[at a seminar, Charlie Kaufman has asked McKee for advice on his new screenplay in which 'nothing much happens'] Robert McKee: Nothing happens in the world? Are you out of your fucking mind? People are murdered every day. There's genocide, war, corruption. Every fucking day, somewhere in the world, somebody sacrifices his life to save someone else. Every fucking day, someone, somewhere takes a conscious decision to destroy someone else. People find love, people lose it. For Christ's sake, a child watches her mother beaten to death on the steps of a church. Someone goes hungry. Somebody else betrays his best friend for a woman. If you can't find that stuff in life, then you, my friend, don't know crap about life! And why the FUCK are you wasting my two precious hours with your movie? I don't have any use for it! I don't have any bloody use for it! Charlie Kaufman: Okay, thanks.
Ian Cheney: When my best friend Curtis and I graduated from college, we thought we were done with professors and were supposed to feel like we had our whole lives ahead of us. Curt Ellis: But we just heard some disconcerting news: some day, we were going to die - and maybe sooner than we thought. The first time in American history, our generation was at risk of having a shorter life-span than our parents. And it was because of what we ate.
Dana: Airline company's always your best friend right after the plane goes down.
Alan Shemper: When I was at camp, my favorite activity was always arts and crafts. Or, as we used to call it: arts and *farts* and crafts. We used to make drawings... cave drawings! Which is my way of saying we were cave men. I went to camp so long ago that I can remember saying "sticks and stones may break my bones" and meaning it! I went to camp so long ago that fucking Jesus Christ was my counselor! And my best friend hadn't fully evolved yet! His name was Ug and he walked on all fours! There were two epidemics when I went to camp: head lice, and the plague - the bubonic plague!
Danny: To Rafe McCawely the best pilot and the best friend I ever knew... Or ever will know. TO RAFE .
Rannulph Junuh: Grow up Hardy! Hardy Greaves: It ain't time for me to grow up, Mr. Junuh. Rannulph Junuh: You're daddy is out sweeping streets because he took every last dime he had, and used it to pay up every man and woman he owed and every business who worked for him, instead of declaring bankruptcy like everyone else in town, including your best friend Wilbur Charles' dad, Raymond, which is why he's able to sit around all day long on his dignity! You're daddy stared adversity in the eye, Hardy. And he beat it back with a broom.
Schoolteacher: Okay, next up is Ricky Bobby. Ricky, is your father here? 10-year-old Ricky: No, ma'am. I haven't seen my daddy in years. But, my mama say he's out racing cars, and, well, dipping his wick in anything that moves. [classmates laugh at what Ricky said] Schoolteacher: Okay, kids, that's enough. Were gonna move on to Brennan. 10-Year-Old Cal: Don't pay them no mind, Ricky. 10-year-old Ricky: Thanks, Cal. Shake and Bake. You'll be my best friend forever.
Male Therapist: So, Dale. I don't know how much you know about therapy, but it usually starts by you telling me a little something about yourself. Dale Doback: I work at a college as a janitor even though I feel like I'm smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and... I just figure it out. Male Therapist: Is this Good Will Hunting? Dale Doback: No. Male Therapist: It sounds alot like the plot of good will hunting. Dale Doback: Yeah. Anyway. My best friend is Ben Affleck...
Christian: Look, if there's a problem, I could come back. Elder Aaron Davis: Look, maybe I'm just homesick. Christian: Homesick? For Idaho? Elder Aaron Davis: Okay, fine, but... Christian: I'm sorry, that came out wrong. I'm... It's just... When I left home, it was just 'zoom', like a rocket. But if you've never been away from home before... Have you? Elder Aaron Davis: What? I've been away from home, just not for two whole years. Christian: [in an English accent] 'Could be worse, could be raining.' Elder Aaron Davis: That's Young Frankenstein. Christian: Yeah. So two years, huh? Elder Aaron Davis: Yeah. We're not allowed to call or go home in the holidays and they're not allowed to visit. Christian: Wow, where do I sign up? Elder Aaron Davis: Hey. Happen to like my family. 'After all, a boy's best friend is his mother.' Christian: [confused for a while, then gets it] Psycho, that's Psycho, right? 'She goes a bit mad sometimes. We all go a bit mad sometimes.' [Aaron laughs] Christian: Least you got your friends here, right? Elder Aaron Davis: What, Ryder? No. We just got assigned to each other a few weeks ago. Christian: Oh. Well, better you than me.
Stu Price: [playing piano and singing passionately] What do tigers dream of when they take their little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras, or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit? Don't you worry your pretty striped head, we're gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed. And then we're gonna find our best friend Doug, and then we're gonna give him a best friend hug. Doug, Doug, oh, Doug, Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug! But if he's been murdered by crystal meth tweakers, [stops suddenly] Stu Price: well then we're shit out of luck.
