until you're camera ready 78. A period does not equal a week off from sex 77. Mustaches and hunting = gay 76. Sucking your best friend's dick = priceless 75. You are not accountable if you bring ugly people home, unless you fuck them again in the morning 74. If her mom isn't a MILF, chances are she won't be one either 73. Fake orgasms count, as long as they're not yours 72. The G-spot does not exist 71. There is NOTHING sexy about pregnant women 70. Persistence gets you laid 69. Never give yourself a haircut while drunk 68. No panties = a good night 67. Drinks hard liquor = a great night 66. Tongue piercing = God loves you! 65. Saliva isn't always the best lubricant, just the most fun to apply 64. White cotton panties and knee socks. Enough said! 63. Never lend money to friends 62. Never lend books, CDs, or DVDs to anyone 61. The month you finish paying for your car, it will break down 60. Elvis is not dead 59. Lee Harvey Oswald did not act alone 58. What's good for you usually won't taste better. Example: processed peanut butter vs. the all-natural kind 57. People who don't use turn signals deserve mandatory prison sentences 56. Never let a girl shave your balls 55. Porn saves lives 54. Republicans are better at... well... nothing 53. If you've never had New Haven brick oven pizza, you've never had pizza. There is no pizza in New York or Chicago. Don't argue, you'll just sound foolish 52. Old country = cool Alt-country = really cool New country = sucks 51. Condition your hair once a day 50. Masturbate twice a day 49. Eat three square meals every day 48. Women should never cut their hair, unless they're going to play for the other team 47. Crying is blackmail 46. Your choice: spay or neuter your pet... or yourself 45. If she sleeps in your bed, sex is a given 44. If a girl leaves her dirty panties lying around, she wants you to sniff them 43. There's no such thing as "giving 110%" 42. Halloween is the only holiday that matters 41. Sympathy sex trumps make-up sex 40. Body hair just gets in the way 39. Rip bread, don't slice it 38. Every man should learn how to dance, but no other man should know he can 37. Men have no right to speak on the subject of abortion 36. Every decade gives us only one great double album: The White Album, Exile On Main Street, London Calling, Being There, and Cold Roses. 35. Chivalry is not dead, but she has to earn it 34. Watch Carnival Of Souls at least once in your lifetime 33. If your pubic hair is blonde or red, shaving is optional 32. You can cheat on girls with hairy legs 31. If they don't answer, it means yes 30. Never turn down a chance to sleep with a celebrity 29. Sex is better in warmer climates 28. Emo guys = gay; emo gals = easy marks 27. Never trust people who don't drink coffee 26. Springsteen really is The Boss 25. If there's a problem, talk it out 24. If you can't talk it out: fuck, then try again 23. Never lease what you can buy 22. Never break up using a post-it note, her biker friends will hurt you for it 21. Never say "no" to a green-eyed girl 20. Live life as if The Catcher In The Rye were your bible 19. Don't lie, you will get caught 18. Admit that the 1986 Mets were the greatest baseball team of all time and life will be easier 17. Know the legal age of consent in every place you visit 16. Wild animals belong in the wild, not in zoos, fairs, or roadside attractions 15. Pussy farts are charming 14. Only wear a bra if you're going to offend me 13. Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder 12. It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye 11. Never underestimate the power of stupid peoplein large groups 10. When in doubt, mumble 9. Masturbation is overrated 8. Small boobs are misunderstood 7. Better to be feared than loved, but even better to have your love feared 6. Handcuffs are the ultimate sex toy 5. If you can't convince them, confuse them 4. Quiet girls are the most likely to toss your salad 3. Women do not understand remote controls, there is no exception to this rule 2. Never overthink... And the most important rule of all: Friends don't fuck.
