Dennis:
Finally. [cracks knuckles]
Dennis:
I got you right where I want you.
SpongeBob SquarePants:
Can I help you with something, sir?
Dennis:
Name's Dennis. I've been hired to exterminate you.
SpongeBob SquarePants:
You're gonna exterminate us? [SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other, then burst out in laughter before wiping their tears]
SpongeBob SquarePants:
Listen, Junior. You caught me and my friend here in a good mood today, so I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Step aside, and you won't have to feel the awesome wrath of our mustaches.
Dennis:
You mean these? [grabs the seaweed mustaches off SpongeBob and Patrick's faces]
Dennis:
I thought you still had a piece of salad stuck to your lip from lunchtime. [Throws mustaches as SpongeBob and Patrick's eyes bulge at the sight of them]
SpongeBob SquarePants:
They were fake?
Dennis:
Of course they were fake! This is what a real mustache looks like. [Pulls face mask off, grunts to sprout mustach from his upper lip]
Patrick Star:
Is he a mermaid?
Dennis:
All right. Enough gab. [approaches SpongeBob and Patrick, who are trembling in fear]
SpongeBob SquarePants:
What are you gonna do to us?
Dennis:
Plankton was very specific.
SpongeBob SquarePants:
Plankton?
Dennis:
For some reason, he wanted me to step on you.
Patrick Star:
Step on us?
Dennis:
Yeah! That way, you'll never find out that he stole the crown! [SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other]
Dennis:
Uhh, perhaps I've said too much. [extends spikes from the soles of his boots. SpongeBob and Patrick tremble in fear as Dennis positions his boot above them]
Patrick Star:
That's a big boot.
Dennis:
Don't worry. This'll only hurt a lot! [laughs]
Dennis:
I love this job! [Continues to laugh, only to be crushed by a bigger boot]
Patrick Star:
Bigger boot! [tries to run away]
SpongeBob SquarePants:
Wait, Pat! This bigger boot saved our lives.
Patrick Star:
Yay!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star:
Thank you, stranger!
Alonzo Harris:
To be truly effective, a good narcotics agent must know and love narcotics. In fact, a good narcotics agent should have narcotics in his blood.
Jake Hoyt:
Are you gonna smoke that?
Alonzo Harris:
No, you are.
Jake Hoyt:
[laughs] Hell if I am.
Alonzo Harris:
You not gon' smoke it?
Jake Hoyt:
Naw, man. I became a narc to rid the streets of dopers, not to be one.
Alonzo Harris:
Come on, man, take a hit.
Jake Hoyt:
Naw, man.
Alonzo Harris:
[Slams brakes] Yeah, right. If I was a drug dealer, you'd be dead by now, motherfucker. You turn shit down on the streets, and the chief brings your wife a crisply folded flag. What the fuck's wrong with you? Talking about - You know what? I don't want you in my unit. I don't even want you in my division. Get the fuck out the car. Go back to the Valley, rookie.
Jake Hoyt:
All right, I'll smoke it.
[Andrew transcendentally describes his favorite opera]
Andrew Beckett:
Do you like opera?
Joe Miller:
I'm not that familiar with opera.
Andrew Beckett:
This is my favorite aria. This is Maria Callas. This is "Andrea Chenier", Umberto Giordano. This is Madeleine. She's saying how during the French Revolution, a mob set fire to her house, and her mother died... saving her. "Look, the place that cradled me is burning." Can you hear the heartache in her voice? Can you feel it, Joe? In come the strings, and it changes everything. The music fills with a hope, and that'll change again. Listen... listen..."I bring sorrow to those who love me." Oh, that single cello! "It was during this sorrow that love came to me." A voice filled with harmony. It says, "Live still, I am life. Heaven is in your eyes. Is everything around you just the blood and mud? I am divine. I am oblivion. I am the god... that comes down from the heavens, and makes of the Earth a heaven. I am love!... I am love."
Rabbi Tuckman:
I am Rabbi Tuckman, purveyor of sacramental wine and moyel extraordinaire.
Merry Men:
'ello Rabbi!
Rabbi Tuckman:
Hello boys!
