Melvin B. Tolson: We'll be one of the first Negro colleges to ever debate a white college. If we beat them, we beat the best.
Jerry Lundegaard: [answering the phone] Jerry Lundegaard. Carl Showalter: Alright, Jerry, you got the phone to yourself? Jerry Lundegaard: Well, yeah. Carl Showalter: You know who this is? Jerry Lundegaard: Well, yeah, I got an idea. How's that Ciera working out for ya? Carl Showalter: Circumstances have changed, Jerry. Jerry Lundegaard: Well, what do ya mean? Carl Showalter: Thing have changed, circumstances, Jerry, beyond the... uh, acts of god. Jerry Lundegaard: How's Jean? Carl Showalter: [puzzled] Who's Jean? Jerry Lundegaard: My wife! What the-? Carl Showalter: Oh, she's alright, but there's a few people in Brainerd who aren't so okay, I'll tell you that. Jerry Lundegaard: What the heck are ya talking about? Let's just finish this deal up here. Carl Showalter: Blood has been shed, Jerry. Jerry Lundegaard: What the heck do ya mean? Carl Showalter: Three people, in Brainerd. Jerry Lundegaard: Oh, jeez. Carl Showalter: That's right, we need more money. Jerry Lundegaard: What the heck are ya talking about? What do you fellas have yourself mixed up in? Carl Showalter: We need more money... Jerry Lundegaard: [interrupting] This was supposed to be a no rough stuff type deal! Carl Showalter: [angry] DON'T EVER INTERRUPT ME, JERRY, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! Jerry Lundegaard: Well, I'm sorry, but I just- I don't... Carl Showalter: I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry! I'm not gonna debate! We now want the entire 80,000! Jerry Lundegaard: Oh, for chris'sake here!
Hal Hefner: You know, Ginny said I won't be her real partner for months. And until then, I'm, like... the mascot. The disfluent mascot. The disfluent mascot who's not getting a BJ. Heston: Like an aardvark. Hal Hefner: No, that was a joke, Heston... there isn't a debate mascot. Heston: I, for some reason, was convinced that it was an aardvark. Hal Hefner: No. Heston: C'est la vie.
Bill: So son, why didn't you join the football team? Brian Miller: Well, it was getting in the way of my debate team practices. Bill: You never told me you were on the debate team! Brian Miller: Yes, I did. Bill: No, you didn't. Brian Miller: Yes, I did Bill: Damn, you're good
Dr. Lilian Thurman: Do you feel alone right now? Donnie: Oh, I dunno. I mean I'd like to believe I'm not but I just... I've just never seen any proof so I... I just don't debate it anymore, you know? It's like I could spend my whole life debating it over and over again, weighing the pros and cons and in the end I still wouldn't have any proof so I just... I just don't debate it anymore. It's absurd. Dr. Lilian Thurman: The search for God is absurd? Donnie: It is if everyone dies alone.
Daniel Desario: Am I a loser? Harris Trinsky: You're not a loser 'cause you have sex, but if you weren't having sex, we could definitely debate the issue.
Samantha: [after James protests his inability to debate with Samantha or Henry] James, you're the best researcher I've ever seen. We couldn't do this without you. James Farmer Jr.: [angrily] Oh, there's PLENTY you do without me!
President Andrew Shepherd: If Mary hadn't died, would we have won three years ago? A.J.: Would we have won? President Andrew Shepherd: If we had to go through a character debate three years ago, would we have won? A.J.: I don't know. But I would have liked that campaign. If my friend Andy Shepherd had shown up, I would have liked that campaign very much.
Ted Haggard: We've decided the Bible is the word of God. We don't have to have a General Assembly about what we believe. It's written in the Bible. Alright, so we don't have to debate what we think about homosexual activity. It's written in the Bible. [pointing and looking into the camera] Ted Haggard: I think I know what you did last night. [audience laughs] Ted Haggard: If you send me a thousand dollars, I won't tell your wife. [audience and Haggard laughs] Ted Haggard: If you use any of this, I'll sue you.
Anus Magillicutty: I thought you said you live behind the dumpster? The White Trash Piece of Shit: [sputters] This isn't debate class! I didn't go to fancy schools and learn a lot of math.
George: Let's go get something to eat, Rick, then I'll drive the bus for awhile. Rick: I need you to do me a favor, George. George: Rick, you can't drive the Spotted Owl the whole way, now. Rick: That's not it. If the base calls in, you tell them I got sick. George: Why? Rick: Because I'm not coming back. George: Shit, what the hell do you mean you're not coming back? Rick: I can't do it. George: Oh come on, stop bullshitting, you're just trying to go to Graceland. Rick: I'd be safer there. George: Meaning what, what do you think we're going to do, put you in a pot of boiling water and have you for supper? Rick: You already got the damn African drums in there. George: You know Rick, that's the epitome of cultural disrespect. I could come back at you with something anti-Semitic or I could whip your ass, which would you prefer, Rick? Rick: I'm sorry. Alright, George, here it is. Maybe I am a little bit prejudiced against blacks but no more than you're prejudiced against white people. You want me to stay on and prove how liberal and shit I am? I don't have to prove anything to anybody. I mean I think affirmative action has been fucked up. I think OJ was guilty, he's a cold blooded murderer who slaughtered two innocent human beings, okay. There it is. George: I'll bet you wish there were more white players in the NBA, too, huh? Well okay, let's just get it out in the open. I'll bet you'd like to call me a nigger or, what do you call it, a schvartze, or whatever the fuck it is. Well, I'm going to allow you to say it, go ahead. Rick: I never called anybody that in my life. All I'm saying is that if this bus is going to the Farrakhan march, I can't be a part of that. George: This is not just Farrakhan's march. Rick: I don't want to debate this thing. He called Judaism a gutter religion; he said Hitler was a great man. I wouldn't expect you to drive a bus to a Ku Klux Klan rally, so don't expect me to do this. George: So now you're comparing this to a Klan rally. Rick: Look George, either you're going to kick my ass, you're going to cover for me or I'm going to get fired. But no way am I getting my white ass back in that bus, so what's it going to be? George: Well, if you feel that way, then you shouldn't get your white ass back on that bus. I'll cover for you, Rick. See you in LA. Rick: Thanks, George.
Dr. Robert Campbell: Jesus Christ, woman, must everything be a full-scale debate with you? Just do it!
Martin Geller: Look, one thing at a time. The Teamsters haven't endorsed Lewis yet. Our numbers are creeping back up, but if you want a real shot at this thing, we gotta get Lewis to debate. Mays Gilliam: Well, he knows that. That's why he won't debate me. The guy's avoiding me like he owes me child support.
Peter Parker: Man, these guys are dumber than a sack of hammers. How do they expect to debate a politician if they didn't steal a teleprompter?
Carl Showalter: I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry. Jerry Lundegaard: Okay. Carl Showalter: I'm not gonna sit here and debate.
Pinhead: Just give me the box and I'll free you from the future. Joey: Free yourself from the past. Pinhead: [shouting] Don't debate with me, girl! Just come here and die while you still have the option of doing it quickly!
Melvin B. Tolson: We're holding tryouts for the debate team. Henry Lowe: You sure you want somebody like me? Melvin B. Tolson: No. That's why you're trying out.
Jonathan Daniels: Does God wants us to be divided, Father? Father Whitaker: Jonathan, that's a debate that's gone on for a long time. Jonathan Daniels: Well, I don't think it's a debate in God's eyes.
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