Barbra Streisand - Quotes

 I am also very proud to be a liberal. Why is that so terrible these days? The liberals were liberatorsthey fought slavery, fought for women to have the right to vote, fought against Hitler, Stalin, fought to end segregation, fought to end apartheid. Liberals put an end to child labor and they gave us the five day work week! What's to be ashamed of? 

Tags: hilarious     


Brian Regan - Quotes

 so, what are you in for? MANSLAUGHTER!!! I SLAUGHTERED A MAN!! JUST LIKE A PIG!!! PUT HIM ON A SPIT AND PUT AN APPLE IN HIS MOUTH!!!! 

Tags: apple   brain   brian   epitome   funny   hilarious   humor   hyperbole   manslaughter   mouth   part   regan   spit     
William Shakespeare - Quotes

 What are you doing sister? / Killing swine.  

Tags: hilarious     


William Shakespeare - Quotes

 What man art thou that, thus bescreened in night,

So stumblest on my counsel?



*Who are you? Why do you hide in the darkness and listen to my private thoughts?* 

Tags: hilarious   imposition   privacy     
James Patterson - Quotes

 Besides my great fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica. 

Tags: hilarious     
John Oliver - Quotes

 Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson. 

Tags: comedian   hilarious     
J.K. Rowling - Quotes

 Good day now, Potty...Weasel King. 

Tags: hilarious     
Mike Tyson - Quotes

 I just want to conquer people and their souls. 

Tags: hilarious     
Douglas Adams - Quotes

 Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws. 

Tags: hilarious   humor   universe     
Alan Sypert - Quotes

 It wasn 

Tags: anecdote   comedy   essays   funny   hilarious   humor     
Cassandra Clare - Quotes

 She winced and covered her ears as Eric,onstage, wrestled with his microphone.



 

Tags: clary   eric   hilarious   poems   simon     
C.S. Lewis - Quotes

 Let's pray that the human race never escapes Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. 

Tags: accurate   hilarious     
- Quotes

 Laboratory scientists use formaldehyde as a disinfectant or preservative. They don't fucking drink it. 

Tags: hilarious     
Graham Roumieu - Quotes

 It me birthday and nobody came...Bigfoot decide do something nice for self for big day and sneak in they house at night and pick out own present and blow out flickering candle of life in they brains. Make a wish, jerks.



 

Tags: bigfoot   cryptids   hilarious   humor   roumieu     
Alyson Noel - Quotes

 Where's your car? Miles asks,glancing at him as he slams his door shut and slings his backpack over his shoulder.  

Tags: hilarious     
Chuck Palahniuk - Quotes

 Yes, I kidnapped that Linbergh baby 

Tags: funny   hilarious   witty     
Michael Scott - Quotes

 She's in the Catskill, 

Tags: cafe   elephants   funny   hilarious   shadow     

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Quotes of the Day


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