Announcer:
Geritol. America's #1 tonic. Geritol, the fast-acting, high-potentcy tonic, that helps you feel... stronger... fast... presents the exciting quiz program...”Twenty-One." Brought to you by NBC, The National Broadcasting Company, broadcasting nationally coast to coast, from New York to Los Angeles, from Seattle to St. Petersburg... via a vast network of affiliates crisscrossing the country. Coming up next, "Twenty-One," starring master of ceremonies Jack Barry! [music cues build dramatically]
Announcer:
Two players racing to score 21 points... each in a soundproof television studio, not knowing the other one's score... with $500 riding on each point... as they both play...”Twenty-One!" [lively theme music plays]
Announcer:
And here's your host... Jack Barry! [the audience applauds as Jack runs on to the stage and stands behind his podium]
Jack Barry:
[looking at us] Good evening. I'm Jack Barry. Due to a series of ties, Herbert Stempel, our 29-year-old ex-G.I. college student, must play at $3,000 a point, which means that in a few brief minutes, he can either win as much as $100,000 - the most money won on television to date - or lose everything he's won in the last eight weeks. [as Jack continues to speak, Herbert and his opponent wait to be introduced]
Stempel's opponent:
You nervous?
Herbie Stemple:
[chuckles as he clean's his glasses] It's only money.
Jack Barry:
Isolated in their soundproof studios, neither player is aware of the other's score. I've been assured by our friends at the encyclopedia... that they've concocted some real brain-breakers this week, so we'll find out in the next 30 minutes... if the unstumpable Herbert Stempel can be stumped. Could I have the questions, please? [a drumroll plays as the questions are handed to Jack by a stagehand]
Jack Barry:
Thank you, gentlemen. Remember the questions on "Twenty-One" are secured each week in a Manhattan bank vault 'til just before show time. So right now, let's meet Herbert Stempel and his challenger as Geritol, America's #1 tonic, presents "Twenty-One." [a fanfare plays and the audience applauds as Herbert and his opponent make their entrances]
Patrick Kenzie:
Cheese, if you ever disrespect her again like that, I'm gonna pull your fuckin' card, okay? So you're saying you didn't do it, fine. We'll take your money, and we'll be on our way. When it turns out you're lying, I'm gonna spend every nickel of that money to fuck you up. I'm gonna bribe cops to go after you, I'm gonna pay guys to go after your weak fuckin' crew, and I'm gonna tell all the guys I know that you're a C.I. and a rat, and I know a lot of people. And after that, you're gonna wish you listened to me, 'cause your shitty pool hall crime syndicate headquarters is gonna get raided, and your doped-up bitches are gonna get sent back to Laos, and this fuckin' retard right here is gonna be testifying against you for a reduced sentence, while you're gettin' cornholed in your cell by a gang of crackers. 'Cause from what I've heard, the guys that get sent up Concord for killing kids, life's a motherfucker.
Cheese:
[points gun at Kenzie] You come 'round here again, and I'm gonna get discourteous on your ass.
Craig Jones:
About a year ago, my pops quit his dog-catching job and went into business with my uncle Elroy. They ran this spot called Brothers Barbecue. Taste so good, make you wanna slap yo' mama. You might have seen the commercial.
Uncle Elroy:
Ya'll tired of eatin' that barbecue from up the street? Where they give you more sauce than they give you meat? Then bring your big ass down to Bros. Barbecue, 15837 South Crenshaw Boulevard, that's right off Manchester. Bros. Barbecue, tastes so good, make you wanna slap yo' mama! Don't it, Willie?
Mr. Jones:
Yeah, boy! Hey, mama?
Grandma Jones:
What the hell you want, Willie? [Willie slaps her]
Uncle Elroy:
Ain't but one location, so it's nearest you.
Craig Jones:
You might have missed it. They only had enough money for a 15-second spot. Well, my pops hooked us up with a job as Christmas help security.
[Jason Bourne meets Marie for the first time, when she is about to get into her car. She is suspicious of him]
Marie:
What are you looking at?
Jason Bourne:
I heard you inside.
Marie:
What?
Jason Bourne:
The consulate. I heard you talking? I thought maybe we could help each other.
Marie:
How's that?
Jason Bourne:
You need money. I need a ride outta here.
Marie:
I'm not running a car service just now, thank you.
Jason Bourne:
I'll give you ten thousand dollars for driving me to Paris.
Marie:
[She says in German] What, do you think I am, a fool?
Jason Bourne:
[He replies in German] You'd be a fool not to take it. [He holds up a packet of dollar bills]
Marie:
What is this, a joke? Some kind of scam?
