Jack:
Hey, George... How does this relationship nonsense usually work?
George:
Usually, you go on a couple of dates, see if you like each other. Eventually you have sex.
Jack:
Right. I, uh... I sort of skipped the whole dating thing. So what then?
George:
And then, if you're happy with the action, you become boyfriend and girlfriend. It's really fun for, like, three months, and then you realize it's work. Then you dump her. Or not.
Jack:
Okay, let's say not.
George:
You move in together.
Jack:
I did that.
George:
Right. Well... Then you get married. You start your trajectory of acquisitions. Knives, forks, juicer, barbecue. You move to the 'burbs. You buy a house. You pop some kids out. You fight, you cheat, you separate, divorce, you split the shit, and see the kids on weekends. Then you start all over again.
Jack:
It all sounds so promising.
George:
It's just an outline, Jack.
Heather:
So I talked to John. He was sweet. He felt bad for you. He said that you were jealous because we share something special. Something that we don't have to label because...
Beth:
[interrupting] Because it's our unspoken bond and I just love how secure you are?
Carrie:
And it hurts me to question it, because...
Heather, Beth, Carrie:
[at the same time] ... YOU'RE THE ONLY GIRL FOR ME?
Heather:
Damn! He said the same thing to all of us!
Beth:
Figures. He makes up with us and he hooks up with us...
Carrie:
[interrupts, whispers] You guys hooked up?
Beth:
John and I share something special.
Carrie:
Oh what, that they been both in your pants?
Beth:
We share a vegan/nonviolent outlook on life.
Heather:
[under her breath, coughs] Hippie slut.
Beth:
[sarcastic] Oh nice, Heather. It's not like everyone doesn't know that little Miss Cheerleader brings it on.
Carrie:
What, you too?
Heather:
John and I belong together. He is the team captain and I am the head cheerleader.
Beth:
Oh, I'm sorry, what kind of cheerleader?
Carrie:
Oh, like he'd take either of you two seriously?
Beth:
Do not lump me with her!
Heather:
Oh so what, you're now better than me?
Kate:
Shut up.
Heather, Beth:
[peeved] What?
Kate:
Sorry.
Heather:
You got something to say?
Kate:
No, it's none of my business. [pause]
Kate:
Okay, let me guess. Does he always use pet names like "Baby" and "Sweetheart?" Yeah, it's not out of affection, it's so he won't mix up your names. And he's all about an unspoken bond or something special, but never about a relationship. And the whole arrangement was your idea, so you feel guilty that he cheated.
Heather:
Oh my God, you're dating John too?
Kate:
No, I knew a guy like him... Skip.
Steve Langston:
So, the last time I saw you, you were Homecoming Queen, dating Mr. Perfect, the Homecoming King - then - what happened?
Amie Cooper:
It was five years ago, I was still dating Mr. Perfect - we went to the lake with some friends to celebrate Fourth of July weekend - you know, race boats, get drunk - act like a bunch of crazy people.
Steve Langston:
Done that a to time or two.
Amie Cooper:
We were sitting on the bank watching the fireworks. I remember, it was especially clear that night. The stars were out, Jimmy Buffet was playing on the radio - and while we were waiting for the grand finale, someone threw their own fireworks in to our camp. One of Brian's friends yelled out to warn us, but - I turned and looked right into it. There was this bright flash, then the most unbelievable explosion you could ever imagine. Everything shook - then everything went black.
Steve Langston:
Dear God...
Amie Cooper:
The only thing I felt was the - ringing in my ears. That was all I could feel for a long, long time.
Robert James Sr.:
[after Tia dreams she and Neesee are getting married, Robert discovers her packed bags at the door] Tia, why...why are you getting so worked up over a dream?
Tia Jewel:
Because it's not a dream, it's reality. I marry you, I marry Neesee. I guess that makes sense because it feels like I've been dating her for the past year and a half. I go to school, she's there. I come home, she's here. I go to your office, she's there. And now, we go to sleep, and boom, there she is, right in our bed.
Robert James Sr.:
Tia, I don't enjoy having Neesee around all the time. But she and I have a son together.
Tia Jewel:
I know, and I love him. But I guess I didn't realize how much his mother was going to be a part of our lives...until now.
Robert James Sr.:
What do you mean, until now? It's always been like this.
Tia Jewel:
Not really. Because, baby, now she's in your dreams and showing up in mine.
Robert James Sr.:
Look, baby, I know what you're saying, okay? But, this is not...you're overreact...
