Rita Skeeter:
So tell me, Harry. Here you sit, a mere boy of 12...
Harry:
- I'm 14...
Rita Skeeter:
- about to compete against three students who are not only vastly more emotionally mature than yourself, but who've mastered spells that you wouldn't attempt in your dizziest daydreams. Concerned?
Harry:
I dunno, I haven't really thought about it...
Rita Skeeter:
Because you're no ordinary boy of 12 are you?
Harry:
14.
Rita Skeeter:
Your story's legend. Do you think it was the trauma of your past that made you so keen to enter such a dangerous tournament?
Harry:
No, I didn't enter.
Rita Skeeter:
Of course you didn't. [winks]
Rita Skeeter:
Everyone loves a rebel, Harry. Speaking of your parents, were they alive, how do you think they'd feel? Proud? Or concerned that your attitude shows, at best, a pathological need for attention? The worst psychotic death wish. [Harry glances at Rita's notes]
Harry:
Hey, my eyes aren't glistening with the ghosts of my past!
Azrael:
Get me a... Holy Bartender.
Bartender:
Never heard of it.
Azrael:
Ahh, he doesn't know how to make a Holy Bartender. You do, don't you, Muse?
Serendipity:
Don't...
Azrael:
Ahh, anybody? No? [Jay and Silent Bob shake their heads]
Azrael:
Well, I know how to make a Holy Bartender... [Azrael pulls out an uzi, shoots the bartender repeatedly, then laughs hysterically]
Azrael:
Get it?
Serendipity:
[restrained by the Stygian triplets who have suddenly appeared] Sweet Jesus, Azrael why?
Rufus:
Come on, demon, I wanna see you try that shit on someone who's already dead!
Azrael:
Now, now, apostle, you maintain that kind of an attitude and you and the barkeep won't be the only corpses in the room. The Christ bitch will join you. [referring to Bethany]
Zazu:
Oh, just look at you two. Little seeds of romance blossoming in the savannah. Your parents will be thrilled, what with your being betrothed and all.
Young Simba:
Be-what?
Zazu:
Betrothed. Intended. Affianced.
Young Nala:
Meaning...?
Zazu:
One day, you two are going to be married.
Young Simba:
Yuck.
Young Nala:
Ewww.
Young Simba:
I can't marry her. She's my friend.
Young Nala:
Yeah. It'd be so weird.
Zazu:
Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but you two turtle-doves have no choice. It's a tradition that goes back generations.
Young Simba:
Well, when I'm king, that'll be the first thing to go.
Zazu:
Not so long as I'm around.
Young Simba:
Well, in that case, you're fired.
Zazu:
Hmmm... Nice try, but only the king can do that.
Young Nala:
Well, he's the future king.
Young Simba:
Yeah. So you have to do what I tell you.
Zazu:
Not yet I don't. And with an attitude like that, I'm afraid you're shaping up to be a pretty pathetic king indeed.
Young Simba:
Hmph. Not the way I see it.
Jay Austin:
You're not getting anything on the carpet, are you?
Judy Austin:
Jay, we've got newspapers and towels down. He's being very careful.
Jay Austin:
We've just finished painting the carpet. I wanna do whatever it takes to keep it clean.
Judy Austin:
Jay, will you stop worrying about your precious carpet. Nothing's gonna happen to it.
Jay Austin:
What's with the attitude?
Judy Austin:
I don't have an attitude.
Jay Austin:
You do have an attitude. Should I not be concerned about a $4 000 investment?
Judy Austin:
Jay, just say the blessing.
Jay Austin:
Why don't you say the blessing?
Judy Austin:
Okay. Dear God, thank you for this food, your blessings, and the precious carpet we're allowed to walk on. May it serve us well in the years to come and be a beacon of hope to all those who live in the house after we're gone. Amen.
Jay Austin:
That was lame.
Judy Austin:
You're welcome to pray anytime you like.
Jay Austin:
Thank you for reminding me.
Todd Austin:
Dad, will you help me with my project?
Jay Austin:
You know, I'm getting kind of tired of this holier-than-thou attitude you've been dishing out.
Todd Austin:
Mom, can I have cereal instead?
Jay Austin:
Cereal?
Judy Austin:
Todd, honey, I thought you liked pizza.
Jay Austin:
You want cereal over pizza?
Jay Austin:
Yes, sir.
Jay Austin:
I don't care.
Judy Austin:
Okay.