Jason Bourne:
No, it's no scam. [He tosses her the packet of bills]
Jason Bourne:
And I'll give you another ten when we get there.
Marie:
Jesus. [while she leafs through the bills, a police car with siren wailing passes them, and he quickly turns away]
Marie:
Is that for you?
Jason Bourne:
Look. You drive, I pay, it's that simple.
Marie:
Scheisse. I got enough trouble, okay?
Jason Bourne:
Okay. Can I have my money back? [She looks down at the wad of bills again. A moment later, he is in the passenger seat while she drives]
Fred Claus:
You're gonna get hooked on that thing. I can see it now. Sixteen thousand bags of Cheetos later, you'll wake up, you're thirty-five, you're overweight, you're crying about your life in front of the soaps. I just did you a favor. You get outside, play around, make some friends, play kick the can, do some athletic stuff, go to school, you're comfortable enough to play sports, you get a partial scholarship, you got any ethnic in your background, any ethnicity in your background? I bet you do. It's America, you know what I mean? Find out what it is and put that down on the application for college. Now all the sudden you get a little extra money on the side, Uncle Sam's none the wiser for it. You take that extra money, you buy a motorcycle with it or something. Be a lady. Maybe meet a guy while you're at school. And then you'll get pregnant with child, it works out with the guy, it doesn't work out with the guy, who cares? You're blessed to have that kid in your life. You're going to be athletic, you're going to be a moderate to lukewarm student, and you're gonna have a child before you graduate college. And who are you going to have to thank for all that? Not the big guy in the red suit, but your pal Fred.
Girl with Plasma TV:
Ugh!
Fred Claus:
Sometimes it hurts to grow.
Bob Collier:
Seen all your stuff downstairs.
Jeremy Collier:
I want Karen to take me to the bus station.
Bob Collier:
Alright, fine. [pulls money out of his pocket]
Bob Collier:
I got twenty-one hundred dollars here for you; it's all the cash I had at the office. It's not a fortune, but it'll get you where you want to go, and help you get started if you're careful with it.
Bob Collier:
[pauses] And look, don't think that I'm kicking you out of the house, see. I think you should leave for for your own good, I think it's the right thing to do, and it's my responsibility as a father. Once you're away from here, and had time to think about, I think you'll agree.
Jeremy Collier:
I don't want it.
Bob Collier:
Well I want you to have it.
Jeremy Collier:
No you don't. You want me to take it, so you won't feel guilty, so you won't feel responsible.
Bob Collier:
[sighs] It's funny how I can be so wrong. I honestly thought you were gonna say 'thank you'.
Jeremy Collier:
Thank you? That's what you thought I'd say? No. You just want everyone to think you did the right thing.
Bob Collier:
I'm not doing this on what anybody might think. [puts the money down]
Bob Collier:
I'll have Karen drive you wherever you want to go. [starts to close the door]
Bob Collier:
I hope you'll think better of me someday.
Dick Goodwin:
Hey, you don't have to be a genius to connect the dots.
Charles Van Doren:
Well, don't connect them through me.
Dick Goodwin:
Hey, don't treat me like some member of your goddamn fan club. Are you telling me everybody got the answers but you?
Charles Van Doren:
You're so persistent, Dick. You know, I really envy that.
Dick Goodwin:
Was it just the money, Charlie?
Charles Van Doren:
You'll forgive me, but anyone who thinks money is ever "just money" couldn't have much of it.
Dick Goodwin:
Charlie, you wanna insult me, fine, but you can't envy me at the same time.
Hank the Bartender:
[Hands them their drinks] The doctor's in. Help is on its way.
K.C.:
Thanks, Hank. Something wrong, Joe?
Joe Gavilan:
What do ya mean, "Something Wrong?"
K.C.:
You seem down.
Joe Gavilan:
Down? Me?
K.C.:
Lately.
Joe Gavilan:
We've been partners for what, four months, and now you wanna be my shrink?
K.C.:
Sometimes it helps to talk. That's all I'm saying.
