Müller:
Perhaps the judge has a special love for them?
Klopfer:
[mutters appreciatively] Yes, yes a special love for them... very good...
Dr. Wilhelm Stuckart:
For whom? For Jews! Wonderful, you don't have my credentials. Forgive me, from your uniform I can infer you're shallow, ignorant and naive about the Jews. Your line and what the party rants on about how inferior they are, some-some-some sub-species, and I keep saying how wrong that is! They are sublimely clever. And they're intelligent as well. My indictment to that race is stronger and heavier because they are real not uneducated ideology. They are arrogant, they are self-obsessed, and calculating and they reject the Christ and I will not have them pollute German blood!
General Reinhard Heydrich:
[tries to calm Stuckart down] Please, doctor...
Dr. Wilhelm Stuckart:
He doesn't understand! And neither do his people. Deal with the reality of the Jew and the world will applaud us. Treat them as imaginary phantoms, evil in human fantasies, and the world would have justified contempt for us! To kill them casually without regard for the law martyrs them, which will be their victory! Sterilization recognizes them as a part of our species but prevents them from being a part of our race. They will disappear soon enough. And we will have acted in defense of our race and by the law! This fellow here mentioned the laws for the protection of German blood, *I wrote that law*! When you have my credentials then we'll talk about who loves the Jews or who hates them. Pigs don't know how to hate. I know too, when it comes to the half-mixed, that to kill them abandons the half of their blood which is German.
Klopfer:
I'll remember you.
Dr. Wilhelm Stuckart:
You should. I'm very well known.
Cat R. Waul:
[after pulling to activate a trap door on stage which an opera singing mouse falls into] Terrible! Terrible! Absolutely, positively apalling. I must have a voice to match the occulence of this sal... [Fievel, scrambles up behind Cat R. Waul, picks up a fork and stabs him in the butt]
Cat R. Waul:
OON! [Jumps out of his clothes through the ceiling to an upper level saloon where a lady grabs him]
Lady at Saloon:
Oh, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy! Pussy pussy! Oh, pussy! [Wriggles out, falls down the hole back into his clothes on the stage]
Cat R. Waul:
Humans! Yeeuk. So shiny and pleh! [to Chula]
Cat R. Waul:
Right. I want the subversive who tried to asassinate me found.
T.R. Chula:
I just love findin' subversives. Boss, what's a subversive?
Cat R. Waul:
Someone who doesn't have very long to live. [Fievel, with his shirt caught on the needle of a record player, tries to run and plays some music, which Cat R. Waul notices]
Cat R. Waul:
Ah. If it isn't my diminuitive friend from the train.
Fievel:
Cat R. Waul! I heard what you said about the Mouseburgers, and I'm gonna tell everyone. I'm gonna get Wily Burp. Cause he's the law.
Cat R. Waul:
The Wily Burp? [the saloon erupts in laughter]
Cat R. Waul:
That quaint historical figure? [Cat R. Waul picks him up on a fork]
Cat R. Waul:
Simply put, Mouseling. I am the law here. And you are a mere hors d'oeuvre.
Donny:
Shit, I never knew nobody who killed somebody.
Alice 'Ali' Willis:
Me neither.
Heather:
Just my grandpa. I never knew him. Yeah. My grandpa was a bad drunk. Really bad. He'd rape anyone dumb enough to walk by his room and one night... he got... um, really pissed at my grandma and he took a claw hammer to her face. And, uh, after that, he just... he locked himself up with her in his room for two whole days and he kept drinking and having sex with her after she was dead. My mom was in the house the whole time.
Donny:
Fuck.
Heather:
She was only 15.
Alice 'Ali' Willis:
Holy shit.
Heather:
You know, it really messed with her head. After that, she only hung out with guys who beat the hell out of her. And when I was little, she'd get drunk and she'd drag me and my brother out of bed at, like, four in the morning and she had all the news clippings about my grandpa and the trial transcriptions and she'd read them over and over again. And I knew every word before kindergarten. I think that's how I learned to read.
Curly Bill:
[takes a bill with Wyatt's signature from a customer and throws it on the faro table] Wyatt Earp, huh? I heard of you.
Ike Clanton:
Listen, Mr. Kansas Law Dog. Law don't go around here. Savvy?
Wyatt Earp:
I'm retired.
Curly Bill:
Good. That's real good.
Ike Clanton:
Yeah, that's good, Mr. Law Dog, 'cause law don't go around here.
Wyatt Earp:
I heard you the first time. [flips a card]
Wyatt Earp:
Winner to the King, five hundred dollars.
Curly Bill:
Shut up, Ike.
Johnny Ringo:
[Ringo steps up to Doc] And you must be Doc Holliday.
