Master Control:
[monitor activates] I am Master Control, computer of the future.
Billy:
Aaahh! [jumps on Grim's arms]
Grim:
That'd better be sweat dripping down your leg, boy.
Master Control:
I am programmed to run all of the machines at this attraction. My intelligence is beyond measure, I know everything there is to know, and I'm not too shabby at checkers.
Grim:
Wait, how can you know *everything*?
Master Control:
I just do, so there.
Grim:
If you know everything, then what's the meaning of life?
Master Control:
Life has no meaning, only machine intelligence is truly important on a cosmic scale.
Grim:
Hmm, I didn't think he'd get that one right.
Billy:
Oh, yeah? Then what's my favorite color?
Master Control:
Blue.
Billy:
What's the best kind of bean?
Master Control:
Pinto.
Billy:
Why is the sky blue?
Master Control:
Because of the refraction of sunlight through the water droplets in the sky.
Billy:
Why do I ask so many questions?
Master Control:
Because you're stupid!
Billy:
What's the color of my underwear?
Master Control:
White... [raises an eyebrow]
Master Control:
... with pink frilly lace.
Billy:
[checks in his pants] Wow. It really does know everything.
[Noticing Dr. Evil's spaceship on radar]
Radar Operator:
Colonel, you better have a look at this radar.
Colonel:
What is it, son?
Radar Operator:
I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant...
Jet Pilot:
Dick. Dick, take a look out of starboard.
Co-Pilot:
Oh my God, it looks like a huge...
Bird-Watching Woman:
Pecker.
Bird-Watching Man:
[raising binoculars] Ooh, Where?
Bird-Watching Woman:
Over there. What sort of bird is that? Wait, it's not a woodpecker, it looks like someone's...
Army Sergeant:
Privates. We have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with...
Baseball Umpire:
Two balls. [looking up from game]
Baseball Umpire:
What is that. It looks just like an enormous...
Chinese Teacher:
Wang. pay attention.
Wang:
I was distracted by that giant flying...
Musician:
Willie.
Willie:
Yeah?
Musician:
What's that?
Willie:
[squints] Well, that looks like a huge...
Colonel:
Johnson.
Radar Operator:
Yes, sir?
Colonel:
Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this.
