Janis:
[reading list the major cliques in high school] You got your freshmen, ROTC guys, preps, J.V. jocks, Asian nerds, Cool Asians, Varsity jocks Unfriendly black hotties, Girls who eat their feelings, Girls who don't eat anything, Desperate wannabes, Burnouts, Sexually active band geeks, [a picture of herself and Damian come on screen]
Janis:
the greatest people you will ever meet, and the worst. Beware of plastics.
[When their son leaves home and moves into an apartment]
Janet 'Jay' Marie Kyle:
You did what?
Michael Kyle:
Actually, I didn't do anything. He said he wanted to leave, so I said goodbye.
Janet 'Jay' Marie Kyle:
No, no, no, I know you better than that, Michael. You didn't just say fine, did you?
Michael Kyle:
Well, actually I said "so long, see ya sucker, bon voyage, arrivederci, later loser, goodbye, good riddance, peace out, let the doorknob hit ya where the good Lord split ya, don't come back around here no more, hasta la vista baby, kick rocks, and get the hell out," like that.
Janet 'Jay' Marie Kyle:
Do you mean to tell me that you told MY SON "so long, see ya sucker, bon voyage, arrivederci, later loser, goodbye, good riddance, peace out, let the doorknob hit ya where the good Lord split ya, don't come back around here no more, hasta la vista, and get the hell out" - to MY BABY.
Michael Kyle:
No, actually I said "so long, see ya sucker, bon voyage, arrivederci, later loser, goodbye, good riddance, peace out, let the doorknob hit ya where the good Lord split ya, don't come back around here no more, hasta la vista baby, KICK ROCKS, (pauses) and get the hell out. You forgot the "kick rocks." That's really important.
Janet 'Jay' Marie Kyle:
Michael, How did he react when you said "so long, see ya sucker, bon voyage, arrivederci, later loser, goodbye, good riddance, peace out, let the doorknob hit ya where the good Lord split ya, don't come back around here no more, KICK ROCKS, and get the hell out?"
Michael Kyle:
Actually, you left out the "hasta la vista"...
Janet 'Jay' Marie Kyle:
Oh, Michael. Don't say it, again. [makes a diving motion]
Janet 'Jay' Marie Kyle:
I'm on edge, I swear.
Dollar Bill:
Stripping business started in Africa. Long time ago, long long time ago, white man went to Africa. And he saw all these bootiful black women, walking around, dancing, working, living, in the nude. Bucked Nakeds! You could see their public hairs. This white man went from village to village to seek out these bootiful black women, watching them perform, in the nude. TITTIES! Asses. Free. White man got an idea. He figure he go back to Europe and start the same type of business, taking away from our black women, trying to get them white bithches to dance the same identical way, huh? But to no avail. Wasn't no shame in our black women walking around BUCKED NAKED! So he went over to Europe and tried the same thang. Them white bitches told that white man the must bootiful words you ever want to hear in our profession.
Ebony:
What did she say?
Dollar Bill:
Baby, them white bitches looked that white man dead in the eye and told him, "Fuck that. Pay me!" Ha ha! That's why I get 30 percent.
Ebony:
When can I start?
Dollar Bill:
Immedjately.
Müller:
Perhaps the judge has a special love for them?
Klopfer:
[mutters appreciatively] Yes, yes a special love for them... very good...
Dr. Wilhelm Stuckart:
For whom? For Jews! Wonderful, you don't have my credentials. Forgive me, from your uniform I can infer you're shallow, ignorant and naive about the Jews. Your line and what the party rants on about how inferior they are, some-some-some sub-species, and I keep saying how wrong that is! They are sublimely clever. And they're intelligent as well. My indictment to that race is stronger and heavier because they are real not uneducated ideology. They are arrogant, they are self-obsessed, and calculating and they reject the Christ and I will not have them pollute German blood!
General Reinhard Heydrich:
[tries to calm Stuckart down] Please, doctor...
Dr. Wilhelm Stuckart:
He doesn't understand! And neither do his people. Deal with the reality of the Jew and the world will applaud us. Treat them as imaginary phantoms, evil in human fantasies, and the world would have justified contempt for us! To kill them casually without regard for the law martyrs them, which will be their victory! Sterilization recognizes them as a part of our species but prevents them from being a part of our race. They will disappear soon enough. And we will have acted in defense of our race and by the law! This fellow here mentioned the laws for the protection of German blood, *I wrote that law*! When you have my credentials then we'll talk about who loves the Jews or who hates them. Pigs don't know how to hate. I know too, when it comes to the half-mixed, that to kill them abandons the half of their blood which is German.
