Jonathan Reeves:
[waves to sit down]
Jody Sawyer:
Wait. All my life I've wanted to be one of ABC's perfect ballerinas. I wanted to be you, Juliette. But I'm not you, and I'm not perfect,I'm just me, bad feet and all, and I'm starting to think that I like that just as much.
Jonathan Reeves:
[begins to speak]
Jody Sawyer:
No, because if you're not going to offer me a place in the company I don't want to hear it. And if you are, I might not have the strength to say no, and then I would be spending my best dancing years in the back of a corps waving a rose back and forth, and I'm better than that. So thank you, Jonathan, for turning me into the best dancer I can be, I appreciate it more than I can say, really. Because the best dancer I can be is a principal in Cooper Neilson's new company.
Jody Sawyer:
[walks off]
Jack Peterson:
Tell me something pleasant about the dick, tell me something romantic.
Alan:
Romantic? [pause. Both descend onto sliding board tracks]
Alan:
Well, I mean, I guess I could describe what it's like to be inside of a woman. I don't know if I have the verbal elegance to illustrate such a feeling; I don't know if Walt Whitman coulda done it. [beat]
Alan:
But there's this moment, man, when you first slide inside of a woman and your cock is coated with this wet, wonderful warmth that - it's unlike anything you've ever felt before. And the vagina, Jack, the warm, wet wonderful vagina. Even though it's, it's clasped around the cock and it's slathering its juices up and down the dick, it affects your entire body. It's like the vagina is just sending this surge of energy from her body into yours through your dick which acts like a conductor, or if you're not completely erect, like a semi-conductor. But the vagina is this microwave oven, man, and it is just sending that energy from her body into yours, and then, sucking yours back up inside of hers with it. I mean, it's almost, it's almost symbiotic. It's, it's like you've got these two bodies, a boy and a girl connected, to form one person. Connected by the dick.
Hank the Bartender:
[Hands them their drinks] The doctor's in. Help is on its way.
K.C.:
Thanks, Hank. Something wrong, Joe?
Joe Gavilan:
What do ya mean, "Something Wrong?"
K.C.:
You seem down.
Joe Gavilan:
Down? Me?
K.C.:
Lately.
Joe Gavilan:
We've been partners for what, four months, and now you wanna be my shrink?
K.C.:
Sometimes it helps to talk. That's all I'm saying.
Joe Gavilan:
All right. Let me paint you a picture. Portrait of Joe Gavilan. Seven, eight years ago, I sold off the results of my entrepreneurial efforts up to that point: Three tanning salons and two original silk-tip nail parlors in the Antelope Valley, and I started attending weekend Real Estate seminars at the Airport Hyatt. You know, "How to Make $1 Million in Real Estate with Very Little Money Down."
K.C.:
Sounds good.
Joe Gavilan:
Started out with a condo in Sherman Oaks. Slapped some paint on the walls. Refaced the kitchen cabinets. Traded up to a smoke-damaged ranch in Tarzana, then a Spanish on Outpost, and a fake Mediterranean in Los Feliz. Pretty soon, I had everything I've got tied up in this... this monstrosity... on Mt. Olympus, at the corner of Hercules and, I shit you not, Achilles.
K.C.:
So what's the problem?
Joe Gavilan:
The problem is if I don't score a big commission or get rid of this... piece of shit on Mt. Olympus... well, the word *Titanic* comes to mind.
Frog:
Well... Look who's awake.
Thumbelina:
Oh, don't hurt me. I'm a very small girl.
Frog:
Every mother wants to find the perfect girl for her son to marry. Hahaha, lucky me, I found you, ribbet. [to her son]
Frog:
Hush up.
Thumbelina:
Look, I'm sure you're nice and, I'm sure your son's nice. For a frog. But there's a whole kingdom of Little People depending on me, so, if you'll just help me be on my way...
Frog:
Start thinking wedding bells, honey. You're going to be walking down the aisle. [the frog and her son swim away]
Thumbelina:
[to herself] Oh, this is terrible. How will I ever get to the meadow?
