Det. Sgt. Eldon Perry Jr.:
Look what descended from the sixth floor, Hey, Jimmy.
James Barcomb:
Jack. How are you holding up, son?
Bobby Keough:
I'm good, sir.
James Barcomb:
You should've seen this kid. He was outstanding. Ever thought about doing a tour with public affairs? We could use a good-looking son of a bitch like you.
Jack Van Meter:
He's a good young cop, Jimmy, and he's mine. Well, I tried.
James Barcomb:
The board voted- In policy, You're off the hook, kid.
Det. Sgt. Eldon Perry Jr.:
There you go.
Jack Van Meter:
Congratulations. Have a cigar.
James Barcomb:
The report will be ready in the morning. You guys can get back into the field. So, the vote... The vote was four to one.
Det. Sgt. Eldon Perry Jr.:
What? Who the fuck pissed backwards, Holland?
James Barcomb:
Affirmatron.
Det. Sgt. Eldon Perry Jr.:
I'd like to see his bald-headed black ass back in a radio car in South Central.
James Barcomb:
We don't need that shit.
Det. Sgt. Eldon Perry Jr.:
He actually said out of policy.
Jack Van Meter:
Holland began contacting outside agencies a month ago. He's doing civil service testing with the city of Cleveland. He's leaving to run their P.D. Didn't hear it from me.
James Barcomb:
Didn't hear it from you.
Det. Sgt. Eldon Perry Jr.:
Fuck Holland. Good riddance. We're gonna have to pin his stars on another brother or the community will go apeshit.
James Barcomb:
Jesus, Eldon, you sound just like your old man.
Jack Van Meter:
It's not such a bad thing, Everything I know-his old man. A toast to Bobby. Right between the eyes.
Bobby Keough:
Thank you, guys. I mean it. Thanks for giving me the chance to prove myself in SlS.
Jack Van Meter:
Eldon, Jimmy has something to tell you.
James Barcomb:
You made lieutenant. You're next on the transfer list.
Det. Sgt. Eldon Perry Jr.:
Fuck you, too, Jimmy.
James Barcomb:
No. We're not pulling your dick.
Det. Sgt. Eldon Perry Jr.:
It's about fucking Time!
[Sam runs to the top of a skyscraper and prepares to hand over the Cube to a waiting helicopter... ]
Sam Witwicky:
[spotting Starscream] WATCH OUT! [Starscream fires at the copter, incapacitating it]
Sam Witwicky:
Oh my God... Where do I go?
Optimus Prime:
[hurrying across rooftops] Hang on, Sam! [With a crash, Megatron rises from below; frightened, Sam clings to a statue at the edge of the building]
Megatron:
Is it fear or courage that compels you, fleshling?
Sam Witwicky:
[terrified] Oh no! No!
Megatron:
Give me the All Spark and you may live to be my pet.
Sam Witwicky:
[still making a stand] I'm never giving you this All Spark!
Megatron:
Oh, so unwise... [With a roar, he pulls out a flail from his arm and smashes the rooftop, sending a screaming Sam plummeting towards the ground... ]
Optimus Prime:
[grabbing Sam] I got you, boy! Hold on to the Cube! [Prime leaps down, but Megatron grabs him, and all three tumble down into the street]
Dr. Quentin Morris:
[giving lecture] As pathologists, you will learn the nature of disease and it's causes, it's processes, development, and consequences. But far far more than that. I like to think of the pathologist as offering a window to god, if you will. Now, it may be said that pathology is the study of all things human, save the soul of course. But it is in that particular branch of pathology known as forensics, that we will delve into what it means to be inhuman. You will see the perversion, the corruption of the flesh by all means unnatural. And then we will work backwards, always back to that original pristine design, to determine the affecting cause of death.
Guy:
That reminds me, did I tell you we're tying the knot?
Mike 'Schmitty' Smith:
Are you.
Guy:
I figured it's been almost a year, I think it's time.
