Batman:
Commissioner Gordon?
Dr. Chase Meridian:
He's at home. I sent the signal.
Batman:
What's wrong?
Dr. Chase Meridian:
Last night, at the bank, I noticed something about Two-Face. His coin. It's his Achilles' heel. It can be exploited.
Batman:
I know. You called me here for this? The Batsignal is not a beeper.
Dr. Chase Meridian:
Well I wish I could say that my interest in you was... purely professional.
Batman:
You trying to get under my cape, doctor?
Dr. Chase Meridian:
A girl can't live by psychoses alone.
Batman:
It's the car, right? Chicks love the car.
Dr. Chase Meridian:
What is it about the wrong kind of man? In grade school it was guys with earrings. College, motorcycles, leather jackets. Now, *oh*, black rubber.
Batman:
Try firemen, less to take off.
Dr. Chase Meridian:
I don't mind the work. Pity I can't see behind the mask.
Batman:
We all wear masks.
Dr. Chase Meridian:
My life's an open book. You read?
Batman:
I don't blend in at a family picnic.
Dr. Chase Meridian:
Oh, we could give it a try. I'll bring the wine, you bring your scarred psyche.
Batman:
Direct aren't you?
Dr. Chase Meridian:
You like strong women. I've done my homework. Or do I need skin-tight vinyl and a whip?
Batman:
I haven't had that much luck with women.
Dr. Chase Meridian:
Maybe you just haven't met the right woman.
Mick:
Anton it's killing me to see me to see you this stressed out man. You cut off your hand in the interest of who knows how many others. So, what I want you to do is take a little Anton time. Okay just relax, kick back my man.
Anton:
No, no, no, you know what? Not this time. Okay I'm through with that, I mean all I do is I sit around all day I veg out, I watch TV, I smoke pot ...
Mick:
No, no, no, no Kevin Costner speeches okay? Let's just go.
[Renfield holds a plate of bugs]
Renfield:
Would you care for a hors d'oeuvre, Dr. Seward or a canape?
Doctor Jack Seward:
No, thank you, Mr. Renfield. How are you feeling tonight?
Renfield:
Far better than you, my lovesick doctor.
Doctor Jack Seward:
Is my personal life of interest to you?
Renfield:
Of course it is. All life interests me.
Doctor Jack Seward:
Your diet, Mr. Renfield, is disgusting.
Renfield:
Actually, they're perfectly nutritious. You see, each life that I ingest gives back life to me.
Doctor Jack Seward:
The fly gives you life?
Renfield:
Certainly. But you might as well ask a man to eat molecules with a pair of chopsticks than to interest me in lesser carnivore.
Doctor Jack Seward:
I shall have to invent a new classification of a lunatic for you. What about spiders? Spiders eat the flies.
Renfield:
Yes, spiders eat them.
Doctor Jack Seward:
What about sparrows?
Renfield:
Oh, yes. Did you say sparrows?
Doctor Jack Seward:
Something larger perhaps?
Renfield:
Oh, yes. A kitten. I beg you. A little, sleek - a playful kitten. Something I can teach. Something I can feed. No one would refuse me a kitten.
Doctor Jack Seward:
Wouldn't you prefer a cat?
Renfield:
Oh, yes, a big cat! My salvation depends upon it!
Doctor Jack Seward:
Your salvation?
Renfield:
Yes! I need lives. I need lives for the master!
Doctor Jack Seward:
What? What master?
Renfield:
The master will come, and he has promised to make me immortal!
Doctor Jack Seward:
How? [Renfield suddenly attacks Seward and the guards rushed in to subdue him]
Renfield:
The blood is the life! The blood is the life!
[first lines]
Journalist:
Senator, ah an attorney named Peter Gerston has filed suit in Arizona, uh, alleging that there's a cover-up regarding UFOs, and there has been for dozens of years, and millions of people have seen these objects in the sky, and the military continues to deny that anything's going on. Is that an area that's of interest to you at all?
John McCain:
It's always of great interest to me. I think it's, I think it's uh of great interest. I would point out to you that there was once a case, a couple of years ago in Arizona, of some lights that were seen over Arizona, um, and that has never been fully explained.
Will Price:
It's less of a question, more of an invitation, um... do you wanna go out sometime?
Ashley Matthews:
I don't think that's such a good idea.
Will Price:
For you or for me? Or for both of us?
Ashley Matthews:
Both of us. Yeah.
Will Price:
Why is there something wrong with you?
Ashley Matthews:
What?
Will Price:
No-I'm, ha, that came out wrong. Um...
Ashley Matthews:
Is there something wrong with you?
Will Price:
That's a very valid point. [chuckles]
Will Price:
Uh, you know in the interest of full disclosure I haven't had a girlfriend for six months and I'm kinda hostile towards women, plus my ex girlfriend she did a number on my head and - [Ashley looks uncomfortable]
Will Price:
I'm over-sharing. [Chuckles]
Will Price:
I sound a little pathetic here, don't I?
Ashley Matthews:
Yeah, a little. But, you know, I'm probably worse so it's okay.
Will Price:
Is that a yes?
Ashley Matthews:
What? No! No, I... what's your angle?
Will Price:
Angle? I don't have an angle. I just wanna take you out.
The best thing, though, in that museum was that everything always stayed right where it was. Nobody'd move. You could go there a hundred thousand times, and that Eskimo would still be just finished catching those two fish, the birds would still be on their way south, the deers would still be drinking out of that water hole, with their pretty antlers and they're pretty, skinny legs, and that squaw with the naked bosom would still be weaving that same blanket. Nobody's be different. The only thing that would be different would be you. Not that you'd be so much older or anything. It wouldn't be that, exactly. You'd just be different, that's all. You'd have an overcoat this time. Or the kid that was your partner in line the last time had got scarlet fever and you'd have a new partner. Or you'd have a substitute taking the class, instead of Miss Aigletinger. Or you'd heard your mother and father having a terrific fight in the bathroom. Or you'd just passed by one of those puddles in the street with gasoline rainbows in them. I mean you'd be different in some way
