Jay:
[singing] Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, / Mother, mother fuck, / Mother, mother fuck, fuck / Mother fuck, mother fuck, / Noise noise noise, / 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4, / Noise, noise noise / Smokin' weed, smokin' wizz, / Doin' coke, drinkin' beers, / Drinkin' beers, beers, beers, / Rollin' fattys, smokin' blunts, / Who smokes the blunts? / We smoke the blunts. / Rollin' blunts and smokin'...
Teen #2:
Uh, let me get a nickel bag.
Jay:
[singing] / Fifteen bucks, little man, / Put that shit in my hand, / If that money doesn't show, / Then you owe me, owe me, owe, / My jungle love, yeah, / Owe-ee, owe-ee, owe, / I think I want to know ya, know ya, / Yeah, what?
Teen #1:
What the hell are you singing?
Jay:
You don't know "Jungle Love?" That shit is the mad notes. Written by God herself and sent down to the greatest band in the world: The mother-fucking Time.
Teen #2:
You mean the guys in that Prince movie? [Silent Bob points to the two teens]
Teen #1:
Yeah, Purple Rain.
Teen #2:
Man, that shit was so gay - fucking eighties style.
John Holt:
Caleb, if I had to ask you why you're so frustrated with Catherine, what would you say?
Caleb Holt:
She's stubborn. She makes everything difficult for me. She's ungrateful. She's constantly griping about something.
John Holt:
Has she thanked you for anything you've done in the last 20 days?
Caleb Holt:
No! And you'd think after I washed the car, changed the oil, do the dishes, washed the house, that she would try to show me a little bit of gratitude, but she doesn't. In fact, when I come home, she makes me feel like I'm an enemy! I'm not even welcome in my own home, dad! That is what really ticks me off! Dad, for the last three weeks I have bent over backwards for her! I have tried to demonstrate that I still care about this relationship. I bought her flowers, which she threw away. I have taken her insults and her sarcasm, but last night was it. I made dinner for her. I did everything I could to demonstrate that I care about her, to show value for her, and she spat in my face! She does not deserve this, dad! I am not doing it anymore! How am I supposed to show love to somebody over and over and over, who constantly rejects me?
John Holt:
[John Holt strokes the wooden cross, and turns to Caleb] That's a good question.
Caleb Holt:
Dad, that is not what I'm doing.
John Holt:
Is it?
Caleb Holt:
No. Dad, that is not what this is about.
John Holt:
Son, you just asked me: how can someone show love over and over again when they're constantly rejected? Caleb, the answer is: you can't love her, because you can't give her what you don't have. I couldn't truly love your mother until I understood what love truly was. It's not because I get some reward out of it. I've now made a decision to love your mother whether she deserves it or not. Son, God loves you, even though you don't deserve it. Even though you've rejected Him. Spat in His face. God sent Jesus to die on the cross for your sin, because He loves you. The cross was offensive to me, until I came to it. But when I did, Jesus Christ changed my life. That's when I truly began to love your mom. Son, I can't settle this for you. This is between you and the Lord. But I love you too much not to tell you the truth. Can't you see that you need Him? Can't you see that you need His forgiveness?
Caleb Holt:
Yes.
John Holt:
Will you trust Him with your life? [Caleb nods; yes]
Dottie Hinkle:
Hello?
Beverly Sutphin:
Is this the Cocksucker residence?
Dottie Hinkle:
God damn you! Stop calling here!
Beverly Sutphin:
Is this Four Two One Five Pussy Way?
Dottie Hinkle:
You bitch!
Beverly Sutphin:
Now let me check the zip code. Two-one-two-fuck-you?
Dottie Hinkle:
The police are tracing this call this very minute.
Beverly Sutphin:
Well, Dottie Hinkle, then why aren't they here, huh, fuckface?
Dottie Hinkle:
FUCK YOU! [hangs up]
Beverly Sutphin:
Bwaahahahaha! [immediately calls her back]
Dottie Hinkle:
DIDN'T I JUST SAY FUCK YOU?
Beverly Sutphin:
[in a different voice] I beg your pardon?
Dottie Hinkle:
Who is this?
Beverly Sutphin:
Mrs. Wilson from the telephone company. I understand you're having problems with an obscene phone caller?
Dottie Hinkle:
Yes, I am. I'm sorry, Mrs. Wilson. But this is driving me crazy! I've had my number changed twice already. I'm a divorced woman, please help me.
Beverly Sutphin:
Well what exactly does this sick individual say to you?
Dottie Hinkle:
I can't say the words out loud, I don't use bad language.
Beverly Sutphin:
Oh well, I know it's difficult but we need to know the exact words.
Dottie Hinkle:
I'll try. COCKSUCKER, that's what she calls me.
Beverly Sutphin:
[reverting to the original voice] LISTEN TO YOUR FILTHY MOUTH, YA FUCKIN WHORE!
Dottie Hinkle:
GODDAMN YOU!
Beverly Sutphin:
MOTHERFUCKER!
Dottie Hinkle:
COCKSUCKER!
