Hutch: You gotta find your Death Star. Eric: Okay, I'll bite. Hutch: Greatest deed Luke Skywalker ever did was take down the Death Star, right? As far as I'm concerned, that's what everybody needs. You need that one bad-ass thing that lets you live on forever, you know.
[Ace is standing in front of Lois who's in her underwear] Ace Ventura: My esteemed colleague, Mr. Marino, has just brought some new evidence to my attention. Now, history has certainly shown that even the most intuitive criminal investigator can be wrong from time to time. But if I am mistaken... if the Lieutenant is indeed a woman, as she claims to be... then, my friend, she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I have *ever* seen! [turns Lois around to reveal a bulge in her nether regions] Ace Ventura: *That's* why Roger Podacter is dead! He found Captain Winkie! [all the men in the vicinity start throwing up because Einhorn has kissed them]
Don: [in an thick Philipino accent] How you guys doing? I'm Don. Don, rhyme with flon. You have any question? Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yes, Yes indeed Don we do. Is this a good machine? Don: Yeah it is good if you cheap bastard. No jus... jus doing comedy with you. That one is okay. But if you are serious about Kar'-oke. Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh we are! Don: Okay then... there is only one model for you. The AUDIO 2000. This baby got the 16-bit dual D/A converter, 3 beam checking, digital key controller, so you can change the pitch if your voice sucks. But I don't need that. Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: That's nice. How much? Don: Price is not important Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: No price is very important, actually. Don: Okay you got me; take me away. Okay it's a lil' bit expensive. But let me tell you, it's worth it. When you sing to your girlfriend. Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Uh huh. Don: And her heart thweaaaatt-boom! fall down on the floor, you say thank you Don. Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: How much does it cost, exactly? Don: [Motions them over and begins to talk quietly in an American accent] Alright, here's the real deal. Um, I don't usually do this but you guys look like cool guys, and uh, I got a little piece of ass last night, so I am feeling extra generous. Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Oh! Don: I'm gonna let you guys have it for $1,300. Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: $1,300? Don: Final offer. Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: uh, excuse me, I just got a little warm. [unzips jacket to reveal priest's collar] Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: My friend, he gets, he gets a little warm. Don: [Sees priest's collar] Oh man! What is that? What is... get out of here with that. Is that real? Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh yeah!
Dr. Stephen Arden: [Stephen and Sil have just finished having sex. Sil seems distant for a second, but then chuckles excitedly] What? Sil: I felt it! Dr. Stephen Arden: Felt what? Sil: It's started! Dr. Stephen Arden: What's started? Sil: Life! Dr. Stephen Arden: Oh, my darling girl! [laughs condeceningly] Dr. Stephen Arden: Now, I know in some south african tribes women believe they know the exact moment of conception, but really... Sil: Don't you beleive me? Here, feel! [She grabs his hand and holds it against her belly] Dr. Stephen Arden: [Stephen does indeed feel something in Sil's womb and his smile suddenly fades] Holy Shit! [Sil covers Stephen's mouth to muffle his screams as she transforms into her alien form and kills him]
Joshua: I have heard it said that human trafficking is the business of the future. With zero pretense at the heels of liberty, I feel it is my duty to discharge this notion with the affirmation that human trafficking, ladies and gentleman, is most assuredly the business of the present. Alongside this conclusion comes the inevitable theory that slavery is not dead. Sex trafficking has indeed classified itself as a modern day form of slavery, leaving its victims with but a dim cognizance of who they once were. A shadow of a shadow.
Gawain MacSam: Motherfuck! Professor G.H. Dorr: Yes. Unfortunately, Mrs. Munson has rather complicated the situation. Gawain MacSam: Yeah, well, I know how to decomplicate it. You bust a cap in that old bitch's head, everything be simple. Professor G.H. Dorr: Not easy to do. Many reasons. Practical ones. Quiet neighborhood, sleepy town. Reasons of moral repugnance. A harmless woman, a deed conceived and executed in cold blood. Oh, no, Gawain, would that it were simple. Gawain MacSam: Well, fuck, man! What we gonna do? Give the money back and go to church? Professor G.H. Dorr: I shudder. I quake. You, sir, are a Buddhist. Is there not a "middle" way? The General: Mm. Must float like a leaf on the river of life... and kill old lady.