Doc Holliday:
That's the rumor.
Johnny Ringo:
You retired too?
Doc Holliday:
Not me. I'm in my prime.
Johnny Ringo:
Yeah, you look it.
Doc Holliday:
And you must be Ringo. Look, darling, Johnny Ringo. The deadliest pistoleer since Wild Bill, they say. What do you think, darling? Should I hate him?
Kate:
You don't even know him.
Doc Holliday:
Yes, but there's just something about him. Something around the eyes, I don't know, reminds me of... me. No. I'm sure of it, I hate him.
Wyatt Earp:
[to Ringo] He's drunk.
Doc Holliday:
In vino veritas. ["In wine is truth" meaning: "When I'm drinking, I speak my mind"]
Johnny Ringo:
Age quod agis. ["Do what you do" meaning: "Do what you do best"]
Doc Holliday:
Credat Judaeus apella, non ego. ["The Jew Apella may believe it, not I" meaning: "I don't believe drinking is what I do best."]
Johnny Ringo:
[pats his gun] Eventus stultorum magister. ["Events are the teachers of fools" meaning: "Fools have to learn by experience"]
Doc Holliday:
[gives a Cheshire cat smile] In pace requiescat. ["Rest in peace" meaning: "It's your funeral!"]
Tombstone Marshal Fred White:
Come on boys. We don't want any trouble in here. Not in any language.
Doc Holliday:
Evidently Mr. Ringo's an educated man. Now I really hate him.
Jake Tyler Brigance:
We're going to lose this case, Carl lee. There are no more points of law to argue here. I want to cope a plea, maybe Buckley will cop us a second degree murder and we can get you just life in prison.
Carl Lee Hailey:
Jake, I can't do no life in prison. You got to get me off. Now if it was you on trial...
Jake Tyler Brigance:
It's not me, we're not the same, Carl Lee. The jury has to identify with the defendant. They see you, they see a yardworker; they see me, they see an attorney. I live in town, you live in the hill.
Carl Lee Hailey:
Well, you are white and I'm black. See Jake, you think just like them, that's why I picked you; you are one of them , don't you see?. Oh, you think you ain't because you eat in Claude's and you are out there trying to get me off on TV talking about black and white, but the fact is you are just like all the rest of them. When you look at me, you don't see a man, you see a black man.
Jake Tyler Brigance:
Carl Lee, I'm your friend.
Carl Lee Hailey:
We ain't no friends, Jake. We are on different sides of the line, I ain't never seen you in my part of town. I bet you don't even know where I live. Our daughters, Jake; they ain't never gonna play together.
Jake Tyler Brigance:
What are you talking about?
Carl Lee Hailey:
America is a war and you are on the other side. How's a black man ever going to get a fair trial with the enemy on the bench and in the jury box?. My life in white hands? You Jake, that's how. You are my secret weapon because you are one of the bad guys. You don't mean to be but you are. It's how you was raised. Nigger, negro, black, African-american, no matter how you see me, you see me different, you see me like that jury sees me, you are them. Now throw out your points of law Jake. If you was on that jury, what would it take to convince you to set me free? That's how you save my ass. That's how you save us both.
Katherine Watson:
There are seven law schools within 45 minutes of Philadelphia. You can study and get dinner on the table by 5:00.
Joan Brandwyn:
It's too late.
Katherine Watson:
No, some of them accept late admissions! Now, I was upset at first, I can tell you that. When Tommy came to me at the dance and told me he was accepted to Penn, I thought, 'Oh God, her fate is sealed! She's worked so hard, how can she throw it all away?' But then I realized you won't have to! You can bake your cake and eat it too! It's just wonderful!
Joan Brandwyn:
We're married. We eloped over the weekend. Turned out he was petrified of a bit ceremony, so we did a sort of spur-of-the-moment thing. Very romantic. [Katherine is stunned]
Joan Brandwyn:
It was my choice, not to go. He would have supported it.
Katherine Watson:
But you don't have to choose!
Joan Brandwyn:
No, I have to. I want a home, I want a family! That's not something I'll sacrifice.
Katherine Watson:
No one's asking you to sacrifice that, Joan. I just want you to understand that you can do both.
Joan Brandwyn:
Do you think I'll wake up one morning and regret not being a lawyer?
Katherine Watson:
Yes, I'm afraid that you will.
Joan Brandwyn:
Not as much as I'd regret not having a family, not being there to raise them. I know exactly what I'm doing and it doesn't make me any less smart. This must seem terrible to you.
Katherine Watson:
I didn't say that.
Joan Brandwyn:
Sure you did. You always do. You stand in class and tell us to look beyond the image, but you don't. To you a housewife is someone who sold her soul for a center hall colonial. She has no depth, no intellect, no interests. You're the one who said I could do anything I wanted. This is what I want.