John Bul Dau:
It was as if the last day, as people say in the Bible, that there will be a last day, that Jesus Christ will come, and whatever on Earth will be judged. That was my imagination. I though that God felt tired of people on earth here, felt tired of the bad deeds, the bad thing that we are doing, yet God is watching on us. I thought God got tired of us and he want to finish us. When I think of it back... it was so bad anyway. You can even think of - you can even regret why you were born. Why you were born. Now I wonder, I'm now again wearing clothes, feeling very happy, and so anyway, everything has an end. Has an end. Even if there's problem in Sudan still maybe one time, one day, one minute it will come to an end.
Joe Pitt:
I think we ought to pray. Ask God for help. Ask him together.
Harper Pitt:
God won't talk to me. I have to make up people to talk to me.
Joe Pitt:
You have to keep asking.
Harper Pitt:
I forgot the question?... Oh, yeah. God, is my husband a homo?
Joe Pitt:
Stop it! Stop it! I'm warning you! Does it make any difference that I might be one thing deep within? No matter how wrong or ugly that thing is so long as I have fought with everything I have to kill it? What do you want from me? What do you want from me Harper, more than that? For God's sake, there's nothing left. I'm a shell. There's nothing left to kill. As long as my behaviour is what I know it has to be, decent, correct that alone in the eyes of God.
Harper Pitt:
No, no, not that. That's Utah talk, Mormon talk. I hate it, Joe. Tell me, say it.
Joe Pitt:
All I will say is that I'm a very good man who has worked very hard to become good and you wanna destroy that. You wanna destroy me but I am not gonna let you do that.
Harper Pitt:
I'm gonna have a baby.
Joe Pitt:
Liar!
Harper Pitt:
You liar!... A baby born addicted to pills. A baby who does not dream but who hallucinates, who stares up at us with big mirror eyes and who does not know who we are.
Joe Pitt:
Are you really?
Harper Pitt:
No... Yes... No... Yes... Get away from me. Now we both have a secret.
Hagai:
[leading Esther to Xerxes chambers] You can let go of my arm now. He will be the fortunate one to choose you... He will be the one who congratulations are due... [she still won't let go]
Hagai:
Esther, my arm.
Queen Esther:
[in Xerxes's chambers, walking towards the stool]
King Xerxes:
[standing in the shadows] The scroll is on the stool. You may begin when ever you are ready.
Queen Esther:
[glances at the stool and back towards Xerxes]
King Xerxes:
[pacing around] Is there a problem?... Did they not tell you I weary at this procession of candidates? I simply wanted someone to... [stops and looks at Esther]
King Xerxes:
Wait. You were the one who read to me before. You tried to beguile me with love stories. Did you not think I had the sense to see through your little parable? The arrogance, you speak to me as I were this Rachel, in need of help to look after my father's sheep!
Queen Esther:
My lord, I meant no disrespect.
King Xerxes:
[walking towards her] And this is how you come to see me? Your only adornment before your one night with the king.
Queen Esther:
It is, your majesty.
King Xerxes:
You consider yourself of so little worth, that I could purchase your love so cheaply.
Queen Esther:
I was taught... that when you visit a King, rather than expect a gift, one should bring one to lay at his feet. [removes her necklace and offers it to him]
Queen Esther:
This is my most valuable possession in the world. It is my past, my present, and my future. And all of it is yours.
King Xerxes:
[takes her necklace and turns away] Some would call you foolish, indeed. As they would call your Jacob. Of all commodities, love is the easiest... and the most cheaply purchased.
Queen Esther:
[considerate] If it is for sale, my lord. It is not love.
King Xerxes:
Even you... [moving closer]
King Xerxes:
Even you must have a price.
Queen Esther:
I am neither a buyer nor a seller of love.
King Xerxes:
[earnestly] Suppose, my lady. A man offered you a more treasured gift. Say a kingdom.
Queen Esther:
[near tears] The only gift I would accept is your heart.
King Xerxes:
[taking her hands] Than it is yours. And you didn't have to serve 7 years to get it. Tell me, Esther of Susa. Who are you really? Tell me of your people. Teach me of your ways.
Queen Esther:
My father told me it takes the glory of God to conceal a matter. And it takes the honor of Kings to search it out.
King Xerxes:
Than marry me and we shall spend an eternity discovering this 'truth'... together.
Alec Trevelyan:
We're both orphans, James. But while your parents had the luxury of dying in a climbing accident, mine survived the British betrayal and Stalin's execution squads. My father couldn't let himself or my mother live with the shame. MI6 figured I was too young to remember. And in one of life's little ironies, the son went to work for the government whose betrayal caused the father to kill himself and his wife.
James Bond:
Hence Janus. The two-faced Roman god come to life.
Alec Trevelyan:
It wasn't God who gave me this face! It was you, setting the timers for three minutes instead of six.
James Bond:
Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?
Alec Trevelyan:
No. You were supposed to die for me. [pause]
Alec Trevelyan:
And, by the way, I did think about asking you to join my little scheme but somehow I knew, 007's loyalty was always to the mission, never to his friend. [louder]
Alec Trevelyan:
Closing time, James! Last call. [Bond raises his gun to kill Alec but is tranquilized by a sniper]
Alec Trevelyan:
[walks towards Bond and looks down on him] For England, James.