Sky Marshal Dienes: We must meet this threat with our courage, our valor, indeed with our very lives to ensure that human civilization, not insect, dominates this galaxy *now and always*!
Play Actor: [Playing Cleopatra] Will you stay with me in Egypt, Caesar? Play Actor: [Playing Caesar] What has Egypt got to offer that Rome does not? Play Actor: Have you heard of the 'fertile cresent?' Play Actor: No... is it a region down below? Play Actor: [Lifts leg] Indeed it is! Ha! Play Actor: What grows there? Play Actor: I believe a region fertile enough to hatch a king. If you doubt it, try planting something there.
Algren: [narrating] Spring, 1877. This marks the longest I've stayed in one place since I left the farm at 17. There is so much here I will never understand. I've never been a church going man, and what I've seen on the field of battle has led me to question God's purpose. But there is indeed something spiritual in this place. And though it may forever be obscure to me, I cannot but be aware of its power. I do know that it is here that I've known my first untroubled sleep in many years.
Nina Marcus: [doing some damage control after confirming to Gwyn that she indeed is having an affair as Vic suspects] Listen, don't be so naive. Your father has been unfaithful plenty of times. Gwyn: Really? Nina Marcus: I'm sorry. But it's true. Yes. In fact, I think he is still sleeping with his travel agent. Zelda somebody. Sorry. Gwyn: You counldn't get back at him the old fashioned way? Go crazy with his credit card or something?
Sara: We know you're frustrated, Jack Bruno... Jack Bruno: No. No more "Jack Bruno this, Jack Bruno that." I've been asking for answers... Sara: You already know the answers, Jack Bruno. My brother and I are indeed not from your planet. Jack Bruno: [laughs] That's it? So that's it? Mystery solved! You two want me to believe that you're both aliens. Seth: It is the truth. Jack Bruno: Really? Well, you don't look like aliens. Sara: Well, what does an alien look like, Jack Bruno? Jack Bruno: You know what aliens look like. They look like, like little green people with antennas and, and laser guns and, "Take me to your leader, Earthlings."
Hannah: Poor Mr. Jimmy. There is much good in him, but he will suffer the fires of hell. Clayton Boone: Oh yeah? Hannah: That is what the priests tell me. His sins of the flesh will keep him from heaven. Clayton Boone: Hell, everybody's got those. Hannah: No. His is the worst. The unspeakable. The deed no man can name without shame. What is the good English? All I know is bugger, he's a bugger, men who bugger each other... Clayton Boone: A homo? Hannah: *Yes*, you *know*...
Aragorn: If by my life or death I can protect you, I will. You have my sword... Legolas: ...and you have my bow... Gimli: ...and my axe. Boromir: You carry the fate of us all, little one. If this is indeed the will of the Council, then Gondor will see it done.
Robert Spencer: Now we can see then that since the Prophet Mohammad himself participated in many battles and raids, and did indeed perpetrate these be-headings - he ordered the assassination of several of his political opponents, and he behaved in general like a typical 7th century warlord - the problem is that when this is transferred to 21st century behavior, 21st century contexts of behavior, then what you get are terrorists.
Harlan: You have to go with me to talk to June. I want to tell her in person. Rachel: Tell her what? Harlan: That we have to get married. Rachel: What? Harlan: It's the only way God will forgive us! Rachel: Oh my God, Harlan, I gave you a blow job! Harlan: [suddenly embarrassed] Um, thank you for breakfast, Miss Georgia. Rachel, I'll see you in the truck. Rachel: [to her grandmother, exasperated] No good deed goes unpunished!