Joe Gavilan:
All right. Let me paint you a picture. Portrait of Joe Gavilan. Seven, eight years ago, I sold off the results of my entrepreneurial efforts up to that point: Three tanning salons and two original silk-tip nail parlors in the Antelope Valley, and I started attending weekend Real Estate seminars at the Airport Hyatt. You know, "How to Make $1 Million in Real Estate with Very Little Money Down."
K.C.:
Sounds good.
Joe Gavilan:
Started out with a condo in Sherman Oaks. Slapped some paint on the walls. Refaced the kitchen cabinets. Traded up to a smoke-damaged ranch in Tarzana, then a Spanish on Outpost, and a fake Mediterranean in Los Feliz. Pretty soon, I had everything I've got tied up in this... this monstrosity... on Mt. Olympus, at the corner of Hercules and, I shit you not, Achilles.
K.C.:
So what's the problem?
Joe Gavilan:
The problem is if I don't score a big commission or get rid of this... piece of shit on Mt. Olympus... well, the word *Titanic* comes to mind.
[seeking approval for the calendar at the National WI Conference]
Chris:
I'm about to commit heresy. Look, I hate plum jam. [laughter]
Chris:
I only joined the WI to make my mother happy. I do, I hate plum jam. I'm crap at cakes, I can't make sponge. In fact, seeing as it's unlikely that George Clooney would actually come to Skipton to do a talk on what it was like to be in "ER", there seems very little reason for me to actually stay in the WI. Except suddenly... suddenly I want to raise money in memory of a man I loved, and to do that I'm prepared to take me clothes off for a WI calendar, and if you can't give us ten minutes of your time, Madam Chairman, well then, frankly, guys, I'm going to do it without council approval. Because there are some things that are more important than council approval. And if it means that we get closer to killing off this shitty, cheating, sly, conniving bloody disease that cancer is, oh God, I tell you, I'd run round Skipton market naked, smeared in plum jam, wearing nothing but a knitted tea cosy on me head and singing "Jerusalem". [laughter]
Preston's Mother:
[Preston's parents are just heading out for the weekend] Now Preston, I left some money on the kitchen counter. Oh and the emergency numbers are by the phone.
Preston's Father:
And remember son, *no parties*.
Keg Guy:
[Two guys walk by carring a beer keg] Keg commin' through! Hey Preston.
Preston:
Whats up, man?
Preston's Father:
We're really trusting you here, Preston.
Roadie:
[Behind them two more guys roll in a huge set of speakers] Where to you want these speakers set up, Preston?
Preston:
Yeah, just move all the shit in the dinning room. [to his parents]
Preston:
Well, you guys really should hit the road, huh? Because I'm about to take your antique Ferrari to the inner-city to buy some hookers.
Preston's Mother:
Well, alright, sweetie. We'll call you later to check in.
Preston:
Oh, mom. By that point I'll be so high I won't even know where the phone is.
Preston's Mother:
Haha! Thats my boy.
Gawain MacSam:
Motherfuck!
Professor G.H. Dorr:
Yes. Unfortunately, Mrs. Munson has rather complicated the situation.
Gawain MacSam:
Yeah, well, I know how to decomplicate it. You bust a cap in that old bitch's head, everything be simple.
Professor G.H. Dorr:
Not easy to do. Many reasons. Practical ones. Quiet neighborhood, sleepy town. Reasons of moral repugnance. A harmless woman, a deed conceived and executed in cold blood. Oh, no, Gawain, would that it were simple.
Gawain MacSam:
Well, fuck, man! What we gonna do? Give the money back and go to church?
Professor G.H. Dorr:
I shudder. I quake. You, sir, are a Buddhist. Is there not a "middle" way?
The General:
Mm. Must float like a leaf on the river of life... and kill old lady.
Nun:
Let me get this straight: you don't believe in God because of "Alice in Wonderland"?
Loki:
No, "Through the Looking Glass". That poem, "The Walrus and the Carpenter," that's an indictment of organized religion. The walrus, with his girth and his good nature, he obviously represents either Buddha, or, or with his tusks, the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha. That takes care of your Eastern religions. Now the carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised a carpenter's son, he represents the Western religions. Now in the poem, what do they do? What do they do? They, they dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse. I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures ensures the destruction of one's inner being. Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions, by inhibiting our decisions out of, out of fear of some, some intangible parent figure who, who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says, and says, "Do it... do it and I'll fuckin' spank you."
