Dr. Chase Meridian: He'll slaughter them without thinking twice. Batman: Agreed. A trauma powerful enough to create an alternate personality leaves the victim... Dr. Chase Meridian: - in a world where normal rules of right and wrong no longer apply. Batman: Exactly. Dr. Chase Meridian: Like you. - Well, let's just say that I could write a hell of a paper on a grown man who dresses like a flying rodent. Batman: Bats aren't rodents, Dr. Meridian.
Dennis: Finally. [cracks knuckles] Dennis: I got you right where I want you. SpongeBob SquarePants: Can I help you with something, sir? Dennis: Name's Dennis. I've been hired to exterminate you. SpongeBob SquarePants: You're gonna exterminate us? [SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other, then burst out in laughter before wiping their tears] SpongeBob SquarePants: Listen, Junior. You caught me and my friend here in a good mood today, so I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Step aside, and you won't have to feel the awesome wrath of our mustaches. Dennis: You mean these? [grabs the seaweed mustaches off SpongeBob and Patrick's faces] Dennis: I thought you still had a piece of salad stuck to your lip from lunchtime. [Throws mustaches as SpongeBob and Patrick's eyes bulge at the sight of them] SpongeBob SquarePants: They were fake? Dennis: Of course they were fake! This is what a real mustache looks like. [Pulls face mask off, grunts to sprout mustach from his upper lip] Patrick Star: Is he a mermaid? Dennis: All right. Enough gab. [approaches SpongeBob and Patrick, who are trembling in fear] SpongeBob SquarePants: What are you gonna do to us? Dennis: Plankton was very specific. SpongeBob SquarePants: Plankton? Dennis: For some reason, he wanted me to step on you. Patrick Star: Step on us? Dennis: Yeah! That way, you'll never find out that he stole the crown! [SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other] Dennis: Uhh, perhaps I've said too much. [extends spikes from the soles of his boots. SpongeBob and Patrick tremble in fear as Dennis positions his boot above them] Patrick Star: That's a big boot. Dennis: Don't worry. This'll only hurt a lot! [laughs] Dennis: I love this job! [Continues to laugh, only to be crushed by a bigger boot] Patrick Star: Bigger boot! [tries to run away] SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait, Pat! This bigger boot saved our lives. Patrick Star: Yay! SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star: Thank you, stranger!
Henry: Life is nothing but the echo of joy disappearing into the great chasm of misery. Rudy Holt: ... You've had better. Henry: Life is nothing but the occasional burst of laughter rising above the inerminable wail of grief. Rudy Holt: That's my favorite. Henry: It lives in truth, that's why.
Eleanor "Nell" Vance: HE KILLED THEM. Hugh Crane. It's just like you said; He wanted to fill the house with the laughter of children. He took from mills and brought them here, but he wouldn't let them go. HE WOULD NEVER LET THEM GO.
Max: [invites Jude over to him and Lucy's house for Thanksgiving] Jude: We don't have it in England, is it - is it a big deal? Max: Well, it's a heart-warming American tradition. Lucy: Yeah. It celebrates the time when the Indians shared their food with the early settlers. And how did we repay them? We slaughter them in thousands then ship them off to the shittiest bits of real estate. Max: [Max chuckles] Lucy: [Introduces herself to Jude] I'm Lucy.
[Courtcase of Snively versus Framm, just started and Timberwolves coach, Arthur Chaney just walked into the courtroom, un-expectedly] Arthur Chaney: Why not let the dog choose, Your Honor? They say a dog is man's best friend. If that's the case, shouldn't the dog be able to choose who he wants to be friends with? Judge Cranfield: Who are you, Barnum or Bailey? Arthur Chaney: Arthur Chaney, Your Honor. Judge Cranfield: Mister Chaney, do you reali... [Judge Cranfield stammered, in shock] Judge Cranfield: Arthur Chaney? New York Knicks, '56? Huh, I was at that Celtics game where you did the turn around jumper, at the buzzer. [light chuckle] Judge Cranfield: I spilt beer all over my wife. [light laughter in the courtroom] Bailiff: Your Honor? Judge Cranfield: What? Oh, yes, yes, yes. [Judge Cranfield then cleared his throat] Arthur Chaney: Well, I've been thinking. This dog is what, three, four years old. That makes him an adult, in our years. I say let Buddy decide. [court members mummur after hearing this advice] Judge Cranfield: Mister Chaney, during my forty years on the bench, I have heard a lot of lamebrain cockamanie proposals. But this one I like. [Norm Snively and Josh Framm were then both sent outside, to see who Buddy would respond to and be Buddy's permanent owner]
Alix: I found out how hard it is to change, really change. Even hell can get comfortable if you're used to it. All I wanted my whole life, was for that lonliness inside me to go away. But, it never did, no matted what I drank, or what drug I took, or where I went, who I was with. We all need something to help us get through life. All I needed was to find the right thing to rely on, something that would never go away, something I would never run out of. Turned out to be the same thing for everybody. And the funny thing was, it was there all the time, in those little glimpses of heaven in every day... In the smile of a stranger, the green of the trees, the advice of a friend, the laughter of a child, the help of a neighbor, the plane that arrived safely.
