Joy Burns: I keep waiting for a good time to tell you, but there's really no good time. I need everyone to listen. [pause] Joy Burns: I don't know how to say this. [pause] Joy Burns: We need to discuss how each of you, Oh God... Jim Burns: It's OK, sweetie. [everyone assumes that Joy is trying to discuss her imminent death from cancer] Joy Burns: How each of you is going to handle [pause] Joy Burns: discarding food without letting our hostess know. [starts laughing]
Connor Mead: Love is magic comfort food for the weak and uneducated!
Catherine: Feed the body food and drink, it will survive today. Feed the soul art and music, it will live forever.
Sykes: Now I have to pay Don Lino protection, so everything you owe me, you owe him! Oscar: How do you figure that? Sykes: Simple - the food chain! [Pulls out chart] Sykes: On top there's Don Lino, there's me, there's regular fish... Oscar: And that's me! Sykes: No. There's plankton, there's single-celled amoebas... Oscar: And then me! Sykes: I'm getting there, I'm getting there... There's coral, there's rocks, there's whale poop, and then there's you. Oscar: That's messed up.
[Ali lifts up Howard Cosell's toupee on national television] Howard Cosell: [to the camera] We'll be right back. Muhammad Ali: You want some food for that thing? Howard Cosell: How could you do something like that to a man you revere? Muhammad Ali: Cos it's funny.
Morgan: Maybe we should say a prayer. Graham Hess: No. Morgan: Why not? Graham Hess: We're not saying a prayer. Morgan: Bo has a bad feeling. Bo: I had a dream. Graham Hess: We aren't saying a prayer. Eat! Morgan: I hate you. Graham Hess: That's fine. Morgan: You let Mom die. Merrill: Morgan... Graham Hess: I am not wasting one more minute of my life on prayer. Not one more minute. Understood? [Bo starts crying] Graham Hess: Now we are going to enjoy this meal. No one can stop us from enjoying this meal, so enjoy it! Stop crying! Merrill: Graham... Morgan: Don't yell at her! Graham Hess: All right, since you're all not going to eat, I'm going to try some of everything. [He angrily starts piling food on his plate, and tries to eat, then breaks down crying. He pulls Morgan, Bo, and Merrill in, and everyone hugs]
Mr. Shickadance: Ventuuurrraaa. Ace Ventura: Yes, Satan? Oh, I'm sorry, sir. You sounded like someone else. Mr. Shickadance: Never mind the wisecracks, Ventura... [coughs in Ace's face] Mr. Shickadance: ... you owe me rent. Ace Ventura: Mr. Shickadance, I told you - you're my first priority. I'm on a very big case right now. Check this out. [shows him a flyer] Ace Ventura: That's a true Albino pigeon. Some rich guy lost it. He's offering a $25,000 reward. As soon as I find this bird, you're paid. Mr. Shickadance: I heard animals in there, Ventura. I heard 'em again this mornin' scratchin' around. Ace Ventura: I never bring my work home with me, sir. Mr. Shickadance: Oh yeah? What's all this pet food for? Ace Ventura: Fiber.
King Leo: You arrive early. My daughter and I welcome you. What news from Normandy? Jamal: What news? Well a couple of drive-bys, other than that, same ole same ole. King Leo: When will the Duke arrive to take my daughter's hand? Jamal: This is a hell of a setup you've got here. I mean, I'm not lyin'. I mean. Wooh! You got to have major coins behind this. Who's backin you, Puffy? King Leo: Silence, Moor! Tell me when will the Duke arrive. Jamal: Oh, I, I get it. You wanna see if I can improv. Ok, well let's see. Uh. The Duke will arriveth in all his royal pomposity and splendor on Tuesday. King Leo: Tuesday! Ha! That is excellent news! Phillip, have the servants supply this messenger with much food and drink. And let him lay with any damsel that he desires, except my daugher, of course. [everyone laughs]
Robotic Food Dispenser: Eat recycled food. It's good for the environment and okay for you.
Rianna: I just want to thank everyone who sent me food and letters of support, especially the mentally handicapped child who sent me this sweet book of poems. Marvin Mange: She read my poems.
Tod Waggner: Alex. Let's go take a shit. Alex Browning: Take a shit by yourself. Tod Waggner: No, dude. Listen okay. Listen. Take some knowledge. We're about to board a seven-hour flight. The toilets in coach are barely ventilated closets. Alright, if that. Now lets say half way through the flight, right, your body wants that airplane food out. You got to go torque a wicked cable. Then directly after you, walks in Christa or Blake. [Alex and Tod look at Christa and Blake, who are sitting down reading magazines] Tod Waggner: You want them to associate you with that watery sting in their eye? That reflexive gag at the back of their throat?