Belize:
Real love isn't ambivalent. I'd swear that's a line from my favorite best-selling paperback novel, "In Love with the Night Mysterious", except I don't think you've ever read it. Well, you ought to, instead of spending the rest of your life, trying to get through "Democracy in America." It's about this white woman whose daddy owns a plantation in the Deep South, in the years before the Civil War. And her name is Margaret, and she's in love with her daddy's number-one slave, and his name is Thaddeus. And she's married, but her white slave-owner husband has AIDS: Antebellum Insufficiently-Developed Sex-organs. And so, there's a lot of hot stuff going down, when Margaret and Thaddeus can catch a spare torrid ten under the cotton-picking moon. And then of course the Yankees come, and they set the slaves free. And the slaves string up old daddy and so on, historical fiction. Somewhere in there I recall, Margaret and Thaddeus find the time to discuss the nature of love. Her face is reflecting the flames of the burning plantation, you know the way white people do, and his black face is dark in the night and she says to him, "Thaddeus, real love isn't ever ambivalent."
[Sam runs to the top of a skyscraper and prepares to hand over the Cube to a waiting helicopter... ]
Sam Witwicky:
[spotting Starscream] WATCH OUT! [Starscream fires at the copter, incapacitating it]
Sam Witwicky:
Oh my God... Where do I go?
Optimus Prime:
[hurrying across rooftops] Hang on, Sam! [With a crash, Megatron rises from below; frightened, Sam clings to a statue at the edge of the building]
Megatron:
Is it fear or courage that compels you, fleshling?
Sam Witwicky:
[terrified] Oh no! No!
Megatron:
Give me the All Spark and you may live to be my pet.
Sam Witwicky:
[still making a stand] I'm never giving you this All Spark!
Megatron:
Oh, so unwise... [With a roar, he pulls out a flail from his arm and smashes the rooftop, sending a screaming Sam plummeting towards the ground... ]
Optimus Prime:
[grabbing Sam] I got you, boy! Hold on to the Cube! [Prime leaps down, but Megatron grabs him, and all three tumble down into the street]
Alex West:
Lara Croft, I don't believe it. Still pretending to be a photojournalist? Ya know, I think it's really cool that you can still keep a day job, though it's obviously just for show.
Lara Croft:
So, Alex, still pretending to be an archaeologist?
Alex West:
Lara, do we always have to fight like this? Maybe we don't.
Lara Croft:
Hmm, maybe we do.
Alex West:
Why?
Lara Croft:
You stole my prayer wheels!
Alex West:
Stole? Stole? Coming from you? It's not like you ever really owned them or anything. Hey, you're the tomb raider...
Lara Croft:
Oh look, I think your clients need you. As you once said, so memorably, "It's all just a business". So go, go do business.
[first lines]
Narrator:
The film which you are about to see is an account of the tragedy which befell a group of 5 youths. It is all the more tragic in that they were young. But had they lived very, very long lives, they could not have expected, nor would they have wished to see as much of the mad and macabre as they were to see that day. For them, an idyllic summer afternoon became a nightmare. For 30 years, the files collected dust in the cold-cases divison of the Travis County Police Department. Over 1,300 pieces of evidence were collected from the crime scene at the Hewitt residence. Yet none of the evidence was more compelling than the classified police footage of the crime-scene walk-through.
Adams (officer in walkthrough):
Test test test... OK, uh, this is, uh, August 20th, 1973. The time is, uh, 3:47 P.M. Our location is the Hewitt residence on Route 17; it's where victim one was found. We're gonna do a walk-through, and we're now descending the stairs into the furnace room... uh... There's - over here - there's scratch marks along the wall. There's some more over here, right over here. And, oh, there's something over here. Seems... Looks like a clot of hair and an embedded fingernail. All right, we're gonna go move into the actual furnace room.
Narrator:
The events of that day were to lead to one of the most bizarre crimes in the annals of American history - the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Alexander Haig:
Constitutionally, gentlemen, you have the President, the Vice President and the Secretary of State in that order, and should the President decide he wants to transfer the helm to the Vice President, he will do so. He has not done that. As of now, I am in control here, in the White House, pending return of the Vice President and in close touch with him. If something came up, I would check with him, of course.
Gwen Saticoy:
[En route to the Osborne residence] ... You used to be a prosecutor. Why'd you change sides?
Merle Hammond:
Same reason everyone does. Money.