Superman: I see I have your attention. We face a threat big enough to wipe us off the Earth. And still we bicker about a mask or a uniform. My best friend is lying upstairs right now. She would have given her life for this country and I could hardly look her in the eye. America was founded on the notion that a person should be free to follow his or her own destiny. But we can't do that if we're living in fear of our own government. We need to reclaim this country for free men and women everywhere. The Flash: What about your government friends? King Faraday: That's a fair question. Superman's right! The persecution and paranoia have to stop. From here on, we work together a free Americans. [Superman and Faraday shake hands] Superman: I'm gonna fly now and recon this thing. When I get back, we'll work out a strategy. ARE YOU WITH ME? [the crowd cheers]
Bartleby: You are responsible for raising an icon which draws worship from the Lord. You have broken the first commandment. Not only that, I'm afraid not a one of you passes for a decent human being. Your continued existence is a mockery of morality. Like you, Mr. Burton. Last year cheated on your wife of 17 years 8 times. You even had sex with her best friend while you were supposed to be home watching the kids. Loki: In the bed that you and your wife share, no less. Bartleby: Mr. Newman - you got your girlfriend drunk at last year's Christmas party and then paid a kid from the mail room to have sex with her while she was passed out, just so you could break up with her guilt-free when she sobbingly confessed in the morning. She killed herself two months later. Mr. Brace disowned his gay son. Very compassionate, Mr. Brace. Mr. Ray put his mother in a third-rate nursing home and then used the profits from the sale of her home to buy an oriental rug for himself. Heavens. Mr. Barker flew to Thailand on the company account to have sex with an eleven year old boy. Mr. Holtzman okayed the production of Mooby Dolls from materials he knew to be toxic and unsafe, because it was - survey says? - less costly. [sees the female board member] Bartleby: You, on the other hand, are an innocent. You lead a good life. Good for you. But you, Mr. Whitland, you have more skeletons in your closet than the rest of this assembled party. I cannot even mention them aloud. [whispers something in Whitland's ear] Loki: You're his father, you sick fuck. [Whitland starts crying]
Huck Finn: You're the best friend I ever had, Jim. Jim: You're the only friend I ever had...
Prosecutor Percy: Why did you go with Idgie Threadgoode? Judge: Answer the question Mrs. Bennett. Ruth: Because she... she's the best friend I ever had, and I love her.
Frank Horrigan: I know who you are - Leary. Mitch Leary: I'm glad, Frank. Friends should be able to call each other by name. Frank Horrigan: We're not friends. Mitch Leary: Sure we are. Frank Horrigan: I've seen what you do to friends. Mitch Leary: What's that supposed to mean? Frank Horrigan: You slit your friend's throat. Mitch Leary: You talked to Coppinger, Frank? Frank Horrigan: Yeah, that's right. Mitch Leary: Did you delouse? The man's a professional liar. Frank Horrigan: I saw the photos. Mitch Leary: No, you saw what he wanted you to see, Frank. Frank Horrigan: I saw a picture of, uh, your friend lying on the floor with his throat cut. Mitch Leary: What you didn't see, Frank, what you couldn't possibly know, is: they sent my best friend - my comrade in arms - to my home to kill me!
Roscoe "Fang" Bigger: You were my friend and you betrayed me! David Leary: You thought we were friends? You beat me up, you humiliated me, I'm 35 years old and I still have nightmares about the fourth grade! That's not what friends do for eachother, a friend is supposed to make you feel good about yourself! Roscoe "Fang" Bigger: Really? Then you're the best friend I ever had!
Kristy Thomas: Hi, I'm Kristy. I'm the founding member of the baby-sitters club. I don't mean to brag or anything but we're famous, here in Stoneybrook. Everybody knows us. That's because everybody uses us. You call one number, and get connected with seven incredible baby-sitters. This is Stacey, she's our club treasurer. She's good at keeping track of money, she's also good at spending it. Stace was raised in New York City. Sometimes she thinks she still lives there. That's Mary-Ann. When we were little, we used to live next door to each other. She's kind of quiet, kind of serious. Why are we friends? They say opposites attract. Dawn's Mary-Ann's step-sister. She grew up in California. Dawn really cares about the environment. Her biggest regret is that she wasn't born on earth day. Claudia's an amazing artist. She's REALLY talented. I mean, do you anybody who can take a fourk and a hammer and turn it into... That? And of course Mallory, she's a junior member of the club. She started her novel when she turned eleven and is determined to finish it by the time she's eleven and a half. Jesse's Mallory's best friend and another junior member of the club. Jesse's motto is ''Why walks when you can dance?''. You know, we're more than just a club. We're friends. Best friends. Nothing could ever change that.