Tracy Dodd: Yeah, the food was cold, but everything else was hot.
Leah: Yo Yo Yiggady Yo. Juno MacGuff: I'm at suicide risk. Leah: Juno? Juno MacGuff: No, it's Morgan Freeman. Do you have any bones that need collecting? Leah: Only the one in my pants... Juno MacGuff: I'm pregnant. Leah: What? Honest to blog? Juno MacGuff: Yeah. Yeah, it's Bleekers. Leah: It's probably just a food baby. Did you have a big lunch? Juno MacGuff: No, this is not a food baby all right? I've taken like three pregnancy tests, and I'm forshizz up the spout. Leah: How did you even generate enough pee for three pregnancy tests? That's amazing... Juno MacGuff: I don't know, I drank like, ten tons of Sunny D... Anyway dude, I'm telling you I'm pregnant and you're acting shockingly cavalier. Leah: Is this for real? Like, for real for real? Juno MacGuff: Unfortunately, yes. Leah: Oh my GOD. Oh shit! Phuket, Thailand! Juno MacGuff: There we go. That was kind of the emotion that I was searching for on the first take.
Angus T. Jones: (About Jake's relationship with Charlie in Two and a Half Men) He likes him a lot, he does stuff for him. He buys Jake a lot of foods that I want and wouldn’t usually get.
Max: [invites Jude over to him and Lucy's house for Thanksgiving] Jude: We don't have it in England, is it - is it a big deal? Max: Well, it's a heart-warming American tradition. Lucy: Yeah. It celebrates the time when the Indians shared their food with the early settlers. And how did we repay them? We slaughter them in thousands then ship them off to the shittiest bits of real estate. Max: [Max chuckles] Lucy: [Introduces herself to Jude] I'm Lucy.
Maggie Feller: Shoes like these should not be locked in a closet! They should be living a life of scandal, and pasion and getting screwed in an alleyway by a billionaire while his frigid wife waits in the limo thinking that he just went back into the bar to get his cellphone. These are cute too. Rose Feller: Please tell me you just made that up. Maggie Feller: Look, if you're not going to wear them... don't buy them! Leave them for someone who's going to get something out of them. Rose Feller: I get something out of them! When I feel bad I like to treat myself. Clothes never look any good... food just makes me fatter... shoes always fit.
Klopfer: I take it you don't get good food like this up in Krakow? Dr. Joseph Bühler: If all of Berlin eats like you, it's no wonder we have shortages.
Dr. Desmond Forest Oates: I'd like you to read this poster and tell me what it says at the bottom. Kelly: "No food or drink allowed in the auditorium at any time." Dr. Desmond Forest Oates: It says "Twelve original songs by Dr. Desmond Forest Oates." Kelly: Oh, that part. Dr. Desmond Forest Oates: Yes, that part. I'll tell you what it doesn't say. It doesn't say "Additional lyrics by little miss sassy pants."
Ian Cheney: It was already clear that when the time came to say goodbye to the corn from our acre, we would never know exactly where it would end up. After the crop is delivered to the elevator, following corn into the food system becomes a game of probability. Of the 10,000 pounds of corn our acre is likely to produce, 32% will be either exported or turned into Ethanol. In neither case ending up in our food. Or in our hair. But 490 pounds will become sweeteners, like high fructose corn syrup. And more than half our crop, a full 5,500 pounds, will be feed to animals to become meat.
Mastodon (band): [lyrics to opening song about movie theater etiquette] Don't talk, watch! Don't talk, watch! You came here. Watch it. Don't like it? Walk out. We still have all your fucking money. Do not nudge, kick or jiggle the seat in front of you. I'm sitting there! I am everywhere at once and I will cut you up. If you make out here, I will cut your lips and tongue from your head with a linoleum knife. Do not explain the plot. If you don't understand, then you should not be here. Your money is now our money and we will spend it on drugs. Do not crinkle your food wrappers loudly. Be considerate to others, or I will bite your torso and give you a disease. Did you bring your baby? Babies don't watch this. Take the seed outside. Leave it in the streets. Run over it after the show. If I see you videotaping this movie, Satan will rain down your throat with hot acid and dissolve your testicles and turn your guts into snakes. This is copyrighted movie for Time Warner. If I find that you've sold it on eBay, I will break into your house and tear your wife in half.
Mattie Rigsbee: Let Lamar say the blessing. Wesley Benfield: Oh. Lamar N. Benfield: Oh, er... [clears throat uncomfortably] Lamar N. Benfield: Er, thank you for the world so sweet, er... thank you for the food we eat, thanks for the birds that sing, thank you God, for everything!
