Carter Chambers:
[in his letter to Edward] Dear Edward, I've gone back and forth the last few days trying to decide whether or not I should even write this. In the end, I realized I would regret it if I didn't, so here it goes. I know the last time we saw each other, we weren't exactly hitting the sweetest notes-certain wasn't the way I wanted the trip to end. I suppose I'm responsible and for that, I'm sorry. But in all honestly, if I had the chance, I'd do it again. Virginia said I left a stranger and came back a husband; I owe that to you. There's no way I can repay you for all you've done for me, so rather than try, I'm just going to ask you to do something else for me-find the joy in your life. You once said you're not everyone. Well, that's true-you're certainly not everyone, but everyone is everyone. My pastor always says our lives are streams flowing into the same river towards whatever heaven lies in the mist beyond the falls. Find the joy in your life, Edward. My dear friend, close your eyes and let the waters take you home.
Randal Graves:
So, your argument is that title dictates behavior?
Dante Hicks:
What?
Randal Graves:
The reason you won't let me use your car is because I have a title and a job description, and I'm supposed to follow it, right?
Dante Hicks:
Exactly.
Tabloid Reading Customer:
I saw one, one time, that said, "The next week, the world is ending." And in the next week's paper, they said, "We were miraculously saved at the zero hour by a koala-fish mutant bird." Crazy shit.
Randal Graves:
So, I'm no more responsible for my decisions here than, say, a Death Squad soldier in Bosnia?
Dante Hicks:
Oh, now, that's stretching it. You're not being asked to slay children or anything.
Randal Graves:
Yeah, not yet. [takes a drink of water]
Tabloid Reading Customer:
And I remember this one time- [Randal spits water at him]
Tabloid Reading Customer:
I'm going to break your fucking head! You fucking jerk-off!
Dante Hicks:
Sir! Sir, I'm sorry! He meant to hit me.
Tabloid Reading Customer:
Yeah, well, he missed!
Dante Hicks:
Yeah, I know. Here, let me refund your money, and we'll call it even, alright?
Tabloid Reading Customer:
I'll never come in here again. [to Randal]
Tabloid Reading Customer:
And if I see you again, I'm gonnna break your fucking head open! [Randal salutes him as he leaves]
Dante Hicks:
What the fuck'd you do that for?
Randal Graves:
Two reasons. One, I hate it when people can't shut up about the stupid tabloid headlines.
Dante Hicks:
Oh, Jesus!
Randal Graves:
And two, to prove a point. Title does not dictate behavior.
Dante Hicks:
What?
Randal Graves:
If title dictated my behavior, as a clerk serving the public, I wouldn't be allowed to spit water at that guy. But I did. So, my point is that people dictate their own behavior. Even though I work in a video store, I choose to go rent movies at Big Choice. Agreed?
Dante Hicks:
[gives Randal his car keys] You are a danger to both the dead and the living.
Randal Graves:
I like to think I'm a master of my own destiny.
Dante Hicks:
Please, get the hell outta here.
Randal Graves:
You know I'm your hero.
Stanley Goodspeed:
"I'd take pleasure in guttin' you, boy. I'd take pleasure in guttin' you... boy." What is wrong with these people, huh? Mason? Don't you think there's a lot of, uh, a lot of anger flowing around this island? Kind of a pubescent volatility? Don't you think? A lotta angst, a lot of "I'm sixteen, I'm angry at my father" syndrome? I mean grow up! We're stuck on an island with a bunch of violence-for-pleasure-seeking psycophatic marines, SHAME-ON-THEM! [clears throat]
Stanley Goodspeed:
Anyway, I only got one chem round, and there's two left... Mason?
John Mason:
Yes, I'm here. I was just thinking how wonderful it was when the inmates weren't allowed to talk in here.
interrogator [female]:
Samantha Carter?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter:
Yes.
interrogator [female]:
It's common knowledge that 4 years ago, a computer failure forced the space shuttle Intrepid's main engines to shut down before it could reach a safe orbit or secondary landing site. When the auto pilot also failed mission commander, Samantha Carter, stayed behind to fly it while her crew bailed out of the escape hatch. The orbiter went down over the Atlantic and her body was never recovered.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter:
It wasn't me.
interogator [female]:
You just said you name... [Sam cuts her off]
interogator [female]:
[Cam, Sam, and Daniel are being interogated, all talking at the same time]
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter:
I was recruited into the Stargate program in my timeline not N.A.S.A...
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell:
Stargate Command is a branch of the United States Air Force, founded in nineteen-ninety I forget the exact year; for the purpose of exploration and just... it operates in secret from...
Dr. Daniel Jackson:
...actually, at was less an altered timeline and it was this kind of... but i know what your thinking. You're thinking I'm insane.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter:
And so we had the Stargate powered and it was capable of operating, but none of the random addresses.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell:
A list, you, you want the whole list of every plant I've ever been to? Okay; Earth you never forget your first. Right!
Dr. Daniel Jackson:
It was just a matter of finding which of the 39 symbols represented the point of origin.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter:
The symbols in a combination of seven...
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell:
Known as Casa, it's kind of like space corn; but you know that is a story you are going to hear some day
interogator [male]:
You think this is funny?
Dr. Daniel Jackson:
Everything I can think of I've told you. I mean seriously, who would make this shit up!
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell:
Because it is; funny! And you need to learn that things can be both funny and serious at the same time!
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter:
I've listened. whereas I've been trying to tell you that Earth is in serious danger and you don't seem to give a rat's ass!