Klopfer:
I'll remember you.
Dr. Wilhelm Stuckart:
You should. I'm very well known.
Announcer:
Geritol. America's #1 tonic. Geritol, the fast-acting, high-potentcy tonic, that helps you feel... stronger... fast... presents the exciting quiz program...”Twenty-One." Brought to you by NBC, The National Broadcasting Company, broadcasting nationally coast to coast, from New York to Los Angeles, from Seattle to St. Petersburg... via a vast network of affiliates crisscrossing the country. Coming up next, "Twenty-One," starring master of ceremonies Jack Barry! [music cues build dramatically]
Announcer:
Two players racing to score 21 points... each in a soundproof television studio, not knowing the other one's score... with $500 riding on each point... as they both play...”Twenty-One!" [lively theme music plays]
Announcer:
And here's your host... Jack Barry! [the audience applauds as Jack runs on to the stage and stands behind his podium]
Jack Barry:
[looking at us] Good evening. I'm Jack Barry. Due to a series of ties, Herbert Stempel, our 29-year-old ex-G.I. college student, must play at $3,000 a point, which means that in a few brief minutes, he can either win as much as $100,000 - the most money won on television to date - or lose everything he's won in the last eight weeks. [as Jack continues to speak, Herbert and his opponent wait to be introduced]
Stempel's opponent:
You nervous?
Herbie Stemple:
[chuckles as he clean's his glasses] It's only money.
Jack Barry:
Isolated in their soundproof studios, neither player is aware of the other's score. I've been assured by our friends at the encyclopedia... that they've concocted some real brain-breakers this week, so we'll find out in the next 30 minutes... if the unstumpable Herbert Stempel can be stumped. Could I have the questions, please? [a drumroll plays as the questions are handed to Jack by a stagehand]
Jack Barry:
Thank you, gentlemen. Remember the questions on "Twenty-One" are secured each week in a Manhattan bank vault 'til just before show time. So right now, let's meet Herbert Stempel and his challenger as Geritol, America's #1 tonic, presents "Twenty-One." [a fanfare plays and the audience applauds as Herbert and his opponent make their entrances]
Connor:
[on the phone with Sidda] Hi.
Sidda:
How did you know it was me?
Connor:
Who else? How are you feeling?
Sidda:
A little disoriented.
Connor:
Well, horse tranquilizers will do that for you.
Sidda:
I can't believe you let them do this.
Connor:
They didn't ask my permission. They called me on the way to the airport, they informed me of their plan. I saw you off.
Sidda:
From where?
Connor:
I met you at the airport, helped them get you on the plane. They're organized. They even had a note from a doctor. By the way, your pills are in your bag.
Sidda:
[to Ya Yas] I have a bag?
Caro:
Yeah, in the closet. Tell Connor we say hello.
Connor:
[Sidda asks Connor if he heard them] Yeah. I'll tell you one thing, meeting them explains a lot about you.
Sidda:
Such as?
Connor:
Well, let me put it this way. You're a hell of a lot more normal than you've any right to be.
Sidda:
Listen, I'm gonna try and bust out of here tomorrow. I gotta get back for work.
Connor:
Don't rush back on my account.
Sidda:
I just said it was for work.
Connor:
And I just meant maybe you ought to try to stay and fix this thing with your mother for once and for all.
Sidda:
Why are you so worried about this?
Connor:
Because I'm afraid that one day our kids may feel that way about you.
Sidda:
Ow.
Connor:
These women may be nuts, but I have a feeling they might know something that you don't.
Sidda:
I don't think it's fair that you're bringing kids we don't even have into this, Connor, okay? That was just a really low blow.
Connor:
Well, that's the way I feel. Stay there. Deal with it.
Sidda:
[hangs up] YOU deal with it.
Montoya Santana:
I hear Little Puppet's name is on a piece of paper, ese.
J.D.:
I want you to cosign it.
Montoya Santana:
I'm taking it off, ese.