Robin Hood:
A moyel... I don't believe I've ever heard of that profession.
Rabbi Tuckman:
A moyel is a very important guy. He makes circumcisions.
Scarlet:
What, pray tell, sir, is a circumcision?
Rabbi Tuckman:
It's the latest craze. The ladies love it!
Little John:
I'll take one!
Ahchoo:
Hey, put me down for two!
Robin Hood:
I'm game. How's it done?
Rabbi Tuckman:
It's a snap. [demonstrates with a carrot and a miniature guillotine]
Rabbi Tuckman:
I take my machine here, I take your little thing, I put it through this hole, and then... [releases the blade, cutting the end off the carrot]
Rabbi Tuckman:
I nip the tip! Whose first?
Merry Men:
[groan]
Little John:
I changed me mind!
Ahchoo:
I forgot, I already got one.
Blinkin:
[puts his hand in the air] Question... [Ahchoo pulls his arm down silencing him]
Rabbi Tuckman:
I gotta start working with a younger crowd.
Scott:
I'm in love with my pen pal! I'm in love with Mike!
Cooper:
Okay, okay. You know what? I was actually expecting this. And frankly, listen, I'm flattered that you picked me to come out to first. And don't worry about telling your folks, cause, eh, I think they already know.
Scott:
No, you idiot, Mike is a girl!
Cooper:
No, no, no, I get it, yeah. He's the girl, you're the girl. Sometimes you're both the girl. Right, right? That's hot. But, you know, whatever works for you. I'm not gonna judge it.
Nancy, Age 11:
They won't let me testify. I told the cops that you saved my life and they just acted like I was crazy. They talked my parents into keeping me away. They said that you done things that you didn't do. I told them that you saved me from that Roark creep, but they won't even check me out to see if I'm still a virgin. I'm still a virgin, still alive... thanks to you. They got it all backwards.
John Hartigan:
Sometimes the truth doesn't matter like it ought. But you'll always remember things right. That's gonna mean a lot to me. But stay away, Nancy. They'll kill you if you don't stay away. Don't visit me. Don't write me. Don't even say my name.
Nancy, Age 11:
Maybe you won't let me visit, but I'll still write to you, Hartigan. I'll sign my letters "Cordelia." That's the name of a really cool detective in books I read. I'll write to you every week... for forever.
John Hartigan:
Sure, kid. Now run on home. It's not safe for you here. [Nancy walks away]
John Hartigan:
Bye, Nancy. [Nancy turns around at the door]
Nancy, Age 11:
I love you.
Cat R. Waul:
[after pulling to activate a trap door on stage which an opera singing mouse falls into] Terrible! Terrible! Absolutely, positively apalling. I must have a voice to match the occulence of this sal... [Fievel, scrambles up behind Cat R. Waul, picks up a fork and stabs him in the butt]
Cat R. Waul:
OON! [Jumps out of his clothes through the ceiling to an upper level saloon where a lady grabs him]
Lady at Saloon:
Oh, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy! Pussy pussy! Oh, pussy! [Wriggles out, falls down the hole back into his clothes on the stage]
Cat R. Waul:
Humans! Yeeuk. So shiny and pleh! [to Chula]
Cat R. Waul:
Right. I want the subversive who tried to asassinate me found.
T.R. Chula:
I just love findin' subversives. Boss, what's a subversive?
Cat R. Waul:
Someone who doesn't have very long to live. [Fievel, with his shirt caught on the needle of a record player, tries to run and plays some music, which Cat R. Waul notices]
Cat R. Waul:
Ah. If it isn't my diminuitive friend from the train.
Fievel:
Cat R. Waul! I heard what you said about the Mouseburgers, and I'm gonna tell everyone. I'm gonna get Wily Burp. Cause he's the law.
Cat R. Waul:
The Wily Burp? [the saloon erupts in laughter]
Cat R. Waul:
That quaint historical figure? [Cat R. Waul picks him up on a fork]
Cat R. Waul:
Simply put, Mouseling. I am the law here. And you are a mere hors d'oeuvre.
Marty Preston:
But, Doc, you don't know what I've been through.