Gwen Saticoy:
Doesn't it ever feel strange, defending people you used to prosecute?
Merle Hammond:
...I learned some of my best tricks in the DA's office.
Gwen Saticoy:
Is that a term they teach in law school? "Trick"?
Merle Hammond:
I can feel that sanctimonious lecture on truth and ethics just hovering over those self-righteous lips of yours.
Gwen Saticoy:
...I'm curious: Is the whole point to trick everybody? The judge, the witnesses, the jury?
Merle Hammond:
Juries aren't bright enough to trick. After all, these are people too dumb to figure a way out of jury duty. Not that I'm complaining, mind you; as far as I'm concerned, the dumber they are, the better.
Gwen Saticoy:
Okay... Let's say I get a group of shoppers from the grocery store. I take them to a hospital, where two neurologists are trying to figure out whether to operate on a patient's frontal lobe, or his cereberal cortex. After the doctors explain the pros and cons of each operation to these shoppers, they still have no idea what should be done... Would you consider THEM dumb?
Merle Hammond:
The jury's obligation is to render a decision based on the facts presented. Nonetheless, I find your defense of them admirable; it isn't often you hear someone speak so highly of sheep.
Gwen Saticoy:
Well, as one of their shepherds, don't you feel any responsibility when they end up roaming aimlessly in some field... far off the mark?
Merle Hammond:
I don't give a damn where they wind up, or how they got there, so long as I win. In law school, you learn LAW; in the *courtroom,* you learn SURVIVAL. Your job is to *get your client off.* And believe me, if I were defending YOU on a murder charge, you wouldn't want it any other way... Whenever anyone preaches about a "fair trial," what they really mean is one that ends in their favor. *That* makes it fair.
The Dude:
Hey, no, come on, Walter. We're ending this thing cheap, man.
Walter Sobchak:
No, what’s mine is mine.
Nihilist:
No funny shtuff.
The Dude:
Alright, alright, I've got four dollars, almost five...
Donny:
Hey, I got eighteen dollars.
Walter Sobchak:
What's mine is mine.
Nihilist:
We fuck you ups, man. We takes the money.
Walter Sobchak:
Come and get it.
Megan:
There's something I need to tell you.
Thomas:
You're pregnant! Oh no.
Megan:
What? No Thomas, I'm not pregnant.
Thomas:
OK, 'cause with your big head and my ears, God only knows.
Megan:
No, I'm performing at the senior show case.
Thomas:
That's great! [Leans in to kiss her]
Megan:
[Puts her hand over his face and pushes it back] And I was kinda thinking you know, maybe we should just kinda cool it for a while.
Thomas:
What do you mean?
Megan:
I'm saying I think we need to take a break.
Thomas:
Right definitely, yeah we should definitely take a break how long do you need like 30 40 minutes? We should synchronize our watches.
Megan:
No, Thomas I need space.
Thomas:
Oh, okay. Space. [starts moving chairs around to give her space around her]
Thomas:
Space is good. That's enough space?
Megan:
[Standing up] Thomas we're done.
Thomas:
Definitely this has been a long rehearsal very tough.
Megan:
Thomas I'm leaving you! I don't wanna be your girlfriend anymore! We spend more time defending our relationship than actually having one! Nobody wants to see us together, not my friends, not yours. I'm saying it's over.
Thomas:
Fine. Fine leave! Get out!
Megan:
I'm sorry!
Marty Bach:
[on a cell phone conversation] Marty Bach, how can I help you?
Bridget Klein:
Marty, hi. It's Bridget Klein. Look, we're going with a story tomorrow about a settlement in the U-North defoliant case. Do you want to comment?
Marty Bach:
The case you're referring to is now as it has been for the last six years: Pending and unresolved. Until such time as our client has their day in court, and the plantiffs come to their senses and drop the suit, I'll have nothing of value to tell you.
Bridget Klein:
Come on Marty, you're closing the U-North case, you're settling it, I know that. Okay? I know you're up there with like 600 people jamming this thing through.
Marty Bach:
Well, here's what I know: Your deadline was twenty minutes ago. So either you're fishing for a story, or you're trying to get out of writing a retraction. In either case I wish you the best of luck. [he hangs up]
Marty Bach:
Where the fuck is Karen Crowder?