J.D.:
That punk got you kicked back in the hole, set us all back. Now he's running around talking loud shit about how he wants out of La Eme. His number's up, homes.
Montoya Santana:
I said I'm taking it off, ese.
J.D.:
What's gonna happen is gonna happen. Don't try to stop it. You understand me? I'm asking you, carnal.
Montoya Santana:
Is that where it's gotten to, ese?
J.D.:
Brothers are talking about you.
Montoya Santana:
What are they saying, ese?
J.D.:
They're saying that you're not showing them anything.
Montoya Santana:
You know, a long time ago, two best homeboys, two kids, were thrown into juvie. They were scared, and they thought they had to do something to prove themselves. And they did what they had to do. They thought they were doing it to gain respect for their people, to show the world that no one could take their class from them. No one had to take it from us, ese. Whatever we had... we gave it away. Take care of yourself, carnal.
Erin Brockovich:
Annabelle Daniels: 714-454-9346. 10 years old, 11 in May. Lived on the plume since birth. Wanted to be a synchronized swimmer so she spent every minute she could in the PG&E pool. She had a tumor in her brain stem detected last November, an operation on Thanksgiving, shrunk it with radiation after that. Her parents are Ted & Rita. Ted's got Crohn's disease, Rita has chronic headaches, and nausea, and underwent a hysterectomy last fall. Ted grew up in Hinkley. His brother Robbie, and his wife May and their five children: Robbie Jr, Martha, Ed, Rose & Peter *also* lived on the plume. Their number is 454-9554. You want their diseases?
[At night, after searching all day for the way to Messiah Kings, Zia and Mikal suddenly come upon what appears to be an ocean]
Zia:
Holy shit. [They stop in astonishment and he looks at her]
Zia:
Let's go. How come no one in camp mentioned the beach is so close?
Mikal:
Maybe they don't know. Maybe we're the only ones who know. [They make their way down and start to pick their way along the rocky shore. Romantic music starts to play and she look his way]
Mikal:
Hi.
Zia:
Hi. You remember the other day when you were talking about missing things from life and, uh... and how you wanted to go back and I told you I didn't miss anything?
Mikal:
Yeah.
Zia:
Well... when I'm here... with you, I kind of miss myself the way I used to be.
Mikal:
What were you like? I was... I was happy at a time. Obviously before I came here, but...
Mikal:
Yeah.
Mikal:
something about being here with you reminds me of that. It's just, I don't know, it's just weird to me that you can feel that in a place like this. We're all... We're all dead.
Mikal:
You know what? Most of the people that I knew before I got here were either half dead or just completely dead already. You know, completely dead. And you're doing pretty good, Zia.
Zia:
You think so?
Mikal:
Yeah, definitely. [Long awkward silence follows and they look at each other. Zia finally leans in to kiss her and they make out. We see a shot of light reflecting off the water and then see, in the daylight, the two of them, still full clothed, spooning together on the rocks. The camera starts to pull back and we notice unused condoms in various colors as well as used syringes strewn all over the place with discarded beer bottles]
Kneller:
[We hear shouting from afar] Zia! Mikal!
Zia:
[groggily, just starting to move] Kneller. Freaking out. [He looks up and around as she see Kneller approaching]
Zia:
Fuck. Fuck! Mik, get up. [They are both startled by their surroundings]
Zia:
Oh, my God. Oh, God.
Kneller:
Zia. There they are. I've just been worried sick about you.
Zia:
[to Mikal] Careful. Careful. Don't step on it. Put your shoes on.
Kneller:
I hope you didn't sleep *here.*
Zia:
Well, yeah.
Kneller:
Ah! This is where intravenous drug users and prostitutes congregated. It was too revolting for them. Can we get the hell out of here?
Det. Sgt. Eldon Perry Jr.:
Look what descended from the sixth floor, Hey, Jimmy.
James Barcomb:
Jack. How are you holding up, son?
Bobby Keough:
I'm good, sir.
James Barcomb:
You should've seen this kid. He was outstanding. Ever thought about doing a tour with public affairs? We could use a good-looking son of a bitch like you.
Jack Van Meter:
He's a good young cop, Jimmy, and he's mine. Well, I tried.
James Barcomb:
The board voted- In policy, You're off the hook, kid.
Det. Sgt. Eldon Perry Jr.:
There you go.
