Cleopatra: Divorce your wife! Marry me and name Caesarion your one true heir! Julius Caesar: No! Caesarion is my son. Octavian is my heir.
Ingrid Harrer: [in a letter] Dear Heinrich. Please sign the divorce papers and send them to my lawyer. Horst and I intend to be married as soon as the divorce is finalized. As for your letter, yes, your son Rolf Harrer was born while you were climbing the mountain. He is now two years old and calls Horst papa. When he is old enough I'll tell him his real father was lost in the Himalayas. It seems the kindest thing to say since you never wanted the child anyway. Needless to say I have to intentions resolving our differences as you suggested. They were resolved the moment you left Austria. I'm sorry you have been imprisoned in India and hope this dreadful war will soon be over for everyone's sake.
[Nicky Rogan, in a taxi cab, sees his daughter in an adjacent taxi, exits his, and joins her in hers] Nicky Rogan: How come I don't see you any more? Where are you, all day? Laurel Rogan: [laughs sardonically] I'm at college. Thought you knew. Nicky Rogan: You wanna get a coffee? Laurel Rogan: I don't drink coffee, Daddy. This is not what we should be talking about. Nicky Rogan: What do you want to talk about? I'll talk about anything you want to talk about. What's this? [He picks up her radio] Laurel Rogan: Senior Play tonight, remember? Nicky Rogan: Why do you need a radio? Laurel Rogan: So I can listen to the ball game at intermissions! Do you know that Mother is seeing a prominent divorce lawyer? Nicky Rogan: Don't talk like that! Man! How prominent? What are you implying? Laurel Rogan: She's doing like those Iranians. I divorce thee. I divorce thee. I divorce thee.
Marilyn: [Tom pulls up in his car] Late again, Tom. Tom Ryan: Hey, Marilyn. Marilyn: I thought you were moving. Tom Ryan: Oh, it's all I could afford right now. You took everything in the divorce except my name. Marilyn: No, actually, the judge granted me that yesterday. You're now officially known as "Horace P. MacTitties."
Col. Robert Stout: I'm Bobby Stout. Lt. Colonel J.O.E. Vandeleur: Have you ever been liberated before? Col. Robert Stout: I got divorced twice, does that count? Lt. Colonel J.O.E. Vandeleur: That counts.
[to Evie, who is lying bound and gagged on a bed after a consensual bondage scene with Laura] Marty Barnes: Hi. Listen, before I untie you, while I have your attention, I just wanted to take a minute and say, you know, this is going to be really rough on you and Dave. It will probably end up in divorce for the two of you; it's really sad. Okay, what I'm thinking is you're going to have half of Dave's money, right? And I got a really good investment for you... a really good project I'm working on. It's something...
Halley: Let's just think of the day my parents divorce went through as "Big Ugly Hat Day".
Betty Warren: Miss Watson, can you help me get in touch with that friend of yours in Greenwich Village? Mrs. Warren: Oh, what do you need in Greenwich Village? Betty Warren: An apartment. I filed for a divorce this morning. And since we know I'm not welcome in your house. You remember Giselle Levy? What did you call her? "A New York Kike", that's it. Well, we're going to be room mates.
Hedwig: After my divorce from Luther I scraped by with baby-sitting gigs and odd jobs - mostly the jobs we call blow. I had lost my job at the base PX, and I had lost my gag reflex. You do the math.
Miles Massey: I saw an ad in the paper. "No-fault divorce. Two week divorce without a lawyer". Made me sick to my stomach. No-fault divorce.
Gob: [Gob's wife has served him divorce papers] And now she's stomping on my heart. Michael Bluth: What's her first name? Quickly. Gob: [flustered] Crindee. Michael Bluth: Name's not Crindee, Gob. Gob: [Reads papers] Ah, Saul Zetzmann. Nope. That's her lawyer. Well, she's GOT a name. And I'm gonna find out what it is. And I'm gonna make a pun on it. And that's what I'll call her. Bad example: if her name's Amy, I'll call her "Blame-y." Michael Bluth: That's a strong defense.
Jay Corgan: My parents put an ocean between them after the nastiest divorce ever. No joke. People study it.
Marylin Rexroth: [after Miles kisses Marylin] I could have you disbarred for that. Miles Massey: It was worth it. Marylin Rexroth: A romantic divorce attorney. Miles Massey: You fascinate me.
John Moss: No one since my divorce even stuck around for a second date. They say they don't like me being a cop, or I don't know, maybe its something about my personality- [car honks] John Moss: HEY, UP YOURS, ASSHOLE! What do you think?
