[while drunk in the confession booth] Paul Smecker: I put evil men behind bars, but the law has miles of red tape and loopholes for these cocksuckers to slip through.
Captain Dudley Smith: Edmund, you're a political animal. You have the eye for human weakness, but not the stomach. Ed Exley: You're wrong, sir. Captain Dudley Smith: Would you be willing to plant corroborative evidence on a suspect you knew to be guilty, in order to ensure an indictment? Ed Exley: Dudley, we've been over this. Captain Dudley Smith: Yes or no, Edmund? Ed Exley: No! Captain Dudley Smith: Would you be willing to beat a confession out of a suspect you knew to be guilty? Ed Exley: No. Captain Dudley Smith: Would you be willing to shoot a hardened criminal in the back, in order to offset the chance that some... lawyer... Ed Exley: No. Captain Dudley Smith: Then, for the love of God, don't be a detective. Stick to assignments where you don't have... Ed Exley: Dudley, I know you mean well, but I don't need to do it the way you did. Or my father.
Rushman: [stepping to podium] Well I must say, I haven't seen so many lawyers and politicians gathered together in one place since confession this morning. [audience laughter]
Marv: I'm on my feet for about ten minutes before the cops kick them out from under me. They don't ask me any questions. They just keep knocking the crap out of me and waving a confession in my face. And I keep spitting blood all over it and laughing at how many fresh copies they come up with. Then along comes this worm assistant district attorney who turns the recorder off and says if I don't sign their confession, they'll kill my mom. I break his arm in three places and I sign it.
Austin: [to Jake] All I said was, "I'm pretending to whisper a big secret in your ear, so Jake here thinks that I'm telling you a big secret, which will cause him to break into a hysterical confession where he actually reveals... a big secret. Thus confirming everything I just whispered in your ear."
Maurice: I don't care if you're going to confession - it's going to be you, me, and the priest.
Dunbar: You think you know everything? You haven't even scratched the surface. Hardy: I know enough to know that you've got two choices. You can either sign a confession and spend the rest of your life in a cell. Or you can tell us to fuck off, and you'll be hanged. Now, am I scratching... *your* surface yet?
Confessional Woman #1: Is it me or is confession getting a little touchy-feely these days?
Frey Felipe: Don't bother coming to confession because I'll never forgive you. Zorro: You blackmail my soul, eh? Frey Felipe: Hell yes.
Miles Raymond: Yeah, right. Yup, I'm a homo. Yeah. Yeah. Just make up whatever you want and that's what happened. Okay? Write out my gay confession and I'll sign it. Okay? Just stop pushing me all the time. You're an infant, Jack. This is all a big party for you... but not for me.
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