Capt. Jack Aubrey:
Right lads, now, I know there's not a faint heart among you, and I know you're as anxious as I am to get into close action. But we must bring them right up beside us before we spring this trap. That will test our nerve, and discipline will count just as much as courage. The Acheron is a tough nut to crack... more than twice our guns, more than twice our numbers, and they will sell their lives dearly. Topmen, your handling of the sheets to be lubberly and un-navy like. Until the signal calls, you're to spill the wind from our sails, this will bring us almost to a complete stop. Gun crews, you must run out and tie down in double quick time. With the rear wheels removed, you've gained elevation. and without recoil, there'll be no chance for re-load, so gun captains, that gives you one shot from the lardboard battery... one shot only. You'll fire for her mainmast. Much will depend on your accuracy... however... even crippled, she will still be dangerous, like a wounded beast. Captain Howard and the marines will sweep their weather deck with swivel gun and musket fire from the tops. They'll try and even the odds for us before we board. They mean to take us as a prize. [all chuckling]
Capt. Jack Aubrey:
And we are worth more to them undamaged. Their greed... will be their downfall. England is under threat of invasion, and though we be on the far side of the world, this ship is our home. This ship, is England. So it's every hand to his rope or gun, quick's the word and sharp's the action. After all... surprise is on our side.
Crew:
Huzzah, huzzah!
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones:
[Holding 3 guards at gun point, singing] Hello. Sweet Chariot, come to carry me home.
Cameron Poe:
What's going on here?
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones:
I just want to offer to the pigs.
Cameron Poe:
You can't.
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones:
Why not?
Cameron Poe:
Well, they're hostages, we need them.
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones:
[Points the gun at Poe] Why the fuck to you care?
Cameron Poe:
C'mon now. I can think of anything [Kicks the first guard]
Cameron Poe:
better, than putting a [Kicks the second guard]
Cameron Poe:
bullett, into the head of one of these [Kicks the third guard]
Cameron Poe:
fuckers. But you have to ask yourselfthis question. How well you know this Cindino? I don't know him that well myself. He has blown up his own yacht with 3 of his brothers on board. Now why would he eliminate his comerades after they have served their purpose, now think about that.
Cyrus Grissom:
[Coming in] What exactly are we discussing here?
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones:
Poe does not want me to offfer the pigs.
Cyrus Grissom:
[to Poe] Well, we can't actually stop Diamond Dog from doing this as this is own verision of penal lore. All I want to know how you care at all?
Cameron Poe:
Hey, Cyrus. It's your barbecue man, and it tastes good. I was just telling Mr. [Points to Diamond Dog]
Cameron Poe:
"Dog" here that if it was "my" barbecue, I would wait for that ol' jumbo jet in the sky bafore I start killing off the only leverage.
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones:
Shut the fuck up.
Cameron Poe:
You want to get high and get laid, shit.
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones:
[Picks up a guard] Oh, fuck this.
Cyrus Grissom:
[Seeing Diamond Dog about to kill the guard] Put the gun down, Nathan. Poe's right. We're going to plan B. Wew're going to get a tractor and a fuel truck, get everybody here and we're going to dig the plane out. [Poe winks at Diamond Dog]
Charles Eastman:
My dear Senator Dawes, as I believed you sincere in asking me to keep you informed, I write you again in an appeal for your assistance. With no medical equipment here worthy of the name and understocked in medicines, there has been little reason for the sick to risk the journey to the agency for treatment. I bought a horse and a wagon with my own salary and have just now returned from the several weeks in the villages. It is a mistake to trust the official reports. Measles, influenza and whooping cough have ascended from hell all at once. My own assistant's child has been taken. The agent here, Royer, has no experience and even less inclination to help these people. Of equal concern is the epidemic of hopelessness that has overtaken the reservation. That the Sioux would bear the wretched taste of cod-liver oil for the ounce of spirits contained in the bottle is, to me, the whole of their experience in a nutshell. I no longer deny them. Many here fear a return to the old ways. The prophesy of a Paiute shaman called Wovoka has spread from tribe to tribe faster than a telegraph signal, rekindling old superstitions among the Sioux and old apprehensions among the whites who are sure to mistake desperation for hostility. As conditions worsen, the church can provide little solace beyond a Christian burial. Sincerely yours, Charles Eastman.
