Ray Embrey:
What about you, buddy? You're from another planet, aren't you?
Hancock:
No man, I'm from Miami.
Ray Embrey:
You didn't come on in, like, a meteor or...
Hancock:
Nope. Woke up at a hospital, first thing I remember.
Ray Embrey:
Government hospital. Yes? Experimenting on you and...
Hancock:
No, Ray. Regular old Miami emergency room.
Ray Embrey:
Come on.
Hancock:
Yeah, uh, my skull was fractured. They told me I tried to, uh, stop a mugging.
Ray Embrey:
Somebody knocked you out.
Hancock:
Guess I was a regular guy before and when I woke up, I was changed. Uh, and the hospital nurse tried to put a needle in my arm and it just broke against my skin. And then my skull healed, in, like in an hour. The doctors were astounded and, uh, they wanted to know my story. Just like you. But, uh, I couldn't tell 'em. I don't know who I am.
Mary Embrey:
Amnesia. You know, the blow to the head.
Hancock:
Yeah, well, that's what they figure.
Ray Embrey:
You don't remember anything?
Hancock:
No. Only thing I had in my pocket was bubble-gum, two movie tickets. Boris Karloff. Uh, Frankenstein. Uh... But no ID, nothing. I went to sign out. The, uh, nurse asked me for my John Hancock. And, uh... I actually thought that's who I was.
Dumbledore:
Hogwarts, let's entertain our friends in the best way we can, all stand! [the entire student body stands up as one]
Dumbledore:
Maestro, if you will! [Professor Flitwick and Dumbledore both begin conducting the students as they sing the school song]
Hogwarts student body:
'Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy warty Hogwarts, teach us something please. Whether we be old and bald or young with scabby knees. Our heads could do with filling with some interesting stuff, for now they're bare and full or air, dead flies and bits of fluff!' [as they are singing, the Durmstrang and Beauxbatons students merely stare, as if they can't believe what they are seeing/hearing]
Mona Lisa Vito:
The car that made these two, equal-length tire marks had positraction. You can't make those marks without positraction, which was not available on the '64 Buick Skylark!
Vinny Gambini:
And why not? What is positraction?
Mona Lisa Vito:
It's a limited slip differential which distributes power equally to both the right and left tires. The '64 Skylark had a regular differential, which, anyone who's been stuck in the mud in Alabama knows, you step on the gas, one tire spins, the other tire does nothing. [the jury members nod, with murmurs of "yes," "that's right," etc]
Vinny Gambini:
Is that it?
Mona Lisa Vito:
No, there's more! You see? When the left tire mark goes up on the curb and the right tire mark stays flat and even? Well, the '64 Skylark had a solid rear axle, so when the left tire would go up on the curb, the right tire would tilt out and ride along its edge. But that didn't happen here. The tire mark stayed flat and even. This car had an independent rear suspension. Now, in the '60's, there were only two other cars made in America that had positraction, and independent rear suspension, and enough power to make these marks. One was the Corvette, which could never be confused with the Buick Skylark. The other had the same body length, height, width, weight, wheel base, and wheel track as the '64 Skylark, and that was the 1963 Pontiac Tempest.
Vinny Gambini:
And because both cars were made by GM, were both cars available in metallic mint green paint?
Mona Lisa Vito:
They were!
Vinny Gambini:
Thank you, Ms. Vito. No more questions. Thank you very, very much. [kissing her hands]
Vinny Gambini:
You've been a lovely, lovely witness.
Mike Strank:
Any man that doesn't have his masturbation papers in order better get them signed by tomorrow night or he ain't going overseas.
Gust:
I got mine already.
Lundsford:
Oh, yeah, I'm square.
Franklin Sousley:
Wait, wait. Why am I just hearing about this?
Mike Strank:
That's horseshit, Franklin! I don't have to repeat everything twice for you.
Franklin Sousley:
No, I didn't hear nothin' about no masturbating papers!
Ira Hayes:
Heard they were running short.
Franklin Sousley:
You know, nobody tells me nothing. That's real nice, guys!
Mike Strank:
All right, get your ass over to the officer in charge of records. Maybe he's got some more left. Leave your smokes. I'll play for you.
Franklin Sousley:
Thanks, Mike.
Mike Strank:
Listen, if he calls you an idiot, you take it like a man, okay? Just *do not* leave without signing them.
Jake:
What about her? [indicating hunchback girl walking by]
Austin:
So baby's got a little back. Hunch, that is. Naah, way too easy.
Jake:
OK. [indicates hippy albino girl playing guitar]
Albino Folk Singer:
[singing] I have no pigment...
