Principal: Mr. Madison, the Industrial Revolution changed the face of the modern novel forever. Discuss, citing specific examples. [Billy clears his throat several times] Billy Madison: Uh... Okay. The Industrial Revolution to me is just like a story I know called "The Puppy Who Lost His Way." The world was changing, and the puppy was getting... bigger. [Later] Billy Madison: So, you see, the puppy was like industry. In that, they were both lost in the woods. And nobody, especially the little boy - "society" - knew where to find 'em. Except that the puppy was a dog. But the industry, my friends, that was a revolution. [Long pause] Billy Madison: Knibb High football rules! [the crowd erupts into cheers] Principal: Mr. Madison, what you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. Billy Madison: Okay, a simple "wrong" would've done just fine.
Tom Breaker: Look, Bill, if this is about reliving the 60's, you can forget about it, buddy. The movement is dead. William Strannix: Yes, of course! Hence the name: movement. It moves a certain distance, then it stops, you see? A revolution gets its name by always coming back around in your face. You tried to kill me you son of a bitch... so welcome to the revolution.
[first lines] Narrator: As the 21st century began, human evolution was at a turning point. Natural selection, the process by which the strongest, the smartest, the fastest, reproduced in greater numbers than the rest, a process which had once favored the noblest traits of man, now began to favor different traits. Most science fiction of the day predicted a future that was more civilized and more intelligent. But as time went on, things seemed to be heading in the opposite direction. A dumbing down. How did this happen? Evolution does not necessarily reward intelligence. With no natural predators to thin the herd, it began to simply reward those who reproduced the most, and left the intelligent to become an endangered species.
Oliviero Toscani: The best thing Che did was to model for that picture. Much better than the Cuban Revolution or anything else. To be a model, the toppest model that ever existed on earth. Apart of Jesus Christ, of course.
Phoebe: Well, I'm a pacifist. But, when the revolution comes, I'll destroy all of you. [pause] Phoebe: Except for you, Joey.
Lucy: We're in the middle of a revolution Jude. And what are you doing? Doodles and cartoons? Jude: Well I'm sorry I'm not the man with the mega-phone, but this is what I do.
John Laroche: [viewing an orchid at a flower show] Angraecum sesquipedale! A beauty! God! Darwin wrote about this one. Charles Darwin? Evolution guy? Hello? You see that nectary all the way down there? Darwin hypothesized a moth with a nose twelve inches long to pollinate it. Everyone thought he was a loon! Then, sure enough, they found this moth with a twelve-inch proboscis. Proboscis means "nose," by the way. Susan Orlean: I know what "proboscis" means. John Laroche: Yeah, let's not get off the subject. This isn't a pissing contest!
Boston Low: [Player examines bat-like creatures on the ceiling of a cave] Disgusting bat-things. I HATE disgusting bat-things. Boston Low: [player shines a flashlight on bat creatures] It's amazing how parallel evolution on two different worlds made bats look completely weird and disgusting in both places. Boston Low: [Player shines the flashlight on the creatures again] It's kind of fun to disturb these bat things and make them fly around. Boston Low: [Player shines the flashlight on the creatures again] 'Course, if I keep doing this, one of them is bound to put some guano on my head. Boston Low: [Player shines the flashlight on the creatures again] Ah! Guano! Right in my eye.
Veronica Mung: Check this out, pig! Fascist dogma applied! Revolution by surprise! My vagina will not be denied a vote in your subjective election! That's an original poem! By Dream!
Dr. Gates: Evolution has a way of keeping things alive.
Tillie: Well, as you know, every revolution requires a secret mission or two to level the battlefield, so Boris and I whipped up a little something that might even the odds tomorrow. Taz: What is this? Tillie: Microscopic crabs. Kind of tough to focus on your surfing when you got those cute little critters dancing in your shorts. Boris: In 1971, I put the crabs like that into the jockstrap of President Nixon. I was towel boy in racquet club, and there is famous film of Nixon shaking the hand of Chinese premier, and then immediately he scratches his balls.
Mario: What single-celled organism did *you* evolve from? King Koopa: [indicates an evolution chart of a dinosaur becoming a man] Tyrannosaurus Rex, the lizard king, thank you very much.
Mandy: [on show intro] Evolution takes no prisoners.
Joe: I thought you said you'd never live in this gingerbread monstrosity. Thorne: Tell me about it. But I'm working all the time, it was easier for me to live here. Joe: Running a revolution keeps you busy huh? Thorne: You know it's nearly a full-time job. Give me just a minute will you? [Goes onto the computer at the desk] Thorne: You know I don't know how anybody wrote anything before there were computers. Can you imagine the struggle that Dickens or Tolstoy must have gone through writing those nine hundred-page novels with a pen? Joe: As far as I recall, you once wrote with even less.
Captain Leo Davidson: Time to explain evolution to the monkeys.
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