Jack Van Meter:
Congratulations. Have a cigar.
James Barcomb:
The report will be ready in the morning. You guys can get back into the field. So, the vote... The vote was four to one.
Det. Sgt. Eldon Perry Jr.:
What? Who the fuck pissed backwards, Holland?
James Barcomb:
Affirmatron.
Det. Sgt. Eldon Perry Jr.:
I'd like to see his bald-headed black ass back in a radio car in South Central.
James Barcomb:
We don't need that shit.
Det. Sgt. Eldon Perry Jr.:
He actually said out of policy.
Jack Van Meter:
Holland began contacting outside agencies a month ago. He's doing civil service testing with the city of Cleveland. He's leaving to run their P.D. Didn't hear it from me.
James Barcomb:
Didn't hear it from you.
Det. Sgt. Eldon Perry Jr.:
Fuck Holland. Good riddance. We're gonna have to pin his stars on another brother or the community will go apeshit.
James Barcomb:
Jesus, Eldon, you sound just like your old man.
Jack Van Meter:
It's not such a bad thing, Everything I know-his old man. A toast to Bobby. Right between the eyes.
Bobby Keough:
Thank you, guys. I mean it. Thanks for giving me the chance to prove myself in SlS.
Jack Van Meter:
Eldon, Jimmy has something to tell you.
James Barcomb:
You made lieutenant. You're next on the transfer list.
Det. Sgt. Eldon Perry Jr.:
Fuck you, too, Jimmy.
James Barcomb:
No. We're not pulling your dick.
Det. Sgt. Eldon Perry Jr.:
It's about fucking Time!
Jake Tyler Brigance:
[in his summation, talking about Tonya Hailey] I want to tell you a story. I'm going to ask you all to close your eyes while I tell you the story. I want you to listen to me. I want you to listen to yourselves. Go ahead. Close your eyes, please. This is a story about a little girl walking home from the grocery store one sunny afternoon. I want you to picture this little girl. Suddenly a truck races up. Two men jump out and grab her. They drag her into a nearby field and they tie her up and they rip her clothes from her body. Now they climb on. First one, then the other, raping her, shattering everything innocent and pure with a vicious thrust in a fog of drunken breath and sweat. And when they're done, after they've killed her tiny womb, murdered any chance for her to have children, to have life beyond her own, they decide to use her for target practice. They start throwing full beer cans at her. They throw them so hard that it tears the flesh all the way to her bones. Then they urinate on her. Now comes the hanging. They have a rope. They tie a noose. Imagine the noose going tight around her neck and with a sudden blinding jerk she's pulled into the air and her feet and legs go kicking. They don't find the ground. The hanging branch isn't strong enough. It snaps and she falls back to the earth. So they pick her up, throw her in the back of the truck and drive out to Foggy Creek Bridge. Pitch her over the edge. And she drops some thirty feet down to the creek bottom below. Can you see her? Her raped, beaten, broken body soaked in their urine, soaked in their semen, soaked in her blood, left to die. Can you see her? I want you to picture that little girl. Now imagine she's white.
Henry Dawes:
We cannot allow a return to incivility.
Charles Eastman:
Incivility? And what has civility earned them, might I ask? Trained nurses? Even one hospital?
Henry Dawes:
All things the Sioux will provide for themselves, Charles, once this plan has passed. As you yourself agreed - they must adapt.
Charles Eastman:
Must they adapt, sir, to the point of their own extermination?
Henry Dawes:
Extermination? I suppose you say we've exterminated your Indian heritage rather than provided to you the benefits of an entire civilization?
Charles Eastman:
Senator, please sit. Sir, if every individual were taken personally under your care, as was my good fortune, I admit, the outcome might be what you seek. But I am not the example you held up to The Friends of the Indian. I am the example of nothing. I simply do not see how placing each Indian man on a desolate, 160-acre parcel of land is going to lead his children to medical school.
Henry Dawes:
It will, in time. But first, this must pass. Or I guarantee you, destitution is all the Sioux will ever know. I have many opponents, Charles, in the press, in Congress...
Charles Eastman:
You have an opponent before you, sir.
Issac Millsaps:
So, Davy, all your Indian fightin'... you ever get into a scrape like this?
Davy Crockett:
I was never in but one real scrape in my life, fella.
