The secret of being a top-notch con man is being able to know what the mark wants, and how to make him think he's getting it.
[Barry looks around... ] Barry: Healthy Choice and American Airlines got together and put this promotion: If you buy any 10 Healthy Choice products, they will reward you with 500 frequent flier miles; with this special coupon, they'll up it to 1,000 miles. So, I think they are trying to push their teriyaki chicken which is $1.79, but I went to the supermarket and I looked around and I saw that they had pudding... for 25¢ a cup... comes in packages of four. But insanely... the barcodes... are on the individual cups! So, quarter a cup, say you bought $2.50 worth. That's worth 500... with the coupon it's 1,000 miles. It's a marketing mistake but I'm taking advantage of it. If you were to spend $3,000, that would get you a million frequent flier miles. You would never have to pay for a ticket the rest of your life. Lena: You... you bought all that pudding so that you could get frequent flier miles?
Elaine Miller: Adolescence is a marketing tool.
Your brand is formed primarily, not by what your company says about itself, but what the company does.
Marie: I'd like to welcome Alan Rathbone from York. He's here to tell us about the history of the milk marketing board.
The sheer novelty and glamor of the Western diet, with its seventeen thousand new food products every year and the marketing power - thirty-two billion dollars a year - used to sell us those products, has overwhelmed the force of tradition and left us where we now find ourselves: relying on science and journalism and government and marketing to help us decide what to eat.
Rollo Lee: About some of these sponsorship ideas. Willa Weston: Mmm? Rollo Lee: I, I wonder if you and your fiancé don't, don't feel that... some, some of them are... Willa Weston: [interrupting] Fiancé? Vince? No, no. No, no, we're not together. Rollo Lee: Ohh, good. Willa Weston: "Good"? Rollo Lee: Good. - I mean, I know we're not making 20% yet, but, but some of the marketing devices are a bit... a bit... crude? Willa Weston: Yes. Rollo Lee: Good. Because, you know, the, the keepers and, um, and I were... Willa Weston: [looking into the lemur cage, while removing her jacket to expose a skimpy dress] Oh, look at that. *Aren't* they *gorgeous*? Oh, they just make you want to *fondle* them... Rollo Lee: Oh yes. Yes, yes, uh, yes, I see what you mean. Yes. Willa Weston: Is this one your favorite? Rollo Lee: Yes, yes, I like him breast of... uh, best, ahem, of all the... the small mammaries. Mammals. (Sorry.) Ahem. Yes, his, his name's, uh, Rollo, actually. Willa Weston: Really. Rollo Lee: Hm. Yes, so I, I sort of feed him some little special tits-bits. Tits. Tid, tid, sorry, tidbits. (Keep making boobs.) Anyway, he just... loves his nuts. Willa Weston: [slowly] Does he? Hmm. And is, uh, Rollo very sexually active? Rollo Lee: Well, he, he doesn't have a, a partner at the moment. You, you know, if he, if he had one... Willa Weston: One? Rollo Lee: Hm? Willa Weston: I mean, just one? He wouldn't get bored, or...? I mean... you had two... in your cage the other day. Rollo Lee: Oh, yes, huh. I mean, um, some of those, some of those sponsorship gimmicks are a bit sexcessive... exsexi... sexiss... Willa Weston: Excessive. Rollo Lee: That's it, sorry. Freudian slit. Slut. Slot.
George Sr.: [pleading his case to the Mexican police] Wait a minute, I'm not Oscar, I'm George. Prison guard: The Cornballer. George Sr.: Si, si, the cornballer. [the Mexican guards show George Sr. their scarred arms from using the Cornballer] Narrator: George Sr. had been marketing a device called "The Cornballer" in Mexico after the severe burns it caused led to it being banned in the U.S. [footage of George Sr. strangling Richard Simmons]
If a book cover has raised lettering, metallic lettering, or raised metallic lettering, then it is telling the reader: Hello. I am an easy-to-read work on espionage, romance, a celebrity, and/or murder. To readers who do not care for such things, this lettering tells them: Hello. I am crap.
The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.
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