Bartleby:
[Bartleby is listening from a nearby seat] [quietly]
Bartleby:
Oh, geez...
Nun:
The way you put it... I never really thought about it like that before. What have I been doing with my life? What am I...
Loki:
Yeah, I know. Listen, my advice to you: you take this money that you've been collecting for your parish, go get yourself a nice dress, you know? Fix yourself up. Find some man, find some woman, that you can connect with, even for a moment, 'cause that's really all that life is, Sister. It's a series of moments. Why don't you seize yours? [the nun hesitates, then smiles, nods, and leaves]
Loki:
That-a girl. Ah. [he turns around and sits next to Bartleby with a grin on his face]
Bartleby:
You know, here's what I don't get about you. You know for a fact that there is a God. You've been in His presence. He's spoken to you personally. Yet I just heard you claim to be an atheist.
Loki:
I just like to fuck with the clergy, man. I just love it, I love to keep those guys on their toes.
Gall:
There were no early crops. Now there will be no late crops. Does it seem to you that our coffee rations are smaller?
Sitting Bull:
Why do you tell lies about my part in the fight at the Little Bighorn?
Gall:
It was Agent McLaughlin. You angered him. He made me say these things against you.
Sitting Bull:
How can this be? All our lives, we were like brothers, sharing meat when we had it. When we had no meat, and when food was but a day's ride to an agency, we could not be made to take from the whites!
Gall:
I will go and speak straight and set things right.
Sitting Bull:
These words cannot be put back. I have said all I have to say.
Gall:
My brother, listen to me. Many would have taken from the whites for all those years, but they did not because you did not. I did not because you did not. Before you came, I was Big Man here. But now you've come and you do nothing. You sit and tell stories while I work my fields. You go with Cody, you write your name on a piece of paper and you take money - money that I must sweat for. I do not understand why you feel so honored by these things. I do not understand why you've come, because to me you are Sitting Bull, our leader who would never surrender. That is all I have to say.
Klopfer:
And how is it you speak Hebrew? Or is it only Yiddish you speak?
Adolf Eichmann:
Well, I lived among them, I worked among them, and I picked up a few words; Jewish, Yiddish, not enough to speak. So I went in search of a rabbi - rabbi means "teacher", I came to find out - Look, may I tell you the Lord's honest truth? So many of our highest-ranking officers, whose responsibility it is to deal with the Israelites, they make no attempt to get inside the Jewish head - I went to visit this rabbi - old man, long beard - in his one-room flat. And when he saw me, his eyes grew as large as hen's eggs. I asked him to teach me his language, and he agreed, and he said that he would, but that he would charge me - of course. So, I applied to my commander for funds, and I was denied; now, I've run into this opposition all my life, so I paid my own money - very little, not much. And he taught me some vocabulary, letters of the alphabet. But looking back, I realize it was poor judgment on my part, because I could have so easily had the old man arrested - put into prison - and demanded lessons from him, in his cell, free of charge. One day, he was rounded up and shipped off because he had gone out unadvisedly. And I thought "That's so stupid... why are they so stupid?" Didn't he know that I would have protected him? At least until my lessons were complete.
Banky:
Stop the movie? What are you, crazy?
Jay:
All these assholes on the internet are calling us names because of this stupid fucking movie.
Banky:
That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously. Stopping the flick isn't gonna stop that.
Jay:
This isn't fair. We came to Hollywood, I fell in love. Fuckin', we got shot at, we stole a monkey, and I got punched in the motherfucking nuts by a guy named Cock-Knocker.
Banky:
You know what? I feel for you boys, I really do, but Miramax - you know, Miramax Films - paid me a shitload of money for Bluntman and Chronic. So it occurs to me that people badmouthing you on some website, is NONE OF MY FUCKING CONCERN!