Nick Naylor:
Few people on this planet know what it is to be truly despised. Can you blame them? I earn a living fronting an organizing that kills one thousand two hundred human beings a day; twelve hundred people. We're talking two jumbo jet plane loads of men, women, and children. I mean there's Attila, Genghis, and me, Nick Naylor the face of cigarettes, the colonel sanders of nicotine. This is where I work, the Academy of Tobacco Studies. It was established by seven gentlemen you may recognize from C-Span. These guys realized quick if they were gonna claim cigarettes were not addictive they better have proof. This is the man they rely on, Erhardt Von Grupten Mundt. They found him in Germany. I won't go into the details. He's been testing the link between nicotine and lung cancer for thirty years, and hasn't found any conclusive results. The man's a genius, he could disprove gravity. Then we got our sharks. We draft them out of Ivy League law schools and give them timeshares and sports cars. It's just like a John Grisham novel. Well you know without all the espionage. Most importantly we got spin control. That's where I come in. I get paid to talk. I don't have an MD or law degree. I have a baccalaureate in kicking ass and taking names. You know that guy who can pick up any girl, I'm him on crack.
Kritzinger:
Lange?
Lange:
Yes, sir?
Kritzinger:
Who were those 30,000 you say you shot, when you say, YOU shot?
Lange:
In Riga, Latvia. 27,800 I have some responsibility for. And stood by with my men and allowed Latvian civilians to kill in mobs. I received memos directing the, one would say "evacuation" of Jews who, shot and buried in soil and corpses, managed to crawl out, still alive. Not exactly war, is it? And gas chambers about to come?
Kritzinger:
What gas chambers? Gas chambers?
Lange:
I hear rumours, yes.
Kritzinger:
This is more than war. Must be a different word for this.
Lange:
Try "chaos".
Kritzinger:
Yes. The rest is argument, the curse of my profession.
Lange:
I studied law as well.
Kritzinger:
And how do you apply that education to what you do?
Lange:
It has made me distrustful of language. A gun means what it says.
Russell Hammond:
[Russell grabs phone away from William] Hey, mom! It’s Russell Hammond. I play guitar in Stillwater. Hey, how does it feel to be the mother of the greatest rock journalist we've met? Hello? Hello...? Look, you've got a really great kid here. There's nothing to worry about. We're taking good care of him, and you should come to the show sometime - join the circus...
Elaine Miller:
Hey, hey, listen to me, mister. You're charm doen't work on me - I'm on to you. Of course you like him...
Russell Hammond:
Well, yeah...
Elaine Miller:
He worships you people. And that's fine by you as long as he helps make you rich.
Russell Hammond:
Rich? I don't think so...
Elaine Miller:
Listen to me. He's a smart, good-hearted fifteen year old kid with infinite potential.
Russell Hammond:
[Russell is stunned]
Elaine Miller:
This is not some apron-wearing mother you're speaking with - I know all about your valhalla of decadence and I shouldn't have let him go. He's not ready for your world of compromised values and diminished brain cells that you throw away like confetti. Am I speaking to you clearly?
Russell Hammond:
Yes - yes, ma'am...
Elaine Miller:
If you break his spirit, harm him in any way, keep him from his chosen profession which is law - something you may not value, but I do - you will meet the voice on the other end of this telephone and it will not be pretty. Do we understand each other?
Russell Hammond:
Uh, yes, ma'am...
Elaine Miller:
I didn't ask for this role, but I'll play it. Now go do your best. Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid. Goethe said that. It's not too late for you to become a person of substance, Russell. Please get my son home safely. You know, I'm glad we spoke. [Elaine hangs up]
Russell Hammond:
[Russell stands holding phone in stunned silence]
Oscar Madison:
Don't get physical with me, Felix! I'm too old to hit, but I can spit you to death!
Felix Ungar:
In that suitcase was my black formal afternoon suit that I bought to wear when I'm giving my daughter away in marriage. And in that suitcase was a $6,000 Tiffany silver tray that I bought as a wedding present. Oh, and in that suitcase was $10,000 in cash that I was going to give to my son-in-law on his wedding day. Now, in your suitcase, the police are going to find your broken, smashed, mutilated, and dissected body in the event that you don't go back and find my fucking suitcase!
Greg Focker:
[high on Truth Serum, giving a speech] Hello everybody. I am, uh, about to set sail on my ship... on the sea of life with my first mate - the beautiful Pamela Byrnes.