[the French Peas sing a song about their seafood restaurant] Peas: Steak! Steak! Eat it, eat it! Shrimp! Shrimp! Need it, need it! Steak and shrimp! Steak and shrimp! Need to, need to, eat it, eat it! Aw, aw aw ee aw, aw aw ee aw...
Tommy: How long have you delivered food to Mr. Koufax? Nazo: I deliver food for six years. Plus, I'm stripper. But I've gained weight so that's a problem. Tommy: I see. And, in your experience, was Sonny a good father to Julian? Nazo: Oh, yes. They make terrific pair. They went together like lamb and tuna fish. Tommy: Lamb and tuna fish? Nazo: Maybe you like spaghetti and meatball? You more comfortable with that analogy? Homeless Guy: Yes, considering we're in America. I mean, if you don't like spaghetti and meatballs, why don't you get the hell out? Nazo: Listen, I'll come down there and give you a crew cut, Mister. Homeless Guy: Let's see your clippers. Nazo: Not my problem your father was sick. Homeless Guy: That - well - -Stop yelling at me! AAAhhhhhhhh!
Kate: Sarah, your suspension from lacrosse for excessive force has been lifted, so you're going today. Sarah Baker: Yes! Kate: Henry, you have band practice, all right? I cleaned your clarinet. Please don't play with food in your mouth again. Kim and Jessica, your teacher called and has made a request that you do not correct her in front of the class. Mike, you have show-and-tell today. And please, honey, remember that body parts do not count. Kyle and Nigel, you have a dentist's appointment at three o'clock, so you're going to work with Dad. Nigel Baker, Kyle Baker: Yeah! [yells] Tom: [yells]
Andy French: And don't think we forgot about you, Stogie! [dumps contents of can with Cyrillic writing into food dish] Kevin French: Andy, are you sure this is dog food? Andy French: Well, it has a picture of a dog on it. [Stogie sniffs food and backs away, whimpering]
Narrator: He was *the* guerilla terrorist in the food service industry. [the Narrator looks at Tyler, who's urinating in a pot] Tyler Durden: Do not watch. I cannot go when you watch. Narrator: Apart from seasoning the lobster bisque, he farted on the meringue, sneezed on braised endive, and as for the cream of mushroom soup, well... Tyler Durden: [snickers] Go ahead. Tell 'em. Narrator: ...you get the idea.
Charles: September Eleventh should have changed everything... It didn't. Americans hung their flags, stopped buying their Louis Vattan bags and stopped eating fast food for what? A month? Should've been the wake-up call. Those planes crashing into those towers was no louder than that comfortable silent moment after you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock.
Hector: He likes food and dreams and whispers... his favorite movie is Short Circuit... and Fried Green Tomatoes.
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Dave, there are two kinds of angry people in this world: explosive and implosive. Explosive, which is the most common, is the type of individual you see screaming at a grocery store cashier for not taking his coupon. Implosive, the least common, is the cashier at the store who remains quiet at his job day after day until he then finally loses it and just shoots everyone in the store. You're the cashier. Dave Buznik: No, no, no. I'm the guy in the frozen food section dialling 911. I swear.
Beatrice: I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior Benedick. Nobody marks you. Benedick: What, my dear Lady Disdain. Are you yet living? Beatrice: Is't possible Disdain should die whilst she hath such meet food to feed it as Signor Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert to Disdain when you come in her presence.
Verne: [when questioned about the food] I returned it to its rightful owner. Ozzie: What? Heather: We, like, worked our tails off, y'know? Like a lot! And the food we gathered was totally... you know! And you're, you're all whatever!
[at abandoned place eating Chinese food for breakfast] Early Grayce: [to Adele] Mama... sing us a song. Adele Corners: Ahm... [singing] Adele Corners: I... wish... Carrie was happy. [smiles and looks at Carrie] Carrie Laughlin: [puts her face on her hand even more miserable than before Adele started singing] Adele Corners: [still smiling continues to sing as the camera shows the outside of the place] I... wish... she would smile.
Reuben Feffer: I know that I have a .013% chance of being hit by a car on my way home. Or a one in 46,000 chance of falling through a subway grate. So I try to manage that risk by avoiding danger and having a plan and knowing what my next move is. And I guess you don't exactly live your life that way. Yeah... which is great, but I'm not gonna ever be a dirty dancer, and I don't eat food with my hands, and I really like you, but I just don't think this is gonna work out.