Doc Wallace:
You feel like the whole world's against you, huh? See that picture up there? That's Sam's parents. There's Eddie the father, Claira the mother, and that little ittie-bittie thing, that's Sam.
Marty Preston:
[Looking at the picture] I never seen a picture of them.
Doc Wallace:
Claira was... my princess.
Marty Preston:
[Turns back to Doc, listening carefully]
Doc Wallace:
We were babysitting Sam the... uh... night of the accident. And I'll never forget Social Services. [Takes off his glasses]
Doc Wallace:
Oh, yes, they jumped all over us. They said we were... that we were too old to raise a child. That we didn't have financial stability. [Puts glasses back on]
Doc Wallace:
Which I thought it was a joke cause I'd been practicing medicine for forty years.
Marty Preston:
But, you were able to keep her, weren't you?
Doc Wallace:
Yeah, after a hell of a fight. It was the love of Sam that gave us our strength. We would have sacraficed anything... to keep her. You see, sometimes, the greatests test of love... is how much you're willing to fight for it. You think about that. This dog... is gonna need a lot of love. Go get him. [Marty picks up Shiloh and turns to leave]
Doc Wallace:
Marty? [Marty turns back to face Doc]
Doc Wallace:
I love you. [Marty smiles then leaves with Shiloh. Doc watches Marty leave. He then looks up at the picture of Sam and her parents. He then shuts his eyes and puts one of his hands on his head in sadness]
Boris Yellnikoff:
[to audience] Why would you want to hear my story? Do we know each other? Do we like each other? Let me tell you right off, ok... I'm not a like-able guy. Charm has never been a priority with me. And just so you know, this is not the feel good movie of the year. So if you're one of those idiots who needs to feel good, go get yourself a foot massage.
Boy on Street:
Mommy, that man's talking to himself.
Boy's Mother:
Come on, Justin.
Boris Yellnikoff:
[to audience] What the hell does it all mean anyhow? Nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nothing comes to anything. And yet, there's no shortage of idiots to babble. Not me. I have a vision. I'm discussing you. Your friends. Your coworkers. Your newspapers. The TV. Everybody's happy to talk. Full of misinformation. Morality, science, religion, politics, sports, love, your portfolio, your children, health. Christ, if I have to eat nine servings of fruits and vegetables a day to live, I don't wanna live. I hate goddamn fruits and vegetables. And your omega 3's, and the treadmill, and the cardiogram, and the mammogram, and the pelvic sonogram, and oh my god the-the-the colonoscopy, and with it all the day still comes where they put you in a box, and its on to the next generation of idiots, who'll also tell you all about life and define for you what's appropriate. My father committed suicide because the morning newspapers depressed him. And could you blame him? With the horror, and corruption, and ignorance, and poverty, and genocide, and AIDS, and global warming, and terrorism, and-and the family value morons, and the gun morons. "The horror," Kurtz said at the end of Heart of Darkness, "the horror." Lucky Kurtz didn't have the Times delivered in the jungle. Ugh... then he'd see some horror. But what do you do? You read about some massacre in Darfur or some school bus gets blown up, and you go "Oh my God, the horror," and then you turn the page and finish your eggs from the free range chickens. Because what can you do. It's overwhelming! I tried to commit suicide myself. Obviously, it didn't work out. But why do you even want to hear about all this? Christ, you got your own problems. I'm sure your all obsessed with any number of sad little hopes and dreams. Your predictably unsatisfying love lives, your failed business ventures. "Oh, if only I'd bought that stock! If only I-if only I purchased THAT house years ago! If only I'd made a move on THAT woman." If this, if that. You know what? Gimmie a break with your could have's and should have's. Like my mother used to say, "If my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a trolley car." My mother didn't have wheels. She had varicose veins. Still, the woman gave birth to a brilliant mind. I was considered for a Nobel Prize in physics... I didn't get it. But, you know, its all politics. It's like every other phony honor. Incidentally, don't think I'm-I'm bitter because of some personal setback. By the standards of a mindless, barbaric civilization, I've been pretty lucky. I was married to a beautiful woman who had family money. For years we lived on Beekman Place. I taught at Columbia. String theory.
