Nina Deer:
Life sucks, Dot. I feel like I can tell you this. I feel like I can be honest because you can't hear. Or can you? Look at you, eating your sandwich like a piglet while I talk. Strangely comforting... When I first met you, I mean when you first moved in, I hated you. I hated your face, your dumb blank stare. But now that I feel like I know you again that's all changed. It's so nice to know there's someone whos life sucks more than mine. [whisper]
Nina Deer:
I'm gonna kill my dad Dot. Tonight. I hate him you know. I hate him and I love him. I hate it when he won't let me go out with my friends, but I love it when he *fucks* me. I hate it when he fucks me too, though. See how that works? Doesn't make any sense. [stop whispering, speak quiet]
Nina Deer:
He likes it when I bite on his nipples though. I stick the tip of his nipple between my teeth... and I rub my tongue back and forth on it, like a windshield wiper. [emulates with Dot's finger]
Nina Deer:
Drives him wild. I made him cum once just by sucking on his nipples. I didn't even need to touch his dick once. I love that I can tell you this shit, cause it's like it's off my chest but it's still a secret, you know? Michelle's dad's got a gun. I know where it is. But I figure it'd be too gross. You know, with Mom's decorating and all. Although she's probably already joining Judy Garland and Marylin Monroe in Pill Popper's Paradise. Just like an E True Maradin story. I'm gonna do it late. Mom won't wake up, nah. You can't hear. It'll just be me, my daddy, and a bullet. Michelle's gonna steal it for me this afternoon. [slams hand on table]
Nina Deer:
Pow...
Jack Friar:
[about to be executed] You think because you've already killed somebody, killing me's no big deal? You kill me and every cop on the planet's work takes a sudden vacation. You become the case that never closes, the guy they never stop hunting. You be job one. Pay attention Erin, 'cause this applies to you too. When they catch you, where ever they catch you, they're gonna subdue you. And they're gonna subdue you substantially. Then they're gonna tell you to run, and that's gonna confuse you, 'cause you never heard that before. Then your animal brain is gonna kick in with survival mode, telling you stupid shit like, hey, they're lettin' me go. So you'll run.
Tyrone:
And then what?
Jack Friar:
Then they shoot your dumb ass.
Fogell:
Yo guys! Sup?
Seth:
Fogell, where have you been, man? You almost gave me a goddamn heart attack. Let me see it. Did you pussy out or what?
Fogell:
No noooo, man. I got it; it is flawless. Check it!
Evan:
[examining the fake ID] Hawaii. All right, that's good. That's hard to trace, I guess. Wait... you changed your name to... McLovin?
Fogell:
Yeah.
Evan:
McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?
Fogell:
Naw, they let you pick any name you want when you get down there.
Seth:
And you landed on McLovin...
Fogell:
Yeah. It was between that or Muhammed.
Seth:
Why the FUCK would it be between THAT or Muhammed? Why don't you just pick a common name like a normal person?
Fogell:
Muhammed is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a fucking book for once.
Evan:
Fogell, have you actually ever met anyone named Muhammed?
Fogell:
Have YOU actually ever met anyone named McLovin?
Seth:
No, that's why you picked a dumb fucking name!
Fogell:
Fuck you.
Seth:
Gimme that. All right, you look like a future pedophile in this picture, number 1. Number 2: it doesn't even have a first name, it just says "McLovin"!
Evan:
What? One name? ONE NAME? Who are you? Seal?
Seth:
Fogell, this ID says that you're 25 years old. Why wouldn't you just put 21, man?
Fogell:
Seth, Seth, Seth. Listen up, ass-face: every day, hundreds of kids go into the liquor store with fake IDs, and every single one says they're 21. Pssh, how many 21 year olds do you think there are in this town? It's called fucking strategy, all right?
Evan:
Stay calm, okay? Let's not lose our heads. It's... it's a fine ID; it'll... it's gonna work. It's passable, okay? This isn't terrible. I mean, it's up to you, Fogell. This guy is either gonna think 'Here's another kid with a fake ID' or 'Here's McLovin, a 25 year-old Hawaiian organ donor'. Okay? So what's it gonna be?
Fogell:
[grinning] ... I am McLovin!
Seth:
No you're not. No one's McLovin. McLovin's never existed because that's a made up dumb FUCKING FAIRY TALE NAME, YOU FUCK!