Eugene: Sometimes we all wonder how things come to be. A chain of events: A leads to B leads to C leads to Z. Each life is made up of big decisions and each day is made up of a million little decisions. What shirt to wear, what street to walk on, what to eat for lunch. Now all of these seemingly inconsequential choices may change your life forever. But who can handle that kind of responsibility? It would paralyze you to think about it. So you have to trust your instinct, what the Greeks might call your character. You better pray to whatever god you believe in that your character knows what the hell it's doing. I thought I was a man of character. Good character. Then I made a mistake. A bad one that changed everything. That's why I found myself walking into a lousy L.A. bar to buy some Phenolcitrate - -synthetic heroin, my personal favorite. See, when I got high, the chain of events disappeared. No past, no future, just the sweet and sticky now. But before I could get home that night with my bag of goodies something happened. I did a good thing. One good deed that started another chain that I wasn't ready for. A ride I had no business taking.
[Gerald the pelican seems to be choking] Nigel: [casually] Alright Gerald, what is it? Fish got your tongue? [Gerald opens his mouth to show this is indeed the case] Dory, Marlin: Aaaaahh! Nigel: Love a duck!
[singing along to Aimee Mann's "Wise Up"] Claudia Wilson Gator: It's not / What you thought / When you first began it / You got / What you want / Now you can hardly stand it though / By now you know / It's not going to stop Jim Kurring: It's not going to stop / It's not going to stop / 'Til you wise up Jimmy Gator: You're sure / There's a cure / And you have finally found it Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: You think / One drink / Will shrink you 'til you're underground / And living down / But it's not going to stop Phil Parma: It's not going to stop Earl Partridge: It's not going to stop / 'Til you wise up Linda Partridge: Prepare a list for what you need / Before you sign away the deed / 'Cause it's not going to stop Frank T.J. Mackey: It's not going to stop / It's not going to stop / 'Til you wise up / No, it's not going to stop / 'Til you wise up / No, it's not going to stop Stanley Spector: So just... give up
Blakeney: Sir, I think we should be getting back. Dr. Stephen Maturin: Naval discipline doesn't operate out here, Mr. Blakeney. I must find a cormorant. And should it indeed prove flightless, you can join me at the Royal Society dinner as codiscoverer.
Monty: I must say there's nothing more attractive than tainted youth. Yes, I am indeed a pervert. Does that offend you? Natasha: Nope, I think most tainted youths end up being perverts. Monty: Good fucking answer! Natasha: Oh and Monty, just so you know, I'm only a minor for another week. I turn eighteen on Wednesday. Monty: Well, then I guess I better hurry up then. I don't have much time.
Bird Lady: The man I loved fell out of love with me. That broke my heart. When the chance to be loved came along again, I ran away from it. I stopped trusting people. Kevin McCallister: No offense, but that seems like sort of a dumb thing to do. Bird Lady: I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. Sometimes you can trust a person, and then, when things are down, they forget about you. Kevin McCallister: Maybe they're just too busy. Maybe they don't forget about you, but they forget to remember you. People don't mean to forget. My grandfather says if my head wasn't screwed on, I'd leave it on the school bus. Bird Lady: I'm just afraid if I do trust someone, I'll get my heart broken. Kevin McCallister: I understand. I had a nice pair of Rollerblades. I was afraid to wreck them, so I kept them in a box. Do you know what happened? I outgrew them. I never wore them outside. Only in my room a few times. Bird Lady: A person's heart and feelings are very different than skates. Kevin McCallister: They're kind of the same thing. If you won't use your heart, who cares if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it'll be like my Rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won't be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose. Bird Lady: Little truth in there somewhere. Kevin McCallister: I think so. Your heart might still be broken, but it isn't gone. If it was gone, you wouldn't be so nice. Bird Lady: Thank you. Do you know it's been a couple of years since I've talked to anybody? Kevin McCallister: That's okay. You're good at it. You're not boring. You don't mumble or spit. You should do it more often. Just wear an outfit with no pigeon poop on it. Bird Lady: I have been working very hard at keeping people away. I always think I'll have a lot of fun if I'm alone... but when I'm alone, it's not fun. Kevin McCallister: I don't care how much people bug me, I'd rather be with someone than alone. Bird Lady: So what are you doing alone on Christmas Eve? You did something wrong? Kevin McCallister: A lot of things. Bird Lady: Did you know that a good deed erases a bad deed? Kevin McCallister: It's late. I don't know if I'll have enough time to do enough good deeds to erase all my bad ones. Bird Lady: It's Christmas Eve. Good deeds count extra tonight. Think of an important thing you can do for others, and go do it. Just follow the star in your heart. Kevin McCallister: Okay... It's getting pretty late. I'd better get going. If I don't see you, I hope everything turns out okay. Bird Lady: Thank you. Kevin McCallister: Tell the birds I said goodbye. Bird Lady: I will. Kevin McCallister: If you need somebody to trust, it can be me. I won't forget to remember you. Bird Lady: Don't make promises you can't keep.