Silent Bob:
Oh, but I think it is... We had a deal with you, on the comics remember, for likeness rights, and as we're not only the artistic basis, but also obviously the character basis, for your intellectual property, Bluntman and Chronic. When said property was optioned by Miramax Films, you were legally obliged to secure our permission to transfer the concept to another medium. As you failed to do that, Banky, you are in breach of the original contract, ergo you find yourself in a very actionable position.
Jay:
Yeah.
Tobias Fünke:
Do you see me more as the respected dramatic actor or more of the beloved comic actor?
Carl Weathers:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. There's still plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby, you've got a stew going.
Tobias Fünke:
Yes, that's fine, but I would like to focus on my acting, Mr. Weathers. I did give you my last $1, 100.
Carl Weathers:
Let me tell you a little story about acting. I was doing this Showtime movie, Hot Ice with Anne Archer, never once touched my per diem. I'd go to Craft Service, get some raw veggies, bacon, Cup-A-Soup... baby, I got a stew going.
Tobias Fünke:
[pause] I think I'd like my money back.
Riyo:
Did you tell the matchmaker about my parents?
Aunt Sode:
You mean, how they died? Of course not. [hands Riyo a picture]
Aunt Sode:
Matsuji is such a handsome man. He doesn't look like a sugar cane farmer!
Riyo:
[stares at the picture, then grabs the letter next to it and reads] When the mist covers the mountains, I'm reminded of the homeland. Yet, in this South Seas paradise, money is earned with ease, and the eternal fragrance of flowers is but another tropical blessing. In anticipation of your arrival, I'm inspired to write this haiku poem: "Lady Butterfly perfumes her wings by floating over this orchid."
Aunt Sode:
I'm worried about you working in the fields, but at least in Hawaii no one will no anything about yur past. That's why it's perfect. Far away, you can leave your past behind and start all over again. Riyo, maybe your luck is changing.
Plainview:
[Daniel has covered his face with a napkin] So Standard offered us a million dollars for the Little Boston leases, and I told H. M. Tilford where he could shove that, and we made a deal with Union! On the pipeline! And that whole ocean of oil underneath our fields!
H.M. Tilford:
[to his tablemates] ... 150,000 dollars...
Man:
We needed the money to drill.
Man:
I go out to meet him. He's getting oil on the property. We're trying to make a claim on it. Offered him a million dollars. Turned us down flat.
Plainview:
[growing frustrated] All right. [stands up, walks over and leans in to Tilford's face]
Plainview:
I want you to look over there. [points towards H.W]
H.M. Tilford:
Daniel, let me introduce you...
Plainview:
Look over there, you see. That's my son. You see him? You SEE?
H.M. Tilford:
I see him.
Plainview:
You don't tell me how to raise my family. I told you not to tell me how to raise my family. So, what do you see?
H.M. Tilford:
I'm very happy for you that...
Plainview:
Yes, I've made a deal with Union and my son is happy and safe.
H.M. Tilford:
Congratulations. Excellent...
Plainview:
I'm taking care of him now, so... You look like a fool, don't you Tilford?
H.M. Tilford:
[long pause] Yes.
Plainview:
Y-y-y-yes, you do.
H.M. Tilford:
[embarrassed] Excuse me gentlemen...
Plainview:
Oh, excuse me gentlemen. Excuse him, gentlemen. [to Tilford]
Plainview:
I told you what I was gonna do. [drinks Tilford's whiskey]
Dee Loc:
[answers phone] Hello?
Slim:
Hey, we tha kidnappers, and we want tha money for Mr. Wash
Dee Loc:
Well, how much ya want?
Slim:
Uh, hold on a sec, [turns to face]
Slim:
How much we want?
Face:
Tell him we want 50 cent fool
Slim:
Oh, ok [talks to Dee Loc on phone]
Slim:
we want 50 cent fool uh, hold on a sec [turns to face]
Slim:
so that's what this is about, for two punk-ass motherfuckin' quarters!
Face:
we want 50 thousand dollars fool!
Slim:
Oh, ok [talks to Dee Loc on phone]
Slim:
we want 50 thousand dollars fool!
Dee Loc:
[Dee Loc laughs and turns to friends] These guys are just plain stupid!
Slim:
...And we want the money in fresh, crisp 20's
Face:
100's fool!
Slim:
oh, 100's fool!
