Jesse: Do you remember when I told you that I was 104 years old? [Winnie nods] Jesse: Well... it's the honest truth. [Winnie looks confused] Jesse: I'm gonna live forever. I'm never gonna change. The same with Miles and Tuck and Mae. Something happened to us. I mean, as far as I know, I... I'm gonna be 17 until the end of the world. It's the spring, Winnie. Something's wrong with it. It stops you right where you are, if you'd had a drink of it today, you'd stay just like you are... [Both hear a rustling noise. They turn around to see Miles] Miles: Don't you wish he'd told you... before you kissed him? Did he tell you that immortality isn't all the preachers crack it up to be? Jesse: Hey, leave her alone, Miles! Miles: Well, now, you wanted her to hear it Jesse-boy. She's the first person you want to tell the truth to. Jesse: You just don't want me to have what you lost. Winnie: Stop this... both of you. Tell me... the truth... I wanna know. Miles: [Miles nods and walks over towards Jesse and Winnie] We all had a drink. Except for the cat, and that's important. [the rest of the monologue is told in flashbacks of what Miles is saying] Miles: The water tasted like... heaven. It floated over your tongue like a cloud. Tuck carved a T in the trunk and we moved on west to find a place to settle down. We put up a house for Mae and Tuck and a little shed for Jesse and me. That was the first time we figured there was something... peculiar. Jesse fell thirty feet and landed on is neck. He was up on his feet before Mae could work up a good cry. Didn't hurt him a bit, no broken bones... nothing. But that's not all... not by a long shot. Things began to happen. Some brush-poppers mistook Mae's horse for a deer. Thing is, the bullets didn't kill hime. Barely even left a mark. Then Tuck got bitten by a rattle snake, and you know what... he didn't die. [laughing] Miles: But the cat did, of old age. [Somberly, touching the ring on his finger] Miles: And Miles got married. [Whispering] Miles: Bo. Little Anna. [Out loud] Miles: Tuck figured it early on. It was the spring. We all drank from it, even the horse. It had to be... the source of our changelessness. I begged her to come back... to me and find the spring and drink from it. The children, too. It was our only hope... to be together. She'd made up her mind that I'd... sold my soul to the devil. And she left me. She took my babies with her. [Angrily, with tears in his eyes] Miles: Everyone... pulled away after that. There was talk of witchcraft... and... black magic. I went lookin' for wars to fight... and I saw brave men die at Vera Cruz. And then Gettysburg. Thousands of them in the blink of an eye. [Crying] Miles: But not me. I couldn't die. Like Little Anna. The influenza took her before she was fifteen. And Bo. He'd be almost eighty now if he were still alive. And my sweet... my sweet young bride. She died in an insame asylum. Old and alone. But I'm still here... I'm still here. [Unable to say any more, he just cries. We turn to Winnie, who is also crying. The screen fades to black]
Tom Garnett: She had another miscarriage. Burt Farlander: What? When? Tom Garnett: Thursday. Burt Farlander: This Thursday? Tom Garnett: Yeah. This is her fifth. I know she loves all those kids like, like they were her own blood. But, I wonder if we've been selfish. People like us we wait till our thirties and then we're surprised when the babies aren't so easy to make anymore and then every day another million fourteen year olds get pregnant without trying. It's a terrible feeling, this helpless, man. You just watch these babies grow and then fade. You don't know if you're supposed to name them, or bury them, or... I'm sorry.
Sly: [sly and the other babies huddle around a sleeping lennie. sly steps up and starts chanting] You are in my power. You will obey my commands. You are in my power. You will obey my commands. Before i take the babies home, I will drive to Babyco. Everything depends on my driving to Babyco. Carrie: What are you trying to do? Sly: I have a theory that grown ups remember our secret language in their sub-conscious. If i'm right... I can hypnotize him. [returns to lenny] Sly: You are in my power. You will obey my commands. You will obey my power. You will obey my commands. All right now lets see if we've really got him. Lenny, raise your hand. [Lenny raises his hand] Sly: ohhhhh. [meanwhile in the very next room unseen by the babies - Dickie also raises his hand - -it looks as if Dickie has been hypnotized as well]
Mike: He came into her room at night wearing a black robe. He'd take her and drive her to a wooded area where her grandparents and her mother were, and they'd all have black robes on. They'd take them off and group orgies would ensue... and then they'd bring out the newborn. She was forced to watch as her mother would cut the babies heart out with stone dagger. She'd drink the blood; others eat the flesh. The grandfather and father would fuck her repeatedly. She was forced to have abortions and cook the aborted fetuses.
Rodney: [on telephone] Hey, honey, feeling better? Dr. John Dolittle: Who's this? Rodney: I'll give you a hint: I'm cute, I'm furry, and I make five hundred babies a year! Dr. John Dolittle: Rodney. Get back in your cage. Rodney: What's up with that trap behind the fridge? You trying to kill me? Dr. John Dolittle: Never mind that. Get your little furry ass back in your cage. Now. I don't want your droppings on... Bye-bye. [to security guard] Dr. John Dolittle: My son Rodney. Little hairy boy, sleeps in the cage. I have to keep him in the cage because he has hygiene problems.