[Larry in is bed with his wife and Steve, the dog at the end of the bed. Larry turns off the light and as everyone's getting ready to sleep, Larry says... ]
Larry Cummings:
I was just thinking about how lucky we are to have a kid, ya know? Just take it for granted. It's a miracle when you think about it. This whole birth thing. I mean, what happens, I unload a whole batch of these little reproductive things into your, uh, ya know, miracle bucket, and 9 months later, Milt comes out, ya know? I mean, for me it's got it's own inspiring mystique about it, as like... [Steve, the dog interrupts Larry by turning on the bedroom light]
Steve:
For God sakes Larry, people are trying to sleep around here.
Principal:
Mr. Madison, the Industrial Revolution changed the face of the modern novel forever. Discuss, citing specific examples. [Billy clears his throat several times]
Billy Madison:
Uh... Okay. The Industrial Revolution to me is just like a story I know called "The Puppy Who Lost His Way." The world was changing, and the puppy was getting... bigger. [Later]
Billy Madison:
So, you see, the puppy was like industry. In that, they were both lost in the woods. And nobody, especially the little boy - "society" - knew where to find 'em. Except that the puppy was a dog. But the industry, my friends, that was a revolution. [Long pause]
Billy Madison:
Knibb High football rules! [the crowd erupts into cheers]
Principal:
Mr. Madison, what you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy Madison:
Okay, a simple "wrong" would've done just fine.
King Baldwin IV:
Come forward. I am glad to meet Godfrey's son. He was one of my greatest teachers. He was there when, playing with the other boys, my arm was cut. It was he, not my father's physicians who noticed that I felt no pain. He wept when he gave my father the news, that I am a leper. The Saracens say that this disease is God's vengence against the vanity of our kingdom. As wretched as I am, these Arabs believe that the chastisement that awaits me in hell is far more severe and lasting. If that's true, I call it unfair. Come. Sit. When I was sixteen I won a great victory. I felt in that moment that I should live to be one hundred, now I know I shall not see thirty. You see, none of us chose our end really. A king may move a man, a father may claim a son. But remember that, even when those who move you be kings or men of power, your soul is in your keeping alone. When you stand before God you cannot say "but I was told by others to do thus" or that "virtue was not convinient at the time. This will not suffice. Remember that.
Balian of Ibelin:
I will.
King Baldwin IV:
Then go now to your father's house at Ibelin, and from there protect the pilgim road. Protect the helpless. And then perhaps one day when I am helpless you will come and protect me.
The Shoveller:
Lucille, God gave me a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well.
Lucille:
Honey, you shovel better than any man I've ever known, but that does not make you a super hero. [the Shoveller starts to say something, but Lucille cuts him off]
Lucille:
No, listen to me. You're a good husband, and a good father. But that's all. Nothing more. [she walks offscreen, a small boy wearing a Captain Amazing T-shirt hugs The Shoveller's leg]
Roland, The Shoveler's Son:
I believe in you, Daddy!
Lucille:
[calling from off-screen] Roland, do *not* encourage your father.
[Ethel Rosenberg walks into the room]
Roy Cohn:
Aw, fuck. Ethel.
Ethel Rosenberg:
You don't look so good, Roy.
Roy Cohn:
Well, Ethel. I don't feel so good.
Ethel Rosenberg:
But you lost a lot of weight. That suits you. You were heavy back then. Zaftig, mit hips.
Roy Cohn:
I haven't been that heavy since 1960. We were all heavier back then, before the body thing started. Now I look like a skeleton they stare at.
Ethel Rosenberg:
The shit's really hit the fan, huh, Roy? The fun's just started.
Roy Cohn:
What is this Ethel, Halloween? You trying to scare me? Well you're wasting your time 'cause I'm scarier than you are any day of the week! So beat it, Ethel! Boo! Better dead than red! Somebody trying to shake me up? Hm, hm? From the throne of God in heaven to the belly of hell, you can all fuck yourselves and then go jump in the lake because I am not afraid of you or death or hell or anything!
Ethel Rosenberg:
I'll be seeing you soon, Roy. Julius sends his regards.
Roy Cohn:
Yeah, well send this to Julius! [Roy flips her the bird]
Ethel Rosenberg:
You really are a very sick man, Roy.
Reverend Sullivan:
"Do not be deceived. God is not mocked." Hmmm. [Landon walks into the Church as Reverend Sullivan is practicing his sermon]
Reverend Sullivan:
"Whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap...” Can I help you?
Landon:
Uh, yes, sir. I'd like to ask your daughter to dinner on Saturday night.
Reverend Sullivan:
That's not possible.
Landon:
Well... with all due respect, sir, I ask you to reconsider.
Reverend Sullivan:
With all due respect, Mr. Carter, I made my decision. You can, uh, exit the way you entered.
Landon:
Listen, I'm sorry I haven't treated Jamie the way I should've. She deserves more than that. I'm just asking you for the same thing that you teach us every day in Church. And that's faith.
Reverend Sullivan:
[Exhales deeply]