Kent Mansley: Your mom's working late tonight, Hogarth, so it's just us guys, and we're gonna have a little chat. Sit down! [shoves Hogarth onto a chair and shines a bright light on him] Kent Mansley: How's that? A little too bright? Good. Forgive me, Hogarth. I wanted you to learn something. Hogarth Hughes: What can I learn from you? Kent Mansley: You can learn this, Hogart. That I can do anything I want, whenever I want if I feel it's in the people's best interest. The giant metal man. Where is it? Hogarth Hughes: I don't know what you're talking about. Kent Mansley: You don't? Does this ring a bell? [lays down the picture Hogarth took of the aluminum siding he used to lure the Giant] Kent Mansley: No? How about this? [lays down the photo Hogarth accidentally took of himself - with the Giant behind him] Kent Mansley: You've been careless, Hogarth. Hogarth Hughes: It doesn't prove anything. Kent Mansley: It's enough to get the army here with one phone call. Hogarth Hughes: Then what's stopping you? Kent Mansley: [angry] Where's the giant? [Grabs Hogarth by the jaw] Kent Mansley: You can't protect him, Hogarth, anymore than you can... protect your mother. Hogarth Hughes: My mom? Kent Mansley: It's difficult to raise a boy all alone. We can make it more difficult. In fact, we can make it so difficult that it would be irresponsible for us to leave you in her care, and all that that implies. You'll be taken away from her, Hogarth. Hogarth Hughes: You can't do that! Kent Mansley: Oh, we can, and we will. Hogarth Hughes: He's at the junkyard. McCoppin's Scrap off Culver Road. Kent Mansley: The junkyard, of course! Food for the metal eater. I wouldn't worry about this, Hogarth. This isn't really happening. It's only... a bad dream. [puts a chloroform rag on Hogarth's mouth, leaving him unconscious]
Joel Millner: You look like a vampire. Eat your hamburger. All that health food stuff will kill you.
Michael Pollan: What you're growing is an industrialized corn. It has been changed over the last 20, 30, 40, 50 years with one goal in mind, which is yield. The way it was done was, not to make every plant produce more so much, as to make the plants tolerate living close together. This plant is kind of an "urban" creature; it lives in these cities of corn. We're now up to close to 200 bushels of corn per acre. That's what, 10,000 pounds? 5 tons of food from 1 acre of land. It's an amazing amount of food!
London Groupie: I heard that Lestat keeps all his girls in his cellar, and it's really nice and they give you food and cable and weed. London Groupie: Oh, please. London Groupie: That's what I heard. But you have to let him suck you on your neck whenever he wants. London Groupie: Doesn't sound too bad. I've done worse. London Groupie: I'll say. Roger: This way, girls.
Harold Melvin: Ruth, if I were a food critic, I would give your cooking five stars -- five stars that had each collapsed into a black hole and merged to form the largest black hole in the universe.
Ian Cheney: We've heard from some people that they think there is too much food. Earl L. Butz: Well it's the basis of our affluence now, the fact that we spend less on food. It's America's best-kept secret. We feed ourselves with approximately 16 or 17% of our take home pay. That's marvelous, that's a very small chunk to feed ourselves. And that includes all the meals we eat at restaurants, all the fancy doodads we get in our food system. I don't see much room for improvement there, which means we'll spend our surplus cash on something else.
[Red is not eating his food at the dinner table] Charles Howard: Go ahead, eat. Red Pollard: I'm not that hungry. Charles Howard: Sure, you're not. Red Pollard: It's just a lot of food. Charles Howard: I'd rather have you strong than thin.
Roy: I thought the food here was supposed to suck!
Carl Brashear: Sir, you may not remember me but we served together in the South Pacific. Billy Sunday: Oh Yeah, I remember you now... So What's for Chow Cookie? Carl Brashear: Sir I am reporting here for diving school! Billy Sunday: I sure hope your food is better than the last cook's. Last cook's food could kill a man's dog.
Patrick Zevo: I can't even eat. The food keeps touching. I like military plates, I'm a military man, I want a military meal. I want my string beans to be quarantined! I like a little fortress around my mashed potatoes so the meatloaf doesn't invade my mashed potatoes and cause mixing in my plate! I HATE IT when food touches! I'm a military man, you understand that? And don't let your food touch either, please?
Jay: And I can't believe fine-ass bitches like yourselves eat that shit. Don't you know fast food makes girls fart? Brent: [getting into the van] Say, what's all this talk about farting?
Champ Kind: I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again. Wes Mantooth: Dorothy Mantooth is a Saint! Ron Burgundy: Hey, let's leave the mothers out of this.