Professor Moody: [mocking Hagrid] 'Marvelous creatures, Dragons, aren't they'. Do you think that miserable oaf would've sent you into the woods if I hadn't suggested it? Do you think Cedric Diggory would've told you to open the egg underwater if I hadn't told him first myself? Do you think Neville Longbottom, the witless wonder, could've provided you with Gillyweed if I hadn't given him the book that led him strait to it? Harry: It was you from the beginning! You put my name into the Goblet of Fire! You bewitched Krum! Professor Moody: You won because I made it so, Potter! You ended up in that graveyard because it was meant to be so! And now the deed is done! The blood that runs in your veins runs within the Dark Lord! Imagine how he will reward me when he learns that I have once and for all silenced the great Harry Potter!
[protesting Jack's arrest] Elizabeth: Commodore, I really must protest. Pirate or not this man saved my life. Norrington: One good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness. Jack Sparrow: Though it seems enough to condemn him. Norrington: Indeed.
Boss Tweed: You may or may not know, Bill, that everyday I go down to the waterfront with hot soup for the Irish as they come ashore. Its part of building a political base. Bill: I've noticed you there, you may have noticed me. Boss Tweed: Indeed I have. Throwing torrents of abuse to every single person who steps off those boats. Bill: [gleefully] If only I had the guns, Mr. Tweed, I'd shoot each and every one of them before they set foot on American soil.
Orsino: Make no compare Between that love a woman can bear me And that I owe Olivia. Cesario: Ay, but I know... Cesario: What dost thou know? Cesario: Too well what love women to men may owe. In faith, they are as true of heart as we. My father had a daughter lov'd a man As it might be perhaps, were I a woman, I should your lordship. Orsino: And what's her history? Cesario: A blank, my lord. She never told her love, But let concealment, like a worm i' th' bud, Feed on her damask cheek. She pin'd in thought; And, with a green and yellow melancholy, She sat like Patience on a monument, Smiling at grief. Was not this love indeed? We men may say more, swear more; but indeed Our shows are more than will; for still we prove Much in our vows but little in our love. Orsino: But died thy sister of her love, my boy? Cesario: I am all the daughters of my father's house, And all the brothers too-and yet I know not.
Elinor Dashwood: [making painstaking conversation] How is Mrs Ferrars? Fanny: My mother is always in excellent health I thank you. My brother Robert is in town with her this season and quite the most popular bachelor in London. He has his own barouche. Elinor Dashwood: You have two brothers, have you not? Fanny: Indeed yes. Edward is the elder and Mamma quite depends upon him. He is journeying up from Plymouth shortly and will break his journey here. John Dashwood: If that is agreeable to you. Mrs. Dashwood: My dear John. This is your home now.