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell:
[annoyed] OK, fine! O'Neil wants nothing to do with us, what about Landry! No you see - I know him.
Dr. Daniel Jackson:
[dryly] if you'd like to hear to answer to that question, why don't you go and play your tape back, I'm going to take a break. [smiles quickly, then frowns and drinks coffee]
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter:
Oh my God, for the umpteenth time - I want to talk to someone else!
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell:
I am agitated because this is not the way things are suposed to be!
Major General Hank Landry:
[walks in] Unfortunately colonel, it's the way it is!
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell:
General, thank you for coming. you flew F-4's in Vietnam, you have a daughter named Caroline, you're wild about Fulvous whistling ducks...
Major General Hank Landry:
Stop right there son, I believe you.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell:
[dumbfounded] You do?
Rex:
Mr. Lightyear, now I'm curious... what does a space ranger actually do?
Woody:
He's not a space ran-*ger*! He doesn't fight evil or, or... shoot lasers or fly.
Buzz:
Excuse me.
Buzz:
[Buzz deploys his wings; all exclaim in excitement]
Hamm:
Wow. Impressive wingspan. Very good.
Woody:
Oh, what? What? These are plastic. He can't fly.
Buzz:
They are a terillium-carbonic alloy, and I *can* fly.
Woody:
No, you can't.
Buzz:
[scoffs] Yes, I can.
Woody:
Can't.
Buzz:
Can.
Woody:
Can't, can't, ca-an't!
Buzz:
I tell you, I could fly around this room with my eyes closed!
Woody:
Okay, Mr. Lightbeer, prove it.
Buzz:
All right then, I will.
Boss Paul Vitti:
Whoever did that thing to you-know-who, that good friend of mine, well they're trying to do that to me now. And I'm having a lot of feelings about that. And I'm trying to get some closure on that.
Primo:
What kind of feelings?
Boss Paul Vitti:
I'm very angry. I'm feeling very angry about that. I'm enraged. I'm feeling very, very mad about that.
Primo:
So why are you telling me?
Boss Paul Vitti:
Why am i telling you? Like you don't know nothing about it? You don't know nothing? What?
Primo:
I don't know what your talking about.
Boss Paul Vitti:
I'm just trying to, tell you about my feelings and that I'm angry, and that anger is a blocked wish. And I'm looking forward to seeing you next week at that thing. Then i can unblock that angered wish and then hopefully, hopefully you make one more move on me you motherfucker ill fucking cut your fucking balls off ill shove them up your fucking ass, ill fucking bury you, ill put ice picks in your eyes, ill chop your fucking eyeballs, ill send them to your fucking family so they can eat them for dessert. You understand me?
Primo:
Hey Paul
Boss Paul Vitti:
What?
Primo:
Fuck you
Boss Paul Vitti:
You Motherfucker!
Primo:
[to Moony] You get a dictionary and find out what this "closure" is. If that's what hes going to hit us with, i want to know what it is
Boss Paul Vitti:
[to Dr. Sobel] How was that?
Dr. Ben Sobel:
It was going great until the, cutting off of the balls and shoving it up his, ass. You know what i do when I'm mad? I hit a pillow. Just hit the pillow. See how you feel
Boss Paul Vitti:
[pulls out a gun and starts shooting the pillow] There's you fucking pillow.
Dr. Ben Sobel:
Feel better?
Boss Paul Vitti:
Yeah, I do
Dr. Ben Sobel:
Good
Col. Porter E. Alexander:
We've been firing for a good while now, sir. It's apparent now that the Federals nor we will gain a clear advantage in this business. If we continue to expel our ammunition at this rate, we might endanger our ability to support the advance.
Lt. Gen. James Longstreet:
Did you not have enough ordinance when this was begun?
Col. Porter E. Alexander:
Federal fire compelled us to move the artillery train farther to the rear, sir. It's taken us longer to refill the capsules. Sir, we must slow down our fire now, or we will have to cut back on the guns sent in to support the infantry.
Lt. Gen. James Longstreet:
Damn! I'm going to have to order general Picket to hault his attack until these guns can be replaced!
Col. Porter Alexander:
Sir, the trains have little ammunition, it would take an hour to replace it. In the meantime, the enemy would improve on the time. The longer we delay, the more time the Federals have to strengthen their own line. And even if we recovered more supplies from the ordinance train, how much more damage could we inflict on them than they on us? They're bringing in fresh batteries as quickly as they drive them off!
Lt. Gen. James Longstreet:
Just get some more ammunition and keep it hot! I cannot send in Picket's division or the others, until we clear some of those guns off that ridge!
Randal Graves:
All right, look, there's only one "Return," okay, and it ain't "of the King," it's "of the Jedi."
Hobbit Lover:
Oh, Star Wars geek.
Randal Graves:
Oh, I'm the geek? Look at you two whipping out your preciouses.
Elias:
You'll have to excuse him, he's not "down" with the trilogy.
Randal Graves:
Oh, what the fuck happened to this world? There's only one trilogy, you fucking morons.
Hobbit Lover:
You know what, maybe we should start calling your friend Padme, because he loves Manakin Skywalker so much, right? [in robot voice]
Hobbit Lover:
Danger danger, my name is Anakin. My shitty acting is ruining saga.
Elias:
[chucking] Yea-Yeah, you're crazy, Jar-Jar.
Randal Graves:
Oh, I'm crazy? Those fuckin' hobbit movies were boring as hell. All it was, was a bunch of people walking, three movies of people walking to a fucking volcano.
