Chelsea Handler - Quotes

 There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers. 

Tags: alcohol   drinking   drinks   humor     


Napoleon Dynamite - Quotes

 Napoleon Dynamite:
[drinks glass of milk] The defect in that one is bleach.
FFA Judge No. 1:
That's right.
Napoleon Dynamite:
Yessssssssss.
Napoleon Dynamite:
[drinks second glass of milk] This tastes like the cow got into an onion patch.
FFA Judge No. 2:
Correct.
Napoleon Dynamite:
Yessssssssss.
 

Tags: Drinks Quotes     
Lost in Translation - Quotes

 Stills Photographer:
You know double-O-7?
Bob:
He drinks martinis, but all right.
 

Tags: Drinks Quotes     


Made of Honor - Quotes

 Christie - Wife #6:
If you're a bad boy, I'm gonna spank you! [she spanks Tom]
Tom:
Ow! Ok, I've got something to say to you. [Hannah kicks him]
Tom:
Ow!
Christie - Wife #6:
Tom, I just want you to know that if you need anything, money, advice, help with girl problems, you can always come to me. I'd like you to think of me as a real mother.
Tom:
Alright, sure [Tom's dad comes over]
Christie - Wife #6:
Oh, here he is!
Thomas Bailey Sr.:
She's just as drunk as the night we met. [Tom starts to take a drink from his whiskey but Christie snatches it away and drinks it herself]
Tom:
Oh got right on ahead.
Thomas Bailey Sr.:
[Slaps Tom] You're a bad influence on her!
Tom:
Wha-? Me? [Thomas Sr. and Christie walk off]
Hannah:
He knows that he can just date right?
Tom:
No, I don't think so. [They laugh]
 

Tags: Help Quotes   Drinks Quotes   Influence Quotes   Night Quotes   Right Quotes     
Renaissance Man - Quotes

 Bill Rago:
Hamlet's mother, she's a queen.
Soldiers:
Hamlet's mother, she's a queen.
Bill Rago:
Buys it in the final scene.
Soldiers:
Buys it in the final scene.
Bill Rago:
Drinks a glass of funky wine.
Soldiers:
Drinks a glass of funky wine.
Bill Rago:
Now she's Satan's valentine.
Soldiers:
Now she's Satan's valentine.
 

Tags: Drinks Quotes     
Jackass Number Two - Quotes

 Johnny Knoxville:
[while gagging after Pontius drinks the horse semen] I never puke ever, and I really almost puked then.
 

Tags: Drinks Quotes   Us Quotes     
Desert Saints - Quotes

 Bennie Harper:
You sure are a tough guy.
Arthur Banks:
What are you talking about?
Bennie Harper:
You talk like a tough guy, you walk like a tough guy, you even order drinks like a tough guy...
Arthur Banks:
I'm not a tough guy - I'm just careful!
Bennie Harper:
Careful of what?
Arthur Banks:
Of pretty women...
 

Tags: Talking Quotes   Drinks Quotes   Order Quotes   Pretty Quotes     
Hedwig and the Angry Inch - Quotes

 Hedwig:
I have been having the most wonderful time with - do you remember that 45-year-old divorcee with the hair and the mean look? She came up to me after the show and I thought, "This lady wants a piece of me." So I didn't know what to do. I was alone, I had nothing in my hand, I was going to go for the eyes. She came at me from both sides, somehow, and she just gave me a fucking hug. She gave me a fucking hug. Can you figure? Can you fucking beat that? She gave me - also got a few drinks from it, as well.
 

Tags: Drinks Quotes   Time Quotes     
There Will Be Blood - Quotes

 Plainview:
[Daniel has covered his face with a napkin] So Standard offered us a million dollars for the Little Boston leases, and I told H. M. Tilford where he could shove that, and we made a deal with Union! On the pipeline! And that whole ocean of oil underneath our fields!
H.M. Tilford:
[to his tablemates] ... 150,000 dollars...
Man:
We needed the money to drill.
Man:
I go out to meet him. He's getting oil on the property. We're trying to make a claim on it. Offered him a million dollars. Turned us down flat.
Plainview:
[growing frustrated] All right. [stands up, walks over and leans in to Tilford's face]
Plainview:
I want you to look over there. [points towards H.W]
H.M. Tilford:
Daniel, let me introduce you...
Plainview:
Look over there, you see. That's my son. You see him? You SEE?
H.M. Tilford:
I see him.
Plainview:
You don't tell me how to raise my family. I told you not to tell me how to raise my family. So, what do you see?
H.M. Tilford:
I'm very happy for you that...
Plainview:
Yes, I've made a deal with Union and my son is happy and safe.
H.M. Tilford:
Congratulations. Excellent...
Plainview:
I'm taking care of him now, so... You look like a fool, don't you Tilford?
H.M. Tilford:
[long pause] Yes.
Plainview:
Y-y-y-yes, you do.
H.M. Tilford:
[embarrassed] Excuse me gentlemen...
Plainview:
Oh, excuse me gentlemen. Excuse him, gentlemen. [to Tilford]
Plainview:
I told you what I was gonna do. [drinks Tilford's whiskey]
 

