Carrie: [sees the entire basketball team wearing thongs] Unbelievable. Beth: [on phone, angrily] I'd hit him with my car if he wouldn't make body casts a fashion statement.
[trying to psych out a player in their very first game] Douglas "Swish" Reemer: Ugh! One of Britney's moms pubic hairs! [pulls hairs from mouth] Basketball player: [disgusted voice] Psh... Ohhhh man! Joseph R. Cooper: HAH! You lose! Dude that was a SWEET psyche-out! Douglas "Swish" Reemer: UGH HERES ANOTHER ONE! [pulls out more hairs from teeth]
Kate: I don't get it. I mean, these girls all seem so confident and cool. How do they not know that John's cheating on all of them? Crying Waitress: He's a total operator. He goes out with girls from different cliques so that they never actually talk to each other. [chuckles] Crying Waitress: And then he tells them that his father won't let him date during basketball season so they'll have to keep it a secret. Kate: How'd you learn all this stuff? Crying Waitress: [sobbing] I don't know, just a guess. [runs away crying]
Coach Don Haskins: You'll play basketball my way. My way is hard.
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: I thought this was a professional basketball team. Obviously, I'm out of my mind. I'm in here with rap artists and pitchmen. Do you remember that people pay to come and see you guys? People spent $2,000 on season tickets up in the nosebleed sections because they think you guys are worthwhile. And what about the little kids? Oh, forget about them, huh? The little kids who actually think you guys are heroes -- stupid them! (Eddie walks out of the locker room.) Darren Taylor: $2,000 for some season tickets? That makes you think. Stacy Patton: Yeah, home girl has some sorry seats.
Monica: [reads note] "Q, you are SO fine. I been wantin' to get with you. Take me to the Spring Dance and I promise I'll leave you satisfied." [In a disgusted tone] Monica: Ugh... What a ho! Quincy: Why she gotta be a ho? Cuz she wants to get with me? Monica: Um, she's a ho because she's sending her coochie through the mail! I mean, she's not saying "You're a nice guy, and I want to get to know you." She's saying, "I wanna bone!" Quincy: At least she's honest. Monica: [rolling her eyes] Yeah... an honest tramp ass ho! But then, I guess you'll stick your thing in anything. Quincy: My "thing?" Didn't know you cared so much. Monica: I don't. Quincy: Who you goin to the dance with anyway? Spalding? Monica: Who's Spalding? Quincy: [nods at basketball in Monica's hands] Monica: [punches Quincy] Stupid!
[During practice in the gym, Popki throws a wild pass that bounces off the rim of the basketball hoop] Coach Rig: How about that, he stinks at two sports. Coach Gennero: I can work with him, just butt out of my offense. Coach Rig: If you can build an offense around a guy who throws like Edward Scissorhands, we're going to be playing a hell of alot of defense.
Elliot Richards: [as the basketball player] You know, there's no "I" in the word team. And this is a team effort. And I just wanna say that I'm real proud to be associated with these fine individuals that I h-have the pleasure of working with.
Louie Kritski: Wat are you, spying on me? Tito: No. Louie Kritski: You casing this joint so the brothers can rob it later? Tito: [sarcastically] Yeah, you really got some choice stuff here. We can't wait to get our hands on it. Louie Kritski: How come you're not in school, kid? Tito: It's Saturday. Louie Kritski: Yeah? Then why aren't you out playing basketball or break dancing?
Julie: We're shirts. You're skins. Elder Aaron Davis: [pulls down the hem of his shirt blushing] Uh... no. Christian: Fine, we'll be skins. [both him and Juile take off their shirts] Ryder: [looking at Juile's chest] Whoa! [walks into the basketball pole] Ryder: Ow!
Ted Cole: About the shoe, it was a basketball shoe. Air Jordan I think you called it. [pause] Ted Cole: Specific details, Eddie. Specific details.
[Holding up a picture of a priest's Little League team] Vivian: We're going to have to interview every one of these boys. Danny: Because he's a priest? Vivian: Because he's a missing priest. Danny: H-he's a man of god, and he's dying, okay, so show compassion. Vivian: You know, I want to believe in him, too, but you have got to admit, they have been testing our faith a lot these days. Danny: I played on a team. The St. Benedict's Dragons. Vivian: I find it very hard to imagine you in a white communion gown. Danny: I didn't actually go to church. When I was 13, I got busted shoplifting a flask of rum from a liquor store. The judge gave me two choices: St. Benedict's after-school program or juvie. I figured a couple hours of basketball a day, how bad could it be? Vivian: And how bad was it? Danny: Father Orlando kicked my ass. Probably saved my life.
Sport's Dad: [over ecstatic] Will you take a look at this. Huh? Huh? What do you think of your old man now, Sport? 500 smackaroos! No more paying with change. No more, no more spaghetti. Going to feel like steak. And you know those fancy basketball sneakers with the, with the buckles and the Velcro and the crap all over them? Their yours, buddy boy, all yours! [his phone rings, he answers it] Sport's Dad: Hello? Murray. Hey, hey I take it all back. All agents aren't useless. Oh, I'm kidding you, I'm kidding you, man. You know I was always in your corner. Oh, yeah, I knew you'd come through. Well, Sport and I are going to do a little celebrating today... Sport: [knock at the door, Sport answers. It's Harriet] Harriet M. Welsch: Hey. Sport: Hey. Harriet M. Welsch: Sold his book? Sport: Got a real job. Sport's Dad: [notices Harriet] Hey, Harriet, you hear the good news? Harriet M. Welsch: [smiling] You're a writer. So how's it feel? Sport's Dad: Oh, big slice off heaven, side order of fries. Say, you hungry? I feel like going to the fanciest, schmaniest restaurant in town. We'll abuse the waiter. Who's with me? Harriet? Sport: She can't come. Sport's Dad: What do you mean she can't come? You haven't even asked her. Sport: [firmly] I said she can't come. [to Harriet] Sport: You can't be my friend if you're not my friend. [he closes the door on Harriet] Harriet M. Welsch: [from the other side of the door, crying] [whispers] Harriet M. Welsch: I'm sorry, Sport. I'm sorry.