Tia Jewel:
When you asked me to marry you, I just took that ring, put it on, and I said yes, because I love you so, so much. But I guess I didn't take the time to think how things would really be between us. And when I say "us," I mean ALL of us. And baby, you didn't either.
Who're you going with, then?' said Ron.
Angelina,' said Fred promptly, without a trace of embarrassment.
What?' said Ron, taken aback. 'You've already asked her?'
Good point,' said Fred. He turned his head and called across the common room, 'Oi! Angelina!'
Angelina, who had been chatting with Alicia Spinnet near the fire, looked over at him.
What? She called back.
Want to come to the ball with me?'
Angelina gave Fred a sort of appraising look.
All right, then,' she said, and she turned back to Alicia and carried on chatting with a bit of a grin on her face.
There you go,' said Fred to Harry and Ron, 'piece of cake.
David:
I went out with this girl for four months and it was the greatest greatest thing in my life. Until she went down on this guy in an Escalade, I think. And, you know, instead of, like, saying, "Okay, what am I doing that caused this behavior?" I dumped her. Stupid decision. I spent the last two years of my life regretting it.
Andy Stitzer:
Well, why don't you get her back right now?
David:
Oh, cause she's dating this pot dealer. Stupid, horrible decision. But, hey, that's her journey, you know. I gotta respect that. She wants to be some immature little bitch and blow everybody, that's... that's love, man.
Andy Stitzer:
It sounds horrible.
David:
Of course it's horrible. It's suffering and it's pain and it's... You know, you lose weight and then you put back on weight, and then you, you know, you call them a bunch of times and you try and email, and then they move or they change their email, but that's just love.
Mutt Williams:
[Looking at Indy and Marion] No! No, he was Britsh! My dad was an RAF Pilot; he was a war hero; not some school teacher!
Marion Ravenwood:
No, sweetheart! Collin was your step father. We started dating 3 months after you were born! He was a good man!
Indiana Jones:
Wait... wait... wait a minute! Collin? As in Collin Williams? Ha! You, you married him? I introduced you!
Marion Ravenwood:
I think you gave up your vote on who I married, when you decided to break it off a week before the wedding!
Indiana Jones:
You and I both knew Marion, that it wasn't gonna work out!
Marion Ravenwood:
Then why didn't you ever talk to me about it?
Indiana Jones:
Because, we never had an argument I won!
Dovchenko:
Oh, for the love of God! Shut the hell up!
Marion Ravenwood:
Didn't you ever wonder why Ox stopped writing, he hated that you walked out on me!
Mutt Williams:
Would you two just stop!
Indiana Jones:
Yeah, Marion! Let's not let the kid see mom and dad fight!
Mutt Williams:
You're not my dad, alright!
Indiana Jones:
You bet I am; and I've got news for you; you're gonna go back and finish school!
Mutt Williams:
Oh really! What happend to there's not a damn thing wrong, with you kid, don't let anybody ealse tell you any different! You don't remember saying that!
Indiana Jones:
That was before I was your father!
Mutt Williams:
You're not my father!
Marion Ravenwood:
[Dovchenko gets up] Oh yes, he is your father!
Indiana Jones:
You should've told me about the kid, Marion; I had a right to know!
Marion Ravenwood:
[Dovchenko gags Marions mouth] You vanished, after that!
Indiana Jones:
I wrote!
Marion Ravenwood:
A year later! By then, Mutt was born, and I was married!
Indiana Jones:
Why in the bother did you tell me now?
Marion Ravenwood:
Because I thought we were gonna die!
Indiana Jones:
Not yet! [Indy and Mutt start kicking Dovchenko until he falls over]
Mutt Williams:
[Mutt empties knife out of shoe, and throws it to Indy, and it lands on Indy's shoulder, and drops to Indy's hand] Got it? [Mutt hears rip]
Mutt Williams:
Oh shit! [Indy cuts himself loose, then Mutt]
[Jack knows that Richard is dating a younger woman, but doesn't know that it's actually Monica]
Jack Geller:
Come on, tell us.
Jack's friend:
Yeah. Is she really 20?
Richard:
I'm not telling you guys anything.
Jack Geller:
Come on, Rich. It's my birthday, let me live vicariously.
Ross:
Dad, you really don't want to do that.
Jack Geller:
Ahh, what's a little mid-life crisis between friends?
Richard:
Jack, would you let it go?
Jack Geller:
Look, I know what you're going through. When I turned 50 I got my Porsche. You... you got your own speedster.
Richard:
Guys, seriously, it's not like that.
Jack Geller:
Tell you what, maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I could...
Ross:
Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence.
