Maid Marian: Oh Broomhilde, look! A happy little bluebird! Hello! [the bird lands on her finger] Maid Marian: This means I must make a wish. I wish against wish, I hope against hope, that the heavens bring me a kind and wonderful gentleman who possesses the key to my... [looks at her chastity belt, then looks at Broomhilde] Maid Marian: heart. [bird flies away] Maid Marian: Goodbye, my little friend. Broomhilde: Ooh, that happy little bluebird has left a happy little do-do on your hand!
Priest: Dex, I find it hard to believe that someone of your, uh... Dex: Moral turpitude? Priest: Yeah, would ever consider being a priest. Dex: Ya know, actually, I was accepted to Divinity school. Priest: Really? So what happened? Dex: It's like St. Augustine said, ya know: "Lord, give me chastity and virtue, but not just yet."
Robin Hood: [trying to unlock the chastity belt] Um, darling? Maid Marian: [in sultry voice] What? Robin Hood: You're not going to believe this... Maid Marian: What? Robin Hood: It won't open! Maid Marian: WHAT? Robin Hood: Wait, I have an idea! Call a locksmith!
Schlemeel: Right from birth our freedom is taken. Like chastity from a sweet scented virgin! Schlemazel: Or nature's death from the first wilted petal of a rose.
Simon Templar: Allow me to introduce myself. My name is August Christopher. I was named for St. Augustan, who coined my favorite phrase, 'Give me chastity and give me constancy, but do not give it yet.'
Robin Hood: [carrying Marian to the bed] Oh my darling, at last. Maid Marian: [sliding his hand to the key to unlock her chastity belt] Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Broomhilde: [rushes into the room] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Robin Hood: [groans] Broomhilde: You are not married yet! Before you do it, you must go through it! Or else I blew it.
[preparing to ravish Maid Marian] Sheriff of Rottingham: A chastity belt! That's going to chafe my willy!
Jeremy Grey: I'm sure you'd love to be free, maybe go out and meet some Latin guy that can dance, grind up on you, make you feel dangerous but also safe. And how about you? Don't you want to get inside Chastity without having to wonder if everyone's gonna find out? John Beckwith: God, wouldn't that be sweet? Jeremy Grey: Wouldn't that be nice? And have some Latin guy sweating all over you, talking to you in languages you don't understand, needing you, wanting you, taking you? John Beckwith: All we're trying to say is, put your swords away for a second. Let's finish this and let's move on. Jeremy Grey: Get out there and get some strange ass.
[reading a virgin's manifesto] Kathryn: "Why I Plan to Wait" by Annette Hargrove, Kansas City, Kansas. Jesus Christ, is she for real? Sebastian: Oh, she's daddy's little angel, a paradigm of chastity and virtue.
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