Gun Salesman: We call this piece the Fecalator. One look at it and the target shits him or herself. Try it on. Loki: Well, it's a lot more compact than the flaming sword, but it's not nearly as impressive. Just doesn't have that Wrath-of-the-Almighty edge to it. I mean, come on, how am I supposed to strike fear into the hearts of the wicked with this thing? Look at this... Bartleby: Well, then, you know, don't use a gun. Just lay the place to waste, like. Loki: Easy for you to say. You get off light in razing. You got to stand there and read at Sodom and Gomorrah, I had to do all the work. Bartleby: What work did you do? You lit a few fires. Loki: I rained down sulphur, man, there's a subtle difference. Bartleby: Oh, yeah, I'm sure. Loki: Hey, you know, fuck you, man. Any moron with a pack of matches can set a fire. Raining down sulphur is like an endurance trial man. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, outside of soccer.
Robert Ford: I can't believe I woke up this morning wondering if my Daddy would loan me his overcoat, and here it is just past midnight and I've already robbed a railroad train and I'm sitting in a rocking chair chatting with none other than Jesse James. Jesse James: Yeah, it's a wonderful world. Robert Ford: [reaches into his pocket and removes a newspaper clipping] Oh, what's this? I was real agitated this morning, wondering if I'd be able to tell you and Frank apart. So I had the clipping that described you both. You want me to read it? Jesse James: Go on. Robert Ford: Well, I gotta find... here. 'Jesse James, the youngest, has a face as smooth and innocent as a schoolgirl. The blue eyes, very clear and penetrating, are never at rest. His form is tall and graceful and capable of great endurance and great effort. Jesse is lighthearted, reckless, and devil-may-care. There is always a smile on his lips-' Jesse James: All right, all right. Robert Ford: Well, yeah. Then it's 'Frank, Frank, Frank... ' You know what I've got right next to my bed? The Train Robbers, or a story of the James Boys, by R.W. Stevens. Many's the night I've stayed up with my mouth opens and my eyes open, reading about your escapades in the Wide Awake Library. Jesse James: They're all lies, you know. Robert Ford: 'Course they are.
Courtney: Hey Everett, can I borrow a condom? Everett: No, but you can have one. [Courtney pulls out a whole string of condoms] Everett: Endurance test? Courtney: More like pop quiz.
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