Tags: Money Quotes   Oil Quotes   Boston Quotes   Drinks Quotes   Money Quotes     
Space Ghost Coast to Coast - Quotes

 Space Ghost:
[to Master Shake] You need to chill out, and shut your lid cup, or else it'll be time to shake it up! [pause]
Space Ghost:
And the drinks are on me. [pause]
Space Ghost:
Cause I'm tired of milking this shake. And there's no... free refills this time. [pause]
Space Ghost:
Excuse me Mam but the machine seems to be out of ice and, I just purchased this. [longer pause]
Space Ghost:
Let me, let me rework this.
 

Tags: Drinks Quotes   Space Quotes   Time Quotes   Work Quotes     
Made - Quotes

 Ricky Slade:
Excuse me Honey, umm, where the drinks are concerned, is that a hidden tax? Does that fall under complementary up front service as well or is that something you pay for?
Flight Attendent:
Oh no, no, they're complementary. Would you care for another one?
Ricky Slade:
They're complementary?
Flight Attendent:
Yes.
Ricky Slade:
You bet your ass I would.
 

Tags: Service Quotes   Vice Quotes   Drinks Quotes     
My Blue Heaven - Quotes

 Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli:
Two double scotches please.
Stewardess #1:
I'm sorry we can only serve two drinks at a time. Two double scotches would be four drinks.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli:
OK how about this? You sell me my double scotch, and you sell my friend his double scotch, but instead of putting his double scotch on his tray, you put it on mine and I'll pay you for both. By the way have I told you that you look lovely in red and blue... Pam.
Stewardess #1:
Ok, fine. Here you go.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli:
Keep the change.
Stewardess #1:
Oh, we're not allowed to accept tips.
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli:
[Turns to Barney] Not allowed to accept tips.
 

Tags: Drinks Quotes     
Renaissance Man - Quotes

 Soldiers:
[chanting] Hamlet's mother, she's the queen / Buys it in the final scene / Drinks a glass of funky wine / Now she's Satan's Valentine.
 

Tags: Wine Quotes   Drinks Quotes     
Forget Paris - Quotes

 
[looking at Rodin's "The Thinker"]
Ellen:
Rodin never said what he was thinking.
Mickey:
You see, what I think he was thinking was, "Goddam Rodin. Three drinks and I'm nude."
 

Tags: Drinks Quotes   Thinking Quotes     
The Paper - Quotes

 Alicia:
One of our security guards actually tried to frisk me. We're having drinks later.
 

Tags: Security Quotes   Drinks Quotes   Risk Quotes     
Inglourious Basterds - Quotes

 Lt. Archie Hicox:
Well, if this is it, old boy, I hope you don't mind I go out speaking the king's?
Major Dieter Hellstrom:
By all means, Captain.
Lt. Archie Hicox:
There's a special rung in hell reserved for people who waste good scotch. And seeing as I might be rapping on the door momentarily... [he drinks the scotch]
Lt. Archie Hicox:
I must say, damned good stuff, sir. [pause]
Lt. Archie Hicox:
Now, about this pickle we find ourselves in...
 

Tags: People Quotes   Hell Quotes   People Quotes   Drinks Quotes   Hope Quotes     
EuroTrip - Quotes

 Cooper:
So who's Cristoff?
Jenny:
I don't wanna talk about it. [Takes bottle of alchoal and drinks it all]
 

Tags: Drinks Quotes     
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King - Quotes

 
[Frodo drinks the last drops of water from Sam's waterskin]
Frodo:
There'll be none left for the return journey.
Sam:
I don't think there will be a return journey, Mr. Frodo.
 

Tags: Water Quotes   Will Quotes   Drinks Quotes     
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl - Quotes

 
[Jack throws a bucket of water on sleeping Gibbs]
Mr. Gibbs:
Curse you for breathin' ya slack-jawed idiot. Mother's love. Jack. You should know better than to wake a man when he's sleepin'. Its bad luck.
Jack Sparrow:
Fortunately, I know how to counter it; the man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink; the man who was sleeping drinks it while listening to a proposition from the man who did the waking.
Mr. Gibbs:
Aye, that'll about do it. [Will throws more water on Mr. Gibbs]
Mr. Gibbs:
Blast I'm already awake.
Will Turner:
That was for the smell.
 

Tags: Man Quotes   Water Quotes   Will Quotes   Drinks Quotes   Listening Quotes     
Corpse Bride - Quotes

 Maggot:
Let me at him! Let me at him! Don't hold me back!
Elder Gutknecht:
[holding crowd back] Wait! We must abide by their rules! We are amongst the living.
Barkis Bittern:
Well said. [drinks potion]
Maggot:
[after Lord Barkis drinks potion] Not any more!
Elder Gutknecht:
Yep. You're right. He's all yours.
 

