The Promotion  - Quotes

 
[During the motivational retreat, the employees form a circle around the retreat leader. They are instructed to place paper bags over their heads]
Retreat Leader:
I want you to take off one thing that you don't need... quickly! Come on. [Everyone takes off their paper bags, except Richard, who removes his watch. They all stare at Richard, who still has his paper bag over his head]
Retreat Leader:
Let's take something else off that you really don't need... right away! [Richard takes off his shoes as some of the employees begin to laugh]
Retreat Leader:
Something else you don't need, let's make it happen. Come on! [Richard removes his belt while the employees continue to laugh]
Retreat Leader:
Something else you don't need. Come on, let's go. Something completely unnecessary. [Richard turns to his right]
Richard:
Doug, can we take our sack off?
Doug Stauber:
What? [Everyone bursts in laughter]
Richard:
Did you take your sack off?
Doug Stauber:
I can't really hear you.
Retreat Leader:
If you could take off one more thing you simply do not need. Do it!
Richard:
[whispers] Fuck! [Richard removes his shirt, revealing a tattoo of the band KISS on his chest, to the delight of everyone else]
Retreat Leader:
Okay, uhhh... all right, everybody that still has a bag on top of their heads, scream, 'My concentration skills need improvement.' One, two, three.
Richard:
My concentration skills need improvement! [Everyone bursts into laughter]
 



The Onion Movie  - Quotes

 Norm Archer:
The internet went down for three hours this morning, plunging the nation into productivity. The outage, which caused major work startages from New York to California, prevented an estimated 120 million American employees from messing around on the web at work.
 

Disclosure  - Quotes

 Susan Hendler:
Of course everyone knows! I'm so old fashioned, I greet my employees with a handshake!
 

Tags: Employees Quotes     




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