Lisa Cramer: You want some advice? You never call him. But if he calls you you talk to him, then act like you have another call, keep him on hold for a long time. Like longer than you think is passable. And break dates. Always break dates. Right around the holidays cus then he's just stuck. And fellatio, the sooner the better. And allot. Act like you love it. After he's aditcted, cut him off. That's when you got him. Mirabelle: Ya, I couldn't do all that. Lisa Cramer: How come? Mirabelle: I'm from Vermont.
Christian: Look, if there's a problem, I could come back. Elder Aaron Davis: Look, maybe I'm just homesick. Christian: Homesick? For Idaho? Elder Aaron Davis: Okay, fine, but... Christian: I'm sorry, that came out wrong. I'm... It's just... When I left home, it was just 'zoom', like a rocket. But if you've never been away from home before... Have you? Elder Aaron Davis: What? I've been away from home, just not for two whole years. Christian: [in an English accent] 'Could be worse, could be raining.' Elder Aaron Davis: That's Young Frankenstein. Christian: Yeah. So two years, huh? Elder Aaron Davis: Yeah. We're not allowed to call or go home in the holidays and they're not allowed to visit. Christian: Wow, where do I sign up? Elder Aaron Davis: Hey. Happen to like my family. 'After all, a boy's best friend is his mother.' Christian: [confused for a while, then gets it] Psycho, that's Psycho, right? 'She goes a bit mad sometimes. We all go a bit mad sometimes.' [Aaron laughs] Christian: Least you got your friends here, right? Elder Aaron Davis: What, Ryder? No. We just got assigned to each other a few weeks ago. Christian: Oh. Well, better you than me.
Kevin Gnapoor: [rapping] Yo Yo Yo! All you sucka MCs ain't got nothin' on me! From my grades, to my lines you can't touch Kevin G! I'm a mathlete, so nerd is inferred, but forget what you heard I'm like James Bond the third, sh-sh-sh-shaken not stirred - I'm Kevin Gnapoor! The G's silent when I sneak through your door. And make love to your woman on the bathroom floor. I don't play it like Shaggy, you'll know it was me. Cause the next time you see her she'll be like, OOH! KEVIN G! [cut off] Mr. Duvall: Thank you Kevin, that's enough! Kevin Gnapoor: Happy holidays everybody! Mr. Duvall: K.G. and the power of 3!
CAPTION: And with the holidays came memories of childhood. [Speaking to the camera.] Dejected husband: And... and when I was a kid I always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, alweez, alweezelweasel, weasel, weasel... When I was a kid I was such a fucking weasel and I nnhhh... [Bangs his head into the camera.]
[first lines] Santa: 'Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems in a place perhaps you've seen in your dreams. For the story you're about to be told began with the holiday worlds of auld. Now you've probably wondered where holidays come from. If you haven't I'd say it's time you begun.
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