Austin:
Any girl with a guitar is hot.
Albino Folk Singer:
[continues singing] I need sunscreen...
Austin:
Granted, she's a hippy albino. She could still be prom queen.
Jake:
OK, uh, what about the Fratelli sisters? [indicates awkward Siamese twins conjoined at the head]
Austin:
So they're slightly disfigured and connected at the head. But combined, those two make up one pretty decent chick.
Reggie Ray:
Yeah, I'd do 'em.
Austin:
I know you would, Reggie Ray. But no, I'm looking for somebody who's really messed up. I'm talking about a real shitbomb. [Janie Briggs walks by]
Austin:
Well, bombs away!
Jake:
No, no, no, no, anyone but her! Not... Janie Briggs! Guys, she's got glasses and a ponytail! Aw, look at that, she's got paint on her overalls, what is that? Guys, there's no way she could be prom queen!
Malik:
Damn! That shit's whack!
President Marjorie Bota:
Andrew Martin
Andrew Martin:
I've always tried to make sense of things. There must be some reason I am as I am. As you can see, Madame Chairman, I am no longer immortal.
President Marjorie Bota:
You have arranged to die?
Andrew Martin:
In a sense I have. I am growing old, my body is deteriorating, and like all of you, will eventually cease to function. As a robot, I could have lived forever. But I tell you all today, I would rather die a man, than live for all eternity a machine.
President Marjorie Bota:
Why do you want this?
Andrew Martin:
To be acknowledged for who and what I am, no more, no less. Not for acclaim, not for approval, but, the simple truth of that recognition. This has been the elemental drive of my existence, and it must be achieved, if I am to live or die with dignity.
President Marjorie Bota:
Mister Martin, what you are asking for is extremely complex and controversial. It will not be an easy decision. I must ask for your patience while I take the necessary time to make a determination of this extremely delicate matter.
Andrew Martin:
And I await your decision, Madame Chairman, thank-you for your patience. [turns to Portia and whispers]
Andrew Martin:
I tried.
Vinny Gambini:
Look, maybe I could have handled the preliminary a little better, okay? I admit it. But what's most important is winning the case. I could do it. I really could. Let me tell you how, okay? The D.A.'s got to build a case. Building a case is like building a house. Each piece of evidence is just another building block. He wants to make a brick bunker of a building. He wants to use serious, solid-looking bricks, like, like these, right? [puts his hand on the wall]
Bill:
Right.
Vinny Gambini:
Let me show you something. [he holds up a playing card, with the face toward Billy]
Vinny Gambini:
He's going to show you the bricks. He'll show you they got straight sides. He'll show you how they got the right shape. He'll show them to you in a very special way, so that they appear to have everything a brick should have. But there's one thing he's not gonna show you. [turns the card, so that its edge is toward Billy]
Vinny Gambini:
When you look at the bricks from the right angle, they're as thin as this playing card. His whole case is an illusion, a magic trick. It has to be an illusion, 'cause you're innocent. Nobody - I mean nobody - pulls the wool over the eyes of a Gambini, especially this one. Give me a chance, one chance. Let me question the first witness. If after that point, you don't think that I'm the best man for the job, fire me then and there. I'll leave quietly, no grudges. All I ask is for that one chance. I think you should give it to me.
John McClane:
You know what you get for being a hero? Nothin'. You get shot at. You get a little pat on the back, blah, blah, blah, attaboy. You get divorced. Your wife can't remember your last name. Your kids don't want to talk to you. You get to eat a lot of meals by yourself. Trust me, kid, nobody wants to be that guy.
Matt Farrell:
Then why you doing this?
John McClane:
Because there's no body else to do it right now, that's why. Believe me, if there were somebody else to do it, I'd let them do it, but there's not. So we're doing it.
Matt Farrell:
Ah. That's what makes you that guy.
[talking on Larry King Live]
Caller:
That Republican Convention was one of the most hateful things. I'm a Republican, but I'll tell you what, Pat Robertson, personally, was one of the reasons why I voted against George Bush.
Larry King:
Okay, now, Pat, he's saying you would not let a pro-choice person share your party... or you would try to stop it.
Pat Robertson:
He just, uh, contradicted what I just said. I'm sitting here on this chair telling you something different and he said I won't do - how does he know what I'll do? Uh, I, I, think, uh, if he obviously didn't hear my speech at the convention because it closed with a beautiful story of a lovely lady holding a little, uh, starving child in her arm and, uh, it was a call for a, a better world and, and one nation under God. I can't see how anybody said that was hateful. I don't know where he's coming from but there's something there that is not just on the surface I think because I didn't say the things he said I did.
