Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones:
[Holding 3 guards at gun point, singing] Hello. Sweet Chariot, come to carry me home.
Cameron Poe:
What's going on here?
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones:
I just want to offer to the pigs.
Cameron Poe:
You can't.
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones:
Why not?
Cameron Poe:
Well, they're hostages, we need them.
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones:
[Points the gun at Poe] Why the fuck to you care?
Cameron Poe:
C'mon now. I can think of anything [Kicks the first guard]
Cameron Poe:
better, than putting a [Kicks the second guard]
Cameron Poe:
bullett, into the head of one of these [Kicks the third guard]
Cameron Poe:
fuckers. But you have to ask yourselfthis question. How well you know this Cindino? I don't know him that well myself. He has blown up his own yacht with 3 of his brothers on board. Now why would he eliminate his comerades after they have served their purpose, now think about that.
Cyrus Grissom:
[Coming in] What exactly are we discussing here?
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones:
Poe does not want me to offfer the pigs.
Cyrus Grissom:
[to Poe] Well, we can't actually stop Diamond Dog from doing this as this is own verision of penal lore. All I want to know how you care at all?
Cameron Poe:
Hey, Cyrus. It's your barbecue man, and it tastes good. I was just telling Mr. [Points to Diamond Dog]
Cameron Poe:
"Dog" here that if it was "my" barbecue, I would wait for that ol' jumbo jet in the sky bafore I start killing off the only leverage.
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones:
Shut the fuck up.
Cameron Poe:
You want to get high and get laid, shit.
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones:
[Picks up a guard] Oh, fuck this.
Cyrus Grissom:
[Seeing Diamond Dog about to kill the guard] Put the gun down, Nathan. Poe's right. We're going to plan B. Wew're going to get a tractor and a fuel truck, get everybody here and we're going to dig the plane out. [Poe winks at Diamond Dog]
Rabbi Tuckman:
I am Rabbi Tuckman, purveyor of sacramental wine and moyel extraordinaire.
Merry Men:
'ello Rabbi!
Rabbi Tuckman:
Hello boys!
Robin Hood:
A moyel... I don't believe I've ever heard of that profession.
Rabbi Tuckman:
A moyel is a very important guy. He makes circumcisions.
Scarlet:
What, pray tell, sir, is a circumcision?
Rabbi Tuckman:
It's the latest craze. The ladies love it!
Little John:
I'll take one!
Ahchoo:
Hey, put me down for two!
Robin Hood:
I'm game. How's it done?
Rabbi Tuckman:
It's a snap. [demonstrates with a carrot and a miniature guillotine]
Rabbi Tuckman:
I take my machine here, I take your little thing, I put it through this hole, and then... [releases the blade, cutting the end off the carrot]
Rabbi Tuckman:
I nip the tip! Whose first?
Merry Men:
[groan]
Little John:
I changed me mind!
Ahchoo:
I forgot, I already got one.
Blinkin:
[puts his hand in the air] Question... [Ahchoo pulls his arm down silencing him]
Rabbi Tuckman:
I gotta start working with a younger crowd.
JB:
[narrating in song] A long-ass fuckin' time ago in a town called Kickapoo / There lived a humble family religious through and through / But yea there was a black sheep and he knew just what to do / His name was young JB and he refused to step in line / A vision he did see of fucking rocking all the time / He wrote a tasty jam and all the planets did align... [young JB enters playing a guitar]
Lil' JB:
[singing] Oh, the dragon's balls were blazin' as I stepped into his cave / Then I sliced his fucking cockles with my long and shiny blade / 'Twas I who fucked the dragon, fuckalye sing fuckaloo / And if you try to fuck with me then I shall fuck you too / Gotta get it on in the party zone / I gotsta shoot a load in party zone / Gotta lick a toad in the party zone / Gotta suck a choad in the party zone! [Jack's father takes him to his room and spanks him with his belt. A guitar riff is heard starting]
Jack's Father:
[singing] You disobeyed my orders son, why were you ever born? / Your brother's ten times better than you, Jesus loves him more / This music that you've played for us comes from the depths of Hell / Rock 'n' roll's the Devil's work, he wants you to rebel. [begins to tear down JB's rock 'n' roll posters]
Jack's Father:
You'll become a mindless puppet! Beelzebub will pull the strings! / Your heart will lose direction and chaos it will bring / You better shut your mouth, you better watch your tone / You're grounded for a week with no telephone / Don't let me hear ya cry, don't let me hear ya moan / You gotta praise the Lord when you're in my home! [Dad storms out, leaving only one poster: Ronnie James Dio]
Lil' JB:
[singing to the poster] Dio, can you hear me? I am lost and so alone / I'm asking for your guidance, won't you come down from your throne? / I need a tight compadre who will teach me how to rock / My father thinks you're evil, but, man, he can suck a cock / Rock is not the Devil's work, it's magical and rad / I'll never rock as long as I am stuck here with my dad. [the poster comes to life]
Ronnie James Dio:
[singing] I hear you brave young Jables, you are hungry for the rock / But to learn the ancient methods, secret doors you must unlock / Escape your father's clutches in this oppressive neighborhood / On a journey you must go to find the land of Hollywood / In the City of Fallen Angels, where the ocean meets the sand / You will form a strong alliance and the world's most awesome band / To find your fame and fortune, through the valley you must walk / You will face your inner demons, now go my son and ROCK! [JB jumps out the window and runs away from home]
JB:
[narrating in song] So he bailed from fucking Kickapoo with hunger in his heart / And he journeyed far and wide to find the secrets of his art / But in the end he knew that he would find his counterpart / Rock! / Rah-ha-ha-ha-hock / Rah-ha-ha-ha-ha... [babbles]
JB:
Rock!