Quincy: If basketball is all you care about, why you bonin' me? Why don't you bone Dick Vital?
Pete as adult: When I was in the eight grade, all I wanted to be was a great basketball player like my dad. At 5'2" and 90 pounds who would believe me. I guess only my dad and I could believe it in the beginning.
Rowland: There's a clone doctor named Runa Pedanken. Made a big name for herself creating an entire basketball team from one old guy. Pluto Nash: The Air Jordans. Yeah.
TV Sports Announcer: [announcing basketball game on TV] 3 seconds left. The shot is up... TV Narrator: [Peyton switches channel] Welcome to the magical world of ponies!
Cindy Bandolini: What's more important, a basketball game or the greatest fuck in the world? Alan Jensen: Who are you referring to as the greatest fuck in the world? Cindy Bandolini: I was referring to you, but now that you mention it.
Gang Leader: That shit was counterfit as a mother-fucker, man! Ain't nobody playing no basketball when that shit went down! Why you think the cops ain't arrest nobody? Bobby: How do you know nobody was playing basketball if you weren't there? Gang Leader: Because, bitch, the police said those people wasn't kill till 11 o'clock! Bobby: So what? Gang Leader: So they turn the court lights out at ten!
Alonzo Harris: Aww, you motherfuckers. Okay. Alright. I'm putting cases on all you bitches. Huh. You think you can do this shit... Jake. You think you can do this to me? You motherfuckers will be playing basketball in Pelican Bay when I get finished with you. SHU program, nigga. 23 hour lockdown. I'm the man up in this piece. You'll never see the light of... who the fuck do you think you're fucking with? I'm the police, I run shit around here. You just live here. Yeah, that's right, you better walk away. Go on and walk away... 'cause I'm gonna' burn this motherfucker down. King Kong ain't got shit on me. That's right, that's right. Shit, I don't, fuck. I'm winning anyway, I'm winning... I'm winning any motherfucking way. I can't lose. Yeah, you can shoot me, but you can't kill me.
Maximilian II: You're not a basketball fan, are you Ted? Jones: Only during the playoffs, sir. Maximilian II: Because you're a big fag, that's why hm? Big fag... Naw I'm kidding, Ted, I'm kidding.
Pete Maravich: [Giving his report on his dream to the class] My dream is to get a college scholarship to play basketball. [Class laughs] Pete Maravich: And I'm gonna be the man to make a million dollars playing pro basketball. [Class laughs agian] Pete Maravich: Also I wanna play on a championship team and get a big ring that says I was one of the greaatest basketball players of all time. [Class laughs agian and he hands it to the teacher]
Alex O'Donnell: [In the school restroom] Uh... can I get a little help in here? Mike O' Donnell: Alex? Mike O' Donnell: How did this? Who did this to you? Alex O'Donnell: The basketball team. Alex O'Donnell: But why? You're one of them, you're popular. Alex O'Donnell: Look this is kinda personal and I don't know you. Alex O'Donnell: I'm sorry, I'm Mark Gold, your uncle Ned's kid. I just stared here. Alex O'Donnell: Oh... cool... cool. Yeah I'd shake your hand, but it's taped in my ass.
[seeing the crowd chanting Snake's name after he's beaten the basketball shots] Map to the Stars Eddie: This town loves a winner...
[first lines] Lozano: [the elders are playing basketball on "P" day. Speaking to Elder Farrell] Come on. Get in here man, we're getting our butts kicked. [Elder Farrell shakes his head negatively] Elder Mangum: Come on Farrell, we're one man short. Sister Savea: I'll do it. Elder Mangum: I said, we're one MAN short. Sister Savea: You're one short man, that's what you are.
Ashley Davies: Are you a basketball fan or do you just enjoy watching guys pat each other on the ass?
Skinny Carter: [coming back from playing a basketball game] Man, I was droppin' dimes today! Mac Carter: Man, you tripped over your own shoes! Tyler Gage: Twice actually, but you rolled outta the second one pretty nice, you played it off pretty cool.
Maximilian II: [Is being complimented by his aide on his basketball skills] Yeah, no, I was in the zone, what can I say?
David Langley: I must admit, over the time you've been here, certain... suspicions have begun to gather in my mind. I'm going to be frank here... are you a doctor? Mr. Bean: ummm... [shakes head] David Langley: okay number two, do you know anything about art. I mean... let me see... was Leonardo Da Vinci a famous American basketball player? [sniggers] David Langley: [Bean looks confused, David's face drops] Mr. Bean: ...yes David Langley: ...I see [brings his hand up to his face]
[Jamie Smith bounces a basketball on the table where Eversman is working] Eversmann: What the fuck, Smith? Smith: Well? Eversmann: "Well" what? Smith: We going out? Eversmann: Why should I tell you? Smith: Because I'm me!
Woody: Today marks the anniversary of the founding of the National Basketball Assoction... Association...
Bobby: [to a booing crowd at a basketball game] You tell me where I can find this guy and you can finish your game. Jeremiah: [pointing to Jack who's trying to get their attention] Cracker Jack. Bobby: I appreciate your help very much. You've all been outstanding citizens.
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