Mike 'Schmitty' Smith:
Good decision, I can tell you put a lot of thought into that shit.
Guy:
What's that mean?
Mike 'Schmitty' Smith:
Nothing, I'm sure it'll be a loving, lasting relationship built on intimacy and mutual respect.
Guy:
Oh, you're just bitter about... what's-her-name, what was it-...
Mike 'Schmitty' Smith:
- -EVERY FUCKING WOMAN I'VE EVER KNOWN.
Guy:
You know what I've noticed about you, man? Every time you get in a relationship you're up on cloud nine. Then when it ends, you spend two years making everybody else miserable just because they have what you want. Why can't you just be happy for somebody for once?
Mike 'Schmitty' Smith:
Because that'd be dishonest. I mean, I'm shallow, I'm not a liar.
Guy:
You've got a hell of a track record to be giving advice.
Mike 'Schmitty' Smith:
At least I've been around the fucking track, man! Here you are talking about marrying the third pair of live breasts you've seen in your whole life!
Guy:
Hey-...
Mike 'Schmitty' Smith:
Look, all I'm saying, man, is this love relationship bullshit doesn't last. I mean, it's swell while it does, but it'll expire like a magazine subscription on your ass. You've known this chick, like, what, not even a year and you're all rearin' to get married?
Guy:
What's a year got to do with it?
Mike 'Schmitty' Smith:
I'd take that year, multiply it by about two and say that's roughly how much longer you have together. First sign of choppy seas, they're jumping ship, no matter how much you think they love you. [turning away, ponderous]
Mike 'Schmitty' Smith:
They're worse than fucking housecats.
Doyle Gipson:
I hope you don't mind, but I was intrigued by your conversation. I just thought you were in advertising. So I want to give you my dream version of a Tiger Woods commercial, okay? There's this black guy on a golf course. And all these people are trying to get him to caddy for them, but he's not a caddy. He's just a guy trying to play a round of golf. And these guys give him a five-dollar bill and tell him to go the clubhouse and get them cigarettes and beer. So, off he goes, home, to his wife and to their little son, who he teaches to play golf. You see all the other little boys playing hopscotch while little Tiger practices on the putting green. You see all the other kids eating ice cream while Tiger practices hitting long balls in the rain while his father shows him how. And we fade up, to Tiger, winning four Grand Slams in a row, and becoming the greatest golfer to ever pick up a 9-iron. And we end on his father in the crowd, on the sidelines, and Tiger giving him the trophies. All because of a father's determination that no fat white man - like your fathers, probably - would ever send his son to the clubhouse for cigarettes and beer.
Jenny Szalinski:
So, here we are. This is the kitchen.
Ricky King, Party Bully:
Good, 'cause you know, I really wanted to be alone with you. [sets his hand on the counter near Diane and Patti]
Diane Szalinski:
[looking at Ricky's fingers in disgust] Ew, look, dirty fingernails.
Jenny Szalinski:
Really?
Ricky King, Party Bully:
Yeah, 'cause the truth is, Jenny, I think you're awesome.
Patti Szalinski:
Awesome? Don't fall for it, Jenny. He's just giving you a line.
Jenny Szalinski:
You do? You think I'm awesome?
Ricky King, Party Bully:
Oh, yeah. You're cooler than all the other girls. [Diane and Patti stare at each other confused]
Jenny Szalinski:
[in a serious tone] So, um, what is it you wanted to tell me?
Ricky King, Party Bully:
Nothing. Mostly, I just wanted to do this. [takes Jenny in his arms and kisses her on the lips]
Patti Szalinski:
What is she doing? She's too young. She doesn't even know that boy. [Jenny breaks the kiss]
Jenny Szalinski:
What are you doing?
Ricky King, Party Bully:
Kissing you.
Jenny Szalinski:
Well, you didn't ever ask.
Ricky King, Party Bully:
Ask what?