Mick: Yeah, I was a little bitter about the getting killed by my best friend thing, but I've had time to get over it.
Rob Hawkins: My name is Robert Hawkins. It's 6:42 AM on Saturday, May 23rd. Approximately seven hours ago, some... thing attacked the city. I don't know what it is. If you found this tape, I mean if you're watching this right now, then you probably know more about it than I do. Whatever it is, it killed my brother Jason Hawkins, it killed my best friend Hudson Platt and Marlena Diamond, and many many others. We've crashed into Central Park and we've taken shelter underneath this bridge. The military has begun bombing the creature and we're caught in the middle. Okay, ready? [Rob turns camera to Beth] Rob Hawkins: It's okay. Beth McIntyre: I don't know what to say. Rob Hawkins: Just tell them who you are. Beth McIntyre: My name is Elizbeth McIntyre. I don't know why this is happening. And we're going to wait here until this passes.
Chip Douglas: I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter.
Oliver Queenan: We have a question: Do you want to be a cop, or do you want to appear to be a cop? It's an honest question. A lot of guys just want to appear to be cops. Gun, badge, pretend they're on TV. Dignam: Yeah, a lot of people just wanna slam a nigger's head through a plate-glass window. Billy Costigan: I'm all set without your own personal job application. Alright, Sergeant? Dignam: What the fuck did you say to me, trainee? Billy Costigan: [to Queenan] With all due respect, sir, what do you want from me? Dignam: Hey asshole, he can't help you! I know what you are, okay? I know what you are and I know what you are not. I'm the best friend you have on the face of this earth, and I'm gonna help you understand something, you punk. You're no fuckin' cop!
Jake Gray: What're you tryin' to tell me dad? You tryin' to blame me for the way mom is, for the accident? You're wanna blame me for that now? The day after my best friend kills himself, you're gonna blame me for that? Paul Kilton: It's not very much, though, Jake. Jake Gray: You know the day I need you the most, the day I need help, the day I need my father... you do this? Shame on you.
Blake: My best friend was just *killed* tonight Dad. So what about give me some *fucking* space?
[Tito, Sean Archer's best friend was killed by Castor Troy] Buzz: Listen, sir... we just want you to know... Wanda: We're all really sorry about Tito. Castor Troy: [as Sean Archer] Yeah, well, shit happens.
Jean: Do you want to hear something funny? Maria: What's that Mrs. Jean? Jean: You're the best friend I've got.
Norman Bates: A boy's best friend is his mother.
Dr. Bill Stiffle: How do you feel about the suicide of your best friend in the world? Dean Stiffle: [pause] Real shitty.
Nicholas Devereaux: I'm Nick. Viscount Mabrey's nephew. Andrew Jacoby: Ah, the chap who's trying to stage the palace coup. I'm Andrew Jacoby. Nice to meet you. Lilly Moscovitz: [Thrusting out her hand to shake his] Lilly Moscovitz, official best friend of future queen. I don't like you. Nicholas Devereaux: Pleasure.
Ben Archer: [Ben has to choose an Indian name for Jack] How about... Squatting Dog? Jack Sturgess: [Jack gives him a surprised look] Squatting Dog? That's the best you could come up with? Ben Archer: I had a dog once who had a terrible case of the squirts. He was my best friend in the whole world. Jack Sturgess: Didn't you have any other pets? Ben Archer: I had a squirrel named Numb Nuts. Jack Sturgess: [sighs] I think I'll take... Squatting Dog.
Linda: [Grabbing Gail by her blouse and backing her into the wall] I want to tell you two things. The first is Erik's best friend died today and he is going to the funeral. Linda: [struggling] And the second is if you ever lay a hand on that boy again I will kill you! Do you understand?
Travis: Let me get this straight - you never use guns? Beck: No. Travis: Never. Beck: Never. Travis: What if your best friend was gonna die, you wouldn't pick up a gun? Beck: No guns. Travis: Santa Claus would pick up a gun to save his best friend. Beck: Do I look like Santa Claus? Do I look like Santa Claus to you? Travis: What do you say? Guns make you whooh-poco-loco? Bang-bang-crazy? Beck: I pick up guns, bad things happen to people. I don't like that. Travis: What kind of things? Beck: Very bad things, Travis. Walk. Travis: What about knives? Beck: Move.
[told his best friend is dead] Daniel Emerson: So is Elvis - what do you want me to do about it?
Toni: I know you're sad, you miss your mom. But please don't die, I'll be your best friend forever. And I will always take care of you, I promise. I love you.
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