Hank the Bartender:
[Hands them their drinks] The doctor's in. Help is on its way.
K.C.:
Thanks, Hank. Something wrong, Joe?
Joe Gavilan:
What do ya mean, "Something Wrong?"
K.C.:
You seem down.
Joe Gavilan:
Down? Me?
K.C.:
Lately.
Joe Gavilan:
We've been partners for what, four months, and now you wanna be my shrink?
K.C.:
Sometimes it helps to talk. That's all I'm saying.
Joe Gavilan:
All right. Let me paint you a picture. Portrait of Joe Gavilan. Seven, eight years ago, I sold off the results of my entrepreneurial efforts up to that point: Three tanning salons and two original silk-tip nail parlors in the Antelope Valley, and I started attending weekend Real Estate seminars at the Airport Hyatt. You know, "How to Make $1 Million in Real Estate with Very Little Money Down."
K.C.:
Sounds good.
Joe Gavilan:
Started out with a condo in Sherman Oaks. Slapped some paint on the walls. Refaced the kitchen cabinets. Traded up to a smoke-damaged ranch in Tarzana, then a Spanish on Outpost, and a fake Mediterranean in Los Feliz. Pretty soon, I had everything I've got tied up in this... this monstrosity... on Mt. Olympus, at the corner of Hercules and, I shit you not, Achilles.
K.C.:
So what's the problem?
Joe Gavilan:
The problem is if I don't score a big commission or get rid of this... piece of shit on Mt. Olympus... well, the word *Titanic* comes to mind.
Dr. Schreber:
I call them the Strangers. They abducted us and brought us here. This city, everyone in it... is their experiment. They mix and match our memories as they see fit, trying to divine what makes us unique. One day, a man might be an inspector. The next, someone entirely different. When they want to study a murderer, for instance, they simply imprint one of their citizens with a new personality. Arrange a family for him, friends, an entire history... even a lost wallet. Then they observe the results. Will a man, given the history of a killer, continue in that vein? Or are we, in fact, more than the sum of our memories?
Judge Rosaria:
[on a taped conversation between Gwen and Hammond] ... This is going to air on tonight's news. Would someone care to explain where it came from?
Danielle Kline:
Don't look at me. You think, if I had that, I'd just sit on it?
Merle Hammond:
This whole thing is a setup!
Danielle Kline:
Setup for what, Merle? Did you announce, beforehand, that you intended to trash the entire jury system?
Merle Hammond:
That's a little disingenuous, don't you think?
Gwen Saticoy:
Your Honor, if I had planned on taping him, I would have started it as soon as we got in the car... not when we were almost at the Osborne Farm.
Judge Rosaria:
Anyone who's ever argued in my courtroom knows how much I hate surprises. And when something like THIS falls anonymously out of the sky, I get REALLY angry. Before we proceed with this trial, and consume any more of the "dumb" jury's time, I recommend counsel rethink their approach. I'm going to lunch. Miss Saticoy, I suggest you do the same. [she leaves]
Danielle Kline:
[leaving with Gwen] Call me when you two GENTLEMEN have the plea terms worked out.
Merle Hammond:
I *forbid* you to plead this case out!
Hammond's lawyer:
Fine. I'm sure, when all the "sheep" in the jury box hear this tape, they'll immediately sympathize with your ordeal and convict Gwen.
Merle Hammond:
You're assuming the jurors pay attention to the news, much less this case. That woman is guilty! She kidnapped me and everyone knows it!