Irwin: [Winter is trying to compromise with Irwin] No. Not OK! It's too late, Colonel. Winter: Too late for what? Irwin: For your offer. The men don't want to salute. They don't want to use rank. They don't want better food and they don't want more TV. They just want your resignation... and so do I. Winter: My resignation? Irwin: You're a disgrace, Colonel! A disgrace to the uniform! You should not be allowed to retain your command! Winter: Then I guess I'd better go pack. Irwin: I think you should. Winter: Tell me, Mr. Irwin. What's to stop me from simply placing you in the HOLE for say six months? Irwin: Nothing. If that's the way you want to win.
Carol: Mark, he's a knight. Mark: He's just a fast food knight.
Ben Yahzee: I'm Ben Yahzee, I guess the corps paired us up, may I join you? Joe Enders: You're blocking my view. Ben Yahzee: Sorry. [about the food] Ben Yahzee: What do they call this crap anyway? Joe Enders: Marines call it chow. Ben Yahzee: Well there is a propaganda effort there. Ben Yahzee: [he accidentally knocks over his cup of coffee] Shit, sorry, you could have mine. [he then accidentally spills the coffe all over his food] Joe Enders: What did you say your name was again? Ben Yahzee: Ben Yahzee. [Enders gives him his food which has been ruined and takes his food] Charlie Whitehorse: [in Navajo] How is your white man? Ben Yahzee: Hungry.
Wilson Joel: Do you have the yellow pages? Cashier at Pancake House: Customer copy out of the phone book. Wilson Joel: It's all torn to shreds. Cashier at Pancake House: I apologize, but that's our customer copy. Wilson Joel: Can I use your copy? Cashier at Pancake House: Sorry, convenient store next door might have one. Wilson Joel: But, you have one. Cashier at Pancake House: Sir, I'm sorry. Try next door. Wilson Joel: I just got finished eating your bad pancakes and got my plane stolen out of my car in your parking lot. Cashier at Pancake House: Want me to call the police? I can call the police. Wilson Joel: No, I just want to see the yellow pages. Cashier at Pancake House: What are you looking for? Wilson Joel: Planes. Cashier at Pancake House: Planes? Wilson Joel: Yea, model planes. You know remote control planes? Cashier at Pancake House: Toy Planes? Wilson Joel: Yea, toy planes. Cashier at Pancake House: You're not gonna find anything like that. Wilson Joel: Let me look... let me look. Cashier at Pancake House: You're not going to find it. Wilson Joel: Haha, yea you see that? You see that? One of your fucking friends stole my plane. Somebody who eats the bad food in this place all the time. That plane is going to ruin this whole place.
Coach McGuirk: [Brendan is being sent to a "Scared Straight" prison program] I've been to the can a few times, Brendan. That's what we call it, the can. So when you're there, you call it the can, all right? Brendon: What do you call cans in prison? Coach McGuirk: You mean like actual cans? Like food - cans of food? Brendon: Yeah. Coach McGuirk: Those are still cans.
Dr. Frederick Chilton: Do not touch the glass. Do not approach the glass. You pass him nothing but soft paper - no pencils or pens. No staples or paperclips in his paper. Use the sliding food carrier, no exceptions. If he attempts to pass you anything, do not accept it. Do you understand me?
William Gibbs: You know, I really admire you, Mr. Grodin. More than any man I've ever met. You don't have a penny in the bank, no life insurance, no credit. But your house is all paid for, you got four years worth of food stored away, three years worth of firewood, stockpiles of clothes, beautiful wife, great kid. Your life is yours. I think you're a genius.
Fat Bastard: ...I'm going to eat yer... I'm bigger than you are, I'm higher in the food chain... Get in my belly!
J.T. Hague: You're the second person to show up tonight. El Wray: Who's the first? J.T. Hague: [nods to Cherry] Right there. Must be passin' through. Seems only strangers eat here. El Wray: [picking up his coffee] I still eat here, J.T. J.T. Hague: Oh, yeah, you sure do. By the way, don't choke on all that food you're eatin'.
Liv: My mother didn't believe in mayonnaise. She didn't believe in food that requires electricity.
Chancho: I think your food is good.
Matsuji: [after Riyo cooks the same food several days in a row] Croquettes, again? City food! Why didn't you just marry a city boy?
Maggie Feller: If you're not going to wear them, don't buy them. Leave them for someone who will get something out of them. Rose Feller: I get something out of them. When I feel down, I like to treat myself. Clothes never look any good, and food just makes me fatter, but shoes always fit.
Rocky Balboa: Come on Paulie, we're about to serve the special. Paulie: Italian food made by Mexicans ain't that special.
[after the credits, RJ tries to take all the food in the vending machine, but they get stuck] Hammy the Squirrel: Well, this is anti-climactic
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