Mastodon (band): [lyrics to opening song about movie theater etiquette] Don't talk, watch! Don't talk, watch! You came here. Watch it. Don't like it? Walk out. We still have all your fucking money. Do not nudge, kick or jiggle the seat in front of you. I'm sitting there! I am everywhere at once and I will cut you up. If you make out here, I will cut your lips and tongue from your head with a linoleum knife. Do not explain the plot. If you don't understand, then you should not be here. Your money is now our money and we will spend it on drugs. Do not crinkle your food wrappers loudly. Be considerate to others, or I will bite your torso and give you a disease. Did you bring your baby? Babies don't watch this. Take the seed outside. Leave it in the streets. Run over it after the show. If I see you videotaping this movie, Satan will rain down your throat with hot acid and dissolve your testicles and turn your guts into snakes. This is copyrighted movie for Time Warner. If I find that you've sold it on eBay, I will break into your house and tear your wife in half.
Carrie: What are we going to do? Sly: We're gonna train! Carrie: We're Going On A Train? Hooray! [other babies cheer at this]
Dickie and Lenny: [hypotized] The magnificent Sly and the Bobbins' babies have a vitally important errand at Babyco. [blow raspberries]
Carrie Cash: Ray, why don't you let JR take the babies in? Ray Cash: I told Roz we'd have a crop today. What do i say if he pulls up here and we're shy? You ready to unload that piano? Carrie Cash: We're not sellin' Daddy's piano. And i'm not the one in Bartstown drinkin every saturday. [ray angrily kicks a can] Carrie Cash: [continuing to work, singing] Am I a soldier of the cross A follower of the Lamb, And shall I fear... Young J.R.: [joining in] to own His cause Or blush to speak His name
Maurey Pierce: Be careful, babies aren't like footballs. Sam Callahan: Yeah, they don't travel as far when you kick 'em.
Margaret: This things been here our whole life and we never knew it. Joey: Do you think anybody lived in it? Dennis: Just squirrels and birds. Joey: It looks kind of junky. Dennis: We'll fix it up. Margaret: Oh, good, I'll be the decorator. We'll put on a special room for the babies and a powder room for when we have company. Dennis: Forts don't have powder rooms. Margaret: Oh, really? Where do the soldiers' wives go to freshen up? Joey: Soldiers don't have wives, stupid. Margaret: Don't call me stupid, baby rump kisser!
Su-Chin: [protesting in front of the abortion clinic] All babies want to get borned! All babies want to get borned!
Space Ghost: Hey, have you heard my famous story? [beat] Space Ghost: It starts in a couple of minutes. [beat] Space Ghost: Beat. A long beat. Dennis Miller: [laughing] C'mon, what, do you need an edit point, Space Ghost? Space Ghost: The race war had begun. [cartoon stock footage of missiles and robots appears] Space Ghost: Machines were building robot babies to replace other babies. Everyone knows what happened next. [cartoon stock footage of surfing teens] Space Ghost: The end! Dennis Miller: [laughs] Space Ghost: Written by Space Ghost! Robots by ILM... and Space Ghost! [beat] Space Ghost: George Lucas by Space Ghost! House lights up, people leave theater. Trash... everywhere.
June's Father: She thought: better not die next to my babies. Nobody saves babies with such bad luck. Who wants two babies with ghost mother following them? Very bad luck, very.
Harper Pitt: I got this tree from the great Antarctic pine forest, right over the hill. Mr. Lies: There are no pine forests in Antarctica. Harper Pitt: This one's a blue spruce. Mr. Lies: There are no blue spruce in... Harper Pitt: I chewed this pine tree down with my teeth. Like a beaver. I'm hungry, I haven't eaten in three days. I'm gonna use it to build something. Maybe a fire. Lucky I brought these. Mr. Lies: Snow'll melt Harper Pitt: Let it. I don't understand why I'm not dead. When your heart breaks, you should die. But there's still the rest of you. There's your breasts and your genitals... They're amazingly stupid, like babies or faithful dogs. They don't get it, they just want him. Want him. Mr. Lies: Eskimo's back. Harper Pitt: I know. I wanted a real Eskimo, someone chilly and reliable. An Eskimo dressed in seal pelts. Not this. This is just some lawyer, just... Joe Pitt: Hey, buddy. Harper Pitt: Hey. Joe Pitt: I looked for you. I've been everywhere. Harper Pitt: Well, you found me. Joe Pitt: No, I'm not looking now. I guess I'm having an adventure. Harper Pitt: Who with? Joe Pitt: No one you know. No one I know, either. Harper Pitt: ls it fun? Joe Pitt: Scary fun. Harper Pitt: Can I come with you? This isn't working anymore, I'm cold. Joe Pitt: I wouldn't want you to see. Harper Pitt: You think it's worse than what I imagine? It's not. Joe Pitt: I should go. Harper Pitt: Bastard! You fell out of love with me. Joe Pitt: That isn't true, Harper. Harper Pitt: Then come back!
Cera: If we stop them, the grown-ups won't treat us like babies anymore.