Owen: What's that "order in the universe" thing? Nicholas "Nick" Hume: Well, our insurer spent 300,000 bucks on this new model - new field data, new society. Who is the ideal employee? Who dies how and when? And they sent it over to show what a great job they're doing. And you know what it says? It says that people with kids live longer than people with no kids. People with two live longer than people with one. Smoking is bad. Speeding is bad. Deaths in the family are bad. Divorce is bad. It's just kind of nice to see that all that junk is still true.
Mike O' Donnell: Scarlet, before you go through this, I want to remind you of September 7th, 1988. It was the first time that I saw you. You were reading Less Than Zero, and you were wearing a Guns 'n' Roses t-shirt. I'd never seen anything so perfect. I remember thinking that I had to have you or I'd die... then you whispered that you loved me at the homecoming dance, and I felt so peaceful... and safe... because I knew that no matter what happened, from that day on, nothing can ever be that bad... because I had you. And then I, uh... I grew up and I lost my way. And I blamed you for my failures. And I know that you think you have to do this today... but I don't want you to. But I guess... if I love you, I should let you move on. [pretending to read a letter to Scarlet in divorce court]
Ezekiel: I hate being married to you! I hate it! Any man would! Havana: Then do something about it! Give me my money and I'm outta here! One quick divorce and I'm Havana What-was-her-name! Ezekiel: Well, it sounds good, but what is it for? Havana: It is a ticket out of hell! Ezekiel: No... Havana: No, you listen! [pushes Zeke down] Havana: Let me take the heat on this one! If you tell Uncle Wilhelm that I am a lousy wife, with lousy wifely skills, and an overbearing sexual appetite, he is gonna cut us both a little slack. You give me my money, and I'm gone!
Tom Ryan: Ever since the divorce it's like my life has no purpose. Half the time, I walk around feeling like a zombie! C. J.: Yo, don't joke about zombies. That shit there - that's real. Mahalik: Yo, you know Nashawn, down on 120th Street? C. J.: Yeah. Mahalik: She told me that she heard a zombie going through her trash the other day. The next morning, she turned up missing. Tom Ryan: Uh... C. J.: [C.J. interrupts] What? Okay, back up. How in the hell do you "turn up missing"? Mahalik: 'Cause nobody knows where you are when they realize you ain't there! Tom Ryan: Guys, I'm trying to ask... C. J.: [C.J. interrupts again] So you telling me that you can appear and disappear at the same time. Mahalik: No, man. You can't appear and disappear at the same time. The bitch ain't David Copperfield! Tom Ryan: Uh, guys... C. J.: [C.J. interrupts yet again] Mmm. No, no. But you can't be gone from one place and show up somewhere else entirely. So when you turn up, you're never missing. And when you're missing, you never turn up. Mahalik: Unless... you a zombie. C. J.: Damn! Hey, that's some plausible shit right there. You should blog about that. Mahalik: I'm gonna put that on MySpace. C. J.: You do that!
Sara Gaskell: So. I guess we just divorce our spouses, marry each other, and have this baby, right? Simple.
George Wade: Divorce always gives me an appetite. Kabob? Lucy Kelson: No thanks. I've never really warmed to the idea of a *flesh* popsicle.
[first lines] District Attorney: Mr. Dufresne, describe the confrontation you had with your wife the night that she was murdered. Andy Dufresne: It was very bitter. She said she was glad I knew, that she hated all the sneaking around. And she said that she wanted a divorce in Reno.
Mike O'Donnell: [finds out that Scarlett is re-doing their yard] The divorce isn't final for another two weeks, so you have no right. Scarlett O'Donnell: Really? I spent the last 18 years of my life listening to you whine about what you could have done without me and I have no right? Mike O'Donnell: It's just that I put a lot of work in this yard. Scarlett O'Donnell: Did you? Really? Like the barbecue pit? Yeah, the way I remember that is that you spent about an hour working on it and then you spent the next two days complaining about how " If you had gone to college then you could have had hired someone else to do it." Mike O'Donnell: I don't think it was a whole two days... Scarlett O'Donnell: What about the hammock over here? Mike O'Donnell: Yeah... Scarlett O'Donnell: Yeah, I think you quit that one because you just decided not try anymore.
Ricky: You live here, at a hotel? Harriet: My mom got it as a divorce present.
Margaret Nathan: Divorce Lawyers should be on call like Doctors!
Holly Hamilton: Divorce as a career-builder, that's nice.
George Wade: [showing up late to his divorce hearing] Sorry everyone. Did I miss the blessed event? Lucy Kelson: [under her breath] Check with me before you talk.
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