Pam Byrnes:
Love you, baby! [blows kiss]
Greg Focker:
[drunkenly blows back kiss, pauses] I still masturbate to Pam. What? She's hot - check out those boobs. I just wanna lather 'em up with soap and rub my face in 'em. I could take a vacation in there. What? Gosh, sorry you're perfect! And there's another wonderful lady in the audience, my future mother-in-law Dina Byrnes! Dina-Dina-Bo-Bina-I-love-Dina! Byrnes! You know they say you can tell from looking at the mother what your wife will look like in the future - well, I'm looking, and I'm LIKIN... [Spies Jorge]
Greg Focker:
In my first... passionate sexual awakening, I made sweet sweet love to my housekeeper, Isabelle.
Pam Byrnes:
Come on, honey, that was in the past, so sit down.
Greg Focker:
No no no, baby - I gotta get this off my chest.
Pam Byrnes:
Please... sit.
Greg Focker:
We conceived a child. Come on up here, Jorge! This is the fruit of my loins. Come on - search your heart, you know it to be true. Yo soy tu papa! Yeah, I know, a lot of information to take in. Give that boy a hand. Oh, and Jack - Pam's pregnant. Focker out. [passes out]
Marva Munson:
Now I want to know what's goin' on.
Professor G.H. Dorr:
Oh, indeed, indeed. The thirst for knowledge is a very commendable thing. Though I do believe that when you hear the explanation you shall laugh riotously, slappin' your knee and perhaps even wipin' away a giddy tear, relieved of your former concern. Lump here is an avid collector of Indian arrowheads, and having found one simply lying on your cellar floor - a particularly rare artifact of the Natchez tribe?
Lump Hudson:
Nats... what?
Professor G.H. Dorr:
He enlisted the entire ensemble in an all-out effort to sift through the subsoil in search of others. And apparently, in doing so, we hit a mother lode of natural gas. I myself became acutely aware of the smell of "rotten eggs." And it was just at this inopportune moment that the General here violated the cardinal rule of this house and lit himself a cigarette.
The General:
So sorry.
Marva Munson:
Well, what about all that money?
Professor G.H. Dorr:
Ah. The money. Well, the money is Mr. Pancake's.
Garth Pancake:
That's right.
Professor G.H. Dorr:
Who only just remortgaged his home in order to raise the money for a surgical procedure that will correct the wandering eye of his common-law wife, Mountain Water, who suffers from astigmia, strabismus and a general curdling of the vitreous jelly. Mr. Pancake is an ardent foe of the Federal Reserve, and is, in fact, one of those eccentrics one often reads about hoardin' his entire life savings, in Mr. Pancake's case, in a Hefty bag that is his constant companion. The Steel Sak.
Garth Pancake:
Don't trust the banks. Never have.
[first lines]
Arthur Edens:
Michael. Dear Michael. Of course it's you, who else could they send, who else could be trusted? I... I know it's a long way and you're ready to go to work... all I'm saying is wait, just wait, just-just-just... please hear me out because this is not an episode, relapse, fuck-up, it's... I'm begging you Michael. I'm begging you. Try and make believe this is not just madness because this is not just madness. Two weeks ago I came out of the building, okay, I'm running across Sixth Avenue, there's a car waiting, I got exactly 38 minutes to get to the airport and I'm dictating. There's this, this panicked associate sprinting along beside me, scribbling in a notepad, and suddenly she starts screaming, and I realize we're standing in the middle of the street, the light's changed, there's this wall of traffic, serious traffic speeding towards us, and I... I-I freeze, I can't move, and I'm suddenly consumed with the overwhelming sensation that I'm covered with some sort of film. It's in my hair, my face... it's like a glaze... like a... a coating, and... at first I thought, oh my god, I know what this is, this is some sort of amniotic - embryonic - fluid. I'm drenched in afterbirth, I've-I've breached the chrysalis, I've been reborn. But then the traffic, the stampede, the cars, the trucks, the horns, the screaming and I'm thinking no-no-no-no, reset, this is not rebirth, this is some kind of giddy illusion of renewal that happens in the final moment before death. And then I realize no-no-no, this is completely wrong because I look back at the building and I had the most stunning moment of clarity. I... I... I... I realized Michael, that I had emerged not from the doors of Kenner, Bach, and Ledeen, not through the portals of our vast and powerful law firm, but from the asshole of an organism whose sole function is to excrete the... the-the-the poison, the ammo, the defoliant necessary for other, larger, more powerful organisms to destroy the miracle of humanity. And that I had been coated in this patina of shit for the best part of my life. The stench of it and the stain of it would in all likelihood take the rest of my life to undo. And you know what I did? I took a deep cleansing breath and I set that notion aside. I tabled it. I said to myself as clear as this may be, as potent a feeling as this is, as true a thing as I believe that I have witnessed today, it must wait. It must stand the test of time. And Michael, the time is now.
