[Two-Face decides a victim's fate with a coin toss] Two-Face: Ah. Fortune smiles. Another day of wine and roses. Or, in your case, beer and pizza!
Maggie Peyton: [reading the note in Herbie's glove box] "Please take care of Herbie. Whatever your problems, he will help you solve them." Great, a fortune cookie on wheels.
Jesse: I mean, just once, I'd love to see, some little old lady save up all her money, to go to the fortune teller, and she'd get there, all excited about hearing her future, and the woman would say, "Um-humm. Tomorrow, and all your remaining days will be exactly like today. A tedious collection of hours. And you will have no new passions, and no new thoughts and no new travels, and when you die, you'll be completely forgotten.
Morty Fineman: [to potential producer] I tell you Walter, I've been in this business 30 years and there's only one sure-fire way to make a small fortune - start with a large fortune.
Fiona: Is this the Norwegian salmon I asked for? Because I need my omega-3s. Sam: Only the best. Fiona: Mmm. I can tell. You know it costs a fortune to fly that stuff in from Norwegia.
Morgan: [about his sword fighting] Very pretty Mr. Shaw. William Shaw: Thank you, ma'am. I had the good fortune to study with a grand master in Vienna. Morgan: Glasspoole! Glasspoole: Aye! Morgan: [to Shaw] Now, stop diddling and kill the man. William Shaw: Kill him? Bless me, we never got to that.
[last lines] Robert Merivel: [voiceover] The fire in its fury has consumed the great plague. Misfortune may leave behind unlooked-for blessings... none dearer than you, my little Margaret. I will return to the city, to my work as a doctor, and the rebuilding of the King's Hospital. The stars that once confused me seem now to light a path that is clear, that I have in truth been traveling for all these days. Where I met what came, and left behind my sorrows. And I am traveling still.
Joe: Is this your fortune today? Kira: It's your fortune today. Joe: Our truest life is when we are in our dreams awake. Oh, wow. That's perfect. Thank you. Kira: No problem.
Dolly Parton: Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear Jed Clampett, they spent a fortune on me for you!
Ashley Matthews: Have you seen this pile? It will take a fortune to help all these people. Where do you get the money? [off his look she teases] Ashley Matthews: You ARE dealing drugs. Nick Anderson: I'll let you in on a secret. But you mustn't tell anybody. Ashley Matthews: Okay. Nick Anderson: I'm rich. Ashley Matthews: How rich? Nick Anderson: Filthy. Ashley Matthews: If you're so rich why do you still live here? Nick Anderson: Well a roof's a roof. I'm warm, I'm dry. I'm good.
[first title cards] Title card: It is almost 100 years since Christian armies from Europe seized Jerusalem. Title card: Europe suffers in the grip of repression and poverty. Peasant and lord alike flee to the Holy Land in search of fortune or salvation. Title card: One Knight returns home in search of his son. Title card: France 1184
Parker: There is a natural order. The way things are meant to be. An order that says that the good guys always win. That you die when it's your time, or you have it coming. That the ending is always happy, if only for someone else. Now at some point it became clear to us that our path had been chosen and we had nothing to offer the world. Our options narrowing down to petty crime or minimum wage. So, we stepped off the path, and went looking for the fortune that we knew was looking for us. Once off the path you do what you can to eat and to keep moving. You don't blow your ghost of a chance with nickel and dime. No possessions, no comforts. Need is the ultimate monkey. A pint of your blood can fetch you fifty bucks. A shot of cum, three grand. You keep your life simple and you can literally self sustain.
Shad: [having is palm read] Well, what do you see? Fortune Teller: Death! Shad: Cool!
Tiger: [Passes by a buffalo skeleton] Don't they ever dust this place? A guy can make a fortune out here selling... [the skeleton rises up and tries to attack Tiger; Tiger turns around and the skeleton goes back to where it was] Tiger: ... vacuum cleaners. [the skeleton rises up again, then back when Tiger turns; this happens repeatedly until the skeleton breaks into a tap-dance routine and collapses] Tiger: Dancing buffalo bones. Nah! [the skeleton suddenly jumps over Tiger, trapping him; Indian mice, which had been moving the skeleton in the first place, surround him]
Bones Darly: Well, what are we fucking up tonight son? Billy Darly: What the fuck do you want now? Bones Darly: Well it looks like you're in a fucking hurry. Do you know how much I gotta wipe your fucking nose? I gotta get some fortune 500 faggot off my back by telling him that he can fucking have you. Do you think I enjoy that? What you don't get is that I care about what happens to you, because it can fucking hurt me. Now do you need any more fucking instructions? [Billy shoots Bones through the eye] Billy Darly: No thanks, dad. I'm taking the car.
Lady Elizabeth: [preparing for the King's arrival] It costs a fortune to get this house ready for a royal visit!
Phil Allen: One of the nastiest double crowns I've ever had the misfortune to tackle.
Ricky Tan: I hate that fortune cookie shit.
Perry: One way or another, if you’re persistent, fortune always smiles on you.
Chris Cannon: [after blowing up a Chinese assassin] You should have read your fortune cookie.
Bender: Go With God! Sol: Come back a man! Bender: Fortune favors the brave!
Richard: My fortune cookie's empty... That's also the title of my autobiography.
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