Corky St. Clair: It's a Zen thing, like how many babies fit in a tire.
[from trailer] [Zed has eaten an apple from the 'Tree of Knowledge'] Zed: I might know everything. Ask me something! Oh: Where does the sun go at night? Zed: Pass. Next question. Oh: Where do babies come from? Zed: Pass. Next question. Oh: [noticing a snake] There's a snake on my foot. Zed: In the form of a question! Oh: [scared] There's a snake on my foot? Zed: Correct!
Pecos Bill: Not as hot as the summer of '88 when the chickens laid fried eggs and the babies cried sawdust. Paul Bunyan: Does this story have a point or does it go on and on and on like this stinkin' desert?
Kenny Shopsin: The first duty of everybody in life is to realize that they're a piece of shit. Selfish and self centered and not very good. You're willing to sacrifice 20 thousand people in another country just so you can go to a Wings concert. You sacrifice the lives of a hundred thousand Chinese female babies just so you can rent this f'ing camera and do your stupid art project. No problem! You're a piece of shit. Once you realize you're a piece of shit it's not so hard to take. Because then you don't have this feeling that you're a good person all the time. And let me tell you something, feeling that you're a good person all the time is like having a brand new car with no scratches on it. It's a real responsibility which is almost impossible to live up to. Being a piece of shit and then occasionally doing something that's good and true is a much easier place to be. I think that's really important and I always try to raise my kids to understand that they're not that terrific. And that not being that terrific, that's okay 'cause most people who say that they're terrific, Bill Clinton, Cardinal Egan, anybody you want to talk about, They're not so terrific. Martha Stewart, they're not so beeping terrific either. And there's nothing wrong with being not so terrific. In fact, it's what the whole ballgame is about, being not so terrific... and accepting it.
Tricks: Y'all ain't shit. Your mama's ain't shit and your babies ain't gonna be shit. Fuck you with a... a sick dick.
Saul: This is like if that Blue Oyster shit met that Afghan Kush I had - and they had a baby. And then, meanwhile, that crazy Northern Light stuff I had and the Super Red Espresso Snowflake met and had a baby. And by some miracle, those two babies met and fucked - this would the shit that they birthed. Dale Denton: [smells the marijuana] Wow. This is the product of baby fucking.
Mike: Trent, the beautiful babies don't work the midnight to six shift on a Wednesday. This is like the skank shift.
George Banks: I have to admit, having Franck at the house did help. Although I had no idea what he did there all day. Franck Eggelhoffer: [Marching] Do the baby 'vorkout'! Make those babies gleefull! Oh, that's good. Little tin soldiers. Happy tin soldiers. Richt. And now with an attitude. [throws head back] Franck Eggelhoffer: Hello! Who you? Get 'avay'! I don't like 'vat' you say!
Juno MacGuff: ...and the receptianist tried to get me to take these condoms that looked like grape suckers and was just babbling away about her freaking boyfiends pie balls! Oh an Su-Chin was there and she was like, "Hi babies have fingernails." Fingernails! Leah: Oh, gruesome. I wonder if the baby's claws could scratch your vag on the way out?
The Weevil: So, why me? Verdict: "Weevil" is a brand name in which we'd like to share. And you have the superpower we most admire - you know how to make people like you. The Weevil: Yeah, well... Verdict: And, also, we have a line of Crusader Beanie Babies coming out in August, and none of our members wear blue.
Carrie: Danger! Dan: What? Robin: What? Carrie: Whit has a twin brother called Sly, he's the one that's been here the last two days. Dan: What? Robin: What "what"? Carrie: Sly and Whit got switched at the mall, and Dr. Kinder kept Whit in her secret lab to experiment on. Dan: Oh my God! Robin: What? Dan: She says Elana's got a secret lab, I don't believe this, Whit and Sly got switched at the mall! Robin: What? Who's Sly? Carrie: She's getting rid of the lab, and moving the babies to Liechtenstein. Dan: Liechtenstein? Oh my God!
Chazz: [Referring to his program] I hope you’ve brought your silver polish, MacElroy, 'cause that was gold. Jimmy: That was disgusting. Chazz: THAT, young man, is how babies are made.
Hippie: [to Birdlace] How many babies did you kill?
Juno MacGuff: You should've gone to China, you know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.
Bridget Gregory: Could you leave? Please? Mike Swale: I haven't finished charming you yet. Bridget Gregory: You haven't started. Mike Swale: Gimme a chance. Bridget Gregory: Look, go find yourself a nice little cowgirl and make nice little cowbabies and leave me alone. Mike Swale: I'm hung like a horse. Think about it. [pause] Bridget Gregory: Let's see. Mike Swale: Excuse me? Bridget Gregory: Mr. Ed, let's see. Mike Swale: Look, I tried to be nice. I can see that's something you're not... Bridget Gregory: No, I'm trying. I can be very nice when I try. Sit down. Mike Swale: OK, maybe we just got off to a bad start. I know plenty of people - [Bridget unzips his fly] Mike Swale: What are you doing? Bridget Gregory: I believe what we're looking for is a certain horse-like quality?
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