Narrator: There were so many surprises that year. Who'd have thought that my daddy would ever let me play football? And who'd have dreamed that Rivers Applewhite, the prettiest girl in town, would let me hold her hand? It was indeed a strange and unusual time. Old Skip had helped me through the stuggles of boyhood. But his job was far from done.
[In his letter to Lucinda] Oscar: I dare not hope, and yet I must that through this deed I gain your trust.
Lucille Wright: Oh, you're gonna have fun tonight. Jim Williams: Indeed he is, Lucille.
White Goodman: So, that's the deal... I give you $100,000. You sign over the deed to your gym. Period. End o' story. Peter La Fleur: You really think you can come in here and buy me out, White? You're a lot dumber than I thought. White Goodman: Hmm. Oh, I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you thought that I think that I thought I was once.
Abberline: Sergeant? It's night. Peter Godley: Your observations are correct. It is indeed night. [turns to two constables] Peter Godley: And gentlemen, unless you wish to be free of the confines of your duties, this never happened.
King Charles II: Love was the only thing not asked of you. Indeed it was the only thing expressly forbidden of you.
[seeing all the fan belts] Wade: He has everything but a 15 inch fan belt. Where is he anyway? He said he'd be 30 minutes, its been almost 45. [sighs] Wade: I guess I'll have to make do with a 16. [grabs it] Bo: [from behind] You plan on stealing that? Wade: [startled] No, I ah - I left money by the cash register. [indeed he did as a $20 bill lies there]
Michael McCann: I was thinking I'd call her Mathilda Mrs. Simon: I will give you the deed to my house not to call her that.
Boris Balkan: [performing the ceremony] Now you can watch! You can't come with me... I must travel alone but you can look on and marvel. Dean Corso: That's very kind of you. Boris Balkan: Indeed it is. There have been men who have been burned alive or disemboweled for a glimpse of what you are about to witness.
Cutter: Every great magic trick consists of three parts or acts. The first part is called "The Pledge". The magician shows you something ordinary: a deck of cards, a bird or a man. He shows you this object. Perhaps he asks you to inspect it to see if it is indeed real, unaltered, normal. But of course... it probably isn't. The second act is called "The Turn". The magician takes the ordinary something and makes it do something extraordinary. Now you're looking for the secret... but you won't find it, because of course you're not really looking. You don't really want to know. You want to be fooled. But you wouldn't clap yet. Because making something disappear isn't enough; you have to bring it back. That's why every magic trick has a third act, the hardest part, the part we call "The Prestige"."
[Anthony barges into the barbershop, not realizing that Todd and the Judge are there] Anthony Hope: Mr. Todd! I'm running away with Johanna! She'll marry me Sunday! [He stops short as he sees the judge in the barber's chair] Anthony Hope: [the Judge hears this and gets angry] Judge Turpin: You... there is indeed a higher power to warn me thus in time. [wipes his face and goes to Anthony] Judge Turpin: Johanna, elope with you? I'll make sure that neither you nor any other man shall ever set eyes in her again! [turns to Todd] Judge Turpin: And as for you, barber... that's all too clear what company you keep! Serve them well and hold their custom, for you'll have none of mine! [storms out of the barbershop]
Sniper: [narrating] So shines a good deed in a dreary world.
I never ever thought that I was a giggler. I was the one who could hold it together but I didn't on this... - Ashley Jensen
2 - people who like it Add to favorite
They're not clothes that Ashley would wear. But the thing is, you can't stand out. At first I thought, ... - Ashley Jensen
1 - people who like it Add to favorite
I know what I look like. I'm not a babe who's automatically going to be the leading-lady type. I think ... - Ashley Jensen
0 - people who like it Add to favorite
Wow, that's a lot. Basically I have been trying to build a career for myself. I learned early on what to... - Alana Evans
The only person who beat me was Jenna Jameson and that kicks ass.... - Alana Evans
I've learned to think in terms of having a long career. Actors can have very long careers that last unti... - Bryce Dallas Howard
