Lateesha Rodriguez:
Now, as a blactino woman, I believe we deserve our own race category to forge an identity, Jerry. That's how I feel.
Jerry Springer:
Did you just say "blactino"?
Lateesha Rodriguez:
Yes, I did. I'm a blactino-American.
Chinegro Woman:
Wow. Uh, first of all... first of all, you don't even look latino. You look black. You're... You're black. Second of all, I'm of mixed race, and I've struggled my whole life as to whether I'm Chinese or whether I'm black.
Lateesha Rodriguez:
Chinegro! What you are is chinegro!
Chinegro Woman:
Chinegro?
Lateesha Rodriguez:
Chinegro! There you go!
Chinegro Woman:
Chinegro?
Lateesha Rodriguez:
You are a chinegro!
Chinegro Woman:
What the [bleep]
Chinegro Woman:
is chinegro?
Lateesha Rodriguez:
That's what you are! Chinegro is you!
Chinegro Woman:
That's some bulls... [bleep]
Chinegro Woman:
.
Jerry Springer:
OK, as I understand it, you brought a mixed-race flow chart with you. Why don't we bring that out? [Crowd shouting and booing]
Lateesha Rodriguez:
[to a random heckler] How you doin', sugar? All right. I'm gonna call you later. Mwah. All right. [Crowd laughs]
Lateesha Rodriguez:
Take a look at this... [she unveils the chart]
Lateesha Rodriguez:
Blactino, blackasian, hispasian, OK? Now, for the Asian subcategories, [to the Chinegro woman]
Lateesha Rodriguez:
I got you, sister. We have chinegro right here. That's you. Chinegro.
Chinegro Woman:
That's not a word! That's not a word!
Lateesha Rodriguez:
Yes, it is, sister. We have koreagro. Japegro, OK? [Crowd laughs]
Lateesha Rodriguez:
Chispanic, koreaspanic, and last but not least, check this out, y'all... japanic. [Crowd cheering]
Lateesha Rodriguez:
That's how I flow with it!
Jerry Springer:
Do you believe the government should recognise these racial subgroups?
Lateesha Rodriguez:
Yes, Jerry, I do.
Ray Embrey:
What about you, buddy? You're from another planet, aren't you?
Hancock:
No man, I'm from Miami.
Ray Embrey:
You didn't come on in, like, a meteor or...
Hancock:
Nope. Woke up at a hospital, first thing I remember.
Ray Embrey:
Government hospital. Yes? Experimenting on you and...
Hancock:
No, Ray. Regular old Miami emergency room.
Ray Embrey:
Come on.
Hancock:
Yeah, uh, my skull was fractured. They told me I tried to, uh, stop a mugging.
Ray Embrey:
Somebody knocked you out.
Hancock:
Guess I was a regular guy before and when I woke up, I was changed. Uh, and the hospital nurse tried to put a needle in my arm and it just broke against my skin. And then my skull healed, in, like in an hour. The doctors were astounded and, uh, they wanted to know my story. Just like you. But, uh, I couldn't tell 'em. I don't know who I am.
Mary Embrey:
Amnesia. You know, the blow to the head.
Hancock:
Yeah, well, that's what they figure.
Ray Embrey:
You don't remember anything?
Hancock:
No. Only thing I had in my pocket was bubble-gum, two movie tickets. Boris Karloff. Uh, Frankenstein. Uh... But no ID, nothing. I went to sign out. The, uh, nurse asked me for my John Hancock. And, uh... I actually thought that's who I was.
Mole:
You have disturbed the dirt.
Milo:
Uh, pardon me?
Mole:
You have disturbed the dirt! Dirt from around the globe spanning the centuries! [pulls the covers of Milo's bed, exposing clumps of dirt with little flags]
Mole:
What have you done? England must never merge with France!
Milo:
What's it doing in my bed?
Mole:
You ask too many questions! Who are you? Who sent you? Speak up!
Milo:
Me? I'm, uh...
Mole:
Bah! I will know soon enough. [grabs Milo's hand]
Milo:
Hey, hey, hey! Let go!
Mole:
Do not be such a crybaby. Hold still. [takes a bit of dirt from under one of Milo's fingernails]
Mole:
Aha! There you are. Now tell me your story, my little friend. [looks at dirt under magnifying lenses]
Mole:
Parchment fiber from the Nile Delta circa 500 B.C., lead pencil No. 2, paint flecks of a type used in government buildings, you have a cat, short hair Persian, two years old, third in a liter of seven. These are all the microscopic fingerprints of the mapmaker. [tastes dirt]
Mole:
And linguist.