Hammond's lawyer:
You just don't get it, do you? If you let this thing play out any longer than it has to, you're gonna find the word "UNEMPLOYABLE" stamped across your forehead in big red letters. You think that's ridiculous, huh? Who's gonna recommend a lawyer who took a dump all over the entire jury pool of the western world? I'm telling you, stop now and cut your losses.
Elizabeth James:
[thinking she is talking to her father, who has a newspaper up between them] Hey stranger...
Hallie:
[puts down newspaper. then] Hey Mom, did you know that the Concorde gets you here in half the time?
Elizabeth James:
[flustered] Yes, I, I've heard that...
Annie:
[after Hallie surprises Elizabeth and Annie by arriving in London and showing up at their home before Elizabeth and Annie do] What are you doing here?
Hallie:
It took us abound 30 seconds after you guys left for us to realize we didn't want to lose you two again.
Elizabeth James:
We?
Nick Parker:
[walking in from another room] We. I made the mistake of not coming after you once, Lizzie. I'm not going to do that again no matter how brave you are.
Elizabeth James:
And I suppose you just expect me to go weak at the knees, and fall into your arms, and cry hysterically. And say we'll just figure this whole thing out. A bi-continental relationship with our daughters being raised here and there. And. And, you and I just picking up where we left off and growing old together. And... and... c'mon, Nick, what do you expect? To live happily ever after?
Nick Parker:
Yes. To all of the above. Except you don't have to cry hysterically.
Elizabeth James:
[With tears in her eyes] Oh, yes I do. [he kisses her]
Roberta Hertzel:
You already know how famously they get along as friends, but did you know that their sex life is positively white hot? The main reason both of my marriages failed was sexual. I'm an extremely sexual person, I can't help it, it just how I'm wired, you know, even when I was a little girl. I had my first orgasm when I was 6 in ballet class. Anyway, the point is that I have been always very easily aroused and very orgasmic, Jeannie and I have a lot in common that way. Clifford and Larry, they were nice guys, but they just could not keep up with me. Anyway, I don't want to betray Jeannie's confidence, but let me just assure you that whatever problems those two kids may run into along the way, they will always be able to count on what happens between the sheets to keep them together. More soup?
Warren Schmidt:
Eh... no, I think I'm fine now.
Jasper:
Everything is a mythical, cosmic battle between faith and chance. [offers Miriam a joint]
Miriam:
Maybe I shouldn't.
Jasper:
You already did. Take another one. Now cough. What do you taste?
Miriam:
Strawberries!
Jasper:
Strawberries? That's what it's called: Strawberry Cough!
Kee:
Wicked!
Jasper:
So. You've got faith over here, right? And chance over there.
Miriam:
Like yin and yang.
Jasper:
Sort of.
Miriam:
Or Shiva and Shakti.
Jasper:
Lennon and McCartney!
Kee:
[looking at pictures] Look, Julian and Theo.
Jasper:
Yeah, there you go! Julian and Theo met among a million protestors in a rally by chance. But they were there because of what they believed in in the first place, their faith. They wanted to change the world. And their faith kept them together. But by chance, Dylan was born.
Kee:
[picks up another photo] This is him?
Jasper:
Yeah, that's him. He'd have been about your age. Magical child. Beautiful. Their faith put in praxis.
Miriam:
"Praxis"? What happened?
Jasper:
Chance. He was their sweet little dream. He had little hands, little legs, little feet. Little lungs. And in 2008, along came the flu pandemic. And then, by chance, he was gone. You see, Theo's faith lost out to chance. So, why bother if life's going to make its own choices?
Kee:
Baby's got Theo's eyes.
Jasper:
Yeah.
Miriam:
Oh, boy. That's terrible. But, you know, everything happens for a reason.
Jasper:
That, I don't know. But Theo and Julian would always bring Dylan. He loved it here.
Queen Victoria:
I do want to help them, whatever you say. And not just the laboring poor, but the hungry and the homeless, and... There are people who are lost, and whose business is it to see to their welfare?
