Wet Hot American Summer

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Date created: April 2010

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Wet Hot American Summer Vital Stats

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Release date 2001

Duration 97 min

Producer(s) Howard Bernstein, Howard Gertler, Jill Rubin...more

Director(s) David Wain...more David Wain...less

Writer(s) Michael Showalter, David Wain...more Michael Showalter, David Wain...less

Cast Janeane Garofalo, David Hyde Pierce, Michael Showalter...more

Genre Comedy,

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Wet Hot American Summer Quotes

Standup Comic:
White folks sound so stupid when they get mad. They be like "hey asshole, I'm going to kick your b-hind." But the brothers won't even need to raise their voice. These motherfuckers be like "don't make me say it twice."
Susie:
[to Ben] That's true, that's true.
McKinley:
[to J.J. and Aaron, while laughing] *I hate white people*!

Coop:
When we first started hanging out together, this morning, we were just friends; but things change, and I've fallen in love with you. I just know that if you gave me a chance, I could make you feel so good. So I am coming, not as your buddy, and not as a co-counselor, but for the first time as a man - a man who loves a woman, and who wants to hold her and provide for her and, yes, have sex with her; but no, seriously, Katie, I love the way you laugh and I love the way your hair smells and I love it that sometimes for no reason you're late for shul, and I don't care that you're bowlegged and I don't care that you're bilingual - all I know is that I would have said no to every single person on your list because I've always wanted you.

Tags: Love Quotes Man Quotes Reason Quotes Sex Quotes Love Quotes

Susie:
You guys, I'm really going to miss this place.
Coop:
Me too.
Ben:
Hey, let's all promise that in ten years from today, we'll meet again, and we'll see what kind of people we've blossomed into.
Susie:
Yeah!
Ben:
What time do you wanna meet?
J.J.:
You mean ten years from now?
Coop:
Let's meet in the morning so we can make a day of it.
Susie:
Okay, so what is it? Is it like 9:00? 9:30?
Coop:
Well, let's say 9:00, that way we can be here by 9:30.
McKinley:
Well, no, why don't we say 9:30, and then make it your beeswax to be here by 9:30? I mean, we'll all be in our late 20s by then. I just don't see any reason why we can't be places on time.
Gary:
Okay, then, it's settled. 9:30 it is. All agreed?
Together:
Agreed.
McKinley:
Good, because I have something at 11:00.
Gary:
You just have like a trapper-keeper full of appointments, right?
McKinley:
No, I just have something at 11:00, and I can't change it, because I already moved it twice.

Tags: People Quotes Change Quotes Day Quotes People Quotes Reason Quotes

Beth:
McKinley, there are some lower campers stuck in the obstacle course. I meant to tell you about that yesterday, but could you get to it now?

Tags:

Can of Vegetables:
If you wanna smear mud on your ass, smear mud on your ass - just be honest about it. Look, Gene, I've never told anyone this before, but I can suck my own dick, and I do it a lot.

Tags:

Susie:
[angry that Beth has invited Steve to take part in the talent show] Beth, I may regret saying this, but how dare you usurp my authority as producer...
Ben:
Hmph!
Susie:
... director-slash-choreographer of the talent show. I need you to know I have been busting my *balls*, woman! I am telling you, the musical numbers are a mess, my kids are a bunch of amateurs, and the last thing I need today is some diabetic freak prancing around on stage making my life a living *hell*!
Susie:
[after a long pause and a glare from Beth] All right; I'll put him on last.
Beth:
Good. [Beth walks away]
Susie:
[to Ben] Oh, she always wins!

Tags: Age Quotes Day Quotes Kids Quotes Lent Quotes Regret Quotes

Beth:
Listen, Henry...
Henry:
Please, call me Henry.
Beth:
Okay, Henry it is.

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Lindsay:
What 'cha doing?
Andy:
Writing in my gournal. I write my thoughts in it every day.
Lindsay:
Oh, you mean a journal?
Andy:
Yeah, whatever. I guess I'm not all smart like you.

Tags: Art Quotes Writing Quotes

Victor:
I'm a virgin.
Neil:
Wh - you're joking, right, dude? I mean, you're a stallion, man, you've had like fifty or sixty women, so it's, you know, it's like...
Victor:
Actually it's closer to... zero.
Neil:
Oh my god, oh my god. You are a loser! You are a loser! No! [under his breath]
Neil:
You're such a loser.

Tags:

Susie:
Before we start, I'd just like to say the campers you're about to see suck dick! But nevertheless, please welcome them.

Tags:

[Coop is sobbing, Gene appears from nowhere]
Gene:
Be proud of who you are.
Coop:
Huh? Gene?
Gene:
Shh... it isn't about the girl, Coop.
Coop:
It isn't?
Gene:
Well, it is. But see if you can follow me here... it [long pause]
Gene:
... isn't.
Coop:
Oh. So it is... and it isn't. [pause, wind blows]
Gene:
You are ready to be taught the new way.
Coop:
Will you teach me about this - what is it? A new way? [bird calls]

Tags: Will Quotes

Swimming Kid:
Andy, have you seen my swimming buddy? If I can't find him, I'm telling Beth that you let him drown.
Andy:
I was busy!
Swimming Kid:
It's your job to make sure kids don't drown!

Tags: Kids Quotes

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