Tags: Heir Quotes   Drinks Quotes     
The Santa Clause - Quotes

 Sarah the Little Girl:
You're fatter this year.
Santa:
Thank you. You've grown too. Now go back to sleep. [Drinks the milk and gags a little]
Sarah the Little Girl:
What's wrong?
Santa:
I think the milk's a little sour.
Sarah the Little Girl:
It's soy milk.
Santa:
Huh?
Sarah the Little Girl:
You said you were lactose intollerant.
 

Tags: Drinks Quotes     
Gone Baby Gone - Quotes

 Lionel McCready:
[about Helene] She's at the Fillmore all the time.
Patrick Kenzie:
She's at the Fillmore lounge?
Lionel McCready:
Yeah, she drinks every day. She's got the gene, you know? The disease. Our parents had it too.
Patrick Kenzie:
She use drugs?
Lionel McCready:
I think she does a little coke.
Patrick Kenzie:
How much is a little?
Lionel McCready:
I don't know. Few times a week, maybe. I mean how much is a lot?
Patrick Kenzie:
Few times a week's a lot.
Lionel McCready:
Then she does a lot. I don't know anything about that. I put the plug in the jug myself, I got twenty-three years sobriety, so, I'm good.
 

Tags: Parents Quotes   Drinks Quotes     
The Wedding Singer - Quotes

 Robbie:
[Glenn offers him a drink after Jason insults him] No, I'm not a big drinker.
Glenn:
Well I am, how about an "Alabama Slammer"?
Glenn's buddy:
Sounds like a plan.
Robbie:
Yeah, go ahead, have a few drinks and, you know, drive home.
 

Tags: Drinks Quotes   Insults Quotes     
The Ref - Quotes

 Boy:
Santa doesn't drink champagne. Santa only drinks milk.
George:
[quietly] Listen. Santa can't drink no more milk. Santa has a lactose intolerance, and it gives him horrible gas pains. Do you want to see Santa farting down everybody's chimney?
 

Tags: Drinks Quotes     
Rude Awakening - Quotes

 Billie Frank:
[shouting at Dave] That is what you do with the drink! You drink it! You can't eat it: nothing to chew! Can't wear it: no straps! Can't smoke it: wet! Drinks are meant to be drunk, much like myself! That's the familiar face: isn't that Billie Frank, the drunk?
Joe:
And the slut.
Billie Frank:
Right!
 

Tags: Drinks Quotes     
Split Infinity - Quotes

 Allen:
75 cents, that's a rip off.
A.J.:
Supply and demand Allen.
Allen:
You took all my milk money.
A.J.:
Bottle of water. Laura Cannon drinks it.
Allen:
Laura Cannon.
A.J.:
Go on. Take a chance.
 

Tags: Drinks Quotes     
Dudley Do-Right - Quotes

 Snidely K. 'Whip' Whiplash:
Shane!
Shane:
Yes, Mr. Whiplash?
Snidely K. 'Whip' Whiplash:
Drinks on the house.
Shane:
Yes, sir.
Snidely K. 'Whip' Whiplash:
No, wait a second. Drinks are 50% off.
Shane:
Right.
Snidely K. 'Whip' Whiplash:
No, wait a second. Double the price of everything! [chuckles]
Shane:
Yes, sir.
 

Tags: Drinks Quotes     
Death Becomes Her - Quotes

 Madeline Ashton:
Bottoms up! [Madeline drinks the potion]
Lisle Von Rhoman:
Now, a warning.
Madeline Ashton:
NOW a warning?
 

Tags: Drinks Quotes     
Lesley Livingston - Quotes

 What about the whiskey? 

Tags: darklight   drinks   faeries   humor     
Tom Robbins - Quotes

 Now tequila may be the favored beverage of outlaws but that doesn't mean it gives them preferential treatment. In fact, tequila probably has betrayed as many outlaws as has the central nervous system and dissatisfied wives. Tequila, scorpion honey, harsh dew of the doglands, essence of Aztec, crema de cacti; tequila, oily and thermal like the sun in solution; tequila, liquid geometry of passion; Tequila, the buzzard god who copulates in midair with the ascending souls of dying virgins; tequila, firebug in the house of good taste; O tequila, savage water of sorcery, what confusion and mischief your sly, rebellious drops do generate! 

Tags: drinking   drinks   tequila     
Kappa Mikey - Quotes

 Gonard:
Let's see, Gonardade... delicious. [drinks from same pitcher]
Gonard:
Mikeyade... I'm going to vomit.
 

Tags: Drinks Quotes     
Terry Pratchett - Quotes

 I staggered into a Manchester bar late one night on a tour and the waitress said  

Tags: cocktails   drinks   humor     


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