Lord Melbourne:
Well, in my experience, ma'am, it's best to let these things develop naturally. If you interfere, you risk overturning the cart.
Queen Victoria:
Well, Prince Albert doesn't agree. He's made a study of the working man's condition, he's full to the brim with ideas for their improvement.
Lord Melbourne:
Is he indeed? How inspiring.
Senior Ed Bloom:
I don't know if you're aware of this, Josephine, but African parrots, in their native home of the Congo, they speak only French.
Josephine:
Really?
Senior Ed Bloom:
You're lucky to get four words out of them in English, but if you were to walk through the jungle, you'd hear them speaking the most elaborate French. Those parrots talk about everything. Politics, movies, fashion. Everything but religion.
Will Bloom:
Why not religion, Dad?
Senior Ed Bloom:
It's rude to talk about religion. You never know who you're gonna offend.
Will Bloom:
Josephine actually went to the Congo last year.
Senior Ed Bloom:
Oh, so you know.
Attalus:
[Raising a toast at Philip's wedding party] To Philip and Eurydice! And to their legitimate son! To Philip...
Alexander:
[Alexander throws a wine cup at him] And what am I? You son of a dog. Come then.
Philip:
[Attalus throws his cup at Alexander and soon a fight breaks out] Quiet. Shut up! Shut up all of you! This is my wedding, not some public brawl! Apologize, by Zeus, before you dishonor me.
Alexander:
You defend the man that calls my mother a whore and me a bastard? And I dishonor you?
Philip:
Bah! You listen like your mother. Attalus is family now, same as you.
Alexander:
Then choose your relatives more carefully. Don't expect me to sit here and watch you shame yourself.
Philip:
Shame?
Attalus:
You insult me!
Alexander:
I insult you? A man not fit to lick the ground my mother walks on? You dog, questioning your queen!
Philip:
Shame? I've nothing to be ashamed of, you arrogant brat! I'll marry the girl if I want, and I'll have as many sons as I want, and there's nothing you or your harpy mother can do about it!
Alexander:
Why, drunken man, must you think everything I do and say comes from my mother?
Philip:
Because I know her heart, by Hera! And I see her in your eyes. You covet this throne too much. Now! We all know that that she-wolf of a mother of yours wants me dead! Well, you can both dream boy.
Philip:
Come Philip, 'tis the wine talking. Leave the boy, it can wait till the morning.
Philip:
Now! I command you... apologize to your kinsman. [Alexander stands in silence looking at Attalus]
Philip:
Apologize!
Alexander:
He's no kinsman to me. Good night old man, and when my mother remarries, I'll invite you to her wedding. [Walks away]
Philip:
You bastard! You'll obey me. Come here. [Alexander looks at Philip and continues to walk away, Philip grabs his sword and prepares to attack Alexander, but falls to the ground in a drunken stupor]
Alexander:
This is the man who's going to take you from Greece to Persia? He can't even make it from one couch to the next.
Philip:
Get out of my palace! You're exiled, you bastard! Banished from the land, you're not welcome here! You're no son of mine!
Skylar:
Do you have lots of brothers and sisters?
Will:
I'm Irish Catholic, what do you think?
Skylar:
But how many?
Will:
You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
Skylar:
Why? Go on, what, 5? 7? 8? How many?
Will:
I have 12 big brothers.
Skylar:
You do not have 12 brothers.
Will:
I swear to God, I swear to God, I'm lucky 13 right here.
Skylar:
Do you know all their names?
Will:
Do I... yeah, they're my brothers.
Skylar:
What are they called?
Will:
Marky, Ricky, Danny, Terry, Mikey, Davey, Timmy, Tommy, Joey, Robby, Johnny, and Brad.
Skylar:
Say it again.
Will:
Marky, Ricky, Danny, Terry, Mikey, Davey, Timmy, Tommy, Joey, Robby, Johnny, and Brian.
Skylar:
...and Willy.
Will:
Willy? Will...