Vada: Weeping willow with your tears running down, why do you always weep and frown? Is it because he left you one day? is it because he could not stay? On your branches he would swing, do you long for the happiness that day would bring? He found shelter in your shade. You thought his laughter would never fade. Weeping willow, stop your tears. There is something to calm you fears. You think death has ripped you forever apart. But I know he'll always be in your heart.
Al Gore: I'm Al Gore, I used to be the next president of the United States of America. [laughter and applause from audience] Al Gore: I don't find that particularly funny.
Bobbie: [laughing] Oh, Joey. Laughter really is the best medicine, and that story just cleared up my hepatitis. Look, a bad article from this woman could really hurt your career. They go to press in two days, so until then, just give her anything she wants.
Bartleby: You know, maybe you're wrong about this slaughter thing. How can you even be sure what incurs the Lord's wrath these days? Times change. I remember when eating meat on a Friday was supposed to be a Hell-worthy trespass. Loki: The major sins never change. Besides, you know, I can spot a commandment-breaker from, like, a mile away. So, bet on it. Bartleby: This from the guy who still owes me 10 bucks over that bet about what was gonna be the bigger movie - "E. T. " or "Krush Groove"? Loki: You know, fuck you, man, 'cause time's gonna tell on that one. [brief pause] Loki: What, are you insinuating that I don't have what it takes anymore? Bartleby: Insinuating, no. Flat-out telling you.
[last lines] Ruby: [Ruby and Viola walking up stairs into house. Viola still holding the wedding bouquet that she caught] And take off that damn dress. You look like a giant peach cobbler. You makin' me hungry... Come on, weathergirl. I'll buy you a box of wine. [Viola almost belly laughing at Ruby's joke, walks into house, off screen. Ruby turns around to close the doors and opens her mouth so it appears Viola's laughter is coming from her mouth. Laughter echoes away as Ruby closes her mouth, rolls her eyes, and shakes her head. Ruby closes the doors. With the click of the doors shutting, the screen goes black]
Lt. Dalia Barr: [in customs] You like to joke a lot. Rudy: They say laughter opens up the soul. Lt. Dalia Barr: Well, while we're at it, you can open the rest of your luggage too. Rudy: You're joking, right? Lt. Dalia Barr: No. Rudy: You know, this is bullshit! Lt. Dalia Barr: No Mr. Cafmeyer, this is Israel.
Rudy: They say laughter opens up the soul.
Marco: Santa Maria! Captain you cannot punish the crew like this. They will mutiny! Captain Murphy: I will slaughter them like a wolf among lambs! The seas will run red with the blood of my enemies! Sparks: Take it easy there Tamberlain, sir.
[Bartleby and Loki slaughter parishioners outside a church] Loki: You're looking at eons of repression getting purged. If only they'd let us jerk off.
Sing Sing Prison Guard: Gentlemen, you are hereby granted a full pardon for having - through song and dance - brought joy and laughter into the hearts of every murderer, rapist, and sex maniac in Sing Sing! You're free!
Cherry: About a year ago, they started hunting children. Maggie O'Connor: What does this have to do with Cody? Cherry: They believe she's the one they have been looking for. She's going to lead people to God, Maggie. Eric is going to try to change her, and if not... Maggie O'Connor: Slaughter of the Innocents. Cherry: Do you promise to get her out of there? And get out as fast you can?
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