Reed Rothchild:
TODD... PARKER!
Todd Parker:
Rockin' Reed Rothchild!
Reed Rothchild:
You made it! Woo-Hoo!
Todd Parker:
Amazing party, man! Fuckin' chicks everywhere!
Reed Rothchild:
You bet. Compliments of Jack Horner. Thank you.
Todd Parker:
I wouldn't mind me having a piece of that action right over there.
Reed Rothchild:
Michelle; I'll introduce you.
Todd Parker:
Sure, introduce her to my lap!
Reed Rothchild:
Ha ha. You just get off of work, man?
Todd Parker:
Don't dance Sunday nights.
Reed Rothchild:
Right.
Todd Parker:
Who's 'vette is that out in the driveway?
Reed Rothchild:
DIRK! I'm so jealous.
Todd Parker:
That shit's jammin', man.
Todd Parker:
Start down low with a 350 cube, three and a quarter horsepower, 4-speed, 4:10 gears, ten coats of competition orange, hand-rubbed lacquer with a huplane manifold,
Todd Parker:
Full fuckin' race cams. Whoo!
Ethan:
[singing] I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I'm the kind of guy who will, not insist that you go on the Pi-ill, I'm cool with splitting the bi-ill, and I'll kill who you want me to KILL! And you can smack my bottom, I don't got no condoms, we've got a lot in common, you and me. Don't you see, don't you see, d-d-d-d-don't you see, my heart is bea-beat-ing, t-t-ting, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-OH! Angela! Oh how I need you so. Cause your eyes are like two shining blue rockets in the night, come to take me away, come abduct me, or maybe you won't, and you'll wake up when I cry, and don't let me hurt you, just by accident, I probably won't, but just in case I do, maybe - AH! Fudge.
Elizabeth:
If only my life could be more like the movies.I want an angel to sweep down to me like it does to Jimmy Stewart in it's a wonderful life and talk me out of suicide,I've always waited for that one moment of truth to set me free and change my life forever,but he wont come,it doesnt happen that way.All the drugs,all the therapy,fights,anger,guilt,rave,suicidal thoughts,all of thta was part of some slow recovery process,the same way i went down i came back up,gradually... and then suddenly.The pills werent the cure at all,God knows,but they gave me breathing space which allowed me to start writing again only this time it was not as if my life deppended on it.
[Jack, with the appearance of a 68-year old but only 17 years old, arrives at his graduation ceremony]
Lawrence Woodruff:
[addressing the audience] I would like to present, to read the graduation speech, this year's Valedictorian: Mr Jack Charles Powell... [a round of applause approves of this choice]
Jack:
[taking the stand] Thank you... Aristotle. [Due to his aged condition he has to take out spectacles to read the speech]
Eric's Brother:
Go Jack! Go get them!
Jack:
I got it, Eric, I'm cool... I don't have very much time these days so I'll make it quick. Like my life. You know, as we come to the end of this phase of our lives, we find ourselves trying to remember the good times and trying to forget the bad times, and we find ourselves thinking about the future. We start to worry , thinking, "What am I gonna do? Where am I gonna be in ten years?" But I say to you, "Hey, look at me!" Please, don't worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this earth. Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me. Make your life spectacular. I know I did. I made it, Mom. I'm a grown-up.
Lieutenant General James Longstreet:
[Lee and Longstreet are discussing Harrison's report on the Union army on the night of 30 June] He says the lead element is here with the Third Corps... [he points on the map]
Lieutenant General James Longstreet:
... the Sixth right behind... [he points to a different spot]
Lieutenant General James Longstreet:
... supported by a column of Federal cavalry. Seven corps altogether. The First and Eleventh are above Taneytown, and there's more cavalry two hours east. There may be as many as 100,000 altogether.
General Robert E. Lee:
Do you believe the man, this Mr. Harrison?
Lieutenant General James Longstreet:
No choice. Oh, you remember him, sir; the actor from Mississippi?
General Robert E. Lee:
An actor? We move on the word of an actor?
Lieutenant General James Longstreet:
Can't afford not to.
General Robert E. Lee:
[Lee takes off his glasses and sits down in a camp chair] There would be some word from General Stuart. General Stuart would not leave us blind.
Lieutenant General James Longstreet:
Oh, one other thing. Hooker's been replaced. George Meade's the new commander. Harrison read it in the Yankee papers.
General Robert E. Lee:
[thoughtfully] George Meade. Pennsylvania man. Meade would be cautious, I think. Take him some time to get organized. Perhaps we should move more swiftly. There may be an opportunity here.
Lieutenant General James Longstreet:
Yes, sir.
General Robert E. Lee:
Well... [Lee gets up and walks back over to the map table]
General Robert E. Lee:
... no reason to delay. I think we should concentrate here. [he points to a spot on the map]
General Robert E. Lee:
All the roads converge just east of this gap, and this junction will be very necessary.
Lieutenant General James Longstreet:
Yes, sir.
General Robert E. Lee:
I left my spectacles over there. What is the name of this town?
Lieutenant General James Longstreet:
[Longstreet leans over and reads the name on the map] "Gettysburg."
General Robert E. Lee:
Very well.