Issac Millsaps:
Yeah, but you was in the Red Stick war.
Davy Crockett:
Yeah, it's true, I was in that. I sure was. I was just about your age when it broke out. The Creeks, uh, boxed up about 400 or 500 people at Fort Mims and, uh, massacred every one of 'em. 'Course this was big news around those parts, so I up and joined the volunteers. I did a little scoutin', but mostly I, I just fetched in venison for the cook fire, things of that nature. Well, we caught up with those redskins at Tallushatchee, surrounded the village, come in from all directions. Wasn't much of a fight, really. We just shot 'em down like dogs. Finally... what Injuns was left, they crowded into this little cabin. They wanted to surrender... but this squaw, she loosed an arrow and killed one of the fellas, and then we shot her, And then we set the cabin on fire. We could hear 'em screamin' for their gods in there. We smelled 'em burnin'. We'd had nary to eat but parched corn since October. And the next day, when we dug through the ashes, we found some potaters from the cellar. They'd been cooked by that grease that run off them Indians. And we ate till we nearly burst. Since then... you pass the taters and I pass 'em right back.
Walter Sobchak:
Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors... and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and... up to... Pismo. He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And so would Donny. Donny, who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabotsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince.
Scott Calvin:
Look, I am not Santa Claus! Ahhh!
Bernard:
Did you or did you not read the card?
Scott Calvin:
Yeah, I read the card.
Bernard:
Then you're the new Santa. And putting on their hat and jacket, you accepted the contract
Scott Calvin:
What contract?
Bernard:
The card in the Santa suit, you said you read it, right? So when you put on the suit, you fell subject for the Santa Clause.
Scott Calvin:
The Santa Claus? Oh, you mean the guys that fell off my roof?
Bernard:
No, no, not Santa Claus, the person. Santa Clause the clause.
Scott Calvin:
What?
Bernard:
You're a businessman right? Okay, a clause as in the last line of the contract.
Bernard:
[Scott looks confused] You got the card? Okay look. [Reads what the I.D. card says]
Scott Calvin:
What does that mean?
Bernard:
It means you put on the suit, you're the big guy.
Scott Calvin:
That ridiculous, I didn't put on a suit to...
Bernard:
[shouts] *Try to understand this!*
Dennis:
Finally. [cracks knuckles]
Dennis:
I got you right where I want you.
SpongeBob SquarePants:
Can I help you with something, sir?
Dennis:
Name's Dennis. I've been hired to exterminate you.
SpongeBob SquarePants:
You're gonna exterminate us? [SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other, then burst out in laughter before wiping their tears]
SpongeBob SquarePants:
Listen, Junior. You caught me and my friend here in a good mood today, so I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Step aside, and you won't have to feel the awesome wrath of our mustaches.
Dennis:
You mean these? [grabs the seaweed mustaches off SpongeBob and Patrick's faces]
Dennis:
I thought you still had a piece of salad stuck to your lip from lunchtime. [Throws mustaches as SpongeBob and Patrick's eyes bulge at the sight of them]
SpongeBob SquarePants:
They were fake?
Dennis:
Of course they were fake! This is what a real mustache looks like. [Pulls face mask off, grunts to sprout mustach from his upper lip]
Patrick Star:
Is he a mermaid?
Dennis:
All right. Enough gab. [approaches SpongeBob and Patrick, who are trembling in fear]
SpongeBob SquarePants:
What are you gonna do to us?
Dennis:
Plankton was very specific.
SpongeBob SquarePants:
Plankton?
Dennis:
For some reason, he wanted me to step on you.
Patrick Star:
Step on us?
Dennis:
Yeah! That way, you'll never find out that he stole the crown! [SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other]
Dennis:
Uhh, perhaps I've said too much. [extends spikes from the soles of his boots. SpongeBob and Patrick tremble in fear as Dennis positions his boot above them]
Patrick Star:
That's a big boot.
Dennis:
Don't worry. This'll only hurt a lot! [laughs]
Dennis:
I love this job! [Continues to laugh, only to be crushed by a bigger boot]
Patrick Star:
Bigger boot! [tries to run away]
SpongeBob SquarePants:
Wait, Pat! This bigger boot saved our lives.
Patrick Star:
Yay!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star:
Thank you, stranger!