Larry King:
We'll be back with more Pat Roberson and Lyn Martin and more of your phonecalls on Larry King Live, then Tina Sinatra. Don't go away. [Show goes to commmercial break]
Pat Robertson:
That guy was a homo.
[During the motivational retreat, the employees form a circle around the retreat leader. They are instructed to place paper bags over their heads]
Retreat Leader:
I want you to take off one thing that you don't need... quickly! Come on. [Everyone takes off their paper bags, except Richard, who removes his watch. They all stare at Richard, who still has his paper bag over his head]
Retreat Leader:
Let's take something else off that you really don't need... right away! [Richard takes off his shoes as some of the employees begin to laugh]
Retreat Leader:
Something else you don't need, let's make it happen. Come on! [Richard removes his belt while the employees continue to laugh]
Retreat Leader:
Something else you don't need. Come on, let's go. Something completely unnecessary. [Richard turns to his right]
Richard:
Doug, can we take our sack off?
Doug Stauber:
What? [Everyone bursts in laughter]
Richard:
Did you take your sack off?
Doug Stauber:
I can't really hear you.
Retreat Leader:
If you could take off one more thing you simply do not need. Do it!
Richard:
[whispers] Fuck! [Richard removes his shirt, revealing a tattoo of the band KISS on his chest, to the delight of everyone else]
Retreat Leader:
Okay, uhhh... all right, everybody that still has a bag on top of their heads, scream, 'My concentration skills need improvement.' One, two, three.
Richard:
My concentration skills need improvement! [Everyone bursts into laughter]
John Holt:
Has she thanked you for anything you've done the last 20 days?
Caleb Holt:
No! And you'd think after I washed the car, I've changed the oil, do the dishes, cleaned the house, that she would try to show me a little bit of gratitude. But she doesn't! In fact, when I come home, she makes me like I'm - like I'm an enemy! I'm not even welcome in my own home, Dad. That is what really ticks me off! Dad, for the last three weeks, I have bent over backwards for her. I have tried to demonstrate that I still care about this relationship. I bought her flowers, which she threw away. I have taken her insults and her sarcasm, but last night was it. I made dinner for her. I did everything I could to demonstrate that I care about her, to show value for her, and she spat in my face! She does not deserve this, Dad. I'm not doing it anymore! How am I supposed to show love to somebody over and over and over who constantly rejects me?
John Holt:
[touches, then leans against cross] That's a good question.
Mr. Pink:
Hey, why am I Mr. Pink?
Joe:
Because you're a faggot.
Mr. Pink:
Why can't we pick our own colors?
Joe:
No way, no way. Tried it once, doesn't work. You got four guys all fighting over who's gonna be Mr. Black, but they don't know each other, so nobody wants to back down. No way. I pick. You're Mr. Pink. Be thankful you're not Mr. Yellow.
Mr. Brown:
Yeah, but Mr. Brown is a little too close to Mr. Shit.
Mr. Pink:
Mr. Pink sounds like Mr. Pussy. How 'bout if I'm Mr. Purple? That sounds good to me. I'll be Mr. Purple.
Joe:
You're not Mr. Purple. Some guy on some other job is Mr. Purple. Your Mr. PINK.
Mr. White:
Who cares what your name is?
Mr. Pink:
Yeah, that's easy for your to say, you're Mr. White. You have a cool-sounding name. Alright look, if it's no big deal to be Mr. Pink, you wanna trade?
Joe:
Hey! NOBODY'S trading with ANYBODY. This ain't a goddamn, fucking city council meeting, you know. Now listen up, Mr. Pink. There's two ways you can go on this job: my way or the highway. Now what's it gonna be, Mr. Pink?
Mr. Pink:
Jesus Christ, Joe, fucking forget about it. It's beneath me. I'm Mr. Pink. Let's move on.
Joe:
I'll move on when I feel like it... All you guys got the goddamn message?... I'm so goddamn mad, hollering at you guys I can hardly talk. Pssh. Let's go to work.
Bob Barnes:
If anything happens to me or my family, an accident, an accusation, anything, then first your son will disappear, his body will never be found. Then your wife. Her body will never be found either. This is guaranteed. Then, whatever is the most dangerous thing you do in your life, it might be flying in a small plane, it might be walking to the bank, you will be killed. Do you understand what I'm saying? I want you to acknowledge that you do understand so that we're clear and there won't be any mistakes.
Dean Whiting:
Beirut rules, Mr. Barnes?