Jenny Szalinski:
Ask if I wanted to kiss you.
Ricky King, Party Bully:
What are you talking about?
Jenny Szalinski:
You just assumed that I wanted you to kiss me. I mean, I don't even know you, and even if I did know you and we talked and you got to know me and you asked me if I wanted to kiss, I might have been into it, but the way you did it was just... wrong.
Ricky King, Party Bully:
Well, lots of girls like that.
Jenny Szalinski:
Well, I'm not one of them. I don't happen to feel that way, and as far as you and I are concerned, the party is over. [exits the kitchen]
Patti Szalinski:
You tell him, Jenny! Access denied!
Diane Szalinski:
That is one good kid you have.
Patti Szalinski:
And you know what? She can take care of herself.
Ricky Slade:
OK, Bob, you knocked the Jew's tooth out, right? That's gonna cost Max 8 grand, maybe more than 8 grand. You probably lost him his whole line of clientele too. Plus, you've been fucking up Jess' dancing. Now I think he knows I sold the fucking carpet van, he's been giving me looks and shit which leads to that, OK? Now he can't kill us in Los Angeles cause there's a lot of questions there right? But all of a sudden he flies us out to New York City to do a drop? We don't know what the fuck the drop is, OK? But if we disappeared out here, there's no fucking questions involved in that. There's no questions if we disappear. LA, questions, drop out here, not a lot of questions!
Bobby:
How do you come up with this shit?
Oscar Madison:
Don't get physical with me, Felix! I'm too old to hit, but I can spit you to death!
Felix Ungar:
In that suitcase was my black formal afternoon suit that I bought to wear when I'm giving my daughter away in marriage. And in that suitcase was a $6,000 Tiffany silver tray that I bought as a wedding present. Oh, and in that suitcase was $10,000 in cash that I was going to give to my son-in-law on his wedding day. Now, in your suitcase, the police are going to find your broken, smashed, mutilated, and dissected body in the event that you don't go back and find my fucking suitcase!
Greg Focker:
[high on Truth Serum, giving a speech] Hello everybody. I am, uh, about to set sail on my ship... on the sea of life with my first mate - the beautiful Pamela Byrnes.
Pam Byrnes:
Love you, baby! [blows kiss]
Greg Focker:
[drunkenly blows back kiss, pauses] I still masturbate to Pam. What? She's hot - check out those boobs. I just wanna lather 'em up with soap and rub my face in 'em. I could take a vacation in there. What? Gosh, sorry you're perfect! And there's another wonderful lady in the audience, my future mother-in-law Dina Byrnes! Dina-Dina-Bo-Bina-I-love-Dina! Byrnes! You know they say you can tell from looking at the mother what your wife will look like in the future - well, I'm looking, and I'm LIKIN... [Spies Jorge]
Greg Focker:
In my first... passionate sexual awakening, I made sweet sweet love to my housekeeper, Isabelle.
Pam Byrnes:
Come on, honey, that was in the past, so sit down.
Greg Focker:
No no no, baby - I gotta get this off my chest.
Pam Byrnes:
Please... sit.
Greg Focker:
We conceived a child. Come on up here, Jorge! This is the fruit of my loins. Come on - search your heart, you know it to be true. Yo soy tu papa! Yeah, I know, a lot of information to take in. Give that boy a hand. Oh, and Jack - Pam's pregnant. Focker out. [passes out]
Tom Manning:
"Undercover." Can't he get the meaning of the word? I mean, we are still government-funded, we are still a secret, although a dirty secret, if you ask me. Officially, we-do-not-exist. So, you see, that's the problem when we get these. [shows Abe a series of photos]
Tom Manning:
Subway... highway... ah, park. [holds up one, showing Hellboy giving a "peace" sign with his stone hand]
Tom Manning:
And he posed for this one, and gave an autograph. I suppress each photo, cell phone videos, they cost me a fortune, and then they show up on Youtube... God, I hate Youtube!
